What are your views on celibacy? And how would you handle this?

[Pinto]

Salam,
This question is directed towards all the muslims in this forum. What are your opinions towards Islam's strict rule of forbidding any sexual relationships before marriage?

The temptations around us these days are limitless, in some cultures the prospect is ludicrous, yet islam makes it clear. Despite this fact, surely there are some of you who have indeed engaged in such *forbidden* relationships, for any number of reasons, whether you regret it now or not.

And although it is indeed one of the greater sins, you can't miss the fact that the people's approach towards this issue has changed, speaking in general terms, and specifically in regards to the younger generations.

Would you see it as a sign of the weakening of their faith? Or simply the result of a weak will? What about the ones who repeat such behaviors? It's also pointless to deny the fact that many muslims don't perform the things that are regarded as the essence of a muslim, such as daily prayers. I, however, see these fundamental issues as essential to calling one's self a muslim as the air we breathe to survive.

Feel free to post your remarks, ideas, or even experiences on this topic, as I'd really like to know what most of you think, but my actual question (since it is the reason I posted it in the Cyber-Counselling forum) is how would you advise a fellow muslim against such an act? Especially one who is generally slack towards his muslim-duties, and justifies his actions by claiming that as long as the result "feels good", and no harm to anyone is done, he wouldn't mind spending some time in hell...

So... What do you think?

Thanks in advance!

[Abdul Fattah]

Wheter it is strict or not depends on how you live your live. If you mix among opposite sex or not, if you get yourself in a situation of temptation or not.
Aside from that, difficult or not, we should follow it out of fear/love for Allah subhana wa ta'ala instead of following something else out of personal preference.

As for a more global answer: I'm convinced that the benefits of this rule greatly outweigh the downsides.

[snakelegs]

it is certainly a great deal easier when you are living in a culture where the sexes are separated instead of constantly thrown together. it takes real strength to hold on to your values.
often when a person goes against these values, their self-esteem and self-respect goes way down, which of course makes it easier to continue to do things that they know are forbidden.
when you're young and your hormones are screaming - it's a real challenge not to follow your desires and it takes guts. it's probably harder than it ever was. it's so easy just to do what others around you are doing.

[glo]

I must admit that my desire to become sexually active played a big part in me falling away from my Catholic upbringing.
I have to add that celibacy before marriage was never really spoken about, when I was a teenager - not by priest and not by my parents. I guess it was quietly assumed that the young people would go along with it ...
I guess many of our parents had abstained from sex before marriage, but much had happened in that interim time, and perhaps they didn't fully appreciate just how much society had changed.

I just remember thinking that celibacy before marriage was totally old-fashioned, out-dated and unnecessary ...

Now, having returned to the Christian faith, I see it differently.
But then I am also a whole lot older, and I am a married woman ... so I am not actually having to deal with the issues of celibacy at all ...

I agree with snakelegs. It must be really tough for young people now - perhaps even more than it was for me some 20 years ago.
Young people must need much moral support, but also much understanding, to make it through this time.

My greatest concern with all this, is the risk of young people getting married too young or too hastily - out of fear of sinning!
Quite often do I read posts here in LI, which advise a sexually frustrated youngster to 'just get married' ... I'm not sure that's a good idea!

(BTW, why is this in the Comparative Religions section?)

Peace

[Pinto]

I was wondering the same thing regarding where this post ended up... Initially I posted it in the "Cyber-Councelling" section, but the moderators had it moved here, for some reason.

I also agree with glo's concerns. Although I do think it is more applicable in cultures where families tend to be very close-knit.
It's wrong to rush into something as significant as a marriage, there are many measures that can be taken to avoid these incidents.

and only when they have failed, and it becomes imminent, and the person cannot contain him/herself any longer should this advice be followed. If it is to be use as a last resort, in the closer-knit cultures the couple may simply live with their families without any sense of intrusion until they are capable of supporting themselves.

[S.A.]

I was wondering the same thing regarding where this post ended up... Initially I posted it in the "Cyber-Councelling" section, but the moderators had it moved here, for some reason.

I also agree with glo's concerns. Although I do think it is more applicable in cultures where families tend to be very close-knit.
It's wrong to rush into something as significant as a marriage, there are many measures that can be taken to avoid these incidents.

and only when they have failed, and it becomes imminent, and the person cannot contain him/herself any longer should this advice be followed. If it is to be use as a last resort, in the closer-knit cultures the couple may simply live with their families without any sense of intrusion until they are capable of supporting themselves.

I agree actually that temptations are really hard to resist these days. Yes, the segregation of genders helps us in some way but dont u all think that media around us makes it much difficult to 'think clean'.

[Abdul Fattah]

(BTW, why is this in the Comparative Religions section?)

It was first posted in cyber counseling, I moved it here because this is the only section of the forum where it's allowed to question or debate about Islamic rules.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

celibacy is a life without physical intimacy, this isnt at all advised in islam. however a relationship can and must be avoided before marriage whether the person finds it easy or difficult. Allah is the helper for those who ask and we are all misguided unless we ask for guidance.

guidance will inshaAllah make it easy so no point in talking about how difficult it is.

Allah tests people in hardship and in ease, you will need to struggle for your religion, if you find this a burden then trust me you will not be able to handle the burden of jahannam.

Allah is the only one who guides and may Allah guide us all in this ummat, Ameen ya rabb

[glo]

It was first posted in cyber counselling, I moved it here because this is the only section of the forum where it's allowed to question or debate about Islamic rules.

But this thread isn't about debating the Islamic ruling ... it's about discussing how young Muslims handle the issue of pre-marital sex.

celibacy is a life without physical intimacy, this isnt at all advised in islam.

Actually, the dictionary defines celibacy as "abstinence from sexual intercourse, especially by reason of religious vows" - so it doesn't have to be a life-long thing.

But for the sake of this thread, we are referring to it as "abstinence from sexual intercourse (or indeed any sexual activity) prior to marriage".

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Actually, the dictionary defines celibacy as "abstinence from sexual intercourse, especially by reason of religious vows" - so it doesn't have to be a life-long thing.

But for the sake of this thread, we are referring to it as "abstinence from sexual intercourse (or indeed any sexual activity) prior to marriage".

wow really? thanks didnt know that!

but still dont most people swear to never have it when they commit to celibacy :confused:

[glo]

wow really? thanks didnt know that!

but still dont most people swear to never have it when they commit to celibacy :confused:

I think you are right. The term 'celibacy' is probably most commonly used by priests who enter the priesthood and promise to forsake all sexual activity.

This is a practice in the Catholic Church.
Pastors and ministers in protestant denominations do not have to be celibate and can marry. Many do.

Peace

[- Qatada -]

This thread is really good in regard to the topic insha Allaah:

http://www.islamicboard.com/marriage...-marriage.html



I think the Basics of Islaam section might be better?

[Pinto]

I did mean to refer to abstinence before marriage. I think the only way for the boundaries one may set for themselves to be effective is through their own willingness and dedication, so basically, it has to come from within the individual. If they want to strengthen their faith, even if they slip a few times, they should be able to get back up on their feet, maybe with an even stronger desire, especially since all muslims know that God is merciful, and so whatever sins they commit are forgiven, as long as they're honest in that respect.

Anyway, it is true that God gives guidance to whoever seeks it, as IbnAbdulHakim said, but we all need a push in the right direction from a different force sometimes. I only wish to uphold the "prevention of vice and promotion of virtue" principle. Seeing someone I know do something that we both know is wrong and simply unacceptable isn't something I could just overlook, but it's still something I'm not sure how to approach, especially since the last time I did just that, I found a person who only wanted to enjoy what life had to offer, ignoring the dire consequences, someone clearly misguided in many ways. How are you supposed to deal with that sort of situation?

[zaria]

Anyway, it is true that God gives guidance to whoever seeks it, as IbnAbdulHakim said, but we all need a push in the right direction from a different force sometimes. I only wish to uphold the "prevention of vice and promotion of virtue" principle. Seeing someone I know do something that we both know is wrong and simply unacceptable isn't something I could just overlook, but it's still something I'm not sure how to approach, especially since the last time I did just that, I found a person who only wanted to enjoy what life had to offer, ignoring the dire consequences, someone clearly misguided in many ways. How are you supposed to deal with that sort of situation?

Tell them to rely on Allah Ta'ala to guide them and not try to guide themselves. Tell them to try not to put themselves in situations where the temptations We all need Allah Ta'ala to guide us strenghten us be merciful to us. We can not do it by ourselves becasue if we try to what happens? we follow our own desires. Allah Ta'ala said if you ask me I will give it to you. Tell them to ask Allah Ta'ala to take the desires of sexal temptation or worldy things away from them and to bless them with a pious Zawaj that they may serve Allah Ta'ala together. MAy Allah Ta'ala make it easy for them. Allahumma Ameen.

[mustafaisb]

I think it is mostly deviant muslims really who engage in this sort of thing. I mean sure the environment in which we live in is bad, but it still does not give a warrant for muslims to use this excuse to commit sins. In the Quran it talks about how people will enter jahannum just because they saw what the other people were doing and followed them. One example is how the pagan arabs worshipped what their forefathers worshipped, although these people were clearly in error. Ultimately the more you learn about your dean and the more you dedicate yourself to it the more willpower you have to over come such obstacles.

[dilkadr]

Celibacy = Remaining Single With or Without justified reasoning

1. It is OK when there is a justified reason Ref. Aayat 33 of Surat 24 [http://www.islamicity.com/mosque/arabicscript/20_29/24_33-33.htm]

Translation:
24:33 Let those who find not the wherewithal for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah gives them means out of His grace. And if any of your slaves ask for a deed in writing (to enable them to earn their freedom for a certain sum), give them such a deed if ye know any good in them: yea, give them something yourselves out of the means which Allah has given to you. But force not your maids to prostitution when they desire chastity, in order that ye may make a gain in the goods of this life. But if anyone compels them, yet, after such compulsion, is Allah, Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful (to them),

2. Otherwise it is Haram