This is a tough question and requires a strong response.
Looking for bad omens is a Haram, free your mind from your superstitions.
عَنْ عَبْدِ اللهِ بْنِ مَسعودٍ رضي الله عنه عن رَسولِ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قال:
«الطِّيَرَةُ شِرْكٌ، الطِّيَرَةُ شِرْكٌ، الطِّيَرَةُ شِرْكٌ، -ثلاثًا-»، وَمَا مِنَّا إِلَّا، وَلَكِنَّ اللهَ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ يُذْهِبُهُ بِالتَّوَكُّلِ.
Tiyarah (belief in evil omens) is Shirk (polytheism). Tiyarah is Shirk. Tiyarah is Shirk - three times." Every one of us experiences something of that, but Allah Almighty dispels it with reliance on Him.
Sunan Abu Daoud - 3915
Performing magic is Haram, sorcery is a serious sin among Christians and Jews as well. This is probably the source of your troubles, turning to superstition and sorcery rather than depending on God, on Allah.
Do not be superstitious of things such as curses, black cats, and things like that. It will only burden your mind and bring you worry. Trust in Allah. Also, do not be concerned that you are in that state, as Hadith teaches that everyone experience something like that and that Allah heals this with reliance on Him.
Keep your Salah. If you are in desperate need of help, go to Allah in Tahajjud. This is the late night prayer in the late third of the night. It is a time when Allah comes down to the nearest Heaven to hear our prayers.
حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ مَسْلَمَةَ، عَنْ مَالِكٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، وَأَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ الأَغَرِّ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ " يَنْزِلُ رَبُّنَا تَبَارَكَ وَتَعَالَى كُلَّ لَيْلَةٍ إِلَى السَّمَاءِ الدُّنْيَا حِينَ يَبْقَى ثُلُثُ اللَّيْلِ الآخِرُ يَقُولُ مَنْ يَدْعُونِي فَأَسْتَجِيبَ لَهُ مَنْ يَسْأَلُنِي فَأُعْطِيَهُ مَنْ يَسْتَغْفِرُنِي فَأَغْفِرَ لَهُ ".
Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) (p.b.u.h) said, "Our Lord, the Blessed, the Superior, comes every night down on the nearest Heaven to us when the last third of the night remains, saying: "Is there anyone to invoke Me, so that I may respond to invocation? Is there anyone to ask Me, so that I may grant him his request? Is there anyone seeking My forgiveness, so that I may forgive him?"
Sahih al-Bukhari 1145
Tahajjud is a powerful time to go to Allah in privacy and sincerity with your Duas. Wake up for this prayer, which is around 1 to 2 am, complete two Rakat, and then make your Dua to Allah. Your request, your supplication and need in prayer. Pour your heart out to God, it is okay if you cry in this time or are in desperate need. May Allah guide you away from your superstitions and doubts, and may He help you from your troubles.
۞ لَتُبْلَوُنَّ فِىٓ أَمْوَٰلِكُمْ وَأَنفُسِكُمْ وَلَتَسْمَعُنَّ مِنَ ٱلَّذِينَ أُوتُوا۟ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ وَمِنَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَشْرَكُوٓا۟ أَذًۭى كَثِيرًۭا ۚ وَإِن تَصْبِرُوا۟ وَتَتَّقُوا۟ فَإِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ ٱلْأُمُورِ ١٨٦
You will surely be tested in your wealth and yourselves, and you will certainly hear many hurtful words from those who were given the Scripture before you and the polytheists. But if you are patient and mindful, surely this is a resolve to aspire to.
Surah Al Imran 186
أَحَسِبَ ٱلنَّاسُ أَن يُتْرَكُوٓا۟ أَن يَقُولُوٓا۟ ءَامَنَّا وَهُمْ لَا يُفْتَنُونَ ٢
Do people think once they say, “We believe,” that they will be left without being put to the test?
وَلَقَدْ فَتَنَّا ٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِهِمْ ۖ فَلَيَعْلَمَنَّ ٱللَّهُ ٱلَّذِينَ صَدَقُوا۟ وَلَيَعْلَمَنَّ ٱلْكَـٰذِبِينَ ٣
We certainly tested those before them. And Allah will clearly distinguish between those who are truthful and those who are liars.
Surah Al Ankabut 2-3
Believers will be tested. Beyond Tahajjud, there is also Dhikr. You can make Dhikr using your hand, using prayer beads (Tasbih or Misbaha), this will increase your Taqwa and your inner peace. To pray 100 Istighfar, even silently, this will elevate your inner peace and your Emaan, your faith. Prayer is a good deed and it is the purpose of our life to worship and serve the Lord.
Fill your days with prayers and you will feel gratitude and faith, as it is the meaning of life. If you have made your daily prayers, you have fulfilled the purpose of life and your life is worth living, no matter your situation or circumstance. Do not neglect Salah, hold fast to the rope of Allah. Everyone has times of struggle and doubt, where faith, Emaan, is strong and waning. Sometimes, you can feel very close to God, then it fades or rises in waves over time. The key is to be consistent and push through the good times and the bad.
Beyond the Tahajjud and Dhikr, I recommend strongly seeking fellowship with your Muslim sisters. Having someone to talk to about your faith, to give you guidance and assurance, it a great benefit. As a Muslim man, I benefit greatly from the guidance and assurance of my brothers, including the Muslims in my local community and overseas in Muslim countries. As for Christians, the Koran teaches that Christians are believers, so do not worry about the souls of the Christians in your life and be patient and kind when inviting them to Islam. Don't sever relations with your family.
May Allah bless you abundantly and guide you.