Do you trust people too easily?

[anonymous]

I do and I hate it. I think good of everyone. Expect them to be nice and be pure minded. But when I see that bad side I get hurt. How do I not trust so easily? keep my distance not be too over trusting...

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

What's your definition of trust?? For me it's telling someone personal details about my life or personal problems that I may have. I don't do that unless I've known the person's character and manners really well and can trust them to help me with them and give me sincere advice. That's something that may take months or years to build depending on how often I am around this person. There's no need to trust everyone. Just be kind, respectful, and truthful, and you won't feel the need to tell other people your personal details, or rather they won't feel the need to ask you about them. If someone is often asking for the personal matters of your life or is telling you the business of others, then they should not be trusted. You also should not feel obligated to tell someone something about yourself that you cannot handle them telling others or using against you later on. You should also conceal all your sins no matter who the person is, especially if you have repented for these sins.

With that being said, not everyone is perfect. Sometimes your personal details may slip out of the person's mouth unintentionally. It's really your job on figuring out what is ok to expose and what should be concealed.

You may have also meant how to trust people as friends like in terms of those who are ok to get close to and allow into your heart and life. Well, like I said previously, everyone makes mistakes. It's your job to set boundaries and rules within a friendship and let those people know what you will and will not tolerate if they want to remain in your life...but be realistic because no one is perfect. Some issues can be resolved simply through communication. If this person is not good to be around or does careless things often, then you should not be friends with them in the first place. I also suggest that you should be an example of what a good friend is regardless of whose in your life right now. We often ask ourselves how to find good friends and people to trust, and neglect asking if we are a great trusting person.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam

[Abdul Fattah]

Aselam aleykum
Human beings have a tendency to project their own way of being/thinking unto others. Meaning if you are an honest person, you will naturally assume people to be honest unless there is reason not to. Likewise if somebody is dishonest they will by default assume you're out to get them. It can be a real tragedy having to go trough life constantly assuming the best in people, and a real depressing life having to find out you were wrong, time after time again. And, I'm sorry, but that's just the way of the world. don't hate yourself because of it. You're the one who's actually on the right path, it's the rest of the world who's rotten.

Some advice on dealing with people:
- People who are honest, have a very peculiar way about them. They're not even aware of this, but other people pick up on it very quickly. So show the world you have boundaries. Like set a fixed number of times you will allow people to slip up. Like, first time someone turns up late for an apointment you say it can happen to everyone. Second time you give this person a hard time about it, third time you cut him/her out of your life.
- We have a tendency to make excusses for other people, because we don't want to percieve them as "bad". Except when it's to late, but then it's a bitter awakening. Much better to realize who's-who earlier in the game. So when somebody does something bad; In your mind turn the tables. Think about how you would feel, if you did the exact same thing, that a person has done to you. Would you die of guilt, and do whatever it takes to show this person you didn't mean harm, or would you be casual about oit or rationalise it? Try to see if this person is in any way reacting in the way that you would react. If you see that a person has no empathy for your feelings, cut him/her out of your life as well.