I have had waswas for a while and they are kufr thoughts which I hate and I reject them by mouth however these thoughts attacked me so much to the point I think these thoughts have turned into my own. I still say stagfrulah but I can't even say good things without bad thoughts happening or even a normal conversation. I decided to take the right steps however I did a major sin which I had a problem with for a while however I stopped halfway through and left it cause I didn't want to continue. However these thoughts became worse and now I am worried about my faith cause I get kufr thoughts and then get hateful thoughts I don't hate Islam or Allah I know Allah is real I always say that islam is correct in logic and spiritual however I feel my heart has been blocked off. I cry but I feel like my cries are lies I am such an evil vile person, a monster who doesn't respect or feel regret of disobeying his Lord after he protected him from thoughts in the past. I repent but I feel like killing myself a monster like me doesn't deserve to live this life.
The worst part is now I get severe kufr thoughts I doubt everything when I don't want too. For example I say I'm a bad Muslim but then that word gets changed to kafir in my head and I am Muslim but I gotta fight myself and then the thought I want comes. Also I uttered kufr by mistake in my mind. Even when I say Islam is not fake it's real I get kufr that comes from me saying the opposite. The only time I say anything good is by mouth but I think that means I'm lying. Also right now I had good thoughts about the prophet saw and then bad thoughts and kufr thoughts straight away.
I feel like my heart is sealed I failed Allah and it's my fault I don't even get moved by his words and I feel empty dead inside. Islam is real not fake but I get these thoughts saying the opposite. I shouldn't have sinned ever I feel regret and hate for myself but I feel like I am lying. I really don't want these kufr thoughts I don't even know what I am anymore I don't know if I have left the fold of Islam. I don't want to be s munafiq or kafir but my heart is blocked and I still get the most evil thoughts. I am pretty sure you guys will disgusted by me and I feel like commuting suicide cause I'm useless I have soul I'm not even human anymore. It's funny I was always a failure at life but I remember saying that I can be a loser in this world but win with faith and Islam. Now look at me a loser in both worlds causing my heart to be sealed and think if these thoughts himself purposefully. It's all my fault and I hate myself the most in this world. I cry but I feel like my plea is a lie cause my heart accepted these thoughts and I can feel it is dead I know it is.
Sorry for this text but I want help I guess I want to be saved the torment and wrath of Allah and become a better slave. If there is no hope for me I can just end it and let the punishment begin cause I'm not worthy if I have a dead sealed heart with no iman which is the worst.
More than 10 years ago, I used to lightly slash my arm with a scissor/knife/anything sharp I could find, but my reasons were different, and the outcome I wanted was to try and take the mental pain away by creating physical pain.
However, there is NO excuse for self harm. I look back on these scars and always think how silly I was, when I could easily have been distracted by doing Dhikr, making Du'aa, sending blessings upon RasoolAllaah ; but I didn't have anyone to guide me in this sort of way.
You will achieve NOTHING by doing this.
Have Sabr and recite abundant Darood Shareef in your spare time and make lots of du'aa.
Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
Allaah says in the Qur'aan:
Allah says: “Say: O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Qur'aan, Sûrah al-Zumar 39, Verse 53]
Brother, first and foremost I would suggest confiding in someone close to you, or, if this is uncomfortable, perhaps finding someone who can help you.
Self-harm is a coping mechanism, it is not a very good one but people look to it for relief whether it be low esteem, difficulties in life, stress, whatever. First and foremost, our physical body does not really belong to us, it is a trust from Allah SWT and it is our duty as a Muslim to preserve and protect it, we are forbidden from harming ourselves. Our bodies are a gift from Allah - I seriously suggest again looking for help from a psychologist to help with coping mechanisms or even your parents - it is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of.
I don't want to generalise as you have said very little but self-harm can happen when you feel powerless and you want to take control over something - even if it is abusing yourself. These are just whispers of the shaytaan that you have no control - because even if you do not Allah SWT is watching over you and protecting you. Try to rebuild your inner self, listen to recitations of the Qur'an, read a translation of the Qur'an because 'in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace'.
I once had a similar urge but never went ahead with it - if you feel like harming yourself, seek refuge from the Shaytaan, do wudhu or read the Qur'an or just make dua, Allah is closer to you then your jugular vein, He knows everything in your heart so He knows what is hurting or distressing you. Just tell Him everything and make dua for a solution and it will definitely come. Remembering Allah will remind you that it is the Shaytaan who is really powerless and he just wants to make you feel bad. You will find yourself emotionally supported with remembering Allah.
But please discuss this with someone in person as well - sometimes all it takes is to unburden yourself to someone to make you feel better.
Just wanted to add - don't think we are advising just for the sake of this being an Islamic forum. I have gone through it, and WALLAHI it's not worth it brother....
I haven't cut myself but i do hit myself I just get angry at my heart. Why did I do those action I don't want to be a kafir that's all Islam is the truth but heart is blocked just way too many doubts and kufr words that come to mind I combat them by tongue but I feel I just lie to Allah. Also things atheism come to mind but atheism is wrong and stupid but my head put bad phrases about Islam and good phrases about that evil. I say to my self Islam is real not fake but head thinks the opposite and then when I talk about other religions and atheism I say they are wrong not right but my head again thinks the opposite every time
Last edited by TheLostOne23; 04-04-2016 at 04:12 PM.
Speaking of this, I was combatting waswass, and let one question through (cuz it was a doubt, and I wanted to identify it, and clarify it) big mistake, now I feel I've betrayed Allah, but I turn to Allah.
Do this:
1. Reject Shaytaan from your heart - don't let him enter it.
2. Ask Allah for protection.
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; but I didn't have anyone to guide me in this sort of way.
and recite abundant Darood Shareef in your spare time and make lots of du'aa.
noraina liked this post
just way too many doubts and kufr words that come to mind I combat them by tongue but I feel I just lie to Allah. Also things atheism come to mind but atheism is wrong and stupid but my head put bad phrases about Islam and good phrases about that evil. I say to my self Islam is real not fake but head thinks the opposite and then when I talk about other religions and atheism I say they are wrong not right but my head again thinks the opposite every time
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