Why do people...

[-Elle-]

I'm going through a hard time right now (AlhamdulillAh nevertheless), and could use a bit of advice..


I've been told also that I'm too naive..

I know most people have experienced this, but I've had just about enough of it, and I've had all I can take really, and I actually had to take a decision which affected my life because of other people's backbiting, jealousy and lack of heart really.

AlhamdulillAh I base my interactions with others on the principles of our religion, but also by one simple rule: Treat others the way you'd want to be treated.

Which is why I am wondering now why some people mistreat you, even if you have never done them any wrong? Why some will talk behind your back, even if they have nothing valid to say? Isn't there more important things to be discussed? How do you deal with others' jealousy when in fact, if they knew the real you, they wouldn't be jealous at all, because everyone struggles in this life sub7anAllah, one way or another.

What is this lack of morals, its heart wrenching really...

I need some people with life experience to share their stories.. how they accepted this inevitable reality, how they moved on, and how to keep having faith that there are good people out there...
and also, should you still treat people with kindness, even if they won't show you an ounce of it?

...there are such greater problems in the society of today which deserve our valid worry and time, but I can't help but feel hurt and confused from this,any tips or advice from experience appreciated..

JazakAllah kheir..

[Abdul Wahid]

sister.

I'm not sure if my 'advice' will be of any use to you but I'm sure brothers & sisters will give you some beneficial advice. Not very good at giving advice.

However, you have to realise sister that everyone is different. Everyone thinks differently and acts differently. There are some good people and bad people.

I knew brothers who were decent brothers but always gossiped about other people which lead to backbiting. I just totally cut them off for my own benefit. Backbiting wasn't the only reason, they had bad habits which wasn't helping me in my quest of becoming a better Muslim and maitaining my imaan. I only keep myself in the company of brothers who are strictly on the right path, and we always just talk about Islam and how we can become better Muslims. I play footy, snooker etc with them. We go to talks together. We go eat at restaurants. These are the people you want to be with because when your imaan is low they will help better your imaan because they will be stronger in their imaan and vice versa.

The brothers I used to 'chill' with I just gave them salam and had a few good words with them and that is about it. The rest was history. Then they started to spread rumours and started to backbite like what was wrong with me. He has become so and so. I ignored it. It's the best way. I never once asked them why you said this and that.

As a Muslim try to become better everyday through your actions. So do what's right and be kind to everyone whether you dislike them or not. But keep yourself in the company of good practcing sisters.

May ALLAH(SWT) make it easy for you. Ameen

[Umm Amatullah]

Wa 'alaikum asalam wa rahmatullah,

I think firstly, you should develop a husn al dhann of people (good opinion), make many excuses for your people- only ever gain yaqeen on a certain fact when it has been proved 100%. The next is to adopt the esteemed way of our beloved nabi sallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam., love others regardless and forgive to show compassion when needed. Having said that, a Muslim needs to use their 'aql (intellect), if a certain person you are 100% certain is hurting you, perhaps you need to confront them and a give them a little bit of advice. After this, wait a little and see what happens. If they persist, it is best to keep your distance from them, i.e, have meetings only once in a while or talking little etc. Personally, I do have one friend who more or less seems to bully me! Even spreads my secrets and breaks covenants, but haven't cut her off...I have just made a big distance such that she hasn't even realised. We only talk once in a while, if we happen to meet or she happens to phone; but voluntarily I won't go for it. I would visit her, if she invited me etc, but I would keep my distance for the sake of deen and himmah. Love, forgive and show compassion, but at the same be wise and honest to yourself. Inshaa Allah.

Wassalam.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam
if you are sure they do this out of envy, etc and are sure they have backbit you (as opposed to going by the word of people then....

you cant really do anything except bare it with patience. usually when people act ill towards you it may mean that they are jealous, bitter, twisted you name it. some people are just bitter...its just the way life goes...you cant change it sis. you just have to be strong and go with the flow.

as for having trust towards others, take it case by case. sometimes you can tell what someone is like just by looking at them. your heart just picks up these vibes from people...so if its someone you feel uncomfortable with, stay a reasonable distance away from them. you need to learn how to be kind but at just because one is kind, it doesn't mean they are weak and likewise, just because one is strong, it doesn't mean they are a bully. What i mean by "distance" is say your salaam to them (even if they stick their fat noses in the air at you :P), but just dont get personal and overall friendly with them.

let people know the type of person you are, but dont be "mean" or arrogant about it. you just have to learn how to moderate your personality and deal with people appropriately without being a push over/naive or without being harsh. you should be naive but at he same time, you shouldn't be a bully either. if someone is messing with you, just distance yourself from it/them. you dont need to keep putting up with the trash people throw at you, you should have respect for yourself as well and take into consideration how it will leave you feeling.

[cat eyes]

people will backbite about anything really.thats the way backbiters are. they are always looking for a fault in somebody so they can backbite about you. they are the same people who give bad eyes. even you could be the best person in the world they will still try to find something wrong in you. it is jealousy because you might have something that they havent got and it could be anything at all like a happy marriage or healthy kids, you could be more wealthy.. you could have your own buisness. you could be getting alot of proposals from men.

I was a victim too of backbiting and i learnt not to be telling people my buisness. i try not to show off too even if im not im always careful. i dont get close to people.

i mean would they like it if somebody was talking about there sister or mother? if they dont like that then they should keep there fat mouths closed. thats what i always say to these evil spiteful people. when a calamity strikes them then they will be crying

But just remember one thing sister, even people talk behind the kings back. you DONT NEED TO CARE. you are not alone also.

[أبو سليمان عمر]

Asalamu Alaykum
ppl will backbite hate envy etc... so long as it isnt you that is doing it dont worry about it means you are important enough to be talked about when u arent aound must mean somthing ...personal i just dont mind what ppl say or do cant/wont really hurt u

[cat eyes]

btw when i said king i dont mean elvis lol

[-Elle-]

But just remember one thing sister, even people talk behind the kings back. you DONT NEED TO CARE. you are not alone also.

lol this made me smile, jazak'Allah...its not caring really, it's more being dissapointed in people, and hurt by such actions which have no base whatsoever. If I could understand why they were behaving in such a way, then it would be easier to accept. I mean I have a heart, I can't help but feel hurt.

wa alaykum us-Salaam
if you are sure they do this out of envy, etc and are sure they have backbit you (as opposed to going by the word of people then....

you cant really do anything except bare it with patience. usually when people act ill towards you it may mean that they are jealous, bitter, twisted you name it. some people are just bitter...its just the way life goes...you cant change it sis. you just have to be strong and go with the flow.

I'm sure they we're backbiting, 100%. If I had not seen it with my own eyes, I would've never believed it, even if I had a "feeling". But now I know. And I guess you're right about the bitterness and jealousy, it's extremely aggravating but what can I do.

you just have to learn how to moderate your personality and deal with people appropriately without being a push over/naive or without being harsh. you should be naive but at he same time, you shouldn't be a bully either. if someone is messing with you, just distance yourself from it/them. you dont need to keep putting up with the trash people throw at you, you should have respect for yourself as well and take into consideration how it will leave you feeling.

I've always had a strong personality but lately I just feel like it gets me no where (unless i'm in a debate:P) , and i'm really trying to be better than the ones around me. It's hard sometimes. very hard.

Wa 'alaikum asalam wa rahmatullah,

I think firstly, you should develop a husn al dhann of people (good opinion), make many excuses for your people- only ever gain yaqeen on a certain fact when it has been proved 100%. The next is to adopt the esteemed way of our beloved nabi sallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam., love others regardless and forgive to show compassion when needed. Having said that, a Muslim needs to use their 'aql (intellect), if a certain person you are 100% certain is hurting you, perhaps you need to confront them and a give them a little bit of advice. After this, wait a little and see what happens. If they persist, it is best to keep your distance from them, i.e, have meetings only once in a while or talking little etc. Personally, I do have one friend who more or less seems to bully me! Even spreads my secrets and breaks covenants, but haven't cut her off...I have just made a big distance such that she hasn't even realised. We only talk once in a while, if we happen to meet or she happens to phone; but voluntarily I won't go for it. I would visit her, if she invited me etc, but I would keep my distance for the sake of deen and himmah. Love, forgive and show compassion, but at the same be wise and honest to yourself. Inshaa Allah.

Wassalam.

AlhamdulillAh I have good friends, these people aren't necessarily my friends, just people I had to deal with every day... MashAllah great advice, I felt better after having read your post, Jazak'Allah kheir..

sister.



As a Muslim try to become better everyday through your actions. So do what's right and be kind to everyone whether you dislike them or not. But keep yourself in the company of good practcing sisters.

May ALLAH(SWT) make it easy for you. Ameen

Thanks for sharing your example, I think slowly I'm starting to learn about the true nature of some people, and obviously, they are not all great. sub7anAllah. I guess we can only focus on ourselves and try to better ourselves...

[piXie]

My mum is usually a very cool tempered and patient person, but today she was very angry with someone too, until she read this which immediately made her cool down.

Maimun ibn Mahran (r.a), a famous companion of the Prophet used to say, 'A pious person scrupulously examines and appraises himself more than he would a tyrant ruler and a tight-fisted person'

U know how much anguish and distress these two types of persons can cause us, yet it is amazing how even more than concentrating on their faults or what they have done, a pious person scrupulously examines his own self.

Btw, if it makes u feel better.... they give you their hardy earned good deeds.