thank you Sister Aprenda for sharing with us what seems to be your innermost thoughts; I hope and pray that Allah gives you the peace and guidance you are looking for, ameen
Sister, here is a way which I think will be good for you to take inshAallah in order to get to that all important certainty and peace:
I think it is important sister that you study Islam without any thoughts of what people think about it etc, bothering you, for that may blur your view somewhat from the truth
if you find it hard to forget about all the negative prejudices about Islam out there, then just look upon that as part of the test from ALlah [swt] to see wether you will make that sacrifice and embrace His religion allthough it may be a hard step to take; the Prophets and many a believers, especially converts need/ed to make a great sacrifice my dear sister, so you wont be alone in such a step
Islam is so full of divine signs that it is the truth from God, and the Quran is the ultimate sign for it's miraculous nature in so many aspects, not least the totally consistent teachings without any incongruity and it all striking the heart as it being from God, many a converts have converted after reading a translation of the Quran, so this will be indeed the right step to take and God willing, it seems that with your allready impartial outlook on Islam, that would be enough to allay your doubts and to realise that the Quran is indeed God revealed
if that should not be enough sister, you can read a biography of the prophet Muhammad [saw], a particular one i'd reccomend is the one by Adil Salahi called, Muhammad, Man and prophet
and ask any questions here sister to your hearts content to know about any aspect of Islam your not quite sure about or that gives you doubt and we'd do our best to answer them for you
once you realise that Islam is indeed the Truth from God, then i'm sure you wont be bothered by [or at least not that much bothered by] all the negativity abot Islam out there, for then you'd know that this is sort of natural in the sense that, the believers and the truth have allways been aposed since the time of the first prophets and their nations to the last.
there is a principle in Islam sister that we should not let the abuse of the oposers grieve us, for if we look at it all in the correct perspective, it is only merely a test from ALlah in testing our faith, and giving us a chance to practice the all important principle of patience, perserverance and forebearance; the prayer, 'I forgive them oh Lord for they not know what they are saying' comes to mind and this is the attitude we should take with them sister rather then getting seriously perturbed by their prejudices; ofcourse as humans, sometimes we wont be able to avoid feeling hurt, especially when nasty things is said about Gods truth and His servants, but the way of patience and forebearance should be the overiding way to go about it; Allah says:
“You will certainly be tested in your possessions and in yourselves. And you will surely hear from those who were given the Scripture before you and from those who associate others with Allaah much abuse. But if you are patient and fear Allaah – indeed, that is of the matters [worthy] of determination.” [Quran 3: 186]
also, realising that it is they who are on the path of destruction, we should do our best to show them the truth and beuty of Islam so that they may have a chance to be saved; if we develop this attitude sister with them, with certainty, then that will take away the calamity
there are Quran translations on the net sister; the one by Pikthall is highly reccomended
my prayers are with you
Peace
:sunny:
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