My mum's fixing me up with someone alhamdulilah but I told her I'd like to see a picture of the girl before I meet her because I might meet her and not like her and then it'd be akward and the girl's feelings might get hurt.
So I told her to ask the girl's aunty for a picture first and if I find her appearance to be ok then I'll meet her.
Is there anything wrong with this??
I don't wanna meet her and get her hopes up and then let her down.
brother you dont have to force your self to marry a woman you dont love in and out. As a matter of fact its up to you, on who you want to marry, why get your mother to do it? Your a man arn't you not? Arranged marriages are more or less pointless as you dont know the woman you are marrying, also you must love the woman inside and out, not force your self into a marriage that shares no love.
Can't your parents play now-you-see-it-now-you-don't with the picture of the woman?
What I mean is that they give it to you for some inspection, then take it away and give it back to the owner.
... Or you could go to see her and if you don't like her, hope to never see her or her family again.
I don't see what the problem is. She may want to see a picture of you too... But meeting someone is important as their actions speak loudly as to what kind of a person they are. Sometimes actions make a person even more beautiful than anything you could ever see in a picture.
My mum's fixing me up with someone alhamdulilah but I told her I'd like to see a picture of the girl before I meet her because I might meet her and not like her and then it'd be akward and the girl's feelings might get hurt.
So I told her to ask the girl's aunty for a picture first and if I find her appearance to be ok then I'll meet her.
Is there anything wrong with this??
I don't wanna meet her and get her hopes up and then let her down.
Pictures can be tricky. I would recommend meeting her and talking to her. You may not like the picture, but once talking to her, you may actually do like here. So give it a chance.
ya i would ask 4 a picture knowing da way women are they have high expectations on the first meeting...Your very clever wise man haha itz important brother that you feel comfortable and thatz all that matters. You just don't want 2 hurt anybody with rejection. Personally i think arranged marriages are a big NO NO! Especially if they live in the same area as you. There's so much pressure involved and da amount of stories i heard it just turnz in 2 a holy war between the two families if one of them gets rejected...choose a girl who you really like and admire..and she dön't mind waiting 2 get 2know you.
Is it permissible to look at a picture of a woman before marriage?
Answer:
Pictures are forbidden. Pictures that contain souls are not permissible and what occurs from the Muslims today is that the male fiance and his intended (spouse) exchange photographs with one another. Then this is blind following of the West.
So he should see her in person, by way of her walee (guardian), if he desires to be engaged (to her). Only, then can he look at her and she can look at him. Yes.
I might meet her and not like her and then it'd be akward and the girl's feelings might get hurt.
Asking for her picture is equally insulting. If I were a woman, I think I'd feel very insulted if someone rejected me just by looking at my picture. But then again, I doubt I'd want to spend the rest of my life with such a shallow person
I've heard of cases where relatives/friends of the girl convince her to go out somewhere where the man can take a good look at her without her knowledge. That way you can watch the way she behaves too...
I've also heard of cases where the man visits the girl's workplace/uni/whatever n makes up a scenario where she's forced to communicate with him. That way she gets to see you too.
I still find it stupid but I suppose it's much better than asking her for her photo n judging her based on her looks only.
Whatever you do, just make sure she doesn't know about your plans till you're absolutely convinced she's the one.
عن تميم بن أوس الداري أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: قال الدين النصيحة ثلاثا قلنا لمن يا رسول الله قال لله ولكتابه ولرسوله ولأئمة المسلمين وعامتهم - رواه مسلم
Is it permissible to look at a picture of a woman before marriage?
Answer:
Pictures are forbidden. Pictures that contain souls are not permissible and what occurs from the Muslims today is that the male fiance and his intended (spouse) exchange photographs with one another. Then this is blind following of the West.
So he should see her in person, by way of her walee (guardian), if he desires to be engaged (to her). Only, then can he look at her and she can look at him. Yes.
hummm it would have been helpful if he could have explained the reason in his answer also as all shaykh's are mean't to do..
i don't see what would be the problem in exchanging picture's. it might be insulting to a person with no confidence and low self esteem but id have no problem in it giving my pic.
we live in a different generation now. in the old days men were meeting the women with the intention of marrying that woman. meeting a woman these days its important that you like them thats just the way we are now and its really not easy to reject that woman after meeting because she will make a false hope out of it when she will hear him talk and his personality and things like this and then she will want his number and everything and it won't be easy for him to say no will it... its just a different century we live in today and we have to be more careful about meeting people whom we don't even want to marry. getting rejected all he time puts you off marriage
So he should see her in person, by way of her walee (guardian), if he desires to be engaged (to her). Only, then can he look at her and she can look at him. Yes.
Asking for her picture is equally insulting. If I were a woman, I think I'd feel very insulted if someone rejected me just by looking at my picture. But then again, I doubt I'd want to spend the rest of my life with such a shallow person
I've heard of cases where relatives/friends of the girl convince her to go out somewhere where the man can take a good look at her without her knowledge. That way you can watch the way she behaves too...
I've also heard of cases where the man visits the girl's workplace/uni/whatever n makes up a scenario where she's forced to communicate with him. That way she gets to see you too.
I still find it stupid but I suppose it's much better than asking her for her photo n judging her based on her looks only.
Whatever you do, just make sure she doesn't know about your plans till you're absolutely convinced she's the one.
Arranged marriages are pathetic.
You classify having the preference of liking the other persons appearance as being shallow?? Some of us have preferences with regards to our potential partners just like you have preferences in other areas of your life.
I'm sure you prefer a particular type of car , or a particular type of friend, or a particular type of food, just like I prefer a particular type of women, that doesn't make me shallow does it? I have a preference with regards to this area of my life just like you have preferences with regards to other areas of your life.
And you certainly don't see me calling people shallow because they have preferences with regards to various things in their life like the company they keep, the vehicle they drive, the way they style their hair.
I have a preference for a particular type of women just like you also have a preference for a particular kind of women, and part of my preference is that I like the appearance of the women.
Yes your preference could be different to mine in that you don't mind if her appearance isn't pleasing to you, but not the whole world is like you.
I think you've been influenced by watching too many hollywood teen movies and teen dramas
We know from the sunnah that the prophet pbuh encouraged a man to look at a women first, to see if he liked her and he was a companion of the prophet pbuh.
Just like some sisters have the preference that the man has to have a beard, does that make them shallow? No it doesn't because that's their preference with regards to men.
My preference with regards to women is she wears hijaab and is praticing and her appearance is pleasing to me what's so shallow about that?
Also I don't remember saying I'd reject her if I didn't like the picture, her appearance is one of the things that I will take into account when making my decision. It's not the sole factor in my decision it's one of many factors that will help shape my decision.
the reason I asked for a picture is the girl lives many miles away and it's not feasable to travel that great distance to see her.
If I don't like the picture I'll still meet her at a future date when it's more feasable cos pictures can be deceiving to a point, however by looking at a picture I can take another thing into account her appearance.
hence we just asked for a pic as it's easier than travelling all that way and then realise I don't even like her appearance.
I'm sure you have preferences with regards to physical appearance too, for example would you get married to a bold women or a women with loads of facial piercings? or a women with a moustache? or a women who plucked her eye brows?
I'm sure you have preferences too so please don't call me shallow for having them. One could argue that he's following the advice of the prophet pbuh by looking at the lady first before deciding to propose to her
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When one of you proposes to a woman, if he can look at that which may encourage him to go ahead and marry her, let him do so.” He said: I proposed to a girl and I used to hide myself from her until I saw that which encouraged me to marry her, and I went ahead and married her. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
I'm just following the advice of the prophet pbuh brother, I want to look at that which may encourage me even more to go ahead and marry her.
So please don't call me shallow for following the advice of your prophet and mine peace be upon him.
Also somebody posted a link to Islam QA where scholars have dealt with this issue and they said the following
"If you cannot travel to see the one to whom you want to propose, then you can look at a picture of her, but you should realize that a picture is not a true reflection of reality. A woman may appear more beautiful in a picture than she really is, and vice versa.
You also have to get rid of this picture and not keep it, and you have to be careful so that no one else sees it but you.
Do not ask for a picture until you have feel that you want to marry her, after asking about her religious commitment and situation, and you think that you will most likely be accepted. When there is nothing left to be done but seeing her, then ask for the picture at that point, because of the report narrated by Ahmad (18005) and Ibn Majaah (1864) from Muhammad ibn Maslamah, who said: I proposed marriage to a woman, then I hid and waited to see her until I saw her among some date palm trees that belonged to her. It was said to him: Do you do such a thing when you are a companion of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)? He said, “When Allaah causes a man to propose to a woman, there is nothing wrong with him looking at her.” It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Majaah.
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If he wants to propose to her it is mustahabb for him to look at her lest he come to regret it. Another view is that this looking is not mustahabb, rather it is permissible, but the former view is the one that is correct, because of the ahaadeeth. It is permissible to look repeatedly in order to have a good idea about her physical appearance, whether the looking is with her permission or not. If it is not easy to look, he may send a woman to look at her and describe her to him. End quote from Rawdat al-Taalibeen (7/19)".
Looking at one’s fiancée or at her picture is subject to the condition that there be no provocation of desire, so he should look at her without pleasure.
It says in Mataalib Ooli al-Nuha (5/12): If the one who proposes to a woman is certain that there will be no provocation of desire when looking at her, without being alone with her, he may look at her. If he is alone with her or there is the fear that desire may be provoked, then it is not permissible. End quote.
And Allaah knows best.
I've asked about her religious commitment and her character and I am pleased with them and I cannot travel to see her therefore a picture remains the only viable option.
Can't your parents play now-you-see-it-now-you-don't with the picture of the woman?
What I mean is that they give it to you for some inspection, then take it away and give it back to the owner.
... Or you could go to see her and if you don't like her, hope to never see her or her family again.
We don't even have to do that, we're going to go to the girls aunty's house to look at the pic. We're never actually going to be in posession of the picture. The girl lives in a distant city that's why we can't go down easily.
are you telling me if i want to marry a woman i cant look at her before i do, so i know just who im marrying and how she looks like?
no that is not what i am telling u u asked about picture then no u cant look at her but as he said
So he should see her in person, by way of her walee (guardian), if he desires to be engaged (to her). Only, then can he look at her and she can look at him. Yes
now about the limit in looking
Question: Is it allowed for a woman to look at all of the parts of her husband's body or for him to look at all of her with the intention of enjoying what is permissible?
Response: It is allowed for a woman to look at any part of her husband's body and it is allowed for a man to look at all of his wife's body without any exception. This is based on the Qur.aanic verse:
{And those who guard their private parts except from their wives or slaves, for then, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors}, [Soorah al-Mu.minoon, Aayah 5-7].
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen
Fataawa al-Mar.ah
What is Allowed (Physically) to be Seen Between Husband and Wife
It is not Haraam (impermissible) for a man to look at anything from the body of his wife and neither is it the case in regards to the touching of it.
However; it has been said: that it is disliked to look at the private parts, and it has been said: that it is not disliked except at the time of sexual relations. And Allaah knows best.
Shaykh ul-Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah
Jaami’ al-Masaa’il le Shaikhil Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah Majmoo’ah ar-raabi’ah (book four in the series) page: 358
Translated by Aboo Haatim Muhammad Farooq
So looking is good as you should do so. But again you asked about a photo and the correct view is the pictures are haram in islam. so you should see her in person with A wali there nothing wrong with this
"The Human being is an enemy to what he is ignorant of"
ya i would ask 4 a picture knowing da way women are they have high expectations on the first meeting...Your very clever wise man haha itz important brother that you feel comfortable and thatz all that matters. You just don't want 2 hurt anybody with rejection. Personally i think arranged marriages are a big NO NO! Especially if they live in the same area as you. There's so much pressure involved and da amount of stories i heard it just turnz in 2 a holy war between the two families if one of them gets rejected...choose a girl who you really like and admire..and she dön't mind waiting 2 get 2know you.
Sis if we both like each other the families will allow us to get to know each other before we got married. We're not gonna get married the next day it's a long process, probably get to know her for about 1 year.
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it's a long process, probably get to know her for about 1 year.
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