format_quote Originally Posted by
vorx
Hi Qatada
I just hate the lifestyle of counting the good deeds and bad deeds I do everyday. I am never too good with God because when I try, I feel stupid.
Then try changing one habit of yours per day, even if it's something minor. Just as sister PurestAmbrosia said. There are some people who jump into the religion in one moment, yet they may leave just as they joined in (i.e. really quickly.) Change yourself slowly, while placing your trust in Allaah. He knows your efforts, and He guides the hearts.
Allaah says:
“O My slaves, all of you are astray except those whom I guide, so ask Me for guidance, and I will guide you. O My slaves, all of you are hungry except those whom I feed, so ask me for food and I will feed you. O My slaves, all of you are naked except those whom I clothe, so ask Me for clothing and I will clothe you. … O My slaves, if the first of you and the last of you, your humans and your jinn, were to stand on a single plain and ask of Me and I were to give each one what he asked for, that would not cause any loss to Me greater than what is lost when a needle is dipped into the sea.”
Narrated by Muslim (2577).
Today I pray, I don't swear a lot, I fast, I help a homeless dude to have dinner. But tomorrow I will be a different person. I will drink, smoke pot, spit on the same guy i gave 10 dollars to, etc...
That doesn't mean that Allaah will ignore your good, rather He will even take an atoms weight of good or evil into account. So that good which you did isn't going unrecognised.
So you did good one day? Atleast you did some good compared to no good at all. Also, know that the greater the trial - the greater the reward.
We know there are Prophetic narrations which state that Paradise is surrounded by disliked things, i.e. waking up for the morning prayer may be abit hard, yet the greater the trial - the greater the reward. We know that Hell is surrounded by false desires, and evil. So people incline towards it, it's almost like a mirage where the falsehood leads to an evil dead end. Even if you wanted to change yourself today, and you placed your trust in Allaah, and you died tomorrow - it may be that Allaah grants you Paradise. Allaah is well Aware of what we do, and He is the Most Appreciative.
Why should Allâh punish you if you have thanked (Him) and have believed in Him. And Allâh is Ever All*Appreciative (of good), All*Knowing.
[Qur'an 4: 147]
I don't sign contracts with God anymore. He will win and I will just feel dumb. If by regularily praying I am signing a faith contract with God, then at any moment i can pick an other routine which will make God angry at me. Whatever... really...
And that prayer which you performed may be a step closer to Allaah, and we know that Allaah says:
Allah the Almighty said:
I am as My servant thinks I am (1). I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.
(1) Another possible rendering of the Arabic is: "I am as My servant expects Me to be". The meaning is that forgiveness and acceptance of repentance by the Almighty is subject to His servant truly believing that He is forgiving and merciful. However, not to accompany such belief with right action would be to mock the Almighty.
It was related by al-Buhkari (also by Muslim, at-Tirmidhi and Ibn-Majah).
So you strive towards Allaah, if you miss one prayer. You've tripped up, but that isn't still the end of the journey. You get back up, and continue walking. That's the essence of the struggle in Islaam - to continue on the straight path even if you fall down many times in your life.
Do I deserve God's anger if I am afraid to screw up the contract? Why sign it at all? All you get is his anger for the slightliest mistake. I am prone in changing my mind so easily and one little mistake will only make me feel so bad. I don't mess with God you know. It s a big deal to me.
Allaah knows your efforts, don't you know the hadith on the man who killed 99 + 1 men? He still hoped for Allaah's Mercy, he died on the path to a town where he could change himself for the better. He was granted Paradise.
So you see that this man, although he did so much major sins - Allaah forgave him because Allaah knew that he was willing to draw closer to the straight way which leads to Allaah. Yet he took them steps to Allaah, and he never gave up on Allaah's Mercy.
Prophet Ya'qub/Jacob said:
"O my sons! Go you and enquire about Yûsuf (Joseph) and his brother, and never give up hope of Allâh's Mercy. Certainly no one despairs of Allâh's Mercy, except the people who disbelieve."
[Qur'an 12: 87]
You shouldn't despair of Allaah's Mercy, rather you work on yourself. You work on coming closer to Allaah because you love Him, and you want to be closer to Him. You missed salaah one day? But you performed it the day after. It may be that you die and return to Allaah on the day you performed Salaah.
I know of a brother who never used to be a practising Muslim, but he used to be kind to his mother. One day, he started practising Islaam, he never really had much knowledge of the religion - but he focused on his daily prayers. A few weeks or days later, he has a car crash and dies.
Why did Allaah make it that right near the end of his life, he transformed into a good person who establishes the prayer? Because Allaah found good in him, he used to be kind to his mother.
Allaah made that path easy for him, and He will do the same for you - because you too are sincere.
I also hate to think that I am forced to pray every time 5 times a day for the rest of my life. I tried it for like 2 months, just pure praying daily 5 times, staying out of "sins" and guess what? I felt stupid. I am not enjoying anything anymore. All I think of is Allah. It was too much that every little thing I did felt like a great sin and a big deal...
Like sister PurestAmbrosia said, change one thing about yourself. Make a target for yourself, maybe you won't lie as much? Maybe you'll pray one prayer more than you usually do? Pray to Allaah, asking Him to make life easier for you. Don't overwhelm yourself, because He knows your struggle, and He is going to fix your situation. He loves you, and you love Him.
I can't be that guy. I will dishonest if I continued that lifestyle of 5 times daily praying and being a good Muslim. Maybe i' ll go to hell who knows?
Or maybe you'll go to Paradise? Allaah knows your heart, and your heart is good. That's why you're still wanting to walk on the straight way, that's because you are sincere, and Allaah will keep your foothold firm.
The Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him) said: Allah the Almighty said:
O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it.
It was related by at-Tirmidhi (also by Ahmad ibn Hanbal). Its chain of authorities is sound.
Peace, and we will keep you in our prayers too inshaa Allaah.
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