problems with marriage

[anonymous]

well my problem is that i have gone through certain things in my life that have had a negative affect on me and have changed me as a person, i keep thinking who would want to take me (for marriage). i keep asking myself if i deserve anyone. i hate myself so much because of these things but i cant help myself. if i could change these things about me, i would, but i cant. i try everyday. everyday is an uphill battle, but im getting nowhere, and i just feel that noone would want me for marriage
it sounds really stupid, but thats just how iam feleing.

[glo]

I am sorry that you are feeling so low.

We are all shaped by things that happen to us in life - good things and bad. We cannot change that.
But we can strive to move on, and put the past behind us.
Whatever it was that you did, if you have asked Allah for forgiveness, then according to what I understand about Islam, you are forgiven.

If you believe that, then you have to forgive yourself and move on.

I am sure there is somebody who will be glad to marry you, to love you and take care of you.
But you have to learn too to love and take care of yourself!

I hope all goes well for you.
Peace.

[Afifa]

whatever things you did that had a negative effect on you if u really repented and asked for forgivness then inshallah allah will have forgiven you. Now you have to learn to forgive yourslef. The important tihng is that you have realised and you need to be prepared to move on.

and your thought that no one will wnat to marry you... im sure theres someone for everybody includind you. If you pray to allah and ask him to guide you and provide you with a happy future he wont say no.. he is all-merciful and all-loving and does not like to see his slaves unhappy.

Inshallah all your duas are accepted and you get the future you want.

[*KB*]

Assalamualaykum and Peace to all

Do not worry my dear, Allah will Insha'Allah forgive you. Pray to Allah SWT for he is the
Most Forgiving and Most Kind. Allah will forgive you if you repent for you actions. But remember we humans are there to do bad and to do good. Whatever happens Allah knows best. Life is a test, worry on your near and far future, not your past.

Marraige is for two who are willing to spend their lives together and die to be reunited together in Insha'Allah Jannah. In order to do that you do not have to be perfect, you have to pray to Allah, Make dua and be happy.

I will Insha'Allah make dua for you, Insha'Allah you will listen to the great advice Sisters glo and x-Afifa-x have said.

Assalamualaykum and Peace to all
*KB*

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Assalamu Alaikum

Allah will never overburden you.
Allah HAS made you the way he has made you.
he WILL provide for you, i hope you stay faithful to him!
pray and ask, and he will provide every need inshAllaah.
do your best and be happy, this dunya is a short while Alhamdulillaah

[anonymous]

thanks all for all your advice
you know, i try to be and think positive. i try to change. i sit there and think 'yep, inshallah everything will be good, leave it to allah, etc' but i feel soo weak. i make the intention and all, and then theres this little thing at the back of my mind that tells me that im a failure and whats the point of trying and all that i feels like im in shackles or something.
i feel so weak an dark on the inside and anxious too. i feel that i need to call out to allah, but there's something at the back of my mind that tells me it wont be answered, even though i know that it will *sighs*

and i feel beause of all this, that the person who does take me, inshallah, will be too good for me. is there such thing as that? do spouses feel like that towards one another? i may probably be even jealous of his iman. oh god!

[Snowflake]

well my problem is that i have gone through certain things in my life that have had a negative affect on me and have changed me as a person, i keep thinking who would want to take me (for marriage). i keep asking myself if i deserve anyone. i hate myself so much because of these things but i cant help myself. if i could change these things about me, i would, but i cant. i try everyday. everyday is an uphill battle, but im getting nowhere, and i just feel that noone would want me for marriage
it sounds really stupid, but thats just how iam feleing.

asalam alaikum wr wb,

Negative experiences can change the best of people to something they don't want to be. The process isn't permanent though. I won't say it's easy, but it can be reversed. Once you know, what it is that you don't like in yourself, try to imagine the impact that has on others and consequently on you. For instance, if lose your temper with people, observe what kind of impact that has on them. Do they in turn then treat you as you want to be treated? Try imagining the full picture of it all.

To control impulsive actions, we need to control our nafs. Remembering, that submitting to our nafs is our downfall, try to refrain from giving in to it. If you suddenly feel like lashing out at someone, stop, and remind yourself that anger is haram. Then now that you've remembered it's haram, in the same instance it'll come to you that Allah swt, hates it. InshaAllah that will make easier for you to control.

One by one, whatever faults you think you have can be controlled or eliminated, from your personality. As well as doing that, also remember that Allah likes gentleness. So be gentle in your manner when dealing with others. They will then be gentle towards you. This will make you feel good and help to take away the bitterness you have locked inside you.

There is no such thing as not being able to change. You can further help yourself by reciting Al-Quran frequently, as it softens the heart as well as heals. Nothing happens by simply wanting it. You have to make the effort and ask Allah to help you. InshaAllah, there's nothing stopping you - except yourself. Don't let that happen.


wa alaikum asalam wr wb.

[AhlaamBella]

All you can do is repent to Allah and try and move on with your life. I understand how difficult it can be to cope sometimes. Try taking each day as it comes. Try having an aim for each dya. Focus on that aim and you'll feel better at the end They don't need to be huge aims. Just little ones like memorising an ayah, reading a chapter of a book etc. things like that

[cute123]

self confidence is a big asset that shaitan takes away from us. dont let it happen. keep allah azzawajal before you. its like we dont live for ourselves we live for HIM. for eg. we are not allowed to eat pork in normal circumstances but if u didnt have food for 3 days and would die of hunger than u r supposed to eat that if its made available to you. if u die and dont eat - u die in disbelief. purpose of saying this here is - just do as u are being told in the circumstances by Allah Tallah .
We are humans - when we err He knows that we are going to err. Hence He forgives us as we go to HIM. as he says if you err - go to HIM pray 2 rakaats and then dont pursue yourself again with that sin - that i did it - i did it. Its HE who has to forgive you not you as you dont own yourself. problem is we love ourselves a lot .just stand up and try all the possiblities available inshallah as others said He will surely make a way out for you.Might be nature helps us after we put one step. and you are far more imporant than whatsoever happened to you. and as for the new person to come in your life. you will be His wife. His partner. that is enough. if you be the best to him and his family they will love you so overwhelmingly - and u will forget the rot .