Help. Horrible domestic situation, advise appreciated. Long rant.

[AnonymousPoster]

Right, this is a slight random rant and I am not really sure what I want at the end of it but I would really appreciate advise from a scholar or someone pious.

Basically, my Dad drinks, commits adultery and spreads lies about me my bro and my mum. Its really difficult to explain the situation I am in, its so surreal.

My Dads family hate my Mum, me and my bro, there not very nice people and when my Mum had her first child they put here under so much stress and made her travel everywhere that he died, obviously I couldnt be 100% thats why he died, but I know it was- 2days after birth. Then my Dads family would then say to my mum that she couldnt even give my dad a healthy son!

Now, islamically I am aware in such situation a divorce is necessary but my dad claims to be earning next to nothing, which could not be further from the truth. But if we were to ask for the divorce we would get 50% of nothing. He has no intention to leave and is waiting for us to leave so he doesnt even have to give us that, his family told him under no crcumstance to give us the house.

He, in the past was physically abusive once or twice but quickly caught on to how he could get chucked out and so stopped, that was like 3years ago though. He gives my Mum like 100quid a week to get ALL the food for us and clothes and anything else we may need and thats sometimes.

I spend most my time in my room, which is tiny. I hate spending my time like this, I would much rather be with my Grandad(who actually got a heartattack because of my Dad) who was addmited into hospital yersteday. I honestly had enough!

Here is the really bizzare bit though, we are forced to play happy family when he comes home from work. He is scheming to get us homeless and we have to be civilized when he comes home and have his roti ready because if not he would go in a tantrum and tighten things further more financially. All while we know he is having multiple affairs! When I was born he hired a stripper and when my other brother was having major surgery, he was 9, my Dad was watching a game on TV at a pub.

All this while the rest of the world(all his many friends, who are in very powerful positions) buy his crap that my Mum is horrible and evil and he is the victim, he even faked cancer for the attention!

My Mum keeps saying be patient (which annoys because that all she ever says and I dont blame here is all she can), she is very pious and never wavers in her faith and trust that we will get out of this mess, I am not that strong. And I am begining to take it out on her by just getting really upset and mad. We have probably been in this mess for 12years and things just get worse.

I know there is no point in posting this, but just incase someone has a brainwave.

I really want out, honestly had enough. Oh one more question; my Mum says Allah wont make us endure more than our hearts can, is that true because sure doesnt feel like it it really does take its toll, if so however where abouts in the quran does it say it. And how do I stay strong, I just want to see a light at the end of the tunner, but there really is nothing.

Thankyou.

[Tania]

Do you have grandparents from your mom side

[Sahabiyaat]

mothers will always say 'be patient', because women always think things will get better, but they need to realise, some things will never change.

She needs to get a divorce.Sit her down and talk to her about it.The best thing to do is to see a lawyer and discuss how you can get out of this mess without losing out financially.

and also, dont let what other people say about you and your mum hurt you, they are just the result of your dads malicious rumours.People will have you to talk about today and tomorrow theyll talk about someone else and forget about you, so dont let even bother you keep smiling

[Faye]

Now, islamically I am aware in such situation a divorce is necessary but my dad claims to be earning next to nothing, which could not be further from the truth. But if we were to ask for the divorce we would get 50% of nothing. He has no intention to leave and is waiting for us to leave so he doesnt even have to give us that, his family told him under no crcumstance to give us the house.

Um, I don't want to annoy anybody, but seems to me that getting half of everything in a divorce is a state law not an Islamic law, so it is not her islamic right. She gets nothing in case of divorce except any money that she came into the marriage with, and her mahr, if it is still unpaid. I could be wrong, and if so, please correct me.

[aamirsaab]

1) As tania said: do you have grand parents/family from your mums side; If so is it possible for you to contact them?
2) If it is, why not stay with them (if they are local or you are financially able to get there)?
3) Whilst there (reasonably safe), file a divorce. Your dad sounds like an ass and so does his side of the family - in these cases, I see no reason why your parents are still together!
4) Continue to make dua for your mother and for your father (that he may become a better muslim)

[Eeman]

WOW i am soooooooooo sorry to hear that Wallah i do not know what to say cos i know that no matter what i wont ever be able to give you good enough advice to help you but i do have one thing that will help and thats my duas.
I pray sis that Allah swt makes this hardships easy for you guys, you, your mum and your brother and other siblings you may have...
I pray that Allah swt guides your father's heart and that Insha'Allah he becomes a righteous man and your mothers patience and hard work pays off...
i sincerely pray that Allah swt rewards you all with Jannatul fidaus Insha'Allah.

Alpha dude, I also pray that Allah swt keeps you and your family always guided bestows many many barakahs upon you all and rewards you with Jannatul firduas and the same with all our Ummah Insha'Allah.... Ameen.

wa salam

[cute123]

what ur mother says is very true. be patient inshallah Tallah Allah will change the heart of your dad. He is verily the turner of the hearts. At times we dont understand the whole scenario its better to keep patience and ask Allah Tallah for guidance.