Am I allowed to lie at my parent in such cases?

[AnonymousPoster]

My parent are not going along very well recently, my mom is very mad at any move my dad does, to be honest she is right on that.....as he is acting like a teenager and I always try to make it look normal in front of mom....may Allah guide him and grant my mom patience.

Anyways, sometimes my mom asks me about him whether he did this or that....and in many cases I have to lie, simply to avoid a disaster to happen. Am I sinning doing that?

Some other times I do the same thing when he ask me about something she did....but its very rare in his case

If I said the truth from the early beginning they might be divorced by now , please remember me in your prayers

[Ummu Sufyaan]

inshallah this could be of help.

on the side: i think it is best if you advise your dad as well. maybe he is going through some personal issues atm, that is making him act like this. perhaps it is old age? either way, just advise him gently.

[Rafeeq]

agree with Umm ul Shaheed, a good doctor/psychatrist also may be consulted.

[AnonymousPoster]

Lie, lie and lie through your teeth if it means preventing something bad from happening, e.g. divorce. My parents were going through a bad patch and although I didn't reveal the truth, I sided with the parent who was in the right. They divorced and the parent who I didn't cover for blamed me for it. May Allah make it easy for you. Parents should never bring children into their problems. gently tell your mum to leave you out of it.

[tango92]

ill ask my teacher this afternoon for you, for now if your intention is good but your in ignorance then keep doing what ur doing

[Caller الداعي]

may Allah bring peace and happiness to ur family!!!!!!

[Hamza Asadullah]

My parent are not going along very well recently, my mom is very mad at any move my dad does, to be honest she is right on that.....as he is acting like a teenager and I always try to make it look normal in front of mom....may Allah guide him and grant my mom patience.

Anyways, sometimes my mom asks me about him whether he did this or that....and in many cases I have to lie, simply to avoid a disaster to happen. Am I sinning doing that?

Some other times I do the same thing when he ask me about something she did....but its very rare in his case

If I said the truth from the early beginning they might be divorced by now , please remember me in your prayers

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, the problem is if your mother finds out that all of this time you were lying and that your father had not done those things then it would rip your mother apart more. The truth always has a way of coming out so how long can you keep this up for?

It is natural for us to want to protect our parents from fighting and to avoid friction but in this situation it may well be that your mother will find out the truth and when she does how much worse will it be if she finds you you been lying to her?

I really feel for you because your in such a terrible situation having to be a mediator, I would advise that you try and get an elder of the family involved to speak to your father about his behaviour because it may have a better affect if a seniour member of the family or elder got involved and it would have a better effect on your father. Also make your father aware of his behaviour that it is hurting you so much and that if him and your mother split up it would ruin you and would he want that to happen?

Just make him realise his actions are going to split the family apart so it is not too late to change his ways.

Make him realise that death is just around the corner and that we can go at any moment so it is important that he change his ways and pray Salah and practise because what will he show if he were to die in this state?

Quote him hadith and ayah from the Qur'an at times and make him aware his actions are going to cause his destruction as well as the familys and that you all should concentrate on making your eternal life in the hereafter and to get on like a proper family.

I pray that Allah sorts your family situation out and makes your father change his behaviour and make him realie that he cannot continue like this.

[AnonymousPoster]

Jazakum Allah everyone for the replies

I don't lie at the serious matters, its just the normal daily stupid things that happen, like what did you father said on this thing or that thing? .....sometimes my father just keep complaining without any reason, I dont say such things to my mother....I always try to let my mom to think in a good way about my father.

My dad doesn't accept advice at all...he thinks that he is hard to make mistake. I don't exaggerate this, but this is how he is. If he do mistake he keep silent in most cases without replying back or even admit it. but he never say that he was mistaken nor he accept anyone to advise him and always come with a ready excuse ): So bringing someone to interfere will make things worse.


Sis, AnonymousGender:
I am so sorry sister to hear about your parent divorce, I pray that things won't end up like this in my case. We are a big family and my parent are in their 60's "Dad" and 50's "Mom" so you can imagine how things will be if they get divorced in such situation and such age , I cant tell my mother to leave me out with it, simply because I am the only daughter at home, and she can't go to anyone else but me. I will be very selfish if I did so

tango92:
brother jazakAllah khair I will wait for your response.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, the problem is if your mother finds out that all of this time you were lying and that your father had not done those things then it would rip your mother apart more. The truth always has a way of coming out so how long can you keep this up for?

It is natural for us to want to protect our parents from fighting and to avoid friction but in this situation it may well be that your mother will find out the truth and when she does how much worse will it be if she finds you you been lying to her?

I really feel for you because your in such a terrible situation having to be a mediator, I would advise that you try and get an elder of the family involved to speak to your father about his behaviour because it may have a better affect if a seniour member of the family or elder got involved and it would have a better effect on your father. Also make your father aware of his behaviour that it is hurting you so much and that if him and your mother split up it would ruin you and would he want that to happen?

Just make him realise his actions are going to split the family apart so it is not too late to change his ways.

Make him realise that death is just around the corner and that we can go at any moment so it is important that he change his ways and pray Salah and practise because what will he show if he were to die in this state?

Quote him hadith and ayah from the Qur'an at times and make him aware his actions are going to cause his destruction as well as the familys and that you all should concentrate on making your eternal life in the hereafter and to get on like a proper family.

I pray that Allah sorts your family situation out and makes your father change his behaviour and make him realie that he cannot continue like this.

If you know my father personality you wont say this....he doesn't accept any advice and always think that he do the right thing. If I tell him that what he is doing will ruin our family he will just say:
"mind your own business, this is between me and your mom, we can solve our affairs who you think you are to lecture me? you are selfish and don't wanna see me happy"

This is him, how on earth I am supposed to mind my own business and ignore this when all of it is happening before me???!!!!. Sometimes I had nothing to do but cry at my room where no one can see me especially mom....just to let all the sadness out
Sometimes I try to give out some hints but he is totally fine with that and try to ignore what I am saying as if I am not talking to him.

My mother sometimes suspect things when I tell her something about him, to be honest, she likes the way to be fooled about him....she is so hurt of him that even she lied at herself sometimes .

Because of all this, I gave up marriage all at once. Seriously, when I say this to my brothers they keep telling me that not all men are like that, but I cant believe it because this is what I have been raised to since my early days of teenage. I didn't see a success marriage case so far

Maybe I should say this at the beginning, but all the problems we are in is because my father got married few years ago from a young girl at her twenties and he is not fair AT ALL with my mother. And think that all of us are against him and don't want him to be happy in his life with the new wife!

JazakumAllah khair everyone for the duaa.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

with people who dont accept advise, the best way to advise them is to "tip-toe" around it by advising them indirectly... for example you may teell them a story about someone with their (the person you are advising) personal issues.

so: "dad, what do you think of someone with *insert persons flaw here*"
or
"you know i know someone whose mum (or brother/sibling) *insert person flaw here*....what do you think should be done"

so basically you tell them their problem only apply it to a different situation.

also, advise them in a joking and cheerful manner because sometimes when one sounds serious, it can come across as bossy, judgmental, etc.

[cat eyes]

i would probably do the same thing all that fighting in a household is really not good at all. it will make you insane. sorry to hear of your troubles hope it gets better inshaAllah

[Hamza Asadullah]

If you know my father personality you wont say this....he doesn't accept any advice and always think that he do the right thing. If I tell him that what he is doing will ruin our family he will just say:
"mind your own business, this is between me and your mom, we can solve our affairs who you think you are to lecture me? you are selfish and don't wanna see me happy"

This is him, how on earth I am supposed to mind my own business and ignore this when all of it is happening before me???!!!!. Sometimes I had nothing to do but cry at my room where no one can see me especially mom....just to let all the sadness out
Sometimes I try to give out some hints but he is totally fine with that and try to ignore what I am saying as if I am not talking to him.

My mother sometimes suspect things when I tell her something about him, to be honest, she likes the way to be fooled about him....she is so hurt of him that even she lied at herself sometimes .

Because of all this, I gave up marriage all at once. Seriously, when I say this to my brothers they keep telling me that not all men are like that, but I cant believe it because this is what I have been raised to since my early days of teenage. I didn't see a success marriage case so far

Maybe I should say this at the beginning, but all the problems we are in is because my father got married few years ago from a young girl at her twenties and he is not fair AT ALL with my mother. And think that all of us are against him and don't want him to be happy in his life with the new wife!

JazakumAllah khair everyone for the duaa.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister it is very difficult to change the ways and habits of our elders as they are set in their ways.

My sister you and your mother must continue to be patient. Her reward is with Allah and he will reward your mother greatly for being patient. Just be the best towards your father and speak with him with honour, respect and gentleness and know that you will also be rewarded greatly for your patience.

When you know your father is in one of his moods then stay away from him at that time and also advise your mother to. Recognise his moods and act accordingly.

Continue to advise your father against any wrong actions and behaviour but in a very gentle manner using wisdom and tact and ask of Allah to help you and your family through these difficult situations.

Allah tests those he wants good for so know that Allah wants good for you and your mother and your reward is with him. Allah is with those who are patient and the reward for patience is Jannah!