Salam everyone,
i've a 17 years old bro who's going to take the highschool graduation exam this year (which is verrry important!). he was a good son but has been changing for the previous 6 months, due to his uncontrollable game addiction he has been unrespectable to my parents eversince (out of eagerness to play still). but alhamdulillah, he doesnt leave prayers and i hope Ramadhan will at least wash away some bad habits from him (i know its tough, though). As an elder sister, i dunno the best way to advise him; knowing that he is a teen and has his own ego. What do all of you suggest? his birthday is coming soon, it'd be nice to know any good present to give as well. perhaps i need to read more books regarding teenage psychology. plz pray for him and the rest of my family inshaAllah. Tq
I would have your parents put a time limit on it, but they have to be firm and consistent. If he became disrespectful, I'd remove it completely and he wouldn't have it at all. I've done this and it worked like a charm. Mind you, my son was about 7 at the time. Since then, he MIGHT play about once a week.
I wouldn't tolerate any child disrespecting me in my own home and, quite frankly, I don't care how old they are! To this day I would not disrespect my mother and I guarantee you, if I did, she's not too old to give me a back hander to remind me!! lol
Absolutely ZERO tolerance for disrespect. It would be like a disappearing act for the game station!! At 17, it's time to focus on exams and decide what direction in life he would like to take and use the game console to relax occasionally. If he's being disrespectful, he's old enough to know better and learn how respect works. You want respect...you earn it!! If you give it...you'll get it. I'm very strict when it comes to respect because how someone treats their parents is a direct reflection of the person they are. Better he learn that than to learn how to advance to the next level of some game.
This age is a critical time for him and if he's changing for the worse, it's time to haul him back into reality!
Tough Love works when necessary and there's no greater love than wanting to save someone from them self.
He'll fight it, but the more he fights and is disrespectful, your parents just have to keep taking things away, ie: cell phone. Or add chores. I wouldn't fight with him. I would sit him down and tell him the way it's going to be and discuss it. Let him voice his concern, but in no way back down from limiting the time on the game station. Maybe tell him he can play for 30 minutes, but as long as he remains respectful in discussions they can allow him to negotiate 60 minutes so he feels it's a give and take situation. When/If he breaks the "rules", I wouldn't yell and scream. I would simply take away a privilege with no questions asked and would keep doing so until he stopped. It might even help to do up a Family Contract that he and your parents sign. It's a list of rules and consequences as well as a list of how they promise to help each other, etc. I haven't used this method yet, but I know a few people that have and it's very effective because all they have to do is point to the paper and refer to rule number whatever. lol
Inshallah, everything will work out. Remember how we knew everything at 17 years old....it's only as we grow older we realize we didn't know anything. lol I'm sure he'll be fine, but sometimes it takes a little push into reality to get them there faster.
Wa'alaikum salam,
Hana
"Whoever is deprived of gentleness is deprived of all good" (Sahîh Muslim, Sunan Abî Dawûd)
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched...but are felt in the heart.
-Helen Keller
Lol you're talking about my bro and probably hundreds more teens out there. The funny thing is that the only way to talk to my bro or get through to him ever was to do with him the things he enjoyed doing....So basically I challenged him to a game and talked and explained to him then.
Hmm, it worked but I found myself getting addicted to Need for Speed Underground 2 and my Gold Mazda it didnt work too well. So what we did then was confiscate his PS2....it worked coz he couldnt find it. he didnt get angry coz he knew why we had taken it away (to beat addiction and to concentrate on school)
just try talking to him, his school years will never come again, if he messes up now he messes up for life.
Salam,
Jazakumullah for the responses.
yaa it's so true that game is better than girls.
it's just so weird how much a 17 year old could dwell on games as if he is a total kiddies.
and my bro, he just didnt wanna discuss anything. he thought that nobody could understand him AND, confiscating his pc wouldnt help cause he gets very angry then, took the key, went to the cyber cafe and played there until he feels like going home..
oh teenage..
take it away from him, sure he might act like a nut for a while but he'll get over it, and it'll help greatly in the long-term !
A big nutty 17 year old boy is a huge nut to crack.
I don't think you reading teenage psychology books is going to help you much. I don't think any of the book is going to concentrate on a guy addicted to his video games. Perhaps aggressive and frustrated teens but not ones addicted to games.
The best course of action in my sight is to get him involved in other activities eg, get him going out with his friends, going to the gym, islamic groups etc.
Or, there's always the option of accidentally breaking his gaming source (i.e. PS/Xbox etc etc.)
If I were you, I'd go for the second option. It's more effective in my opinion.
lol i was like that to just take away the games straight up cause he wont let go of it for a long time once the games are done make him to a job or something to get his mind of it.
Kalimah Taiyyab Declaration of Faith
Laa ilaaha illa-llahoo Muhammadur-Rasool-ullah
"There Is no diety except Allaah. Muhammad (sallallaahu alayhi wasallam) is the Messenger of Allaah."
aww ur allowed to care for him. so lucky.
when i go to my brothers and tell em something like why dont u go pray and they go shut up and get ur __ out before i kill u , and im like OOk but hope u aint expecting ur ramadan to work or summin, and they like You have FIVE seconds, 5... and i go fine fine just coz i care/??? 4.... and i go u really need to go back to yemen... 3... and im like alright...and they get up and then i run really really really really really fast then trip and get beat up. lol.. while saying You never even went to 2 or 1!
My bro used to skip every day of his senior year, sleeping and playing xbox, then he got detentions, which led to saturday school, which led to suspension, which let him get what he wants; NO SCHOOL. but he somehow graduated anyway
but since u older than ur bro take his video game and hide it when he's away and tell him it was smoking, (its what i did wit my brothers, but his really was smoking) or tell him "the speech", you know the "Bro i luv u , and i care about you, its my duty to protect you, and you know my dream is that your future is ....bright. and that u stick to ur deen and to ur school no matter how horrible it may be, i would give up my life for you, just as long as your life is done right, please bro listen to me...bla bla bla" and make sure the words aint goin thru one ear and out the other by putting your hand on one ear to block the words from coming out if that doesnt work then its for plan c....Parents. tell em. unless your brother is like mine, parents will defidently be able to deal wit em.
I get addicted to games quickly. I dont see whats so bad. But too much of anything is bad for you.
The reason why I get addicted- its a release- something new to concentrate at
I like to finish the games-when I was younger I would not stop till I had finished
I then realised thsi was wasting my time- during my a-levels- mine are just computer games... What you need to do is find him the same or similar excitememnt in something else which challenges him. Maybe karate. I used to do that- and it works beautifully with faith. Teaches you self discipline, control,and keeps you healthy....or driving lessons?
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help with my teenage bro.
he has been unrespectable to my parents eversince (out of eagerness to play still). but alhamdulillah, he doesnt leave prayers and i hope Ramadhan will at least wash away some bad habits from him (i know its tough, though). As an elder sister, i dunno the best way to advise him; knowing that he is a teen and has his own ego. What do all of you suggest? his birthday is coming soon, it'd be nice to know any good present to give as well. perhaps i need to read more books regarding teenage psychology. plz pray for him and the rest of my family inshaAllah. Tq
it didnt work too well. So what we did then was confiscate his PS2....it worked coz he couldnt find it. he didnt get angry coz he knew why we had taken it away (to beat addiction and to concentrate on school)
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