cultur vs islam very painful please take the time to read.

[queenofsaba]

Selam aleikum brothers and sister in islam

I have been going through a really hard and heart aching situation. It started off with lots of dua to marry a person, and my dua got answered but the hardship we faced towards our parents was very bad. We got engaged that last up to 1 month. Anyway

I wake up in the middle of the night crying my heart out to Allah. I’m getting closer to islam, closer than ever before. This brother was Asian and he did everything to get married, we are 20 years old, and we did not have any money or nothing so we were relying on that the outcome of our parents response would be a positive however it was 3 months with crying and with hell.

And now , after 1 month he has come to the reality that it WIL NEVER BE US, because of he’s parents and this is JUST TOREMNTING ME, they didn’t give me a chance, I cannot do nothing that im not born Asian. I’m a muslim, I wanna be a good muslim. I’m Alahmdulliah born in I muslim family. I don’t understand I feel so sad deep down inside, how can people jugde? How do the mother and father KNOW I’m no Good? I’m praying from the utter deep down in my heart, it’s so painful to be rejected because of the cultur.

He’s mother prays 5 times a day but still he has to marry someone From the same cast? I don’t understand, I pray to Allah to open up their heart. I have LITTERALLY CUT ALL TIES WIT THIS BROTHER, I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE. I can’t be with him in hope he will fight again. I must trust in Allah and improve myself, but its hurts very much. The brother last time I spoke to him seems very far away from Islam. he started to say somethings like he’s mother is more bigger than Allah. How can this be true? I know respect the parents, but still Allah is the higher power of everything every soul is going to return to him. When we were going to get married he was going Allah’s way, praying, making dua, etc. but know nothing,

I hope someone could take the time to just answering me, because I feel so injustice treated.
My dad is not in the picture only my mother, she was against it but with the time, she said yes, it was hard for her as well me wanting to marry from another background. But Islam was still the nr 1 criteria. And it is still. I lie awake in the night crying thinking I’m I no good for an Asian family?
I love the culture, food, language, I would have tried my best to please he’s parents and to make them accept me, and I have so much trust in Allah that nothing is impossible. But I never got the chance.


I feel like this is the worst thing that could have happened to me, and I know Allah knows this. Allah knows what’s in my heart what I hold dear to me and not. I don’t know if this is a test or Allah being angry at me, I use my dua as much to ask for forgiveness, I try to do good deeds, but at times my heart is in pain. Very much, only me and Allah knows this.

It’s so sad; please make dua for me, my heart is bleeding and burning inside.

Wsalam

[tigerkhan]

may ALLAH SWT makes all these pbm easy for u. sister i got sad by reading these lines. did u feel that it was a mistake to make a emotional attachment with someone b4 marriage..? 2ndly in just 20s i dont think one can wisely take such descions.
anyway now are living with in laws...? if so i think this option will be good one that try to make urself independent finanacially, socially. its v.good u had learned form it and u got closer to islam and ALLAH SWT...keep it up, learn islam more and then in future try to take ur descion in light of this.
my heartly prayers are with u. ALLAH SWT helps and care u alot.

[queenofsaba]

may ALLAH SWT makes all these pbm easy for u. sister i got sad by reading these lines. did u feel that it was a mistake to make a emotional attachment with someone b4 marriage..? 2ndly in just 20s i dont think one can wisely take such descions.
anyway now are living with in laws...? if so i think this option will be good one that try to make urself independent finanacially, socially. its v.good u had learned form it and u got closer to islam and ALLAH SWT...keep it up, learn islam more and then in future try to take ur descion in light of this.
my heartly prayers are with u. ALLAH SWT helps and care u alot.

selam brother, thank you for taking time, I know NOW that is HARAM to have any kind of contact with the oppsiste gender. but we felt at that time that we were going to do the right thing, getting married. I dont see anything haram in that way, its so sad. but I just got to be strong. All praise due to Allah, may he forgive my sins.

I feel very low, I just take day by day. Reading the quran not in arabic, because I cant but in the language I can, listing to islamic lectures, reading hadith etc. It really lights up my heart. at this point I dont have anyone to turn to accept from Allah, heartache is the worst thing every. Its just very sad

[Dagless]

If you were engaged why did he call it off? If he can be talked out of marriage so easily after all the effort required to get there then maybe he isn't the one for you? Would you allow yourself to be talked out of marriage by anyone after you were engaged? From everything you've typed I think not.

[queenofsaba]

we were engaged, but after that I dont know, somthing just felt like it was not right, i dont know, so I called it off, It was me. It was not the brother. when I look back, i started to feel like WE were never able to get married, so I was afraid that this is NOT the wAY to go.
, I dont know. I just cant give you a REALLY good answere, something just felt bad. then after 1 month I did not talk or speak to him, and he had come to this conclusion. that it will never be us because of his parents.

[tigerkhan]

mean ur are not married till. u say i tried my best to make his family happy with me. i think u are amrried and living with inlaws. sooo sooorry. my english is also bit weak.
if u are not maried, then i dont see its much pbm, yes maybe at this stage u feeling it more, but i think as time passes it will be ok insh. dont lose. be confident. and see life has much more for us.

[Dagless]

we were engaged, but after that I dont know, somthing just felt like it was not right, i dont know, so I called it off, It was me. It was not the brother. when I look back, i started to feel like WE were never able to get married, so I was afraid that this is NOT the wAY to go.
, I dont know. I just cant give you a REALLY good answere, something just felt bad. then after 1 month I did not talk or speak to him, and he had come to this conclusion. that it will never be us because of his parents.

So YOU called off the engagement and then YOU stopped talking to him for a month. Then you go on to say say "it will never be us because of his parents". I don't want to be rude since I don't know the whole story but from the data presented the conclusion doesn't really fit.

[queenofsaba]

So YOU called off the engagement and then YOU stopped talking to him for a month. Then you go on to say say "it will never be us because of his parents". I don't want to be rude since I don't know the whole story but from the data presented the conclusion doesn't really fit.

but I felt the brother emo drifting away from me, i cant explain. its a feeling therefore i called of in hope that he would get his act togheter and we could GET MARRIED

[queenofsaba]

I did not say : it can never be us, it was HE . Not me.

[Alpha Dude]

The brother last time I spoke to him seems very far away from Islam. he started to say somethings like he’s mother is more bigger than Allah. How can this be true? I know respect the parents, but still Allah is the higher power of everything every soul is going to return to him. When we were going to get married he was going Allah’s way, praying, making dua, etc. but know nothing,

Sister, honest advice from me would be to forget him and move on. Especially after what you say here. Look for someone who gives deen a higher priority.

I assume he was being metaphorical when he said his mother is 'bigger than Allah' but that is a very wrong thing to say all the same. Please try to move on.

[queenofsaba]

I'm trying, thats why i have cut all contact. trying to do my best. InsAllah