I hope you are all in the best of health and iman. I just wanted to relate some changes i have been feeling in the past week. As im just continuing in this journey, i come across good times and bad times, both physically and spiritually. However we learn to cope and continue.
In the last week i have been feeling very nervous, anxious and restless. When i commit a sin and regret it, i usually feel like this for a while until i ask forgiveness and feel satisfied in my asking. However i dont know if there is a reason for the feelings recently.
I have had a constant lump in throat, i find myself worrying about everything. I have butterflies in my stomach all the time, my knees feel weak. I feel scared all the time. Scaed of failing in this life and in the next. I know a believer should have constant fear in his/her heart... but what im feeling is something that i can no longer control.
I eat well, i sleep well... i try to balance it out by working hard, but lately i feel distracted by this feeling, its stopping me from doing things.
Sometimes i stop and renew my intentions, if i feel scared i remind myself that i should only fear Allah. If i feel nervous, i remind myself that i should have hope in Allah. And i try to bring zikr into heart whenever i can. Its as if my soul is not satified with what im doing and needs more ??
I dont know if ive explained it well... or whether anyone will understand. But if anyone does please help.
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As your brother i really wish to advise you although i must admit i am not a hungred percent sure as to just what the problem is.
Brother if you feel that there is any fitnah for you then seek refuge in Allah and make istighfaar so that the shaytaan cannot easily get to your heart. Someone as pure as the beloved prophet (sallallahi alaihi wasallaam) use to make istighfaar a 100 times a day, so imagine how much in need we are of it.
Brother if you feel that your fear and anxiety is too great, then i say ask Allah to pour patience and strength into you, the dua' is the weopen of the believer.
may Allah make an easy path to jannah for you my brother, may he make your difficulties light.
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My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
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JazakAllahu Khairan Br. Fi. Please remember me in your dua'as.
And JazakAllahu Khair Br. Ibn...
Your right we should be asking forgiveness all the time, because we commit so many sins on a daily basis, and cannot compare ourselves to the prefect creation, Muhammed (saw).
I feel as if something is going to happen, as if my body is preparing me for something. Its like im just waiting for an explosion. But how can i feel something like this?.. or maybe its something that i need to do... I need to better myself, or i need to move to another level or a change. I dont know... its very difficult to explain.
Does this feeling encourage you to do more good? Stay away from evil etc? Or is it just a feeling which makes you feel in a state of despair all the time?
It has refrained me from doing alot of bad, because there are feelings of guilt as well as fear. But it hasnt made me want to do good. I dont feel in despair.. although i feel abit worthless because i cant do much. I think the overall feeling is of nervousness.
I think you should try to remember the positive side to it, for example - try to imagine how the love and hope helped the pious before us to advance and be more confident in their good, and the fear made them stay away from the things which will be disobedience to Allaah.
Ibn al Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said that the love and fear is like the two wings of a bird, if one is heavier than the other - then the bird is likely to lose balance and fall. So now that you have the fear concept, try to advance in the love and hope area. Look at ways you can improve yourself as a muslim.
I think you would benefit alot by listening to islamic lectures inshaa Allaah:
Theres a lecture there by suhaib webb called the Mothers of the Believers, which could keep your mind occupied and you could try to see them as role models to encourage yourself to do more good inshaa Allaah.
Remember that the fear/love/hope concept is there to encourage us to do more good and to help us stay from evil. And Allaah knows best.
In the last week i have been feeling very nervous, anxious and restless. When i commit a sin and regret it, i usually feel like this for a while until i ask forgiveness and feel satisfied in my asking. However i dont know if there is a reason for the feelings recently.
If I am understanding that correctly. This feeling is not the result of anything you have done or thought. It is not related to guilt although the physical feeling is similar to a feeling of deep guilt.
..................... When i commit a sin and regret it, ...........
..........................
وعلیکم سلام
Reflect on it and think >> "When i commit a sin and regret it"
You didn't say "if I commit a sin and regret it" What does it tell you?
edit:
at primary school, I was made to feel like a sinner by other (hindu-like) children
as well as by some teachers. for a long while I was feeling nervous and guilty.
But once you realise what sin actually is, anxiety goes away (then it became "if i commit a sin" instead of "when")
it is possible that this is called by a physical thing. i've had periods of great anxiety and fear for no apparent reason. luckily they went away by themselves with time - but i suspect that they were physical. in any case, it was horrible!
it's important not to blame yourself for these feelings - they are quite human.
each man thinks of his own fleas as gazelles
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