Theres some parent in law, and they love their grandchildren so much. But what bothering is they llike to spoil their grandchildren too much. When we tell our children not to eat candy, PIL always follow their demand to buy the candy. Some of couple ever talked in front of PIL to their children that they may not eat candy too much so PIL listened and knew that they forbid their children to eat too much candies. But still, if the children asked for candies then PIL just followed their demand. What should we do to stop it but also not offense the PIL and hurt their heart ? :brother:
Theres some parent in law, and they love their grandchildren so much. But what bothering is they llike to spoil their grandchildren too much. When we tell our children not to eat candy, PIL always follow their demand to buy the candy. Some of couple ever talked in front of PIL to their children that they may not eat candy too much so PIL listened and knew that they forbid their children to eat too much candies. But still, if the children asked for candies then PIL just followed their demand. What should we do to stop it but also not offense the PIL and hurt their heart ? :brother:
That is a very common problem. Being a grandfather myself, I can understand where the P-I-LS are coming from. It is hard for us to resist the pleas of the little ones. Are the P-I-Ls Muslim if so you could explain to them that because of the way candies are made, most are haraam. If not explain to them that you are worried about all the health hazards of candy and suggest that they bring them fresh fruitsas a better choice.
Do not expect the P-I-Ls to listen immediatly. You will have to tell them many times. But, don't get discouged and talk to them calmly and with love.
Perhaps you can all sit together and have a talk with PILS warning them abt the health hazards that candies can have on the children. And as Bro Woodrow said, try asking them to buy stuffs like fruits and other stuffs dat are good for health for the children.
I turn 2 U ma hrt ful of Shame n ma Eyes ful of Tears.....
Tell them that if they can't abide by your rules there contact with the grandchildren will be limited.
I dont really agree wid this one. Its seems a bit rude; moreover they are elders and i think that the solution u've just provided can weaken the family ties. Moreover, from my point of view, this can lead to a sort of sin; for example if this goes beyond what you expected and all the family ties are broken due to your fault, then this can be a sin since a Muslim is not allowed to break tie with another Muslim for more than 3 days.
Hope dat you got what i mean.
I turn 2 U ma hrt ful of Shame n ma Eyes ful of Tears.....
I dont really agree wid this one. Its seems a bit rude; moreover they are elders and i think that the solution u've just provided can weaken the family ties. Moreover, from my point of view, this can lead to a sort of sin; for example if this goes beyond what you expected and all the family ties are broken due to your fault, then this can be a sin since a Muslim is not allowed to break tie with another Muslim for more than 3 days.
Hope dat you got what i mean.
I understand and respect what you are saying. I think that the error belongs to the grandparents. If they wish to continue their errors, then they are the ones who would be responsible for weakening the family unit.
Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends.
You should take action according with the distance between you and the grand parents.If you are taking the children only few times/year to see them, i think you have 0 excuses to tell them anything related to the candies. If they see the children every day or every week, you should tell them the children refuse to eat fruits and you don't know how to teach them. Like parent ,you can't handle the issue. Trust me, the grand parents will help you to correct the issue and in this way the candies will be forgot.
My MIL used to give my daughter candy on a daily basis. I sat down with her and explained the damage the candy and ice cream and chips do to the child's teeth. I also explained that it is better to teach the child from an early age to eat healthy so they won't have a problem later in life. She agreed with everything I said...
A week later she started giving junk again on a daily basisffended: . I tried to explain that I know she is a grannie and I don't mind her spoiling my child, but once a week is more than enough. Things were ok for a while, but then it went back to candy daily.
For a while I left it, but then my friend's child's teeth have to be taken out since they are rotten because of too many sweet things... the child is two ... it is many years to go before she will get her permanent teeth...:X
In my opinion, PIL should respect the parents enough to at least not to things to upset them, especially if it is nothing unreasonable.
You really shouldn't have to speak to someone each time they are in error. The erroring adult makes the decision to err. I think it's time for tough love for the grandparents.
Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends.
Tough love: The use of strict disciplinary measures and limitations on freedoms or privileges, as by a parent or guardian, as a means of fostering responsibility and expressing care or concern.
In this case the grandparents don't abide by the parental rules so they have to face some consequences. Hey, they probably used tough love with their own kids.
Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends.
Parents in law and candy. Ah, they have so much to do with marriage that it brings a tear to my eye.
Dreadful Sarcasm Bro, In a way it does have to do with marriage.........because you only get PIL's after you get married no? But Maybe this thread should be moved to the cyber counselling or something.
I think the only way to deal with Grandparents like this, are to talk with them directly, and of course give good reasons for why the children shouldn't be eating candy......although you would think that they would know better than to give the child all that candy dont you
Or if the PIL's are so stubborn and give in to the pleas of the little ones all the time, then maybe you should turn your attention towards the grandchild instead and tell him/her DO NOT ASK NANA FOR CANDY OR ELSE!! (Fill in whichever threat lol )
But seriously, it shouldn't go on, especially since we know that plenty of candies hold haram ingredients and ingredients which can practically kill the poor child.............
I hope this is relevant in some way or another, but if you fear the PILs not corresponding with your desires, the you should talk to the children.
When I was younger, my mother always told us "No, meant No". If we wanted something, as respectful children we should ask for her permission. This doesn't only teach the child to resist and obey, but also it teaches the adult offering that the parents have ruling over the child, so more often they will begin to ask the parent "can they have this or that" rather than approve of the child disobeying the parents.
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Parents in law gave candy...
Re: Parents in law gave candy...
ffended: . I tried to explain that I know she is a grannie and I don't mind her spoiling my child, but once a week is more than enough. Things were ok for a while, but then it went back to candy daily.
... it is many years to go before she will get her permanent teeth...:X
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