My mom wants me to get married not only to a Muslim, but specifically one from our town. Furthermore, she says she does not like this family or that one when looking at many families from our town, which narrows my choices really down. I was then introduced to a girl and she asked me what I thought of her.
Now she comes from a good family and I like her dad and everything. However, I have absolutely NO physical attraction to her. I told my mom No, and of course, with all her restrictions it is hard for me to find another girl.
Have any of you gotten married to a person who you were not attracted to at all? Isn't this an important consideration in marriage?
Have any of you gotten married to a person who you were not attracted to at all? Isn't this an important consideration in marriage?
It is a consideration, how important - Allah knows best.
Well, at least to me, one thing is having no physical attraction, and another thing is being ugly. So, there is to consider if your criteria for your wife are really too high. In the end, you may find a wife which is beautiful, but she doesn't like you, etc.
There are a few more things for you to keep in mind, such as:
- believe it or not, there are no really good Muslims today. It always was more important having a good Muslimah as a wife. By the time she (and you and me too) get old anyway. And it's especially more important today having a good Muslimah and a good mother in our houses, because of the time we live in.
- So, the first condition is a good Muslimah, I don't know if anyone said it's fard or wajib for her to be beautiful. But it is fard for us to obey our parents. A little off-topic: on a lecture, a shaykh said this: Your parent CANNOT tell you NOT to go to a mosque at all. But if you go, the parent CAN tell you which mosque to go, and you obey them in that!
- O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will; and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse; and live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good. (Tr. of meaning, An-Nisa, 19)
- and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows but you do not know. (Tr. of meaning, Al-Baqarah, 216)
In times of difficulties don't ever say, "Allah, I have a big problem!", say "Hey problem, I have a big Allah!"
as far as i know your mother can't tell you who to marry and who not to marry.. she can only suggest to you and ask you would you be interested in this type of girl or that type of girl and if you tell her no i want to get married with a girl outside of the town or even outside of the COUNTRY.. she can't force you not too.
thats your right to chose girl from your chioce. your mother is not the one who wants to marry.. now it will be pretty miserable for you if you married a girl whom you didn't feel strong connection with and not even attracted to... i mean you have to be drawn to that person.. so many marriage fails because they are simply not happy now i know this girl, she not attracted to her husband one bit and she is finding it hell difficult
Many people don't like to admit this but physical attraction is very important in Marriage. Marriage is suppose to be forever, u betta pick someone u can look at for that long.
Not someone who makes u want to look away the first 3 mins.
Learn Patience from Asiyah, Loyalty from Khadijah, Sincerity from Aisha and Steadfastness from Fatima.
inshallaah bro you will beautiful muslimah with deen who will satisfy your every need and don't let your mum make your life time decisions for you. there is limits you know and thats pushing it a bit to far
I suggest to you that you bring someone knowledgeable to whom your mother would listen. marriage is a lifetime desicion, your mother must, have to understand that you will from the marriage on live together with a complete other character till you die, so it is important that you like her. Like the prophet said, for a man and a woman who love each other, theres no better thing than marriage. btw why should one risk divorce? its not a good thing.
that knowledgeable man also must explain to her what the prophet said about tribalism etc. it is a huge problem nowadays which results in many many familiar problems.
still theres to mention. physical attraction is limited. if you get older maybe its gone, or even after some years. whats left is mercy. better you concentrate on getting a pious woman. i'm still not saying you shouldnt look for physical beauty, dont get me wrong.
The other half is going to be the first thing you look at when you wake up and the last thing you look at when you go to sleep at night - obviously some attraction is needed.
My mom wants me to get married not only to a Muslim, but specifically one from our town.
If you run out of choices then I'm sure you're mum will consider different places, try and explain to her that you can ask around in masjids or look in different towns
yes physical attraction is important especially to help you lower your gaze and be happy with your wife...
Our Lord! Verily, we have heard the call of one calling to Faith: 'Believe in your Lord,' and we have believed.
Our Lord! Forgive us our sins and expiate from us our evil deeds, and make us die (in the state of righteousness) along with Al-Abrar
My mom wants me to get married not only to a Muslim, but specifically one from our town. Furthermore, she says she does not like this family or that one when looking at many families from our town, which narrows my choices really down. I was then introduced to a girl and
Now she comes from a good family and I like her dad and everything. However, I have absolutely NO physical attraction to her. I told my mom No, and of course, with all her restrictions it is hard for me to find another girl.
Have any of you gotten married to a person who you were not attracted to at all? Isn't this an important consideration in marriage?
Dont worry about it ,my brother get married with a girl chosen by my mother Allah rahmat inshallah but my brother didnt likes her nor phyically nor her caracter and education , my mother forced him and he get married with this girl and after the first baby came he become crazy of her and now he loves her so much and he cannot see any women better than her in his eyes hes very happy with her and they have mashallah 3 children now . Beauty is not important but caracter and heart and mind important , Look at me im beautiful lady but i am giving my husband hard time Allah inshallah forgive me , hes doing everything for me because he loves me but still im bad caracter with him ,I hope this help you
you better tell your mother... coz i really pitty the girl that you're going to marry to.
I do not want to see the girl suffer after the marriage.
25:36 And the true servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk the earth with humility and when the ignorant address them, they respond with words of peace.
attraction is important, that's 1 of the main reasons we get married so we can fulfill our desire in a halal way and won't be so tempted to lust after women.
But if you don't find your wife attractive then it's gonna be hard to stop yourself looking at other women because you won't want to be with your wife in that way.
This is something I have problem with too, all the women that I seem to find attractive are not praticing I don't know why that is, maybe I haven't seen alot of praticing women that's why. they're the type of women I'd have nothing in common with but physical attraction.
and the women who I have no physical attraction towards I could see myself getting on with really well. so I'm just lost lol,
the thing that puts you off marrying someone your not attracted to is, what if some stage down the line you desire something that's pleasing to your eyes and you enjoy looking at.
Your gonna be in big trouble if your wife can't offer that.
and you might start looking at attractive women while your married which is the scary part.
Last edited by Salahudeen; 08-18-2009 at 03:25 AM.
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and don't let your mum make your life time decisions for you. there is limits you know and thats pushing it a bit to far
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