Salam to all the brothers and sisters and Ramadan Kareem.
Firstly I would like to start of by saying that I am more then thrilled that this website has been established.
But the reason why I am writing in this forum is that I am facing a predicament. I basically feel that I am capable and ready to be a loving wife.. and even a mother if I had to be. I've been feeling this way for about 4 months. Another issue is that the person I wanted to marry doesn't seem ready for that type of responsibility. He would always say that he is ready and that I am not ready but from proof and experience, I believe he got it twisted. But anywho the main important issue is that I dont know what to do. I have been feeling this way for a while..
I offered advice to another sister who seems to be having similar issues in a thread titled "in a land of confusion" (or something like that). I don't know how it will help her, but you might look.
From what little information we have here, it looks like this guy may not be the one. Just be patient, stay strong in your religious duties, and replace your worries with trust in Allah swt.
You say you feel that you are ready, and there is no reason for you or anyone here to doubt that. If you are indeed ready, then now is the time to be extra patient. Wait it out for someone else who is ready to be a loving husband and father, because he will come to you eventually, inshAllah.
Remember how lucky you are to be a Muslim woman! God has made it so that your children must hold you in higher esteem than anyone else in their lives. Your husband must be good to you if he is to please Allah. While you are waiting for him to come, MAKE SURE that you are deserving of all of this. In time, Allah will deliver him to you, inshAllah.
Asalam alaikum sister,
I feel for your situation, and like the previous poster said, your patience will be rewarded inshAllah with a wonderful husband who is strong in his deen you both will grow even stronger together.
Seems like sometimes we are ready but the other person may not be, and then sometimes they are ready and we are not.
I have been told many time since reverting that Allah is the best planner and we just need to be patient.
Take care sister and inshAllah everything will come and you will get married!!
Find a brother via halal methods. If you have a brother, ask him for help.
Once you've found someone, check up on him and research him. (Note: Research doesn't mean go up to him and become his friend). Be subtle.
If you feel that the research produced good results, go to your wali and have him contact the brother.
Have meetings with the brother in presence of a mahram as many times as you want.
If you believe after speaking to the brother, consulting your parents, and especially your wali, and everything else is sorted, pray istikharah and go for it.
Last edited by Ibn Abi Ahmed; 09-16-2008 at 02:59 PM.
“Do not argue with your Lord on behalf of your soul, rather argue with your soul on behalf of your Lord.” - Dhul-Nun
"It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." - Victor Frankl
if your ready then go for it, and if the person you liked dont wana get married, do istikhara you will see signs showin you, whether he is right or not, and there is millions of people out there, so inshallah you will find a partner
i think the marriage section should be opened again, seein the amount of marriage threads
Jaa-Ro-Nee-Mo!!!
"they ask you when will the help of Allah (swt) come! Certainly Allah (Swt) help is always near"
Find a brother via halal methods. If you have a brother, ask him for help.
Once you've found someone, check up on him and research him. (Note: Research doesn't mean go up to him and become his friend). Be subtle.
If you feel that the research produced good results, go to your wali and have him contact the brother.
Have meetings with the brother in presence of a mahram as many times as you want.
If you believe after speaking to the brother, consulting your parents, and especially your wali, and everything else is sorted, pray istikharah and go for it.
''Let the days do as they please,
And be optimistic when destiny decrees,
Do not despair due to the events of nights past
For the events of this world were not meant to last.”
''Let the days do as they please,
And be optimistic when destiny decrees,
Do not despair due to the events of nights past
For the events of this world were not meant to last.”
lol bro abu sayyad is either a marriage counseller or he is married and hidin it
mashallah jus re read your post
the 2nd point i think is so important! checkin up, like when your at work you get backround checks done, and its important to get backround checks done, on the person and sometimes even on the persons family, if your a girl and your gona go and live with them, like find out if they practisin, their attitudes and stuff, all that is really important, and you can ask through other people! but you should ask
Jaa-Ro-Nee-Mo!!!
"they ask you when will the help of Allah (swt) come! Certainly Allah (Swt) help is always near"
Find a brother via halal methods. If you have a brother, ask him for help.
Once you've found someone, check up on him and research him. (Note: Research doesn't mean go up to him and become his friend). Be subtle.
If you feel that the research produced good results, go to your wali and have him contact the brother.
Have meetings with the brother in presence of a mahram as many times as you want.
If you believe after speaking to the brother, consulting your parents, and especially your wali, and everything else is sorted, pray istikharah and go for it.
this is obviously one of the best ways to go about things, but many that grew up in the west have dated someone or at least fell in love with someone, and it likely had nothing to do with parents. This method of finding a spouse is not easy if you have passed a certain, relatively young age.
If you are beyond the point where your parents are taking care of you, and the same of your potential spouse, then maybe you can seek out other methods. Go to Starbucks or some other public place and talk. If you are both being good, and things are going well, then you will notice that you feel silly because you are both looking around trying not to stare at one another.
Oh I believe the love is one of the most beautiful gifts we have in dunya, but you just have to be smart about it all. If you love the person BECAUSE you can't stop thinking about him and staring at him and oh he is so wonderful blah blah blah, then you really need to stop, and think about Allah. If you the public is your mahram, then you should be taking extra special care so that Allah knows you are doing the best that you can to obey him.
But if you cannot stop thinking about him and you cannot stop staring at him BECAUSE you are obeying Allah and taking care of your duties to Him before you get married, then, when you get married, Allah and His Messenger saws encourage you to let that love feeling consume you and you pour your love out onto your spouse. This is the blessed way of going about this love thing and it is one of the most wonderful things we have in this life!
All praise is due to Allah! And it is His gift that we get to love other human beings in dunya! But you have to keep that feeling within the context of the bigger picture. You have duties, and just wanting to be with someone or "falling in love" is no excuse to avoid those duties. Do the best you can, and Allah swt will accept your efforts and reward you, inshAllah.
Salam to all the brothers and sisters and Ramadan Kareem.
Firstly I would like to start of by saying that I am more then thrilled that this website has been established.
But the reason why I am writing in this forum is that I am facing a predicament. I basically feel that I am capable and ready to be a loving wife.. and even a mother if I had to be. I've been feeling this way for about 4 months. Another issue is that the person I wanted to marry doesn't seem ready for that type of responsibility. He would always say that he is ready and that I am not ready but from proof and experience, I believe he got it twisted. But anywho the main important issue is that I dont know what to do. I have been feeling this way for a while..
What should I do??
A saying in western culture is that "opposites attract." While that may be true, I find it makes a bad way to choose a marriage partner, when you are wanting to choose one for life. Others have given you advice on the appropriate ways to do this in Muslim society. Since I am not a Muslim, I won't speak to that. But I would share with you something I have observed about humans everywhere, marriages are happier when the two who commit to each other in it are relatively like-minded individuals. Right now it doesn't sound like you are, so I suggest taking it easy. Either let things continue to develop, or look elsewhere, but don't push this until you are both ready and agreed on it.
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in the halal way of course !
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