Brothers - Help me Please - Marriage / Divorce

**moussa** · 10-23-2008

Brothers - I need advice and Knowledge.

I am an American born Revert with lebanese decent. Being a revert has been a very difficult journey to say the least. I am a new member here and I look forward to learning more about Islam and becoming a better Muslim.

Now as for my problem and question.

A little over a year ago I was in Canada for work, and I married a lady who seemed wonderful and perfect with good values. God blessed us with a beautiful baby boy who is now 4 months old.

She has always stayed in Canada because we have been working on getting her Visa papers to be in the US, which has been a long and stressful process. Without a Visa, a person is allowed to visit the United States for up to 6 months as a visitor... she only stayed about 4 months out of that. She is very close with her family and the transition has been hard, which I understand.

About 5 months ago, a month before our son was born, she convinced herself that I was cheating on her. She told her whole family that I was, and told mine. Walla Allah, I have been true and faithful to her, and never once cheated. Looking back now, I think that she never truely loved me and this was her way of "getting out".

I believe divorce to be extremely haram, especially considering we have brought a boy into this world. Dispite her accusing me of such terrible things, I wanted to work it out.

I recently found out that she is with another man. I never granted an Islamic or Civil divorce, yet she claims that we are divorced! Is that possible? I thought to be Islamically divorced, both partners had to agree.

Now MY wife is with another man, and she has another Man around MY son. I cannot even begin to describe how badly this hurts me. My son willl recognize another mans face before mine. When I first met her, she seems to have such great values, and I would have never dreamed that she would do something like this. Being that she's been with another man, I have lost interest in being with somebody who would do that to me... but I want MY son. I do not want him growing up in an autmosphere like this.

I dont know what do do. Am I wrong to begin with? Can she divorce me that easily? In my mind, none of this is right. I cant think of anything more haram a wife can do. And I cant even begin to describe how hurtful this all is.

Please brothers, forgive me for my ignorance... but enlighten me, give me knowledge... what do I do?

**S_87** · 10-23-2008

Divorce is in the hands of the man she has no right to issue a divorce, she can request a separation from an islamic court, but you had to have been fully aware of it and been part of the process. If you didnt divorce her, youre not divorced.

**moussa** · 10-23-2008

Originally Posted by amani

Divorce is in the hands of the man she has no right to issue a divorce, she can request a separation from an islamic court, but you had to have been fully aware of it and been part of the process. If you didnt divorce her, youre not divorced.

That was exaclty my understanding, thank you for clairifying that!

What steps should I take? I just dont know what to do...

**Güven** · 10-23-2008

First of all Demand your son back , she has no right just to leave and take your son with her to another man which she has NO right to stay with ...

**brotherinfaith** · 10-23-2008

i don't think any member here have enough knowldge to give a fatwa on this matter brother all i can say is what the sister said.

**Yanal** · 10-23-2008

Oh don't lose faith brother. Call a case on her saying we were not divourced and she is with another man. All I want is my son. Show the judge her passport saying I've been trying to get her into US but she did this and that... If you do this you might win legal rights over your son

.

**S_87** · 10-23-2008

Originally Posted by moussa

That was exaclty my understanding, thank you for clairifying that!

What steps should I take? I just dont know what to do...

Well the problem is you are both in different countries and as i understand it you cant just get your son as there are alot of things in the way for that. The first thing you need to do is sort out the whole marriage problem, if she is in a relationship with this man she is an adultress.. however without and islamic court not much can be done about that so you need to find out what is wrong with her, why she said what she said about you. About your son, i really dont know

may Allah make this easy for you.

**moussa** · 10-24-2008

yislamo for all the help brothers & sisters

**alcurad** · 10-24-2008

sad to hear your story brother, may Allah ease your pain.
take it up to a court.

**Al-Zaara** · 10-24-2008

Originally Posted by amani

however without and islamic court not much can be done about that so you need to find out what is wrong with her, why she said what she said about you.

More can be done. Did you register your marriage where you lived (not Islamically)? Go and consult the State-court, the Laws of that country, talk to a good lawyer. Don't let her take your son away from you!