A Problem with my father

[ibrahim316]

I will try to keep this simple.

My father is 72 years old and he occasionally gambles with the benefit money he recieves. My brothers and sisters are reluctant to provide him with money for his own pleasures as they suspect he may be paying off gambling debts with it. As a result, my father gets very hurtful especially in his old age where he needs all the care and love he can get.

I am wondering, by making him upset, are we disobeying him and therefore commiting grave sins? My father is a gentle person who has never intentionally wanted to hurt people. He cannot read or write but is able to only read simple salah and he only prays his eid salaat.

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Aslaamu`Alaaykum

Aah your father reminds me of someone
Anyways i remember someone quoting from hadeeth Al Bukaari "There is no Obedience in Sin" but inshaAllaah im not sure, so correct me if im wrong.
I think you should advice your father how Gambling is haraam! Do you mean your Father gets hurtful when your brothers and sisters are not able to provide him with money so he can gamble? if so its haraam, gambled earned money as far as im aware is also haraam.

Anyways i hope someone with knowledge is able to give you some good advice InshaAllah

May Allaah ease your affairs,Ameen

Wa`Alaaykum Salaam

[ibrahim316]

Thank you for the quick reply. He is more angry that they do not visit him as much becuase they are afraid he will ask for money. He is angry with one of my brothers regarding how his wife and their family are living off his money yet my father does not get a single penny of spending for himself from his own son. The issue of suspicion of whether my father does gamble with moeny he is given is not totally definite, but he does do it with some of his benefit money. If this is the case, should they be happy to provide the money to him?

[Woodrow]

Just speaking as an old man nearly identical in age to your father.

Simply because we have years behind us does not mean we have grown or become wiser. Often times we want to assert our independence and show we still have control over our children. We often do need help, but we actually seldom need monetary help and do have a certain amount of dislike for money and what it represents. We do not have much value for money. If you see we are in need of something, give us what we need such as food and do not give us money. Give us gifts from your heart and things made from your own hands. Let us have our disdain for money and show your love with actions not money. we will throw money away as we do not like it.

[Hamza Asadullah]

I will try to keep this simple.

My father is 72 years old and he occasionally gambles with the benefit money he recieves. My brothers and sisters are reluctant to provide him with money for his own pleasures as they suspect he may be paying off gambling debts with it. As a result, my father gets very hurtful especially in his old age where he needs all the care and love he can get.

I am wondering, by making him upset, are we disobeying him and therefore commiting grave sins? My father is a gentle person who has never intentionally wanted to hurt people. He cannot read or write but is able to only read simple salah and he only prays his eid salaat.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazakallahu khayran for sharing this with us. Firstly my brother know that our parents are most deserving of our utmost honour and respect regardless of what sin they do or how they are towards us even if they oppress us. Allah has given our parents this honour and one day when we are parents or if we already are parents then we will surely understand this and truly realise the purpose of why our parents are deserving of such honour and respect.

In regards to your father then know that whatever his habits are this should NOT stop any of you from visiting him. Surely your eternal enemy shaythan is wanting to create rifts between you because he knows how much reward there is in serving ones parents. Do you realsie that serving ones parents is of te best of deeds and therefore we should do everything in our power and energy to be the best towards our parents, serve them and keep them happy.

Brother Woodrow has given such a touching post and you should take from what he has said and spend as much time as possible with your father and serve him as much as you can for the pleasure of Allah.

One should show all kinds of good treatment to one's parents. Ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was once asked about the best deeds: "The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) says, "Having faith in Allah and His Messenger, then honoring one's parents." (Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim)


Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) quoted the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) as saying: "He is doomed, he is doomed, he is doomed." Then someone said, "Who, O Messenger of Allah?" He said, "The person whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age during his lifetime but he does not enter Paradise." (Reported by Muslim)

There are many ways in which one can show parents kindness and respect, paying them a visit is one of the forms of dutifulness to parents, in addition to treating them well, addressing them politely, trying to humble oneself before them, giving them gifts, and so on.

Also sit with your father and talk to him about Islam regularly. Put a Islamic talk on and make him listen to it. Tell him about our duties as Muslims to pray Salaah and how it is forbidden to gamble etc. But do all of this in the most loving and gentle of manners and NEVER say in an attacking manner or raise your voice to your father.

Know that there are abundant rewards to be gained and when he is gone then surely you will regret it forever that you were not able to serve your father as he should have been served so make the best of now and do not regret it tomorrow.

and Allah knows best in all matters