Grandfather's birthday approaching...

My grandfather will insha'Allah turn 98 in the coming Tuesday and even though there will be no huge party my father has said there would be some smaller type of a celebration with eating altogether with the family in the Monday evening.

I already had quite a bad conflict related to birthdays when I had one myself few months ago so I'm trying to find the best way how to deal with this upcoming birthday of my grandpa.

What I'm expecting this time is that my father and perhaps my uncle also will insist on me joining them in this dinner table. It'd be all very simple in case they will serve alcohol in this table: then I would clearly have to refrain from sitting with them as there is a specific hadith about this.

But when there will be no alcohol it'll be more difficult. I know we muslims are to avoid celebrations that don't belong to islam like birthdays but I'm also afraid of having some bad conflict and what is more I'm afraid that me not joining them will make islam look in a bad way to them.

So right now I'm tending towards not joining them as this seems to be safer for me regarding my deen but then again I have this confusion and fear about that maybe me not joining them will worsen their outlook on islam and will thus cause more harm.

If any of you could give me some advice regarding this matter then I'd be really thankful. But please, if you can, support your ideas with Qur'an or hadiths.

Anyone? :hmm:

Aslaamu`alaaykum Bro..

I will start of with a Hadeeth recorded by Imam Abu Dawud (Allah have Mercy on him) and others, The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:

Whosoever imitates a nation is amongst them. (Sunan Abu Dawud,)

My advice is ..that you do what Allaah wills according to Sunnah and Q`uraan..InshaAllaah..

Have you ever thought about teaching your family about Islaam ?

Let them know about things that are permissable for you and that are forbidden...

Masha`Allaah since your Grandfather is almost 98, is he muslim by any chance?
If not ,i think this is a good time for you to give him Dawah..and your family...

Its best you keep away if there is Alcohol available...
"Invite to the Way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His Path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided." [The-Qur'aan, an-Nisaa'(16):125]

However, its best to put it in this way, Dont go to the party because Allaah tells you not to go, so who would you rather please. Allaah or someone who tells you to something against what Allaah is pleased with? ofcourse people will have a problem, with you not listening to them, this has happened during the time of the Prophets..Its best to explain to them the pure reasons of not attending the party..i hope i make sense..
InshaAllaah i hope i helped a bit, as nobody has commented, i thought i would just say comment briefly...InshaAllaah and someone with better advice will advice you..

Forgive me if i have said anything wrong..

Wa alaaykum Salaam

Wa alaaykum Salaam

Wa alaikum assalam.
JazakAllah for the reply, sister.

Alhamdulillah they've decided to celebrate his birthday in another house, it really decreases chances of a conflict to arise.


Regarding your question about me teaching my family about Islam and giving them dawah...

I haven't been a Muslim for long and so far what I've been trying to do is to show them that Islam has made me become a better person. I hope it reflects in my behaviour and it shows them what Islam is like. I do though sincerely worry about what will happen to my family after this life, especially my parents.

I'm just afraid that if I would directly start calling them to Islam they may click against me in a way as they're very non-religious, except for my grandfather. Also, they've had to get used or perhaps still are getting used to this new Islamic lifestyle of mine which has affected them as well so I hope I still will have time (I know this doesn't sound too good) to explain them the truth afterwards.

My grandpa is quite old and has been a Christian throughout his life. Also, he has started to have some memory problems so teaching him Islam would be extremely difficult if even possible. Me going to tell him about Jesus(aleihi salam) not being the son of God would probably create a huge conflict. I believe he will still make it to Jannah as he's very God-fearing and simply didn't get the knowledge of Islam in his life.

Why don't you go there with the intention of having a meal with your family? Your intention is not haram and the meal is not even the same day as the birthday.

"Actions are only according to intention."

So yeah, like Bro Dagless said, go with an alternative intention. You don't want to break the ties of kinship either. Though it is a very sensitive situation you are in, you do not want to appear disrespectful or make them feel uneasy etc. It's important to honor your relatives and to make sure they feel loved and respected, not violated of their due rights as your elders and relatives.

^ Agreed totally....

For sure if you if you start calling them to Islaam, they may or will go against you, maybe they have some misconceptions about Muslims or Islaam, Or there will..
Indeed Allaah guides who he wills
Allah the Almighty stated:



"Verily, you (O Muhammad) guide not whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He knows best those who are the guided."
(28:56)

All you can do, is Give Dawah invite them to Islaam.

22.67 "To every People have We appointed rites which they must follow: let them not then dispute with thee on the matter, but do invite (them) to thy Lord: for thou art assuredly on the Right Way."

However, Implenting your faith the best way you can, this may have an affect on your family towards you. If they see you as a better person, everything you do as the Prophet Muhammad Salallahu Alaayhi Wa Salaam did during his blessed lifetime, they may get influenced....InshaAllaah, and may start to ask Questions..
InshaAllaah have Patience, as Allaah tells us :

And seek help in patience and As-Salât (the prayer) and truly it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khâshi'ûn [i.e. the true believers in Allâh - those who obey Allâh with full submission, fear much from His Punishment, and believe in His Promise (Paradise, etc.) and in His Warnings (Hell, etc.)]. [2:45]..

May Allaah t`ala guide your Family and give you the help you need in life InshaAllaah..Ameen

Yes, telling someone something against what they have believed in their whole life, sure does have a bad impact..but Indeed it still is the Truth, we cant stop from saying the Truth InshaAllaah....Try your best, and Make Dua for your Family and have Patience...

Allaah knows best Brother whatever is in within an individuals Heart. SubhanaAllaah...



Wa alaaykum Salaam....

:salamext:

JazakAllah for the replies everyone.

I came to know there was some alcohol also in this last night's dinner table. So it seems it was the right thing not to go there as the following hadith would have clearly prohibited it:
Jabir reported that Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not sit at a table on which khamr (i.e. intoxicant beverages) is circulated". (At-Tirmidhi)



I'm not so certain about this "Actions are only according to intentions." though.

The Prophet Muhammad (sallalahu aleihi wa salam) said: "Actions are but by intentions and every man shall have but that which he intended. Thus he whose migration was for Allah and His messenger, his migration was for Allah and His messenger, and he whose migration was to achieve some worldly benefit or to take some woman in marriage, his migration was for that for which he migrated.”

It seems to be more about having right intentions when doing something Allah has commanded us to do.

Also, Imam Nawawi has stated:
"By saying “Actions are by Intentions,” the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) meant acts of obedience at the exclusion of permitted actions that are neither recommended nor disliked."

and:
"There is no sincerity in a forbidden action nor in a disliked one, as in the case of someone who looks at something which is forbidden for him to look at, claiming that he only looks in order to reflect upon God’s handiwork."

According to this it seems that we are not allowed take part of a birthday celebration no matter what our intention is. Because if it wasn't so then it would mean that we are allowed to commit whatever haram act as long as our intention is good.

Yusuf Saeed said:

According to this it seems that we are not allowed take part of a birthday celebration no matter what our intention is. Because if it wasn't so then it would mean that we are allowed to commit whatever haram act as long as our intention is good.

Click to expand...

The intention is to eat a meal with your family, so you go and eat a meal. Don't celebrate, just eat and talk as you would at any other meal, and then leave. I don't see how that can be taken as a haram act. You are not responsible for other people celebrating.

Yusuf Saeed said:

:salamext:

JazakAllah for the replies everyone.

I came to know there was some alcohol also in this last night's dinner table. So it seems it was the right thing not to go there as the following hadith would have clearly prohibited it:
Jabir reported that Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not sit at a table on which khamr (i.e. intoxicant beverages) is circulated". (At-Tirmidhi)



I'm not so certain about this "Actions are only according to intentions." though.

The Prophet Muhammad (sallalahu aleihi wa salam) said: "Actions are but by intentions and every man shall have but that which he intended. Thus he whose migration was for Allah and His messenger, his migration was for Allah and His messenger, and he whose migration was to achieve some worldly benefit or to take some woman in marriage, his migration was for that for which he migrated.”

It seems to be more about having right intentions when doing something Allah has commanded us to do.

Also, Imam Nawawi has stated:
"By saying “Actions are by Intentions,” the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) meant acts of obedience at the exclusion of permitted actions that are neither recommended nor disliked."

and:
"There is no sincerity in a forbidden action nor in a disliked one, as in the case of someone who looks at something which is forbidden for him to look at, claiming that he only looks in order to reflect upon God’s handiwork."

According to this it seems that we are not allowed take part of a birthday celebration no matter what our intention is. Because if it wasn't so then it would mean that we are allowed to commit whatever haram act as long as our intention is good.

Click to expand...

my brother i hope you are well and in the best state of health and imaan. Allah has set us limits which we must not transgress. We as Muslims must be firm in that we stay within the limits set to us by Allah. Allah only wants the best for us and most of the time we think we know what is best for us but we don't.

It is knowledge that will bring us clarity to every aspect of life. If most of us knew the origins of birthday celebrations we would be shocked and would keep away from it:

"Thousands of years ago birthdays were considered a time when the bad spirits as opposed to the good spirits were able to harm you as this day changed a person's life. It was believed that the only way to keep the bad spirits at bay was to have your friends and family around you so that their good wishes and present giving would keep them at bay.
Also noisemakers are thought to be used at parties as a way of scaring away the evil spirits.

The custom of lighting candles originated with people believing that the gods lived in the sky and by lighting candles and torches they were sending a signal or prayer to the gods so they they could be answered. When you blow out the candles and make a wish this is another way of sending a signal and a message.

This is how the way we celebrate our birthday came about. But different cultures celebrate in different ways."

Source:http://www.birthdaycelebrations.net/howbirthdayscameabout.htm

Islam teaches us not to imitate the disbelievers in anyway shape or form and that those who imitate them will be raised up like them. So now knowing of its pagan origins we must keep away from it and not come near it for it is not precribed in Islam at all and the Prophet Muhammed (Pbuh) never celebrated his birthday.

The best dawah (Inviting towards Islam) is from ones character. Show your family through action how much Islam has made you into a better person and they will inshallah change their views and perceptions on Islam. If they do anything contrary to Islam then you must politley and in the best manner possible tell them that you cannot do this is as it is contrary to Islamic teaching.

Don't be worried about what they might think because the pleasure of our lord comes first and remember it is he who can change a persons heart so it may be that he may change the hearts of members of your family. So the commandments of Allah are our first priority.

One of the commands of Allah is that we keep together the ties of kinship so keep good relations with your family even if they move away from you but only be around mahram members of your family and not non mahram. You must keep away from gathering where alcohol is being consumed as well as any intoxicants.

We must NEVER comprimise our deen for anyone for the pleasure of our creator comes first and we must only do things within the boundaries that he has set for he wants the best for us and he will give us trials and test us continuously so let us stand firm and do our utmost to abide by the commands of Allah.