My Husband And Myself Are From Different Cultures
Him Being Pakistani And I Am British.
I Converted To Islam
He Was Born Muslim
The Issue We Are Having Is About Clothing.
In His Country I am Happy To Wear Shawal Kameez and Niqab In His Home City Because Everyone Wears It And It Is The Normal Culture There.
In England I wear Very Modest Clothing, Ussually Hijab, Loose Long Shirt/Blouse/Top. Loose Jeans or Trousers and a Loose Black Coat which Covers Myself To my Knees.
He Says My clothes Are ****tish When i Know They Are Not. Nobody can See the Clothes I wear Under My Long Coat Nor Can You See My Body Shape.
My Culture Is British. I Feel Uncomfortable Wearing Shawal Kameez In My Home Area. When i Go To His Country I Adopt His Culture. Why Cant He Adopt My Culture When he Come Here?
When I See African Muslims They Wear Beautiful Bright Coloured Dreeses And Often Show Their Neck But Cover Their Head. That Is their Culture Right?
Doesnt Islam Say We Should Be True To Our Culture As Long As We Follow The Right Way Of Islam?
I Dont Tell My Husband What To Wear And Am Very Loyal And FaithFull To Him, But This is Upsetting Me. I Have No One To Talk To About This Because I Give Up Ma Old Friendz When I Convert And Itz Not Like Im Walking Down The Street Half Naked, Im Just Wearing What i Feel Comfortable In Which Is Very Modest But Also Fits Into My Culture.
I Dont Follow OR Show Fashion Coz Im Covered With Long Dark Coat And Hijab.
Inside Home I wear What I Like And My Husband Dont Mind This. But He Is Demanding I wear a Chada On TOp Of MY Coat Even Tho You Cant See Ma Body Shape, But It Makes ME feel Expossed and Odd. Very Uncomfortable To The Point I dont Want to Go Out Anymore
Very good question. I am not very familiar with the UK so I do not want to say much. Here in the USA particulary in Austin we are very multi culture and it is common to see clothing from many cultures being worn.
Oh bless you... i honestly get kind of upset whenever i come in this section and read people's threads it really does upset me.
sis your right a shalwar kameez is a cultural way of clothing, my husband is from pakistan also, for him to say that you have to wear shalwar kameez is not right cos it is not something that all muslims wear shalwar kameezes are mainly worn by pakistanis and some indians.
now another thing that i personally believe in is that your husband should not be telling you to do things and dress a certain way to fit his liking and bring islam into it.
it's like when i sometimes come across sisters that hate the hujab loath it cannot bare it but wear it cos their husband tells them to wear it!
cos for starters they are not wearing it to please Allah swt or for His sake but to please their husbands and i always thought that, that was never accepted since it was not done for Allah swt sake and secondly i think that the husbands are wrong to force anything down upon anyone's throat!!! cos by force nothing is sincere and done from the heart.
i myself am non pakistani and i dont wear hijab cos as long as i cloth modestly and have modesty in every aspects i dont find the need to cover myself to that extent, but saying that i take off my hat for the sisters that do Masha'Allah.
But your husband needs to be taught a thing or two about what what is a shalwar kameez where it originates from and who wear them.
he needs to be reminded that you are NOT pakistani that you have your own identity and are a human with understanding, intellect, a brain, common sense and knowledge like every other person therefore he does not need to tell you or enforce things down your throat... if he thinks he is doing so in orderto be a perfect muslim husband then he needs to start with basics about islam itself and needs to educate himself a little.
i do aplogise for my harsh words but it is the truth.
no one has a right to misuse their rights and force something down someone else's throat... from a islamic perspective its not the right way to do things.
he needs to learn to respect you and appreciate you for going out of your way for him from the very start as to respecting him by wearing shalwar kameez in his country, therefore he needs to acknowledge this cos you are NOT PAKISTANI and quite frankly people would understand even if you didnt wear it, but you did wear it and i dont think i wouldnt be wrong here to say that you wore it taking him and his respect and family into consideration.
My husband would not dare utter a single thing about what i wear or how i wear it or how i should dress... I remember once at the beginning he did say something alongst the lines of how when we go to his parent's house i have to wear a shalwar kameez and how he would like me to make him roti and daal and as soon as i heard that i shredded him into bits and pieces and told him that if he is best off marrying his first cousin... IAM STRONGLY advicing you to NOT even think about doing what i did cos that was years back when i was a non practising muslim.
but to this day he has not even brought up the subject again!
the point is just like you accept him for who he is accept his culture respect it then so should he. Does he think that by marryingyou he has done you a huge favour therefore you should sacrifice your whole identity for him and become what he wants you to?
we are muslim, i myself am persian, we dont have cultural clothes therefore wear modest clothes practising women this is and cover their heads and some wear the jilbab, majority of middle eastern countries have cultural clothes, north afrcan msulim countries the women wear coloruful beautiful dresses, pakistani's wear shalwar kameezs. the whole point of dressing modestly is to dress modestly and cover yourself its not to dress in a specific garment or else your not a muslim!
I pray that Allah swt helps you sis and makes your husband understand and lay off your back and respects your wishes Insha'Allah and bestows many many many barakahs upon your marriage.
wa salam.
Last edited by Eeman; 08-20-2008 at 03:03 AM.
I know that at times i may be annoying or mistaken when i say some things or it may unintentionally God forbid offend u & if that is the case then i sincerely apologise from the bottom of my heart & ask Allah swt's & ur forgiveness, so please do Insha'Allah forgive me and correct me.
Oh bless you... i honestly get kind of upset whenever i come in this section and read people's threads it really does upset me.
sis your right a shalwar kameez is a cultural way of clothing, my husband is from pakistan also, for him to say that you have to wear shalwar kameez is not right cos it is not something that all muslims wear shalwar kameezes are mainly worn by pakistanis and some indians.
now another thing that i personally believe in is that your husband should not be telling you to do things and dress a certain way to fit his liking and bring islam into it. it's like when i sometimes come across sisters that hate the hujab loath it cannot bare it but wear it cos their husband tells them to wear it! cos for starters they are not wearing it to please Allah swt or for His sake but to please their husbands and i always thought that, that was never accepted since it was not done for Allah swt sake and secondly i think that the husbands are wrong to force anything down upon anyone's throat!!! cos by force nothing is sincere and done from the heart.
i myself am non pakistani and i dont wear hijab cos as long as i cloth modestly and have modesty in every aspects i dont find the need to cover myself to that extent, but saying that i take off my hat for the sisters that do Masha'Allah.
But your husband needs to be taught a thing or two about what what is a shalwar kameez where it originates from and who wear them. he needs to be reminded that you are NOT pakistani that you have your own identity and are a human with understanding, intellect, a brain, common sense and knowledge like every other person therefore he does not need to tell you or enforce things down your throat... if he thinks he is doing so in orderto be a perfect muslim husband then he needs to start with basics about islam itself and needs to educate himself a little.
i do aplogise for my harsh words but it is the truth.
no one has a right to misuse their rights and force something down someone else's throat... from a islamic perspective its not the right way to do things.
he needs to learn to respect you and appreciate you for going out of your way for him from the very start as to respecting him by wearing shalwar kameez in his country, therefore he needs to acknowledge this cos you are NOT PAKISTANI and quite frankly people would understand even if you didnt wear it, but you did wear it and i dont think i wouldnt be wrong here to say that you wore it taking him and his respect and family into consideration.
My husband would not dare utter a single thing about what i wear or how i wear it or how i should dress... I remember once at the beginning he did say something alongst the lines of how when we go to his parent's house i have to wear a shalwar kameez and how he would like me to make him roti and daal and as soon as i heard that i shredded him into bits and pieces and told him that if he is best off marrying his first cousin... IAM STRONGLY advicing you to NOT even think about doing what i did cos that was years back when i was a non practising muslim. but to this day he has not even brought up the subject again!
the point is just like you accept him for who he is accept his culture respect it then so should he. Does he think that by marryingyou he has done you a huge favour therefore you should sacrifice your whole identity for him and become what he wants you to?
we are muslim, i myself am persian, we dont have cultural clothes therefore wear modest clothes practising women this is and cover their heads and some wear the jilbab, majority of middle eastern countries have cultural clothes, north afrcan msulim countries the women wear coloruful beautiful dresses, pakistani's wear shalwar kameezs. the whole point of dressing modestly is to dress modestly and cover yourself its not to dress in a specific garment or else your not a muslim!
I pray that Allah swt helps you sis and makes your husband understand and lay off your back and respects your wishes Insha'Allah and bestows many many many barakahs upon your marriage.
wa salam.
Wow... I Really Appiciate Your Reply Dear Sister. It Makes So Much Sense To Hear What Im Thinking From Someone Else.
It Was Really Getting Me Down Coz I Do Believe a Wife Should Listen To Her Husband But When It Comes To Stripping Me of "Being Me" Myself, Ma Identity I didnt Know How To Handle The Situation.
I Have Changed Myself In So Many Ways For Islam, Alhamdulilah. But When My Husband Started To Comment About what i Wear And saying is Was Cheap etc. I Was Just Shocked And Started To Question My Own Identity.
I Really Dont Mind Wearin Shawal Kameez In Pakistan, It Does Feel Comfortable There Coz Of Heat N Everyone Wears It, But Here I Its Just COmpletely Different. I DOnt Even See Any Other Muslims Where I Live Let Alone Someone Wearin Shawal Kameez. I Love Wearing Hijab As I find It Easy To Wear With My Clothing.
I Dont Want To Go Against My Husbands Wishes, So I Need To Figure Out How I Can Get This Across To Him.
you no what has really made me paranoid now is the hadith i read about the majority of the people of hell being women simply because they were ungrateful to their husbands, if he is good to her all her life, shes fine, if he slips up only once, shell become ungrateful and forget all the good he has done to her.just keep that in mind
He just doesnt want other men looking at you, so hes trying to emotionally put you down so that youll be submissive to his wish.
why dont you start wearing the jilbaab
Its actually considered very stylish nowdays , that way yoll be pleasing your husband, which is very imporatant and looking even more modest which you were before too, but this is just a different way which makes your husband less paranoid.
My heart, so precious,
I won't trade for a hundred thousand souls.
Your one smile takes it for free.Rumi
^ We have discussed that hadith in the Sis section, right?
To call his wife cheap and other words like that, is just wrong and if what you sister Anon say is true about your clothing in the UK, you give him no reason to call you anything the like. He may just have deeper issues that he just lashes out on you, Allah knows best.
If he wants you to wear niqab or something other, he should do it in a better manner, and absolutely respectfully. Respectfully ain't callin' you a ***** or cheap etc.
Hijab shouldn't make you stand out and it should keep you modest, following the Islamic rules. To go clothed completely against what your culture in your country/city is like, will make you stand out. I can't see the reason to do this if you feel uncomfortable with it and your original clothing is laready modest.
One shouldn't make Islam or being a Muslim so difficult.
“If only I had checked myself”
—
Guy who wrecked himself
True leaders don't create followers...
.... They create new leaders.
^ We have discussed that hadith in the Sis section, right?
To call his wife cheap and other words like that, is just wrong and if what you sister Anon say is true about your clothing in the UK, you give him no reason to call you anything the like. He may just have deeper issues that he just lashes out on you, Allah knows best.
If he wants you to wear niqab or something other, he should do it in a better manner, and absolutely respectfully. Respectfully ain't callin' you a ***** or cheap etc.
Hijab shouldn't make you stand out and it should keep you modest, following the Islamic rules. To go clothed completely against what your culture in your country/city is like, will make you stand out. I can't see the reason to do this if you feel uncomfortable with it and your original clothing is laready modest. One shouldn't make Islam or being a Muslim so difficult.
This Reminded Me Of This Hadith :
Sahih Bukhari Volume 1, Book 3, Number 69:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
The Prophet said, "Facilitate things to people (concerning religious matters), and do not make it hard for them and give them good tidings and do not make them run away (from Islam)."
And as for the onewho fears standing in front of His Lord and restrainsthe soul from impure evil desires and lusts, verily, Paradise will be his abode [79:40-41]
^ JazakAllah kheyr for finding the hadith. People seriously forget that these days. Pride and arrogance can be seen by those who call themselves "more religious", maybe unintentionally but even if without intention, it scares those wanting to come closer to Islam off.
“If only I had checked myself”
—
Guy who wrecked himself
True leaders don't create followers...
.... They create new leaders.
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, if he is good to her all her life, shes fine, if he slips up only once, shell become ungrateful and forget all the good he has done to her.just keep that in mind
, that way yoll be pleasing your husband, which is very imporatant and looking even more modest which you were before too, but this is just a different way which makes your husband less paranoid.
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