Why Muslim women can only marry muslim

[Lissa]

Hello everyone
I am non Muslim and I have a question : I know that Muslim women can only marry Muslim man,while muslim man are allowed to marry Christians, and other religions. I did not find it in the Coran, and I would like to understand how it is explained in the Coran. Because to me it sounds very unfair. Someone told me it's because the women will follow the men, which means if he is Christian she will become Christian. but I think this cannot be the answer, it makes no sense to me. I don't know any women who follows the religion of her husband. And if you have a religion in youre heart you will not change it because of someone, even if it is someone you love. I am Married to a Muslim but I will not change my religion because of him, given that I carry my religion deep in my heart. No-one will make me change this. And the women I know in the same situation are like me).

[*charisma*]

Hello everyone
I am non Muslim and I have a question : I know that Muslim women can only marry Muslim man,while muslim man are allowed to marry Christians, and other religions. I did not find it in the Coran, and I would like to understand how it is explained in the Coran. Because to me it sounds very unfair. Someone told me it's because the women will follow the men, which means if he is Christian she will become Christian. but I think this cannot be the answer, it makes no sense to me. I don't know any women who follows the religion of her husband. And if you have a religion in youre heart you will not change it because of someone, even if it is someone you love. I am Married to a Muslim but I will not change my religion because of him, given that I carry my religion deep in my heart. No-one will make me change this. And the women I know in the same situation are like me).

Hi Lissa,

If your daughter is Muslim and practicing, then marriage to any man who is not Muslim is not a valid marriage under Islamic law. Therefore, physically being with a non-muslim man would mean she is committing adultery. Adultery is considered a major sin.

Islam has its laws and practices, and that is what we follow first before our desires. There are plenty of practicing Muslims who we can find to marry that are suitable for us, and overall it is best to marry within the faith to raise our future children under islamic traditions and practices, work together as partners to become better individuals, and overall have a stronger family unit. The man bears the responsibility for his wife and children to bring them up righteously in Islam, provide for them, prevent them from wrongdoing based on Islamic teachings, etc. and this is not possible if the man is not a righteous Muslim himself. Non-muslim men drink, smoke, gamble, may associate partners with God if they believe in God, or may not believe in God all together, will not have protectiveness as a practicing Muslim father should and would over his wife and children in the Islamic way, and may follow practices or have habits that affect the wife's duties and faith in God altogether. Furthermore, nonMuslims cannot have authority over Muslims, and in Islam the husband has authority over the wife, therefore the husband must be Muslim.

Muslim men also are not allowed to marry except chaste Muslim, Jewish, or Christian women. Outside of this, his marriage will also not be valid.


The evidence in the quran is in (5:5) and (2:221) -

https://myislam.org/surah-baqarah/ay...20please%20you.

https://myislam.org/surah-maidah/aya...ed%20to%20them.


Regarding fairness, there is nothing in this world that Allah prevents us from except that it is the best for us. We believe in Allah being the Most just so this is not an unfair situation. Marriage for us is not merely to fall in love because that is not the only purpose in our life. Our purpose in life is to worship Allah, and therefore we need to make choices that will make us closer to Allah in the end not farther away from Him.

I hope this makes you understand better. (:

[Lissa]

Thank you very much for giving me the place where it is written in Quran. You're explanation also is very clear, so thank you for this.

So even if it gives me an answer, Still I don't agree. I will try to answer by not hurting anyone, but still it is important to me to explain why it's hard for people as me to agree with the rules :

I really wonder why man have the authority on his wife, this is something I never understood. I can understand the physical strongness of course, but why from character.... I don't think that it's something build in that the women follows...
When I discuss with Muslim, they told me that it's because women have hormones and change their mood, this is why the lead is giving to men. But we cannot deny that men also have hormones that give them thethe ability to kill, to rape, shout, beat... Etc... So to me it would be more safe to not
give them the leading part.
For the smoking /drinking... Etc, I have to say I have been in Egypt, Jordan, Saudi Arabia and Libanon and ALL the men where smoking there. Literally everywhere. The women no. Same for drinking, I know so oooo many Muslim men who drink (mostly in Europe but it's because alcohol is more accessible here then in Muslim countries). Muslim women, even in Europe don't drink. Even if they have easy and cheap access to alcohol. So it shows that women follow more the religion and also are better to spread the exemple on their children and husband.
And last think : I feel sad because if a non Muslim has children with a Christian, the children (according to Muslim religion) have to be Muslim. Which means that the Christian parent has to respect Islam, but the Muslim parent don't have to respect the Christian religion. Is like we don't count, what we feel and think is not respected.

I am so sorry to be so harsh but it's literally how I feel. Mother's are important, their way of thinking should be respected.

[sister herb]

I really wonder why man have the authority on his wife, this is something I never understood. I can understand the physical strongness of course, but why from character.... I don't think that it's something build in that the women follows...

Peace with you

While you are wondering why in Islam a man is the head of the household, let me remind you that the Bible says the same in many of its verses.

Like:

1 Corinthians 11:3
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

1 Timothy 2:11-15
Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.

So, in the Christian family or in the family, where the husband is a Christian, also the religion teaches that a man leads his wife and children. Do you accept it any better that those rules in Islam even they are quite similar?

Also, we can´t generalize by our own experiencies how all others behave (men or women) or that women wouldn´t be able to kill, beat or sexually harass. It´s may be not only with the hormones but bad habits and character trait and well as lack of following his/hers religion´s teachings.

[Lissa]

I know this. And its the same, it makes no sense.

[*charisma*]

Thank you very much for giving me the place where it is written in Quran. You're explanation also is very clear, so thank you for this.

You're very welcome.

I really wonder why man have the authority on his wife, this is something I never understood. I can understand the physical strongness of course, but why from character.... I don't think that it's something build in that the women follows...
When I discuss with Muslim, they told me that it's because women have hormones and change their mood, this is why the lead is giving to men. But we cannot deny that men also have hormones that give them thethe ability to kill, to rape, shout, beat... Etc... So to me it would be more safe to not
give them the leading part.

You are looking at the exceptions and mixing two different things. You have to realize that islam is for everyone and therefore all of the rules and practices are applied to the general population. And in general, women by nature can never and should never have to bear the responsibilities of men nor have authority over them. We have our own responsibilities and hardships to bear. I would also never marry a man who committed acts that were against Islam, so it begins there. When you want to build a family, you have to consider what type of father your husband will be and how you will raise your children together, so in a healthy and normal marriage, knowing the person you marry has authority over you, you will want to marry someone who is practicing correctly, is kind, strong, financial stable, has good character and morals, and will give you your rights (because women have specific rights in marriage), etc. If he is following his desires and doing as he pleases, breaking rules, does not know his religion, then he does not have a backbone and will not give you your rights and will face a lot of hardship down the line.

The authority comes from Allah: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. (4:34)

So the rule is that men HAVE TO protect their women and HAVE TO provide for them. This is not something which is optional. It is part of your right. In marriage, you should feel 100% safe to have your husband be your authority and for him to take care of you no matter what the circumstance. And as a woman it would be in your nature that when you have a protective and loving husband that you would be submissive towards him and would want to take care of him as well. This would include your children. A man like that also teaches his sons how to treat his sisters and mother. A man like that will also take care of his own mother and treat her well. This is what marriage in islam is supposed to be like, nothing less. This doesn't mean a woman cannot have her own activities or work, but that always she is protected by her husband and he will always do what is best for her as long as it does not go against their religion.

A woman who has an agenda against men is a woman who has faced trauma in her life, and has had bad experiences with men, and has never had a good example of a righteous man in her life, so she settles for what is less and she becomes what she needs by being more masculine, having masculine traits, or taking on the responsibilities her husband is not fulfilling. That to me is not fair, and unfortunately that is the way society is becoming. Women wanting to become more independent, exposing and being excessive in their beauty, want to have babies without men, etc because their experiences are with men are negative.

For the smoking /drinking... Etc, I have to say I have been in Egypt, Jordan, Saudi Arabia and Libanon and ALL the men where smoking there. Literally everywhere. The women no. Same for drinking, I know so oooo many Muslim men who drink (mostly in Europe but it's because alcohol is more accessible here then in Muslim countries). Muslim women, even in Europe don't drink. Even if they have easy and cheap access to alcohol. So it shows that women follow more the religion and also are better to spread the exemple on their children and husband.

A righteous man will not commit such acts and is not fit for marriage, and if he does sin then he will repent sincerely and change his ways. In fact, seeking someone who has righteous character whether woman or man for marriage is the most important characteristic we are supposed to look for when we get married.

Same for women. We are human and make mistakes but the unique thing about Islam is for every sin there is a way to repent for it and seek forgiveness from Allah and we must always strive to perfect our character and move forward. So regardless, a Muslim man who commits sins in the eyes of Allah is different than a nonMuslim who commits sins. A muslim has the ability to repent and seek forgiveness in the way Allah tells us to, and he knows in his conscience that he is going against Allah when he does wrong, but a nonMuslim doesn't feel that his actions are wrong as long as his actions do not hurt someone else, and of course he does not repent for them.

We can always look at what is worse and compare, but we should not do that. We look at what is better and compare. A Muslim man who follows his religion and has good character will ALWAYS be better for a Muslim woman than a nonMuslim man even if he does not drink, smoke, etc. I wouldn't compare a nonMuslim man with a bad Muslim man because neither of them would be fit for marriage to a Muslim woman who wants to marry.

And last think : I feel sad because if a non Muslim has children with a Christian, the children (according to Muslim religion) have to be Muslim. Which means that the Christian parent has to respect Islam, but the Muslim parent don't have to respect the Christian religion. Is like we don't count, what we feel and think is not respected.

I am so sorry to be so harsh but it's literally how I feel. Mother's are important, their way of thinking should be respected.

If the mother is Christian or Jewish that she can practice the way she wants and her religion has to be respected. Respect doesn't mean practicing with her. Islam, christianity and Judaism are all from Allah, so we cannot disrespect your beliefs. However, there are differences in our beliefs and practices, so therefore we can't practice anything which goes against our beliefs. I don't see that as disrespect and it's more important to not disrespect Allah by doing something that will Anger Him than to disrespect his creation. You are also showing a good example of why it will become difficult down the line to marry outside of your faith and raise your children with a different religion. This is why it is so important that you have these things sorted out before you marry someone who is not the same religion as you.

[Lissa]

Hello
Thank you very much for this complete answer. Even if it's hard for me to give in, (and probably never will understand it really) it gives me the point of view of Muslims with many details, and how you act for your best. Thank you for the time you took to answer,I really respect this.