5 ideas for dealing with teenagers

[سيف الله]

Salaam

This should be of interest.

1 Acknowledge their anger

If your teenager is flooded with emotion, acknowledge their rage by saying, ‘I can see you’re angry’ and step away for 10 minutes. Try to put yourself in their shoes. Can you remember how strong your own anger was at that age? It’s too easy to dismiss their reasons for rage as being teenage and silly. If you want to find out what’s wrong rather than just get them to shut up, you’re going to have to sit down and really listen to what they’re saying. It may seem to be about who’s hogging the telly but it might actually be about not having seen his dad for months. And don’t try and use humour. I remember my parents doing that and I felt humiliated and dismissed, and it just meant that the anger built up even more for next time.

2 Stay connected

I have had some wonderful bonding times with both daughters when we have gone somewhere alone together. Just being together in the car for a while means that the conversation flows naturally and we really catch up in a way that we might not have had time to do. I like to take them on special trips to celebrate achievements. I also think that volunteering information about your own adolescence helps them to understand how growing up has always been difficult as well as their particular inheritance of family madnesses.

3 You don’t have to be liked

Many parents are desperate to be popular with their kids, and this confuses things. You have to decide what you are really going to set up your stall about. For me it’s alcohol and drugs, and that means I will bite my tongue when it comes to what clothes they wear or tidiness. I think it’s interesting that when you really put your foot down about not staying over somewhere or going to that all-night party, they quite often don’t kick up as much of a fuss as you would think. Part of them is really relieved that they don’t have to go and they can blame you and slag you off to their friends.

4 Negotiate trade-offs

Reins have to be loosened, but letting go is a process of negotiation. Trade-offs allow you to let go gradually and give your child increased independence. For instance, while you are happy for them to see friends at the weekend, you don’t want them to socialise too much on school nights. Parents who try and keep their teenagers as dependent as they were when they were small children will come into conflict with their offspring.

5 Break the ice with a text

‘I think we need to have a talk’ will most likely be met with a grunt, and the quick presentation of butt cheek as they drag their underpant-exposing, jean-clad backside out of the room (at least in the case of a 15-year-old boy that I know very well). Nowadays kids do most of their most intimate communicating by text or on social networking sites. I recently had a situation where there was something monumental to be communicated – by my son to me – and he wanted to do it by text from the next room. I let him start out that way then I went in and sat next to him, hugged him and he talked.

http://www.psychologies.co.uk/family...ith-teenagers/

[Mujahideen92]

As a teenager myself (18), I would like to give parents some tips as well. Sometimes I feel that my parents dont listen to what im saying, or care what I think. I find this frustrating, its important to let your teen know that you truly care about their opinion on issues, and listen to them

[Karl]

I find this really offensive, how would people like it if someone wrote "Five ways of dealing with Arabs"?
This teenager stuff is just western kafir bigot rubbish, the concept of teenager is a modern American mentality from the rock and roll era. When I was a teenager I would not tolerate those offensive put downs. Teenagers are adults and should be treated as such, not treated like three year olds. Some are working, married and have children of their own.

[alhamdulilaah]

wa alaikum as salam,

interesting article.

[Riana17]

Salam Alaikkum

I never really had to chance to have a mother-daughter or father-daughter thing, all of the above are important but it didnt really affect me much today because I believe in Quran. Now I am closer to my mother and never get upset from her ever. I realized why mom has to be loved 3x more than the father. If I have this mentality before, I would be the one who will reach for them, I would be the one listening and all, time past and I am far from them, but my mom is always in my prayer, inshallah she will die real Muslim. Amen

I used to work since 8yrs old, life wasnt easy at all. For parents who can provide well, it is good to teach the children to have responsibilities at early age (of course not as 8yrs old), I mean, they can enroll in bookshop or library, not for money, I mean to build a sense of responsibility or engage in more sadaqah or dawah activities.

It is really big thing when you were exercised younger, responsibilities does not come free. This is based on my personal experience, I've seen many cases, easy come, easy go.

Salam

[Yanal]

Masha'Allaah great ideas,you've really hit the spot with those ideas,jazakAllah khayr for sharing brother.I would say number 1 would be the most important being a teenager myself that is...

[noorseeker]

We ve all been there us older ones. We think we know it all at 18

when we get older we realise how wrong we were.

[esperanza]

thank you for this threaD BORTHER...\really useful