Advice on what to do about 'unruly' younger brother

[abbas_ali]

Salaam all.

I'm looking for a bit of advice about my little brother who is 17 years old. Over the past 12-18months his behaviour has changed considerably. He has always been the cheeky and stubborn one of the family but he has become detached from the rest of the family and seems to be indifferent to us at the best of times and dislikes us at the worst.

I remember in about February 2008 he was going out more often and this time coming home very late (I’m talking between 12-3am) and wasn't listening to my mum and respecting her. At the time I had my dissertation to do and final year exams so I was very busy at this time and wasn't even home most of the time to deal with it. After my exams were over I intended to speak to him about it but he did improve a bit and I guess I chickened out and didn't say anything to him (apart from the odd lecture).

Also, my mum doesn't keep well and my youngest brother is disabled so we need to help look after my youngest brother and help my mother around the home. This is the major problem, he doesn't do nearly enough to help. Last summer I asked him to do something and had to ask him about 5 times before I got really angry and hit him with probably too much force and this had a damaging effect on our relationship - he didn't really speak to me for about 3 months apart from saying Salaam and this hurt terribly.

Anyway things have continued since then like this with him being ok on some days but other days spending most of the day on the PC or PS3 as if he doesn't want to be a part of the family. He is still not doing enough work in the house to help my mum or look after our little brother, plus being indignant towards my mother. My mum is constantly asking him to read Quran and namaz but he doesn't and won't listen to her. I have now found cigarettes in his jacket and I am really worried. No-one smokes in our house so it is a big deal. I know the shaitan starts you off in small things and gradually pushes up your limit, after you've done one thing then the next one doesn't seem so bad (ASTUGFIRALLAH.) so I am very concerned now. My mum also found my passport hidden in his room, I presume he must have used this to purchase his cigarettes.

The other day my mum said to him either start helping out in the house and showing some respect or go and find out your own place to stay and today I have found out he has applied for student accommodation for when he stars uni. I'm pretty despondent now, inshallah I can still save him but it really scares me that we might lose him to some sort of haram lifestyle.

Sorry I know the story is a bit of a crazy mesh but I just had to get it out there. I have to speak to him now and try and clear it but I’m not sure on what to do or say. I need to try to make him understand mothers say these things but she doesn't actually want him to move out, he has to help around the home more and look after our brother, obviously show respect and confront the cigarettes issues.

Any advice would be much appreciated (jazakallah khair)

[Bub]

Pray to Allah for a help, InshaAllah ur brother will come around. Ur a good brother =]

[gladTidings]

Salaam bro...

I think at this point in time you need to do whatever is in your power to stop him from leaving. If he leaves now, it might be difficult for him to come back. Approach him gently and ask your mum with him. I understand it is probably difficult for you to see him disrespect your parents and have a careless attitude towards his after life, but hes blind so he cant see the wrong hes doing. You will have to stand by him with patience and be his friend before he will listen to you.

[GreyKode]

Bro, you gotta do everything in your power to erect his behaviour, he doesn't understand what he's doing. You gotta stop the smoking thing before its too late.
May ALLAH protect our youth. Ameen.