cannot STAND the guy... pure HATRED..

[anonymous]

Ok, so there is this guy at 6th form college who I absolutely HATE. I JUST CANNOT STAND THE GUY. I DONT THINK I HAVE EVER HATED ANYONE SO BAD IN MY LIFE. Well theres three of them, but it all started off with one. I guess it was me who started it all, but here goes.

This guy dresses in such a way that when he used to go past, me and my m8 just could not help but laugh. Now I didnt make it as obvious as my mate. She would just laugh in his face.

Anyways, this went on for a while with us laughing at him whenever we saw him. I know, I know, you all thinking is this girl 17 or at nursery. So anyways, he would hang on with these two guys. So one day he decides to confront us. Well confront ME. Even though my mate was with me. He confronted me by SWEARING at me, and since that day, all hell has broken loose. I dont know why he confronted only me since we was both in it but I CANNOT STAND THE GUY. No one gets away with swearing at me, so since then, all thats happened is making digs at each other whenever we saw each other. I was ready to punch him once. Minger. Anyways, now the problem went from him to his mates, who also decided to act all high and mighty, so so much crap has happened.

Anyways, I wont go into detail because this has been going on for ages now, but anyways, two of these guys (i wont swear) now work in my local supermarket, which I have to go to on a regular basis. Now, I hardly go there anymore because of them, but I went a while ago with my mum, and one of the guys walked past and said something horrible aimed at me. But I could not respond because I was with my mum. I was all worked up, but because I never saw the guy again at col after that I forgot all about it. Anyways, so today I was in town with my mum again, and I saw the three guys again. And one of them said something aimed at me AGAIN. and again, i couldnt respond. Because I was with my mum.

What I have noticed is, they only say something when i am in a positon when I cant say anything back. When I am on my own or with mates, they blank me and I blank them. Its ok for my mate, she isnt from where I am from. She lives in another city. So right now I am fired up I want to tell someone like my bro, to just BEAT THE HELL OUT OF THEM. How dare they? But the thing is, I started it all. Should I tell someone? I am not scared of these lads or anything, nr do i feel threatended by them in any way, point is- they swear at me. which is taking the biscuit. So Ive sweared bak and done loads back, but point is... im a girl.!

So should I, or shouldnt I or what should I do?

I know it sounds totally immature, but seriously, i need advice. So mods, please aprrove the thread.

[Woodrow]

First and most importantly accept full responsibility for your actions that started this. It was not a case of him hating you, it was a case of him retaliating to what he saw as an attack upon himself.

Second, why are you even interacting in a frivolous manner with a member of the opposite gender. If you had behaved as a woman, things never would have escalated to this point.

Third at this stage probably the best option is to totally ignore him and avoid looking directly at him, try to avoid any thoughts about him, do not acknowledge his presence with words or actions.

Fourth, learn that prevention is many times easier than a cure.

[anonymous]

agree with woodrow. though you siad you wasn't as obvious as your mates, it was your group who initiated it all, and again as woodrow pointed out, he was simply retaliating. you should've told your mates to just quit it, i mean, laughing in someone's face just 'cause the way they dress, i'm sorry but that is mad rude - which doesn't exactly make you guys the victims in this case, does it? as to what you can do, avoid any more 'giggly' stuff in the near future, and as for him, sign a peace treaty with him. sorry i wasn't of much help, but you should've saw this coming a mile off. anwyays, i hope it gets sorted out soon inshaAllah.

[Abdul Fattah]

I agree with the advice that was already given here. Since you were on the team that started it, it makes sense to apologize. Maybe if you find that to difficult, write a letter or something. If he then continues to flame tell him he's out of line and just be the bigger person and ignore it, tune it out.

Secondly, getting someone to beat them up is a very bad thing
1. it's uncalled for and not the right aproach
2. you're making other people do sinful things because of you.

Thirdly, just because you're a girl doesn't mean he should swear less at you then you should swear at him. Try not to think about what other people do wrong, they'll have to worry about that for themselves and be called to explain for it in the hereafter. Instead try to focus only on the things you do wrong, and correct them.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

I agree with Woodrow, u shouldnt have said anything in the first place and he is only responding to what you and ur friend did. It might have been better if you had told your friend to quit it, right then and there and stopped yourself as well. Bro Woodrow and the rest basically, I think, summed it up. You should probably apologize to him. You wont go lower just by apologizing. But it will end the quarrel, which is what you want I'm sure. If he doesn't take it, its ok, you know you apologized InshaAllah

[*Hana*]

Yup, absolutely agree with everyone here. Girl or not....you started it and it's up to you to finish it. Whether you laughed in his face or looking away doesn't make you any less "guilty". Think how you made this person feel. What you did was wrong and you need to take responsibility for your own actions. You should go up to him, talk and apologize.

Just because you're a girl doesn't give you the right to be rude and not have someone call you on it. It was all funny until he retaliated and now it's not so funny to you anymore. But, I'll bet he and his friends find it amusing...just as you did when the tables were turned.

Why exactly do you hate him? Because he didn't let you get away with behaving badly due to you being female? Does being female make this acceptable and he doesn't know the rules?? Not sure why you are hating him at all.

Sorry, my young sister, but no sympathy from this end. Ya always have to be thinking of the consequences...now you're facing them. Step up, sis.

Wa'alaikum salam,
Hana

[glo]

Greetings, anon

I agree with the advice the previous posters have given.

Why exactly do you hate him? Because he didn't let you get away with behaving badly due to you being female? Does being female make this acceptable and he doesn't know the rules?? Not sure why you are hating him at all.

Anon, ask yourself, whether your negative feelings against this guy are caused by your conscience pricking you - do you deep down know that you have wronged this guy and feel guilty about it? Are you blaming him, because that's easier than admitting your own mistakes?

I suggest you apologise to this young man - you might be surprised at how that might change both of you ...

Be courageous, little sister!
Search your own heart, and do what's right.

[syilla]

control your emotion sis...

don't make yourself hate someone too much

there are cases you fall in love with someone you hate and end up marrying the guy

[Snowflake]

I agree with 100% Br. Woodrow & Jazzy & Glo's suggestion to make an apology.

The worst thing is that instead of learning from your mistake, you are still talking about getting your bro to beat them up? I can't even begin to understand this.

Please read, and read again, Bro Woodrow's post.

[Sahabiyaat]

salam

you started it and he retaliated and as my arab teachers of the past would say whilst doing that very familiar hand gesture of wiping the hands togther, KHALAS! lol.but hes taking the revenge a bit too far, shows u cut him deep lady.

But seems he hates you as much as you hate him,(hell hath no fury like a male ego scorned)

the fact that he chose you to confront rather than your friend who was much more blatant as you say, may be due to the fact that he may be too intimidated by her behaviour and you being the safer option, chose you instead.
another lesson; dont follow your friends like a sheep.think before you act, shes all nice and safe and your in the firing line now.

hes making you pay for making him feel like crap and i dont think he will be stopping anytime soon. you can either hack and ignore him and avoid him as much as possible and dont let it get to you.
Ask Allah for forgiveness ofcourse, maybe then he will stop with the mercy of Allah, or just get him on his own and show him y u bin watching all those jet li movies....if you have cough....

Anywayyyyyyyyy. there you have it lovey

[IbnAbdulHakim]

yep apologise



its not really about a scorned ego, its just freakin annoyin when girls giggle and laugh

poor dude musta been ticked off


Assalamu Alaikum

[Ahmed.]

First and most importantly accept full responsibility for your actions that started this. It was not a case of him hating you, it was a case of him retaliating to what he saw as an attack upon himself.

Second, why are you even interacting in a frivolous manner with a member of the opposite gender. If you had behaved as a woman, things never would have escalated to this point.

Third at this stage probably the best option is to totally ignore him and avoid looking directly at him, try to avoid any thoughts about him, do not acknowledge his presence with words or actions.

Fourth, learn that prevention is many times easier than a cure.

MashAllah excellent advice

[Snowflake]

Reminder:

(O ye who believe! Let not a folk deride a folk who may be better than they (are), nor let women (deride) women who may be better than they are; neither defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. Bad is the name of lewdness after faith. And whoso turneth not in repentance, such are evil doers.) (Al-Hujurat 49:11)

[Sahabiyaat]

its not really about a scorned ego, its just freakin annoyin when girls giggle and laugh

yes indeed its annoying even to girls when other girls giggle and laugh! and their theory is that they look attractive doing so...lord..little do they know of your opinion brother, you should express it more openly!

apology is easier said then done, but it will certainly increase your position in the eyes of Allah.no harm in trying....(except that his ego may heal, and increase to the size of 122 football pitches, but that doesnt concern you, you must learn to rise above!!)

[Ahmed.]

Ok, so there is this guy at 6th form college who I absolutely HATE. I JUST CANNOT STAND THE GUY. I DONT THINK I HAVE EVER HATED ANYONE SO BAD IN MY LIFE. Well theres three of them, but it all started off with one. I guess it was me who started it all, but here goes.

This guy dresses in such a way that when he used to go past, me and my m8 just could not help but laugh. Now I didnt make it as obvious as my mate. She would just laugh in his face.

Anyways, this went on for a while with us laughing at him whenever we saw him. I know, I know, you all thinking is this girl 17 or at nursery. So anyways, he would hang on with these two guys. So one day he decides to confront us. Well confront ME. Even though my mate was with me. He confronted me by SWEARING at me, and since that day, all hell has broken loose. I dont know why he confronted only me since we was both in it but I CANNOT STAND THE GUY. No one gets away with swearing at me, so since then, all thats happened is making digs at each other whenever we saw each other. I was ready to punch him once. Minger. Anyways, now the problem went from him to his mates, who also decided to act all high and mighty, so so much crap has happened.

Anyways, I wont go into detail because this has been going on for ages now, but anyways, two of these guys (i wont swear) now work in my local supermarket, which I have to go to on a regular basis. Now, I hardly go there anymore because of them, but I went a while ago with my mum, and one of the guys walked past and said something horrible aimed at me. But I could not respond because I was with my mum. I was all worked up, but because I never saw the guy again at uni after that I forgot all about it. Anyways, so today I was in town with my mum again, and I saw the three guys again. And one of them said something aimed at me AGAIN. and again, i couldnt respond. Because I was with my mum.

What I have noticed is, they only say something when i am in a positon when I cant say anything back. When I am on my own or with mates, they blank me and I blank them. Its ok for my mate, she isnt from where I am from. She lives in another city. So right now I am fired up I want to tell someone like my bro, to just BEAT THE HELL OUT OF THEM. How dare they? But the thing is, I started it all. Should I tell someone? I am not scared of these lads or anything, nr do i feel threatended by them in any way, point is- they swear at me. which is taking the biscuit. So Ive sweared bak and done loads back, but point is... im a girl.!

So should I, or shouldnt I or what should I do?

I know it sounds totally immature, but seriously, i need advice. So mods, please aprrove the thread.

Salaam sis,

It's a good thnig that you acknowledge that it started from you, so I think the best thing may be for you to approach them boys one day and just apologise to them and that should put a stop to all this this immature behaviour.

They probably think that your a nasty and spitefull girl who likes to make fun out of people and be rude to them, so if you apologise they will see that you have changed and thus, as boys, they would feel embarrassed to pick on a girl anymore ...

Salaam

[------]

So what if ur a girl?

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Woodrow,

First and most importantly accept full responsibility for your actions that started this. It was not a case of him hating you, it was a case of him retaliating to what he saw as an attack upon himself.

Second, why are you even interacting in a frivolous manner with a member of the opposite gender. If you had behaved as a woman, things never would have escalated to this point.

Third at this stage probably the best option is to totally ignore him and avoid looking directly at him, try to avoid any thoughts about him, do not acknowledge his presence with words or actions.

Fourth, learn that prevention is many times easier than a cure.

Very Good Advice as ever Mr. Newly Wed row,
Anyway please can I digress slightly, because I am on the verge of getting confused. We seem to have two individuals posting as anonymous on this thread and I have trouble separating who is who.

Please could the forum rules be changed that if someone wants to remain anonymous that they take on the name of a flower, or bird or something else.
It becomes more complicated for me when ‘anonymous’ appears in different threads.

God bless and thanks for all your good work here.

Eric

[Snowflake]

^Good idea Eric!

[anonymous]

ASSALAAM-U-ALAIKUM!

Im the original poster. Thank you everyone for your advice, verymuch appreciated though I must say, some of it I just dont agree with. Like APOLOGISING to him. YEAH RIGHT. I dont think so somehow.

Point is, I started it but I also ended it by ot even acknowledging that he exists anymore. It took me four years to notice this guy, hes hardly gods gift to women, not like I even would give him a second glance.

But yesteradyI was so fired up.Fact is, his mate said something once. I ignored it. A second incident happened. I ignored it. AND YESTERDAY WAS JUST THE LAST STRAW. I had planned to go down tohsi work place and sort him out, or confront him about it, but didnt happen, purely because, I have better things to worry about.

Can I just clarify:

no1- I am not getting picked on by these guys. They have just taken oppurtunities (those I told you about) to make digs, knowing that I cant respond, not because i wont respond

no2- Sis syllia- LOL dont know whether to laugh at your response or just puke up. MARRY THE GUY????

no3- HE came to me swearing and cursing. Id never once sworn attheguy, until AFTER of course, when he'd just blank me and walk away.

I know I was to blame. Hence why I left it. But if theyw ant to start it all up again, BRING.IT.ON.

[anonymous]

Come on guys. This guy wears SKINNY jeans. And co-ordinates like a girl. And hes apparently a MODEL. Which I found out like 8 months later. And I am sure hes gay. Lol.