There have been occasions which has made me think is there something going on with the husband and my sister, as much as it sounds sick but that is what going through my head.
There are times I have seen them together talking, as soon I walk in, its become hush.
I have heard him say, if you're not eating, I ain't eating, you have to etc.
I have seen them smiling at each other, and signalling but as soon as someone else notices, they change.
I have seen them in each others room, and as soon as I come up, they part and bring general convo up.
I do not know if this is in my head or its the truth. This is holding me back at lot, how do I find the truth out.. how can I get rid of these thoughts..
Sis i hate to say it but there might be a possibility of you being right about this.
Well you'll have to find some sort of way of catching him red handed or atleast talk to your sister about how you feel? maybe she'll confess if something is going on?
best of luck with ur problem sis Inshallah ill do Dua for you
Perhaps you can approach the situation without having to mention your suspicions. Regardless of whether anything is going on between the two parties, it is wrong for non-mahrams to be interacting in such a way. Therefore you can speak to both of them or whoever it is easy to do so, and explain that this is not right and needs to be stopped. Maybe in this way the matter can be resolved, and Insha'Allaah make du'aa to Allaah (swt) to help you and and guide your relatives to proper conduct.
For more information about impermissible interaction between non-mahrams, you can see the following:
There have been occasions which has made me think is there something going on with the husband and my sister, as much as it sounds sick but that is what going through my head.
There are times I have seen them together talking, as soon I walk in, its become hush.
I have heard him say, if you're not eating, I ain't eating, you have to etc.
I have seen them smiling at each other, and signalling but as soon as someone else notices, they change.
I have seen them in each others room, and as soon as I come up, they part and bring general convo up.
I do not know if this is in my head or its the truth. This is holding me back at lot, how do I find the truth out.. how can I get rid of these thoughts..
Oh gosh that is a really tricky one!!!
but i mean would your sister really??????
look sister at the end of the day she is your own blood and you have been brought up with her so you would know her more than any of us could even imagine, your husband left aside thats someone you married who is not that close of a blood relation to you and plus with men im so sorry brother's no offence but you cannot put anything past them.
but your own sister i mean thats just something else.
i read what the 2 other responses you got from nebula and mohammad but im sorry to say when i rad your thread i automatically thought as in 1st impression that it is more likely that you are getting the wrong end of the stick. i understand about that whole non mahram thing but i see my brother in laws as my brothers and treat them like one and yes we joke and laugh and have a giggle, but if i ever had any thoughts like that ever even cross mymind let alone my intentions then i pray to Allah to burn me in the hellfire for eternity.
so that could be the case sis, but as i said you know your sister do you think she is capable or the type of person that might do something like that?
by you constantly tryig to catch them red handed is only oing to make you a paranoid freak and harm urself even more, and sster suspicion and spying on people in islam is a sin, it will make you a jealous and bitter person and change your behaviour towards you sister and your husband for the worst. The saddest thing might be that they might clock on to your suspicious behaviour and just ruin all ties with family and think that you have lost the plot. and it would be even worse if there is nothing genuinely going on,
Now by you talking to them, it will make you look like an insecure jealous sister and for all you know it may be you that the shaytaan is whispering these things to and even if your suspicions were right, they will never admit it or ever confess to you.
dear sister susipicion is the worst thing it is like a bunches of leeches inside that are eating you up inside you and it is not healthy for you yourself, the best thing you need to do is have enough faith in Allah swt andleae this matter to Him,
Pray and make loads of dua to Him and ask Him to help you... look the truth always comes out no matter what it is inevitable! no matter how much one might like it or notbut it always does! so have patience and ask Allah swt to guide you to the truth and i pray that Insha'Allah it is not what you are suspecting.
I don't want to believe it, I am close to my sister but then I think could he be preasurising her.
At times I think there is no way she could do such a thing, but when I see these things, what else am I to think?
It's doing my head it, and yeh it is ruining things as I have that suspicion in me at all times and when I see them together in a room, it comes into my head. Allah swt please help me.. I need to know once and for all so I can just deal with things, which ever way the outcome is.
Masha'Allaah, that is excellent advice regarding avoiding suspicion and protecting oneself from the whisperings of shaytaan. Indeed, shaytaan will never cease from attempting in every way to sow discord between a Muslim and his/her brothers and sisters. Sometimes a person can spend so long thinking about possibilities due to being obsessed with doubts and evil whisperings, that they convince themselves of something without real evidence. They need someone or something to bring them back to reality and refresh their mind and strengthen their shield of Taqwaa again.
i read what the 2 other responses you got from nebula and mohammad but im sorry to say when i rad your thread i automatically thought as in 1st impression that it is more likely that you are getting the wrong end of the stick. i understand about that whole non mahram thing but i see my brother in laws as my brothers and treat them like one and yes we joke and laugh and have a giggle, but if i ever had any thoughts like that ever even cross mymind let alone my intentions then i pray to Allah to burn me in the hellfire for eternity.
I think it is still an important point about preserving the barriers that Allaah (swt) has laid down to stop all roads to evil, regardless of how unlikely it is for something to occur. Remember the hadeeth where the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said: “No man is alone with a (non-mahram) woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present.” [Narrated by Ahmad (178) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa' al-Ghaleel (1813)].
Now I am not suggesting that the sister should hold any suspicion, but it seems to me that being in each other's room and other such things is going too far and from a duty of giving sincere advice as well as commanding the good and forbidding the evil, advice needs to be given regarding appropriate conduct. So forgetting suspicion and bad assumptions, from an Islamic point of view, something still needs to change. And Allaah (swt) knows best and we ask Him to forgive us if we make errors.
I think it is still an important point about preserving the barriers that Allaah (swt) has laid down to stop all roads to evil, regardless of how unlikely it is for something to occur. Remember the hadeeth where the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said: “No man is alone with a (non-mahram) woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present.” [Narrated by Ahmad (178) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa' al-Ghaleel (1813)].
I agree with brother mohammad here cos no matter how close i am to my borther in laws and eventhough i see them as my brother i would never put myself in a sitaution when where i am in a room alone with them, not cos of me thinking that something will happen or have bad intentions, but at the end of the day for your sister who i am assuming is still single she needs to be very careful with her conducts and behave in a decent and islamic way.
Dear sister do you leave with you sister or is it only when you go home to your parents?
Your looking way into it imo, don't be suspicious unless something really "dodgy" has occurred. I have cousins who all talk/laugh with eachothers husbands so mabe you are just looking too much into it. As you said, its not something you would expect her to do, so don't be worried.
You don't deserve that confront both of them.
Seriously. NO one deserves that.
But you have to wait until you're ULTRA sure that's what's going down. Maybe they good friends or whatever?
But talk to your sister cus she can't talk to guys THAT much.
Last edited by aminahjaan; 07-04-2008 at 08:41 AM.
how can I be so sure, one min i think never because me and my sister are close which makes me think is he forcing it? and she doesnt know how to tell me?
I cant just ask them, it will only make things worse
I would just wait a little longer until you actually do something, because if you make the wrong move you could ruin your marriage and your relationship with your sister. So I would leave it alone for know, and just wait till you get some more information. And maybe when you're with your sister, try and get a little info out of her without blowing your cover. But I feel for you and InshaAllah it will get sorted out.
Allahumma Rahmataka arju fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata 'ainin, wa aslih li sha'ni kullahu, la ilaha illa Anta.
Oh Allah, i hope for your mercy. Do not tire me of me even for a moment. place all my affair in order. there is no God but you.(Abu dawud 4/324)
ask Allah(azza wajjal)
"Each riyal, dirham …etc. used to buy their goods eventually becomes bullets to be fired at the hearts of brothers and children in Palestine.. To buy their goods is to support tyranny, oppression and aggression." -Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi
usually, a woman's intuition about such matters is right but not always, so you have to be careful. Suspicions usually arise when all is not well. However, the things you've mentioned do seem suspicious. Them going quiet when you walk in on them could be put to your imagination or paranoia, but their being in each others rooms? That you can't imagine and there is no need for them to be in each other personal space. For what reason are they in each others rooms?
Again you heard your hubby say that if your sister won't eat then neither will he? Well, that is a very intimate remark usually spoken for someone you care about a great deal. Normally, in a polite way you ask someone to join in for a meal. You don't threaten to stay hungry if they don't eat. That is rediculous.
You have to look for other clues as they will be there. Is your husband as loving with you as he was before? *hint hint* Is he helpful and attentive in general? Does his interest in you seem to be waning? Does he enjoy your company? Does he keep bringing up your sister in your convos? e.g. she said this, or she said that blah blah...? Does he make extra effort with his appearence when he knows she'll be around? Do they both have mobiles? Does he take his mobile everywhere.. even to the bathroom etc? Does your sister always come when he is at home? Sometimes all these signs are indicative of a full-blown affair. If all don't apply to him, it might be that there is nothing going on, but there is a risk of something happening as they are spending time in a prohibited way.
Also, I know Islam prohibits spying, but in what context is that said? Surely it means not to spy/eavesdrop on people in general with the intention of finding out something distasteful about them. I don't agree that it means turning a blind eye to something going on right under your nose. Take for instance, a woman who suspects her husband of going to prostitutes. Should she ignore and make 70 excuses until she is informed that she has contracted HIV? Or should she check out her suspicions and in the event of her being right, get rid of him for being a dirty cheating excuse of a man? I think the answer is clear.
Don't turn a blind eye to it. First as Br. Muhammed suggested, remind them of their duty as muslims. Secondly, keep your eyes open but don't say anything until you have some sort of solid evidence. Try to blank your mind as if you haven't got any suspicions as yet and try to see things from a different perspective. If your suspicions keep returning or things keep happening that make you suspicious and uncomfortable, then don't ignore and wait until you know for sure before making a confrontation.
I think that your suspicions are prob right because all the things you have said are quite intimate things.My sis gets on really well with my husband but they have a mutual respect for each other and myself and their relationship is like a brother and sister but what you have said does border on very personal things. Your sis is not considering your feelings if she did then she would be aware that you are upset about something and you should deffo tell your sis to stay out of your bedroom as that is your private place for your husband and you. If you are not in your bedrom then there is no need for her to be there. Their conversations should not need to be private therefore could take place in full view of everybody else.if she is a good sister then she will understand that you are not comfortable with the situation. Either way this needs to be sorted otherwise you will drive yourself to insanity. Is there another sis you can speak to?
Islamically this is the reason why brother in laws are considered as gehr mehram and maybe in situations such as this should be treated as such.
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