Problems...advice

[sister_islam]

Salam

I need help in to build my confidence up. i have been let down to many times in the past which im trying to forget. i cant deal with many problems as it kinda of hurts my heart- do you understand what i mean? There isnt anyone i can talk to. I feel let down all the time. I hide how i real feel about situations in life. People to ask me but i dont want to feel a burden on them. i dont want anyone to worry. i cant open up to people as i have a fear of dishonesty and not trustworthy. I cant speak to any one more than 5 people in a group...i dont know why but i just can. its like a fear which is stuck to me. there is no confidence in me...not any more. i get emotional really quickly than before...

Is there anything i can do to get strong? is there anything im doing wrong? please help/advise me please, i am losing the will

[noorseeker]

im an extremely shy person , if yoy search for my previous threads, im sure its on there., i cant speak in front of no more than two people.

[IbnAbdulHakim]

wa alaikum ussalaam wa rahmatullaah

ts good to be shy but inshaAllaah you should be confident. Confidence can be built up by knowing and understanding that NO ONE is greater UNLESS they have better taqwa and emaan. Do you feel intimidated by people? because theres no reason to be ! they're just people like you and me so speak to them.

if your worried about making mistakes in front of others then to make mistakes is human, try not to worry too much about that, i make mistakes in front of people AAAALLL the time and people still dont speak bad about me Alhamdulillah. Its just a matter of doing what YOU believe to be right! and lamenting what you accidentally done wrong.


may Allaah guide us


just say to yourself "ITS ONLY DUNYA, AND THESE ARE ONLY INSAAN, ALLAAH IS THE GREATEST AND ITS FOR HIM I LIVE AND BREATHE" inshaAllaah understanding that will give you confidence, fear nothing..... theres no need to

[------]

i have been let down to many times in the past which im trying to forget. i cant deal with many problems as it kinda of hurts my heart- do you understand what i mean?

I know exactly what you mean. But sis, if you don't speak up, then people will keep breaking your heart like this.

You have to tell yourself "Enough! People can't mess me around no more, who do they think they are?! I'm gonna stand up for myself and my rights, and not let anyone mess me about anymore."

Get me?

[sister_islam]

Salam

Thank you for all you advise. It means a lot to me, knowing i have sisiters and brothers out there willing to help me.

"Enough! People can't mess me around no more, who do they think they are?! I'm gonna stand up for myself and my rights, and not let anyone mess me about anymore."

Get me?

I know exactly how you mean but i cant. I try stand up for myself but my heart is too soft. i would feel guilty. I'm always thinking about other people first and not myself. I cant. I think is like a habit now. It is in me...a part of me. (hope you understand what i mean).

IbnAbdulHakim, yes sometimes i feel i am intimated by people. Yes i feel worried about what people would say about. Like i said, my heart is too soft now and i get too emotional. I dont why i feel like this but i do.

[noorseeker]

im slowly trying to be confident, but not in the way as to raise your voice and that, you should try and be confident in your self first , as the brother said just remember allah swt.

I feel let down because i always feel i have to the right thing for people, go that extra yard, but when i want help no one wants to help me.

But remember you should do things for the sake of allah, and expect reward from him only.

Im always looking at confident people and wishing i was one of them, confident people wont undersrand how it feels like to be shy, you cant just tell us people dont be shy, it dont work like that,. your brain dont let you be confident, your always planning in advance as to what to say.


With shyness you get a soft heart , i agree with you , you try and put people first, and feel guilty when you need some help , im personally scared when i have moments of confidence that soft heart goes away a little bit. First of all i aint saying im a really good person, but i believe with shyness allah swt just gives you a head start on develping an islamic personality, some people have to work on being nice while with others it is second nature..

And sister the feelings of helping are so so good, it fills your heart with joy,, keep smiling sister, take it a day at a time, or a situation at a time

so the main advice to you and me is to fear allah swt, what can people do to us , and always talk to people if you have no one you have us on this forum to help you.
When i wear my topi , because its the time im more aware i am practising, to me and others ,im scared of no body, i know im a muslim , its boosts my confidence,

[sister_islam]

"you should try and be confident in your self first , as the brother said just remember allah swt."

"But remember you should do things for the sake of allah, and expect reward from him only."

"Im always looking at confident people and wishing i was one of them, confident people wont undersrand how it feels like to be shy, you cant just tell us people dont be shy, it dont work like that,. your brain dont let you be confident, your always planning in advance as to what to say."

i completely understand. Yes, i do the same think and look at the confience people and always wish that i was them. But like you said, always do things sake of Allah and your right. After all, this life was given by Allah SWT.

[noorseeker]

i wont lie some times being so shy brings tears to my eyes , it hurts sometimes, wishing you were normal. but our prophet saw was really shy, and hey it stops your tongue from sinning

[sister_islam]

Mashallah

Yes sometimes it does and sometimes it brings anger to me. I know i shouldnt but its hard when everyone is enjoying and not worrying about anything but me, worry about everyone and how they feel about me and sometimes i keep my feelings to myself but now that you pointed out about our Rashool and his hardships in his life

[noorseeker]

you wana join in ,you wana laugh , but you cant, you are scared of putting a foot wrong in speech and in action, scared of people saying bad things about you.. Sister no matter who you are you wil get back bited , and im trying to get that in my head, always worrying if someone is saying bad things about you.


You start to question your self im i being nice to people because i dont want them to say bad things about me or is it becuase i do it from the goodness from my heart.

Sister dont worry about these things , i know i do it because i care , these are issues on my mind even today, and it hard being a 26 year old and still being shy, even girls nowadays are more confident than me,


I was the quiet kid in school never talking to any one , i was the kid at playtime hiding in the shadows of the play ground, waiting for that bell to ring. Im on night shift now with a few people and begining to build my confidence, but when i am on days i am so qiuet , i can talk to a few people, but my voice is so quiet, i still blush, everyone feels sorry for me, i dont like working too close with people , because i feel bad for them because if you chill with me your day will drag because i dont chat at all.


Time for some real and true words, please do not get offended, i will say this to my self first, there seem to be a pattern to my post , yes ME,ME ,ME, ME, I, I, I

being shy you are also being selfish, worrying about your self all the time,

YOu know what sister , i dont care any more, who cares what people are saying , i make mistakes i aint a machine, if people wana say bad stuff , let them go ahead, as long as i dont do the same,, the thing is people arent saying im a bad person, in fact i warm to peoples hearts straightaway,

I am not shy what so ever when it comes to helping people , if no one else wants to help others im the first to help. dont care who is watching me, help others where ever you may be.

Im so scared when people are looking at me, its the one thing i hate , but inshallah i am getting over that , slowly , but for example if i am on a bus and women jumps on, i would happily give her my seat, even though everyone on the bus would see me.i wouldnt get shy then

Forgive me if i have said any thing wrong, you know what i dont wana give up my shyness, it a part of me , i just want a bit more confidence,, thats all.
as i said when i have my periods of confidence i can literally feel my heart hardening, the sincerity disappears,

Im not saying confident people are bad or its wrong to be confident , we need confident people in society or nothing will ever ger done

Confident people need to step inside our shoes for one day , then they will understand


Last piece of advice dont be ashamed to be shy ,its who you are, if people dont like it tough, people mistaken shyness for being anti- social , all you do is let people know you are shy,or being around them they will soon understand

[Sahabiyaat]

im an extremely shy person , if yoy search for my previous threads, im sure its on there., i cant speak in front of no more than two people.

well what if you r forced to speak to a huge group of people

just this year i unwillingly took a group presentation module and we were required to do presentations individually and in groups, i dont have too much of a problem speaking to large groups but that module really improved my skills and confidence even more Alhamdulillah, so why not try doing something like that? im sure you get those group things you can do?

oh and dont be shy, do you go uni?, the more youre forced into the limelight the more you get used to it.How bout joining a local circle? It really helps in boosting your confidence and speaking skills.Also let go of your inhibitions and volunteer in something like student ambassador or student rep? (boring jobs i tell you, boring meetings but hey lol)

[Eeman]

salam alaikum sis
Gosh sis i wish i was shy sometimes like you guys... i honestly do sometimes i mean i wont say that i am a very confident person but i dunno its weird the way i have become the way i am...

ok like when growing up and before turning and submitting myself fully to Allah swt i used to have a very low self esteem, unhappy with the way i looked and the way i was inside i was never happy with myself and i used to d nothing but eat myself up alive.

bu throughout growing up and throughout my bad times i learnt to be happy with the person that i was and accept it as a blessing therefore now i dont care who thinks what of me and says what about me whereas before thats all i cared about!

people are a part of this dunya which are yet again trivial like everything in this dunya is... they are created also to be tested and to be used as tools for us to be tested by... by that i mean on how you treat another human being and you are towards them etc.

sis what you need to really firmly believe in your heart is this Allah swt is our creator, we were ceated by Him, we belong to Him and to Him we will return and Only He will judge us as to what our hands have earned in this dunya NO ONE ELSE!!!!

the only thing you should be concerned with is what He thinks about you no what person X, Y and Z thinks...

so dont let people intimidate you, i know its not easy but you have to start somewhere, and the best place and first thing that you need to do is to stop caring about what people may think or do think or may say or do say about you!

if you do something good and do it with the intention that person X mightthink that your sweet and nice then that is not considered as a good deed cos you didnt do it to please Allah swt but you did it to please person X. and this is where things start to go wrong, cos when you do something for another human beng no matter who they may be its human instinct and natural believe me, you do it with expectations whther you admit it to yourself or not, consciencely or sub consciencely. the when that expectation is not met in return whenever you are in need and call upon that same person then it hurts the heart and we get hurt by it.

What we need to be doing is doing things no matter how big or small for the sake of Allah swt and to please Him and only Him, then in this way your rewards will always be with Him, and you will NEVER be let down and your suitcase in this life that we all have been given to fill with good deeds and righteousness then will start filling up and Insha'Allah you will be well prepared for your joruney to your akhira.

i remember when i first got married i used to dread my husband seeing me with not ANY make up on, so i used to go out of my way to make sure it never happened, until i realised hold on a sec this is me the way Allah swt has created me and blessed me so how dare i be so ungrateful. Cos i used to think that if my husband did ever see me with no make up then his thinking wuld change towards me i know its sily but Wallah for the 1st month of our marriage it was a nightmare and really affected me, but what i failed to understand was this that once everything is done for His sake Allah swt always looks after His devout and righteous slaves in every aspect, so if you start to do everything to please Him i promise you that He will not only rewards you in this life and your akhira but also put love and admiration in the people's hearts that you love in this dunya and are trying to please and they will always think good of you.

so just be yourself with and around people the way you are on your own, cos this is the person Allah swt has created u as if He wanted you differently He would have created you differently!

when around people if you want to say something that you think and believe in your heart is the right thing then say it without any fear. But if it's not right then hold your tongue. not cos people may think badly of you but cos you might displease Allah swt.

I hope that i have made sense here and Insha'Allah it helps you in any way even if it does the slightest bit then i am happy Alhumdulillah.

ma salama.

[Ansariyah]

mashaAllah sis we have actually lots in common...the diff wit me is tho..I take awhole lota crap from people bt wen I snap thats it..

Be strong sis. Dont let anybody walk all over u..

I use to be like u..Now I have changed. I say how I feel n I dont care whos around or whos watching. Speak ur mind. Theres nooothing wrong wit it!

Dont fear anybody but Allah n keep ur head up High ukthee, no shame in that!

[sister_islam]

salam

Thank you for all the advise. They all helped me a lot...

All i need to do i accept that i need to stand up for myself, just need to stick in my head...i just want everyone to understand me and be in my shoes for the day you know... do i need to change or is it them...

[nebula]

you wana join in ,you wana laugh , but you cant, you are scared of putting a foot wrong in speech and in action, scared of people saying bad things about you.. Sister no matter who you are you wil get back bited , and im trying to get that in my head, always worrying if someone is saying bad things about you.


You start to question your self im i being nice to people because i dont want them to say bad things about me or is it becuase i do it from the goodness from my heart.

bro man... i swear im just like you. walahi. i think just how you wrote.

[bewildred]

Salam Sister_Islam,

First off, let me tell you that there is life after shyness. I spent all my childhood in my room reading or watching TV. My teenage years weren't any better. So, I understand all of your feelings.

However, with years and experience (i.e, my mistakes,lol) I learned a lot. I learned that the most important is to be true to oneself. Lemme tell you, those who gave in about you don't know that they're cheated of knowing the wonderful person that you are!! My motto is "A friendship that ended is a friendship that had never begun".

Be true to yourself. Nurture your deen. Respect your parents. Do your best at work/studies. The rest will come with time. The only thing that can depress you is being a bad muslim el eeyadou billlah.

Life is too short to waste it on people who don't deserve so much attention.






S.