Passing by this section always scares me, so many of us are in love, have fallen out with our partners, or are finding it difficult to get over broken hearts.. that we end up living in a state of depression always wanting the very thing that causes pain and misery.
You know what, loves not actually meant to hurt. That's only the consequence of loving someone outside of marriage. It's a cliché but things don't always work out the way we want them to.
We may see ourselves as OK muslims, some as even great; praying; fasting on them nafl days; keeping a beard or even wearing niqab. But just a little trip into temptation, and it can break us. I'm no saint, I've fallen into a long spiral of situations, and when those people who I thought would help me up with a ladder, those muslims that I once used to share my most deepest thoughts with, threw me back down into the bottomless pit.
And the one's that didn't, the ones that thought they were helping me... Encouraged me to go further, to test the realms of love because they believed that we were perfect for eachother.
It didn't help.
So I found myself trapped, unable to talk anymore. I loved, and yet knew nothing about love. Because my love was tainted. It had no blessings from Allah, no foundations to grow.
So my advice.
Firstly for those in love. Think what love is? It's that funny feeling when you can't stop thinking about that person and all you want to do is rush onto msn and have a good few hours of chatting utter rubbish? No... Or is it that adrenaline when you're waiting in the park for her to come, smelling your jacket to see if her sweet scent has still remained? No... It's a bit more complicated then all of that. I think I'll get back to you on that one myself. Right now I'm trying to dust myself off from the ground, and just get on with my life. No one has helped me more than Allah. Sure it was hard, the ghosts still live. But with Him guiding me, I've allowed myself to close myself off from it. Seclusion is sometimes our greatest strength.
Secondly, for those who never gave me the ladder. Somtimes a person doesn't need to cry out for help, their sorrow and tears should be all the clues in the world. Next time when a person is down, or has fallen into the involvement with the opposite gender, don't brush them off. Listen, talk and advice. Maybe that's all they need to stop.
And lastly, to those that encourage it. The ones that are maybe involved themselves? Or they genuinely believe that this is how you find true love. Do not stir your friends emotions even more. The approval you give them may result in your questioning on the Day of Judgement, when Allah asks if you instigated the act.
Just letting it be. Simple.
IB Forum Anonymous Account.
Available to those who wish to be anonymous in the Advice & Support section.
Abuse of the Anonymous System will NOT be tolerated!
" Its sometimes better people don't get to know you..
Cuz the more they know you, the less they understand & accept you..
Alone is better, what say " - SRK
I am just picking up the pieces after ending my marraige. I can understand how you feel little one, when all you have done is loved that person and tried your hardest only to be knocked back time and time again.
In the end you simply question yourself do i need this person in my life??????
My heart however is not broken. Yes i love him cos he is my husband, but i hate what he has done to us. Our relationship, lies cheating, stupid, hurtfull comments. I don't know what hurts more the fact that he had one affair after another or the fact that he thought i was stupid and lied to me about it......... The fact that he did not respect our children enough. In the end it does not matter anymore. I dragged on as far as i could go. Allah knows.
I question myself why??? What did i do wrong, and the answer is plain and simple and right in front of me. Nothing. I tried to be a wife and mother but he made it hard for me, he didn't let me do my job.
I am not sitting here crying, wanting him back or being all sorry for myself, instead i Thank Allah for taking out of my life what was not good for me. I feel at peace i feel at ease. Ameen.
After every hardship there comes ease. Ameen.........:smile:
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
Passing by this section always scares me, so many of us are in love, have fallen out with our partners, or are finding it difficult to get over broken hearts.. that we end up living in a state of depression always wanting the very thing that causes pain and misery.
You know what, loves not actually meant to hurt. That's only the consequence of loving someone outside of marriage. It's a cliché but things don't always work out the way we want them to.
We may see ourselves as OK muslims, some as even great; praying; fasting on them nafl days; keeping a beard or even wearing niqab. But just a little trip into temptation, and it can break us. I'm no saint, I've fallen into a long spiral of situations, and when those people who I thought would help me up with a ladder, those muslims that I once used to share my most deepest thoughts with, threw me back down into the bottomless pit.
And the one's that didn't, the ones that thought they were helping me... Encouraged me to go further, to test the realms of love because they believed that we were perfect for eachother.
It didn't help.
So I found myself trapped, unable to talk anymore. I loved, and yet knew nothing about love. Because my love was tainted. It had no blessings from Allah, no foundations to grow.
So my advice.
Firstly for those in love. Think what love is? It's that funny feeling when you can't stop thinking about that person and all you want to do is rush onto msn and have a good few hours of chatting utter rubbish? No... Or is it that adrenaline when you're waiting in the park for her to come, smelling your jacket to see if her sweet scent has still remained? No... It's a bit more complicated then all of that. I think I'll get back to you on that one myself. Right now I'm trying to dust myself off from the ground, and just get on with my life. No one has helped me more than Allah. Sure it was hard, the ghosts still live. But with Him guiding me, I've allowed myself to close myself off from it. Seclusion is sometimes our greatest strength.
Secondly, for those who never gave me the ladder. Somtimes a person doesn't need to cry out for help, their sorrow and tears should be all the clues in the world. Next time when a person is down, or has fallen into the involvement with the opposite gender, don't brush them off. Listen, talk and advice. Maybe that's all they need to stop.
And lastly, to those that encourage it. The ones that are maybe involved themselves? Or they genuinely believe that this is how you find true love. Do not stir your friends emotions even more. The approval you give them may result in your questioning on the Day of Judgement, when Allah asks if you instigated the act.
Just letting it be. Simple.
Passing by this section always scares me, so many of us are in love, have fallen out with our partners, or are finding it difficult to get over broken hearts.. that we end up living in a state of depression always wanting the very thing that causes pain and misery.
You know what, loves not actually meant to hurt. That's only the consequence of loving someone outside of marriage. It's a cliché but things don't always work out the way we want them to.
We may see ourselves as OK muslims, some as even great; praying; fasting on them nafl days; keeping a beard or even wearing niqab. But just a little trip into temptation, and it can break us. I'm no saint, I've fallen into a long spiral of situations, and when those people who I thought would help me up with a ladder, those muslims that I once used to share my most deepest thoughts with, threw me back down into the bottomless pit.
And the one's that didn't, the ones that thought they were helping me... Encouraged me to go further, to test the realms of love because they believed that we were perfect for eachother.
It didn't help.
So I found myself trapped, unable to talk anymore. I loved, and yet knew nothing about love. Because my love was tainted. It had no blessings from Allah, no foundations to grow.
So my advice.
Firstly for those in love. Think what love is? It's that funny feeling when you can't stop thinking about that person and all you want to do is rush onto msn and have a good few hours of chatting utter rubbish? No... Or is it that adrenaline when you're waiting in the park for her to come, smelling your jacket to see if her sweet scent has still remained? No... It's a bit more complicated then all of that. I think I'll get back to you on that one myself. Right now I'm trying to dust myself off from the ground, and just get on with my life. No one has helped me more than Allah. Sure it was hard, the ghosts still live. But with Him guiding me, I've allowed myself to close myself off from it. Seclusion is sometimes our greatest strength.
Secondly, for those who never gave me the ladder. Somtimes a person doesn't need to cry out for help, their sorrow and tears should be all the clues in the world. Next time when a person is down, or has fallen into the involvement with the opposite gender, don't brush them off. Listen, talk and advice. Maybe that's all they need to stop.
And lastly, to those that encourage it. The ones that are maybe involved themselves? Or they genuinely believe that this is how you find true love. Do not stir your friends emotions even more. The approval you give them may result in your questioning on the Day of Judgement, when Allah asks if you instigated the act.
Just letting it be. Simple.
I'm no saint, I've fallen into a long spiral of situations, and when those people who I thought would help me up with a ladder, those muslims that I once used to share my most deepest thoughts with, threw me back down into the bottomless pit.
didnt you have a responsibility as well? why are you just blaming others? i mean i understand that people should have advised you, etc. but not once in your post have you tuned around and blamed yourself for your actions :confused:
So I found myself trapped, unable to talk anymore. I loved, and yet knew nothing about love. Because my love was tainted. It had no blessings from Allah, no foundations to grow.
agreed! i mean if your interested in someone, just do it proper way and propose. i don't know what the heck is so hard about it<---just speaking generally
also, it really irritates me sometimes because i could give advice to a friend whose "involved" and say things like: leave him alone, if he really cared, then he'd ask for your hand. only for them to get irritated at me with things like: "oh you don't get him...what would you know" and stuff like that. and then you don't advice and get this stuff like this. blah !
Last edited by Ummu Sufyaan; 01-04-2009 at 07:14 AM.
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
This is a very good post with very good points, but Allah has given us ways to guard ourselves from Zina, some of which are the following 1. To not be alone with the opposite sex. 2. Lowering of the gaze. 3. Covering. 4. Not to flirt, o joke, or talk just to be talking. But sometimes we as human beings fall into things that we do regret, and this is from the characteristics of man we sin, whether we know it or not. Noone has the right to look down on someone else.
Passing by this section always scares me, so many of us are in love, have fallen out with our partners, or are finding it difficult to get over broken hearts.. that we end up living in a state of depression always wanting the very thing that causes pain and misery.
You know what, loves not actually meant to hurt. That's only the consequence of loving someone outside of marriage. It's a cliché but things don't always work out the way we want them to.
We may see ourselves as OK muslims, some as even great; praying; fasting on them nafl days; keeping a beard or even wearing niqab. But just a little trip into temptation, and it can break us. I'm no saint, I've fallen into a long spiral of situations, and when those people who I thought would help me up with a ladder, those muslims that I once used to share my most deepest thoughts with, threw me back down into the bottomless pit.
And the one's that didn't, the ones that thought they were helping me... Encouraged me to go further, to test the realms of love because they believed that we were perfect for eachother.
It didn't help.
So I found myself trapped, unable to talk anymore. I loved, and yet knew nothing about love. Because my love was tainted. It had no blessings from Allah, no foundations to grow.
So my advice.
Firstly for those in love. Think what love is? It's that funny feeling when you can't stop thinking about that person and all you want to do is rush onto msn and have a good few hours of chatting utter rubbish? No... Or is it that adrenaline when you're waiting in the park for her to come, smelling your jacket to see if her sweet scent has still remained? No... It's a bit more complicated then all of that. I think I'll get back to you on that one myself. Right now I'm trying to dust myself off from the ground, and just get on with my life. No one has helped me more than Allah. Sure it was hard, the ghosts still live. But with Him guiding me, I've allowed myself to close myself off from it. Seclusion is sometimes our greatest strength.
Secondly, for those who never gave me the ladder. Somtimes a person doesn't need to cry out for help, their sorrow and tears should be all the clues in the world. Next time when a person is down, or has fallen into the involvement with the opposite gender, don't brush them off. Listen, talk and advice. Maybe that's all they need to stop.
And lastly, to those that encourage it. The ones that are maybe involved themselves? Or they genuinely believe that this is how you find true love. Do not stir your friends emotions even more. The approval you give them may result in your questioning on the Day of Judgement, when Allah asks if you instigated the act.
Just letting it be. Simple.
didnt you have a responsibility as well? why are you just blaming others? i mean i understand that people should have advised you, etc. but not once in your post have you tuned around and blamed yourself for your actions :confused:
agreed! i mean if your interested in someone, just do it proper way and propose. i don't know what the heck is so hard about it<---just speaking generally
also, it really irritates me sometimes because i could give advice to a friend whose "involved" and say things like: leave him alone, if he really cared, then he'd ask for your hand. only for them to get irritated at me with things like: "oh you don't get him...what would you know" and stuff like that. and then you don't advice and get this stuff like this. blah !
I blamed myself when I addressed the people in love, for that was what I saw myself as once upon a time. I will be questioned by Allah what my motives were and how I carried myself, and I know I have a lot to be ashamed of. But alhamdulillah, atleast I can hold my head up high and admit to my many mistakes, strong enough to never insha'Allah come close to committing them again. I've seen the consequences of being clueless, "love is blind" after all.
And the simple solution is to propose. In the situation I was in, we both begged our families for marriage, until it got to the Romeo and Juliet scenario. If a family ignores a child's cries, doesn't the child get worse? That isn't an excuse, but it's the case we suffer most frequently. Our Beloved Prophet Muhammad encouraged the marriage of two lovers.
I would like to remind dear members, to give out a helping hand. If you saw me running towards a burning fire, would you not scream and tell me to stop? Why is it so different to a flame we cannot see, and yet we know it's there.
IB Forum Anonymous Account.
Available to those who wish to be anonymous in the Advice & Support section.
Abuse of the Anonymous System will NOT be tolerated!
And the simple solution is to propose. In the situation I was in, we both begged our families for marriage, until it got to the Romeo and Juliet scenario. If a family ignores a child's cries, doesn't the child get worse? That isn't an excuse, but it's the case we suffer most frequently. Our Beloved Prophet Muhammad encouraged the marriage of two lovers.
did you know that your families would disagree?
im sorry, i don't get why, if you have an interest in someone, just go and approach ur family about him/her, and arrange a proposal or something...why do people complicate the simplest things...i just dont get it...
and about that hadith, that has an interpretation to it... and it isnt what your thinking...
I would like to remind dear members, to give out a helping hand. If you saw me running towards a burning fire, would you not scream and tell me to stop? Why is it so different to a flame we cannot see, and yet we know it's there.
im sorry, but i still dont get why you didnt take responsibility...didnt you know that the fire was there too?
Last edited by Ummu Sufyaan; 01-16-2009 at 08:10 AM.
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
did you know that your families would disagree?
im sorry, i don't get why, if you have an interest in someone, just go and approach ur family about him/her, and arrange a proposal or something...why do people complicate the simplest things...i just dont get it...
and about that hadith, that has an interpretation to it... and it isnt what your thinking...
im sorry, but i still dont get why you didnt take responsibility...didnt you know that the fire was there too?
I think you're misunderstanding what I say, we did go to our parents, but is it really that simple? Yes, in the ideal world the young man and woman would go through the proposal process and get married, but it's not always like that. In fact, it's hardly ever like that. We make it difficult, the people involved, the parents, society.
The first thing he did was go to my parents, but things don't always go to plan.
And if two people are certain about marriage, and they believe they will commit sin otherwise, (it doesn't always have to be zina), it becomes compulsory for them to marry.
And yes, you're right. I should have remembered what my consequences are, but I think you're taking a reminder to be something else? Re-read please, it's a simple advice.
IB Forum Anonymous Account.
Available to those who wish to be anonymous in the Advice & Support section.
Abuse of the Anonymous System will NOT be tolerated!
Passing by this section always scares me, so many of us are in love, have fallen out with our partners, or are finding it difficult to get over broken hearts.. that we end up living in a state of depression always wanting the very thing that causes pain and misery.
You know what, loves not actually meant to hurt. That's only the consequence of loving someone outside of marriage. It's a cliché but things don't always work out the way we want them to.
We may see ourselves as OK muslims, some as even great; praying; fasting on them nafl days; keeping a beard or even wearing niqab. But just a little trip into temptation, and it can break us. I'm no saint, I've fallen into a long spiral of situations, and when those people who I thought would help me up with a ladder, those muslims that I once used to share my most deepest thoughts with, threw me back down into the bottomless pit.
And the one's that didn't, the ones that thought they were helping me... Encouraged me to go further, to test the realms of love because they believed that we were perfect for eachother.
It didn't help.
So I found myself trapped, unable to talk anymore. I loved, and yet knew nothing about love. Because my love was tainted. It had no blessings from Allah, no foundations to grow.
So my advice.
Firstly for those in love. Think what love is? It's that funny feeling when you can't stop thinking about that person and all you want to do is rush onto msn and have a good few hours of chatting utter rubbish? No... Or is it that adrenaline when you're waiting in the park for her to come, smelling your jacket to see if her sweet scent has still remained? No... It's a bit more complicated then all of that. I think I'll get back to you on that one myself. Right now I'm trying to dust myself off from the ground, and just get on with my life. No one has helped me more than Allah. Sure it was hard, the ghosts still live. But with Him guiding me, I've allowed myself to close myself off from it. Seclusion is sometimes our greatest strength.
Secondly, for those who never gave me the ladder. Somtimes a person doesn't need to cry out for help, their sorrow and tears should be all the clues in the world. Next time when a person is down, or has fallen into the involvement with the opposite gender, don't brush them off. Listen, talk and advice. Maybe that's all they need to stop.
And lastly, to those that encourage it. The ones that are maybe involved themselves? Or they genuinely believe that this is how you find true love. Do not stir your friends emotions even more. The approval you give them may result in your questioning on the Day of Judgement, when Allah asks if you instigated the act.
Just letting it be. Simple.
I am just picking up the pieces after ending my marraige. I can understand how you feel little one, when all you have done is loved that person and tried your hardest only to be knocked back time and time again.
In the end you simply question yourself do i need this person in my life??????
My heart however is not broken. Yes i love him cos he is my husband, but i hate what he has done to us. Our relationship, lies cheating, stupid, hurtfull comments. I don't know what hurts more the fact that he had one affair after another or the fact that he thought i was stupid and lied to me about it......... The fact that he did not respect our children enough. In the end it does not matter anymore. I dragged on as far as i could go. Allah knows.
I question myself why??? What did i do wrong, and the answer is plain and simple and right in front of me. Nothing. I tried to be a wife and mother but he made it hard for me, he didn't let me do my job.
I am not sitting here crying, wanting him back or being all sorry for myself, instead i Thank Allah for taking out of my life what was not good for me. I feel at peace i feel at ease. Ameen.
After every hardship there comes ease. Ameen.........:smile:
sister i had read what you wrote. it helped me a little. i didnt go back to my husband, he said things that made me run away from him, his actions were unreal. i found out i married someone, i dont know. now i have a broken heart and yeah i keeping asking what i did, why all this, will my son be ok. i think we will be ok with out him. i am scared.
People who have been in previous relationships may find it hard to marry, even after true repentance.
It may be easy to find a new partner through the halal way.
It may be easy to get the marriage process rolling.
It may even be easy to accept the person and eventually love them.
But... won't you think about your "first love"?
What are they doing now? Are they married? Do they love them more than me...
Will you end up comparing them both?
We have so many opportunities to do the right thing. Before starting a thread saying "I love him but XYZ" ... Just think of all consequences.
(This isn't to slate people who are in these situations, just a reminder)
IB Forum Anonymous Account.
Available to those who wish to be anonymous in the Advice & Support section.
Abuse of the Anonymous System will NOT be tolerated!
didnt you have a responsibility as well? why are you just blaming others? i mean i understand that people should have advised you, etc. but not once in your post have you tuned around and blamed yourself for your actions :confused:
agreed! i mean if your interested in someone, just do it proper way and propose. i don't know what the heck is so hard about it<---just speaking generally
also, it really irritates me sometimes because i could give advice to a friend whose "involved" and say things like: leave him alone, if he really cared, then he'd ask for your hand. only for them to get irritated at me with things like: "oh you don't get him...what would you know" and stuff like that. and then you don't advice and get this stuff like this. blah !
Peace,
Umm ul-Shaheed have you ever been in love?
Love is the strongest emotion that anyone can ever have. It can make you do things that you never thought or saw yourself capable of doing.
When it fails, it leaves one empty and hurting. Cut us some slack.....we are only human ,and sometimes need empathy from friends who when they feel we are ready to take the hard truth, can then advice us not to whine about something that was their own doing.How we recover from this depends on how strong we are in character and also how much we pray and seek restoration from our creator.
There are those who break down totally and go into depression while there are those who learn from the experience and use the lessons in what life throws their way in future.
Passing by this section always scares me, so many of us are in love, have fallen out with our partners, or are finding it difficult to get over broken hearts.. that we end up living in a state of depression always wanting the very thing that causes pain and misery.
You know what, loves not actually meant to hurt. That's only the consequence of loving someone outside of marriage. It's a cliché but things don't always work out the way we want them to.
We may see ourselves as OK muslims, some as even great; praying; fasting on them nafl days; keeping a beard or even wearing niqab. But just a little trip into temptation, and it can break us. I'm no saint, I've fallen into a long spiral of situations, and when those people who I thought would help me up with a ladder, those muslims that I once used to share my most deepest thoughts with, threw me back down into the bottomless pit.
And the one's that didn't, the ones that thought they were helping me... Encouraged me to go further, to test the realms of love because they believed that we were perfect for eachother.
It didn't help.
So I found myself trapped, unable to talk anymore. I loved, and yet knew nothing about love. Because my love was tainted. It had no blessings from Allah, no foundations to grow.
So my advice.
Firstly for those in love. Think what love is? It's that funny feeling when you can't stop thinking about that person and all you want to do is rush onto msn and have a good few hours of chatting utter rubbish? No... Or is it that adrenaline when you're waiting in the park for her to come, smelling your jacket to see if her sweet scent has still remained? No... It's a bit more complicated then all of that. I think I'll get back to you on that one myself. Right now I'm trying to dust myself off from the ground, and just get on with my life. No one has helped me more than Allah. Sure it was hard, the ghosts still live. But with Him guiding me, I've allowed myself to close myself off from it. Seclusion is sometimes our greatest strength.
Secondly, for those who never gave me the ladder. Somtimes a person doesn't need to cry out for help, their sorrow and tears should be all the clues in the world. Next time when a person is down, or has fallen into the involvement with the opposite gender, don't brush them off. Listen, talk and advice. Maybe that's all they need to stop.
And lastly, to those that encourage it. The ones that are maybe involved themselves? Or they genuinely believe that this is how you find true love. Do not stir your friends emotions even more. The approval you give them may result in your questioning on the Day of Judgement, when Allah asks if you instigated the act.
Just letting it be. Simple.
Amazingly said. Sometimes giving advice seems to make no difference yet at times it can make a huge difference. I loved reading this. Thank you.
Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high, there's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue... and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.
People who have been in previous relationships may find it hard to marry, even after true repentance.
It may be easy to find a new partner through the halal way.
It may be easy to get the marriage process rolling.
It may even be easy to accept the person and eventually love them.
But... won't you think about your "first love"?
What are they doing now? Are they married? Do they love them more than me...
Will you end up comparing them both?
We have so many opportunities to do the right thing. Before starting a thread saying "I love him but XYZ" ... Just think of all consequences.
(This isn't to slate people who are in these situations, just a reminder)
This is very true. your first love is always engraved in you no matter how hard you try to "convince" yourself that you are over them and if you are unfortunate not to marry them, we do compare and have the rule of 'better than ' at the back of our minds.
From a personal point of view, I have simply prayed and asked I get the one person who will understand where I am coming from and is patient with me because trust is hard to cultivate after betrayal and heartache.
I know it has already been done on this forum, where a brother has written an almost play that actually took place between two people.
I want to go further, and share my own experience the best I can. Remember I am human, and I will try to stop myself in divulging into the sin of exposure.
Before any critics come and tear me apart, know that I make mistakes like all, but I'm paying for it eternally.
This is just to remind you that any small situation that we discard as friendship between the two genders can esculate into something of uncontrallable havoc.
I'll post insha'Allah soon.
1st Anon.
IB Forum Anonymous Account.
Available to those who wish to be anonymous in the Advice & Support section.
Abuse of the Anonymous System will NOT be tolerated!
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
I am just picking up the pieces after ending my marraige. I can understand how you feel little one, when all you have done is loved that person and tried your hardest only to be knocked back time and time again.
format_quote Originally Posted by TKTony
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Posting Permissions
Bookmarks