my husband is very tough with me in question of giving me orders do this and don't do this he always says his way or the high way. He want me to report everything to him even going to the supermarket while it is sometimes hard when i don't have credit on the phone or cant reach him i have to stay home and postpone everything until i get the approval.
he also give me always a time frame for every time i go out and if I'm 5 min late that's the big trouble and no more going out for a while. what should i do and how to make him more tolerant i'm a very obedient wife and i never done something untrusted he always says that he trust me but that's the way he is and i have to live with it
i think hes upto something dodgy thats why he's keeping you on locks.
ur 5 mins late and he freaks...dame.....he must love u to bits, or is just a very controlling person, or up to something.
this is gonna get her mind working over time and if its not true then ...:X
He could just be one of those obsessive people, dont know if talking would do anything but its worth a try
Our Lord! Verily, we have heard the call of one calling to Faith: 'Believe in your Lord,' and we have believed.
Our Lord! Forgive us our sins and expiate from us our evil deeds, and make us die (in the state of righteousness) along with Al-Abrar
^ditto....Sometimes they become protective because they're trying to hide something from you. Please be on your guard but beware not to give off the impression that you're suspicious or paranoid.
May Allah make it easy for you and reward you for your sabr. Ameen
my husband is very tough with me in question of giving me orders do this and don't do this he always says his way or the high way. He want me to report everything to him even going to the supermarket while it is sometimes hard when i don't have credit on the phone or cant reach him i have to stay home and postpone everything until i get the approval.
he also give me always a time frame for every time i go out and if I'm 5 min late that's the big trouble and no more going out for a while. what should i do and how to make him more tolerant i'm a very obedient wife and i never done something untrusted he always says that he trust me but that's the way he is and i have to live with it
Woah, that's weird. It's the super market, not a strip bar. It sounds like he is having a problem with you having any freedom, and you should have freedom, more then your being given. It's a partner-relationship, not him over you, not you over him, 50-50. He should not be doing this, and if he is threatening you so much with he will leave or whatever if you don't follow his rules exactly, then I'd advise trying it, and if he hits you, report him, or something, cause it's insane to live with a tyrant.
That sounds creepy alright...
I feel for u sis, but u shudnt be too obedient that u end up becoming his doormat! ~U said if ur 5 mins late its big trouble~? If u don't mind me asking sis, wats that suppose to mean, wat does he do??!
Last edited by Ansariyah; 06-15-2009 at 06:38 PM.
Reason: correcting sp
Learn Patience from Asiyah, Loyalty from Khadijah, Sincerity from Aisha and Steadfastness from Fatima.
Selam aleykum
It's hard to give advice in the sense that we cannot tell you which choice you should make. We cannot advice you in either direction, since we cannot judge the situation. We can give you general advice, but in the end you'll have to make your choice.
Make Istakhara on wheter you should:
- divorce him
- be patient with him and try to make him understand, and make dua that Allah subhana wa ta'ala helps him understand and make it easier for you.
The choice is up to you. We cannot tell you whether or not this issue is important enough for you, or whether or not your husband is worth being patient for. If you really can't decide just keep repeating the istakhara. I'm sorry, I which I could say more, but this is all I can think of. And I don't know and Allah subhana wa ta'al knows best. Oh, and if you are considering divorce, do tell him this first, perhaps when he knows that this is an option he might change his "my way or the high way" attitude and try to talk with you and discuss these matters (as it should be done when there is a problem in a relationship).
Last edited by Abdul Fattah; 06-15-2009 at 06:48 PM.
Talk to him, perhaps he doesn't know how this is making you feel? Tell him what you just told us- that you're a good muslimah and that is has no reason not to trust you and should give you the benefit of the doubt. Ask him how he would react if he were in your shoes, if you were the one bossing him around for no particular reason?
He doesn't trust you because he can't trust himself. That is the biggest reason why people act jealous and possessive. They know what 'they' are capable of and assume everyone else must be doing the same. The lesser reason might be that someone has broken their trust and they are finding it hard to trust again. But again, a person should be able to tell who is worth trusting and who isn't, so this is not a strong reason for not having trust. The first reason is the most likely explanation for their behavior.
No amount 'proving' your innocence will help. He needs professional help.
firstly i wud say talk to him abt it but thts not always the solution bcos from the way u describe ur hubby does not sound approachable. secondly speak to ur parents and maybe his parents as well, if things really get out of hand then pls try divorcing him bcos i cnt even imagine ur situation, it must be so frustrating..!! wat ever u choose to do trust ALLAH (swt)
He's a control freak...either speak up or lose it sis.
You live in Australia. So do I. Stuff like that just isnt a part of our culture. You have to tell him that you are an adult, an individual and that you have a mind of your own.
I'd divorce him without a doubt...but I guess thats just me.
Peace.
"'Cause I hear the whispered words
In your masterpiece beautiful
You speak the unspeakable through
I love you too"
Ditto to FFI's post. It's not good to effectively "poison" the mind of the sister against her husband and make her suspicious of him.
I agree. I dont think hes cheating on her etc. Astahfirullah. I just think he is a issues with control etc. Theres no suspicion left to be thrown about on that matter.
But Sis:
Just speak to him...communication is vital...please dont bogg down and become a weak little thing...if he becomes upset or angry by you sharing your feelings...thats no way to live.
Sis, if you live close by in Sydney, mate, I'll talk to him..smack some sense into that bruv...and if he doesnt hear me, my man's a boxer, don't you worry, we'll set him straight
<3
"'Cause I hear the whispered words
In your masterpiece beautiful
You speak the unspeakable through
I love you too"
the problem is he feels obsessively jelous, he is trying overtime to protect you from harm. he is scared u will gop away from him.....
solution: express abundant of love towards him..... make him feel assureed that u are his wife and his wife only./...... just fall in love with him more....
and EXPRESS it.... words, actions etc.... if he feels more loved. he will feel more secure in the relationship and
boom!! relationship restored....
remember u both are each others garments.....
us guys are jelous when we think are wives arent fully devoted to us, fully loyal.... for some u have to over do the "i love u" thing.... reassure him with falling in love more...
i bet u guys find it hard to express love right??? tenderness?? care???..... something to think about.
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