Needed some advice for this newly converted brother in marriage

[markislam]

Asalam valekum brothers and sisters.

I have been married for almost more than 4 years now. and i have a daughter from our marriage.

I live in a western country and my wife is a strict christian when i say strict she wont waiver in her faith. I recently accepted Islam just a few days back.

I have this problem where i don't have connection with her and also not physically attracted to her, we don't have any intimacy in our marriage, just two people living under a roof. I do love my wife and care for her but i dont have that intimacy as a muslim brother i take care of them. Before i was a muslim i gaze used to fall on so many girls but i never had any relationship as such outside of marriage.

My wife wants to have more kids but i don't want to have any more as i dont know how long our marriage will last. I am so depressed now a days thinking of all this. .

Also i want to raise my family in a islamic way, i never told my wife about islam but i know for sure she wont let me.

[touba]

Asalam valekum brothers and sisters.

I have been married for almost more than 4 years now. and i have a daughter from our marriage.

I live in a western country and my wife is a strict christian when i say strict she wont waiver in her faith. I recently accepted Islam just a few days back.

I have this problem where i don't have connection with her and also not physically attracted to her, we don't have any intimacy in our marriage, just two people living under a roof. I do love my wife and care for her but i dont have that intimacy as a muslim brother i take care of them. Before i was a muslim i gaze used to fall on so many girls but i never had any relationship as such outside of marriage.

My wife wants to have more kids but i don't want to have any more as i dont know how long our marriage will last. I am so depressed now a days thinking of all this. .

Also i want to raise my family in a islamic way, i never told my wife about islam but i know for sure she wont let me.

Wa alaikoum assalam brother

First try to convince her about to become a muslim if she refuse ,you have to divorce her and get marry with a muslim girl because it will be haram for you to live wth a christian wife and i hope this helpyou inshallah

[- IqRa -]

Have you tried talking to her about Islaam, generally?

[Muslim Woman]

Wa alaikoum assalam brother

...it will be haram for you to live wth a christian wife

Well , it's allowed in Islam for a Muslim man to marry a Jewish or Christan lady ; but kids must be raised as Muslims.

[Muslim Woman]

I recently accepted Islam just a few days back.

Welcome to Islam bro , may Allah bless you

we don't have any intimacy in our marriage, just two people living under a roof.

talk to your wife and take a decision . Don't sit idle like this . If u don't want to continue your marriage with her , tell her . But what's the problem with her ? She is a Christian and she will raise your kid as a Chrisitan ?

[S_87]

from what i understand the intimacy issues arent because you accepted islam but because of other reasons? IF so and you believe divorcing her would be better for her and you in the long run then...?

[markislam]

yes the intimacy issues are because of other reasons, i never told my wife about my conversion to Islam either, there will be a big hell in the house and family if they come to know this, so want to keep this a secret for some time and mean while grow more in Islam

from what i understand the intimacy issues arent because you accepted islam but because of other reasons? IF so and you believe divorcing her would be better for her and you in the long run then...?

[markislam]

she is a christian and will raise her as a christian. the problem is i dont have any intimacy with her or feel connected.

Welcome to Islam bro , may Allah bless you



talk to your wife and take a decision . Don't sit idle like this . If u don't want to continue your marriage with her , tell her . But what's the problem with her ? She is a Christian and she will raise your kid as a Chrisitan ?

[- IqRa -]

Why did you marry her?

[Cabdullahi]

i believe you lost attraction to your wife when you started gazing at other women.....now that your a muslim lower your gaze and you'll be suprised how beautiful your wife will become

forget the talk about divorce....if you have kids stay with your kids

[markislam]

Family issues are so complicated i cant just divorce when i have a kid at the same time i have to follow what Islam says don't know what to do. i think some times to run away from all this and go to a mountain and live alone.

[cat eyes]

you have to show her to islam now and you can't just say she won't accept it without showing her islam only Allah knows.

if you love her, you have to be patient. it takes time! it dosent happen over night.

can i also say that telling everybody on this forum or wherever you might be that your marriage won't last is very hateful in the sight of Allah

it don't matter what religion she is! you are married to her weather you are revert or not.. you have a duty to her. she is the mother of your child


divorce is not good at all.. Allah dislikes it especially when theres kids involved.pray to Allah and have patience

everybody deserves to be happy and i understand your situation but if after showing her islam and she rejects it constantly then i would suggest you seek advice from a qaulified scholar about your situation. people here are not qualified and your only new to islam.

[markislam]

I never was attracted to my wife in the first place but got married due to family pressure.

i believe you lost attraction to your wife when you started gazing at other women.....now that your a muslim lower your gaze and you'll be suprised how beautiful your wife will become

forget the talk about divorce....if you have kids stay with your kids

[Cabdullahi]

i never was attracted to my wife in the first place but got married due to family and some personal issues.

thats tough one brother...im sure you find in her something that is attractive...you've stayed with her this long

[markislam]

most of the time people stick in marriage just because of family or a kid, culture but end up having a miserable lives and i don't want that to happen with me.

I know people who try to avoid their wives as much possible and spend all their time at work or work in a far away place. is that what is life is about.

you have to show her to islam now and you can't just say she won't accept it without showing her islam only Allah knows.

if you love her, you have to be patient. it takes time! it dosent happen over night.

can i also say that telling everybody on this forum or wherever you might be that your marriage won't last is very hateful in the sight of Allah

it don't matter what religion she is! you are married to her weather you are revert or not.. you have a duty to her. she is the mother of your child


divorce is not good at all.. Allah dislikes it especially when theres kids involved.pray to Allah and have patience

everybody deserves to be happy and i understand your situation but if after showing her islam and she rejects it constantly then i would suggest you seek advice from a qaulified scholar about your situation. people here are not qualified and your only new to islam.

[glo]

she is a christian and will raise her as a christian. the problem is i dont have any intimacy with her or feel connected.

Mark, it sounds to me like you have general marital problems, and possibly have had for some time.

I feel that your conversion to Islam is not the first and foremost issue here.
Search your heart and be honest with yourself, not to use the fact that you have converted to Islam and your wife won't as an excuse for a separation/divorce.
Be sure not to use your conversion to Islam as a means to create a greater rift between you and your wife.

Whatever has happened between you two, she is your wife and you made her a promise. Give her respect and talk to her honestly. Please.
If you want a separation, then tell her how you feel about her. Don't just say 'Now I am a Muslim I cannot be married to you ...'. Tell her the truth!

It won't be easy, but sometimes doing the right thing isn't easy.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[markislam]

Yes iam going to talk to my wife she is in college now so i will wait till next year till she is finished.

It is not going to be easy i don't think i will ever tell her about my new faith. but i will talk to her.

Mark, it sounds to me like you have general marital problems, and possibly have had for some time.

I feel that your conversion to Islam is not the first and foremost issue here.
Search your heart and be honest with yourself, not to use the fact that you have converted to Islam and your wife won't as an excuse for a separation/divorce.
Be sure not to use your conversion to Islam as a means to create a greater rift between you and your wife.

Whatever has happened between you two, she is your wife and you made her a promise. Give her respect and talk to her honestly. Please.
If you want a separation, then tell her how you feel about her. Don't just say 'Now I am a Muslim I cannot be married to you ...'. Tell her the truth!

It won't be easy, but sometimes doing the right thing isn't easy.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[cat eyes]

most of the time people stick in marriage just because of family or a kid, culture but end up having a miserable lives and i don't want that to happen with me.

I know people who try to avoid their wives as much possible and spend all their time at work or work in a far away place. is that what is life is about.

a bit of counceling would not do any harm.some people are just selfish and don't want to make the effort. i don't see what the problem is if you love somebody how can you just go distant from each other unless your not actually in love anymore then it would be understandable

[aadil77]

brother I think you should tell her about you being muslim, its not something you should be hiding from your wife. Don't make it seem like you're gonna convert her just fill her in on how and why you turned to islam. That way atleast you won't be hiding things and looking suspicious

[markislam]

brother it is easier said than done, all my family is christians no one ever came to islam in our family. They all treat me as a very good christian, my in laws always boast about me being a great christian to others, little do they know of what i am now

i am still learning about islam taking the baby steps.