I have a question: If a woman wants to get married to some-one who has a good religion (Muslim), is respectful and many other good qualities but the Wali doesn't agree what should the girl do? Is it permissible for the women to carry on with the marriage? and if not what should the couple do because they love each other.
Another question is a difficult situation. A woman wants to get married to her brother in laws little brother is it allowed? And the brother in law doesn't want his sister in law to get married to his brother. He thinks she isn't good enough but the brother loves her a lot and says that he wont stop her is it allowed to let the marriage go on even though it might cause arguments between the family. I said might it might no lol.
I have a question: If a woman wants to get married to some-one who has a good religion (Muslim), is respectful and many other good qualities but the Wali doesn't agree what should the girl do? Is it permissible for the women to carry on with the marriage? and if not what should the couple do because they love each other.
Another question is a difficult situation. A woman wants to get married to her brother in laws little brother is it allowed? And the brother in law doesn't want his sister in law to get married to his brother. He thinks she isn't good enough but the brother loves her a lot and says that he wont stop her is it allowed to let the marriage go on even though it might cause arguments between the family. I said might it might no lol. Jazzakallahu Khair,,
Ašh hadu al-lā ilāha illā-llāhu, wa
ašh hadu anna Muhammadun ‘abduhu wa rasūluhu
I bear witness that none is worthy of worship but Allah, the One alone, without partner, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger
As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):
Hopefully the suggestions provided will only rely upon evidence from Quran and Sunnah and not personal opinions.
This is what the brother needs to tell his brother if he wants to marry this Sister who is lawful for him to marry.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 18:
Narrated 'Ursa:
The Prophet asked Abu Bakr for 'Aisha's hand in marriage. Abu Bakr said "But I am your brother." The Prophet said, "You are my brother in Allah's religion and His Book, but she (Aisha) is lawful for me to marry."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 27:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.
This is what culture verses Islam creates.
What needs to be considered is understanding the reasoning of what the brothers decision was based upon. This only addresses one side.
There is always two sides to a story. Hopefully the truth prevails.
Last edited by sabr*; 02-01-2010 at 05:41 AM.
Reason: Font colors!
wa alaykum us-Salaam
1. her wali not accepting him does in no way give them the green light to do the haram. why wont he accept him? did they give a reason? it sounds like he wants her to run away with him (?)if yes, this is extremely wrong.
2. if the little brother wants to marry the sister, whose to say he cant? if they both like each other, why ruin someones chances with another? they are the only ones who know one another and thus can realize whether they are compatible with one another or not so whose to say they aren't. and why would cause problems in the family? why cant people just mind their own business? its not the brothers fault or the sisters that people are noses...its not their problem to deal with and hence shouldn't let anyone get in their way. make it a big deal, its going to be a big deal.
Last edited by Ummu Sufyaan; 02-02-2010 at 02:53 AM.
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
I have a question: If a woman wants to get married to some-one who has a good religion (Muslim), is respectful and many other good qualities but the Wali doesn't agree what should the girl do? Is it permissible for the women to carry on with the marriage? and if not what should the couple do because they love each other.
Does the Wali gives a reason ?.
Actually Wali cannot prevent a woman who want to marry with reason that against shariah or reason that irrational, like the man who want to marry this woman is poor, not handsome, low educated, from different culture, etc.
In case like this, this woman can invite the third party to handle this problem. In Muslim countries this woman can go to sharia office/sharia court and tell her problem. If sharia office find a proof if the Wali prevent her with reason that against sharia or irrational, a sharia officer can take over the Wali position (becomes a Wali for this woman). It named Wali Hakim.
Or in non-Muslim countries, a local scholar/imam can take over Wali position. It named Wali Tahkim.
But remember, this is only if the Wali prevent this woman with irrational reason or reason that against sharia.
akhee, may Allah preserve you, your answer is correct to certain extent; however all the irrational reasons you mentioned could be legitimate reasons.
For example, if a brother is poor and he cannot provide her enough which is his obligation and sister ends up doing a haraam job to make up financial costs then that is a legitimate reason to not marry him. Similarly, if the cultural differences end up breaking the ties of kinship with your partents or cause unnecessary dis-likeness in hearts for each other or cause other family problems then that is a legitimate reason. Likewise, if brother is not good looking and it doesn't help sister to lower her gaze then that is a legitimate reason.
Whether these be considered legitimate shari reasons, Allahu A'lam
After giving all the advices and ruling about the marriage, the Messenger of Allah (sal-allahu alayhi wa sallam) also said that choose that which is easy for you.
@OP
sister, you need to present story from both sides. Given how this 'lovy dovy' relationships work among the youth in our time, it is most likely a haraam relationship which most of the times ends up as problematic after marriage. If this is the case then how can one say that this brother has good qualities and good religion? Our love for each other is for Allah and every other form of love is from shaytaan. What is the point and meaning of such a love which would make us displease Allah, the One Who we suppose to love the most?
As far marriage without wali, then it would depend from whom you seek your fatawa. As far what I have understood and read, according to majority scholars marriage without wali is not valid. and Allah knows best
I personally advise this sister to listen to her wali and choose that which is easy for her.
عن تميم بن أوس الداري أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: قال الدين النصيحة ثلاثا قلنا لمن يا رسول الله قال لله ولكتابه ولرسوله ولأئمة المسلمين وعامتهم - رواه مسلم
akhee, may Allah preserve you, your answer is correct to certain extent; however all the irrational reasons you mentioned could be legitimate reasons.
Assalamualaikum, akhee. Thanks for the reply.
For example, if a brother is poor and he cannot provide her enough which is his obligation and sister ends up doing a haraam job to make up financial costs then that is a legitimate reason to not marry him.
Poverty is not legitimate reason. I know, some poor people do haraam job because they need money. But actually it would not happen to people who have strong iman. People with strong iman have better motivation to get a better future. It is true, akhee, there is a relation between strong iman and better motivation. Even people like this can leave their poverty and change their status from 'Mustahik' (Muslim who receive zakat) into 'Muzzaki' (Muslim who gives zakat).
I know parents are worry if their daughters marry poor men, their daughter would live in poverty. They are right if they are thinking only about today. But no one know what will happen tomorrow. Probably those poor men would become rich men. I have some friends (male) who were poor at the past, even they were poor in first years of their marriage. But now they have become hajj, they have their own houses and cars, and they can help poor people.
Many people are poor because they were born in poor families. But it doesn't means they would poor in the rest of their life. They always have chances to leave their poverty although many of them never realize it. Allah always give them chances because Allah is fair.
I write this answer based on true stories but not my story. I was born in 'not poor' family, alhamdulillah. But I found some cases, a man with very good deed and behavior, hard worker, and can guide a wife in Islam way, wants to marry a woman. This woman accept his marriage proposal, but this woman's family prevent her to marry this man just because this man is poor and came from poor family.
I am sure this is not legitimate reason, because in this case, this rich family are forget if in the front of Allah, there is no different between rich person and poor person. But there is different between person who has good 'Ahlak' and person who has bad 'Ahlak'.
(Sorry, I cannot find a right translation for 'Ahlak' in English).
Similarly, if the cultural differences end up breaking the ties of kinship with your partents or cause unnecessary dis-likeness in hearts for each other or cause other family problems then that is a legitimate reason.
Not every cultural diversity causing bad consequence like this. I know some women who marry men from different cultures but they live in happy. And don't forget, human have capability for adaption with other culture.
But unfortunately, sometime people have misconception about other tribes/nations. In example, they think people from tribe 'A' are rude, people from nation 'B' are lazy.
Maybe they are forget if actually people from other tribes/nations are their families.
"O people, we created you from the same male and female, and rendered you distinct peoples and tribes, that you may recognize one another..........."
(Qur'an. Surah Al-Hujurat : 13)
So, prevent a marriage just because the man is comes from different tribe/nation/culture is not shar'i.
Likewise, if brother is not good looking and it doesn't help sister to lower her gaze then that is a legitimate reason.
If the sister can accept this 'not good looking' brother as her husband why her family must deny him ?. Is that because this brother is not handsome ?.
This is also not a shar'i reason. This brother is a creation, but who is the creator ?.
Just imagine, akhee. If you create a souvenir then you give it to someone, but this someone tell you "It's bad, I can't accept it". So, what you feel ?.
Whether these be considered legitimate shari reasons, Allahu A'lam
After giving all the advices and ruling about the marriage, the Messenger of Allah (sal-allahu alayhi wa sallam) also said that choose that which is easy for you.
I have no comment for this. But I want to say "Jazak Allah Khair".
In case like this, this woman can invite the third party to handle this problem. In Muslim countries this woman can go to sharia office/sharia court and tell her problem. If sharia office find a proof if the Wali prevent her with reason that against sharia or irrational, a sharia officer can take over the Wali position (becomes a Wali for this woman). It named Wali Hakim.
Or in non-Muslim countries, a local scholar/imam can take over Wali position. It named Wali Tahkim.
But remember, this is only if the Wali prevent this woman with irrational reason or reason that against sharia.
[/QUOTE]
A/Aleykum,,
Thank you for the advice I didn't know that.
For example, if a brother is poor and he cannot provide her enough which is his obligation and sister ends up doing a haraam job to make up financial costs then that is a legitimate reason to not marry him. Similarly, if the cultural differences end up breaking the ties of kinship with your partents or cause unnecessary dis-likeness in hearts for each other or cause other family problems then that is a legitimate reason. Likewise, if brother is not good looking and it doesn't help sister to lower her gaze then that is a legitimate reason. [/QUOTE]
The little brother is not poor he comes from a middle class family. And as for the break of kinship; the little brother just said to me that his big brother didn't think that I was good enough for him. But the little brother took no notice of what he said. he does have good qualities Alhamdullillah. he prays 5 times a day, fasts in ramadhan and many more. He has a great religion which is Islam lol. Its not that we want to get married now I was just asking for future references. we do love each other but my parents think we're too young to get married and it's true.
I thank everyone for all this advice may Allah accept your supplications. They are all very helpful please kep them coming.
Its not that we want to get married now I was just asking for future references. we do love each other but my parents think we're too young to get married and it's true.
Tell your parents, I agree with them.
Okay, don't worry. When you have ready to marry, your parents will not prevent you to marry your boyfriend. But remember, for this time, your boyfriend is not your mahram. And there is limit in relationship between man and woman. Don't ever through this limit until your boyfriend becomes your husband.
Convince him to get a part-time job and tell your parents to empty a room for you two once you get married...
doing things the halal way should be made easy for you guys so that you dont fall for the haram but unfortunately the halal is made so difficult for youngsters these days?
Thank you,,
We're not polanning to get married yet as we are both studying and young we plan 2 get married Inshallah at least inour twenties. And it is true the halal is made quite hard nowadays and its so easy to give in to the shaytans temptations. Inshallah Allah will help overcome his tests.
the similitude of telling a brother to wait 3 more years in this fitna world is like telling a kid to work in a candy shop and that he must not eat any candy's for 3 years its just too much to bare
if you fear both of you falling in to zina then get married anybody who tells you that your to young are doing more destruction to you then anything..dont listen to these people
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