Whenever i am in a gathering of ppl. My mind just completely shuts down and i cant think of anything intelligent to say, apart from the usually pleasantries. I cant have a conversation or talk about anything my mind jst does not work i cant find anything to say. a five year is better at talkin than me. nd i think i come across as a snob or aloof becos ppl jst dnt wanna carry on talkin to me nd ignore me. nd sometimes i want to say sumthing but dont becos my mouth dont w=move. As soon as i removed myself from ppl my mind starts function nd i think of soo many replies i couldve given or talked abt. I tried many things...self talk...preped myself before the social gatherin but nuthing works.
sumtimes i get depressed thinkin ive got no friends which is true.. everyone drifts away from me becos i dnt talk or i sound unintelligent. I just stay home nd away from ppl. I know i should go nd meet ppl but wherever i go nd whatever i do my mind just goes blank nd doesnt function.
Whenever i am in a gathering of ppl. My mind just completely shuts down and i cant think of anything intelligent to say, apart from the usually pleasantries. I cant have a conversation or talk about anything my mind jst does not work i cant find anything to say. a five year is better at talkin than me. nd i think i come across as a snob or aloof becos ppl jst dnt wanna carry on talkin to me nd ignore me. nd sometimes i want to say sumthing but dont becos my mouth dont w=move. As soon as i removed myself from ppl my mind starts function nd i think of soo many replies i couldve given or talked abt. I tried many things...self talk...preped myself before the social gatherin but nuthing works.
sumtimes i get depressed thinkin ive got no friends which is true.. everyone drifts away from me becos i dnt talk or i sound unintelligent. I just stay home nd away from ppl. I know i should go nd meet ppl but wherever i go nd whatever i do my mind just goes blank nd doesnt function.
Asalaamu Alaikum, I think you may have some sort of social anxiety disorder. Do you have issues with self esteem and self confidence? Have you always been this way or is it certain events in your life that have made you like this? For you to keep quite in most situations is actually a very good thing because the tongue is the main cause of many Muslims burning in the fire.
It is better to keep quite than to risk backbiting, slandering and gossiping about others. It is better to keep quite than to mock and ridicule another or to talk about other people in general. So know that it is better to be a quite person than a talkative one becaused the more one talks the more likely they would have said something which would have incurred them a sin. The less a person talks the less sin one would incur.
So always keep in your mind that you do not have to always talk because others are talking. Only talk if you have something good to say otherwise keep quite. Not everyone is an extrovert many of us are introverts and i would say the introverts are more safer from their tongues than extroverts. Just try and keep your heart and tongue busy with the glorification and remembrance of Allah. That is the best way of using ones tongue.
Regarding friends then again keeping good pious company is very beneficial but keeping bad friends will have a detrimental affect on us in this world and the next. They are like poison. So it is better to be a loner than to berfiend bad company. But if you do have issues with self esteem, self confidence and in social situations then it would be far better for you to approach or try and get referred to a specialist preferrabley a Muslim.
Ask of Allah sincerely in your dua's to help you through this and to give you good and pious company to spend time with. Ask of him to only make you speak when you have something good to say. Ask of him to enable you to use your tongue and all your bodily parts internally and externally ONLY to please him and to refrain from anything which displeases him.
May Allah enable all of us to speak good otherwise keep quite and for us to safeguard our tongues and not make it a means for us to be destroyed in the hereafter. May Allah also give us good company and keep us away from bad friends who are like a poison to us. Ameen
I believe ive been like this since childhood. i only discovered that i had a problem in my 30's otherwise all this time i kept think that i am dumb an unintelligent.cos other ppl could av conversation carry on talking as if it was da most naturally thing in the world and i would be thinkin why cant i talk and why my mind is blank all the time and when i do talk i sound unintelligent. i used to beat myself over it.
I agree with you -
It is better to keep quite than to risk backbiting, slandering and gossiping about others. It is better to keep quite than to mock and ridicule another or to talk about other people in general. So know that it is better to be a quite person than a talkative one becaused the more one talks the more likely they would have said something which would have incurred them a sin. The less a person talks the less sin one would incur.
this is what make it more acceptable and that mayb this is a test from Allaah and need be sabr cos this is way out of my control.
Ive read soo many self-help book..cognitive behavior therapy...this is how i discovered ive got a problem.
I believe ive been like this since childhood. i only discovered that i had a problem in my 30's otherwise all this time i kept think that i am dumb an unintelligent.cos other ppl could av conversation carry on talking as if it was da most naturally thing in the world and i would be thinkin why cant i talk and why my mind is blank all the time and when i do talk i sound unintelligent. i used to beat myself over it.
I agree with you -
It is better to keep quite than to risk backbiting, slandering and gossiping about others. It is better to keep quite than to mock and ridicule another or to talk about other people in general. So know that it is better to be a quite person than a talkative one becaused the more one talks the more likely they would have said something which would have incurred them a sin. The less a person talks the less sin one would incur.
this is what make it more acceptable and that mayb this is a test from Allaah and need be sabr cos this is way out of my control.
Ive read soo many self-help book..cognitive behavior therapy...this is how i discovered ive got a problem.
jazak-Allaah
Asalaamu alaikum, im glad youve seen the positives. Everyone is different. If everyone was so outspoken, loud and talktative then what kind of world would it be? Those talkative people are way more likely to say something they will ne held accountable for than someone who was mote quiter and reserved.
So it is better to be more reserved and speak less than to be more talkative and speak more. It may also be of benefit to you to see a behavorial specialist. You got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Yes, honestly, don't worry about it. I used to feel like you, but recently realized the less we talk the better it is. It's so stressful when things get misconstrued. You get stressed, lose sleep and feel rubbish because someone said something that hurt you, or you hurt them. I say that if we're going to talk then let it be about the Allah and the deen. So acquire some knowledge that will benefit others and share this with others for the sake of Allah. If someone learns something from you and spreads/implements it, it will become an ongoing reward for you. Otherwise like Br. Hamza said, just make dhikr and you'll leave a gathering having earned the pleasure of Allah.
I think you're just introverted. Maybe a little more than necessary but I wouldn't personally say it is a bad thing.
I also think it is a sign of humility that you moderate what you say. Some people will say the first thing that comes to mind and announce their thoughts to the world as though they are the center of attention (not that they do this consciously, it's just how they are).
Whereas a person who feels the need to watch what he says shows a more humble, refined character.
As Hamza said though, if you feel the need, go see some kind of specialist who may be able to help.
u no sumtimes i feel like am not fulfiling my sociAL duties cos i dnt meet ppl or talk to them...and sumtyms i feel lke am losing out on human contact ive got no friends no-one to talk nd feel isolated. But then i remind myself of the aakhirah and Allaah swt but sumtimes even that isnt enough to lift the depressign thoughts.. May Allaah swt give me correct hidayah
^Whenever you feel like this just think of Allah swt, He knows everything, that's generally a sweeping statement that often is over-looked, but if you think about it deeply, He knows how you feel, what you're thinking, in these situations. Now if there was a person who knew how you felt and thought wouldn't you turn to them knowing you have no trouble in confiding in them? Then why not turn to Allah swt? He is there for us day and night.
Whenever you feel like this just think of Allah swt, He knows everything, that's generally a sweeping statement that often is over-looked, but if you think about it deeply, He knows how you feel, what you're thinking, in these situations. Now if there was a person who knew how you felt and thought wouldn't you turn to them knowing you have no trouble in confiding in them? Then why not turn to Allah swt? He is there for us day and night.
There is a lot of depth here which, you're right, is often over-looked.
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