Couples who share the housework are more likely to divorce, study finds

[سيف الله]

Salaam

Thought this was interesting what do you think?

Divorce rates are far higher among “modern” couples who share the housework than in those where the woman does the lion’s share of the chores, a Norwegian study has found.

In what appears to be a slap in the face for gender equality, the report found the divorce rate among couples who shared housework equally was around 50 per cent higher than among those where the woman did most of the work. “What we’ve seen is that sharing equal responsibility for work in the home doesn’t necessarily contribute to contentment,” said Thomas Hansen, co-author of the study entitled “Equality in the Home”.

The lack of correlation between equality at home and quality of life was surprising, the researcher said. “One would think that break-ups would occur more often in families with less equality at home, but our statistics show the opposite,” he said.

The figures clearly show that “the more a man does in the home, the higher the divorce rate,” he went on.

The reasons, Mr Hansen said, lay only partially with the chores themselves.

“Maybe it’s sometimes seen as a good thing to have very clear roles with lots of clarity ... where one person is not stepping on the other’s toes,” he suggested.

“There could be less quarrels, since you can easily get into squabbles if both have the same roles and one has the feeling that the other is not pulling his or her own weight.”

But the deeper reasons for the higher divorce rate, he suggested, came from the values of “modern” couples rather than the chores they shared.

“Modern couples are just that, both in the way they divide up the chores and in their perception of marriage” as being less sacred, Mr Hansen said. “In these modern couples, women also have a high level of education and a well-paid job, which makes them less dependent on their spouse financially.

They can manage much easier if they divorce,” he said. Norway has a long tradition of gender equality and childrearing is shared equally between mothers and fathers in 70 per cent of cases. But when it comes to housework, women in Norway still account for most of it in seven out of 10 couples. The study emphasised women who did most of the chores did so of their own volition and were found to be as “happy” those in “modern” couples. Dr Frank Furedi, Sociology professor at the University of Canterbury, said the study made sense as chore sharing took place more among couples from middle class professional backgrounds, where divorce rates are known to be high.

“These people are extremely sensitive to making sure everything is formal, laid out and contractual. That does make for a fairly fraught relationship,” he told the Daily Telegraph.

“The more you organise your relationship, the more you work out diaries and schedules, the more it becomes a business relationship than an intimate, loving spontaneous one.

“That tends to encourage a conflict of interest rather than finding harmonious resolutions.” He said while the survey applied to Norway, he was confident the results would be the same in the UK.

“In a good relationship people simply don’t know who does what and don’t particularly care. “Unless marriage is a relationship above anything else, then whenever there are tensions or contradictions things come to a head. You have less capacity to forgive and absorb the bad stuff.”

The survey appeared to contradict another recent one across seven countries including Britain that found that men who shouldered a bigger share of domestic responsibilities had a better sense of wellbeing and enjoyed a better work-life balance.
The researchers expected to find that where men shouldered more of the burden, women’s happiness levels were higher. In fact they found that it was the men who were happier while their wives and girlfriends appeared to be largely unmoved. Those men who did more housework generally reported less work-life conflict and were scored slightly higher for wellbeing overall.

Experts suggested that, while this may be partly because they felt less guilty, the main reason could be that they had simply learnt the secret of a quiet life.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worl...udy-finds.html

[Aprender]

I'm not buying it. Sounds like another excuse for people just getting divorced over petty things. Now there is just a "study" to support it.

[CosmicPathos]

Could be true. According to theory of evolution, man evolved to go outside into the wild nature, and hence his behaviors and abilities evolved to fit that role. In that context, it does make sense that man would flip out if he is now being pressurized to reverse those behaviors ingrained into him via a million year long process by equally participating in house chores. And keep in mind, in the nature agaisnt sabre tigers, you needed sharp concentration for one task at hand, and perhaps thats why many men suck at multi-tasking, including me.

Everything seems unsure though. Everyday a new study finds a new thing. I think the best thing would be to stick to sunnah of Prophet. He did his work, helped his wives out every now and then after finishing his public responsibilities, and did not have this "50% sharing" thing because clearly his wives did not help him out all the time in his public sphere. I think that would be the safest approach for successful relationships.

[جوري]

actually it is the female that is generally the huntress while the males lazy about and sow a few wild oats..
This study was funded by a dude who hates doing the dishes and taking out the trash. It is known that the prophet PBUH used to help out with house chores.. and no study will teach me different..

[Aprender]

This study was funded by a dude who hates doing the dishes and taking out the trash. It is known that the prophet PBUH used to help out with house chores.. and no study will teach me different..

I think the best thing would be to stick to sunnah of Prophet. He did his work, helped his wives out every now and then after finishing his public responsibilities,

Exactly.

[Hulk]

It boils down to the state of their hearts and their worldviews.

[جوري]

Most couples actually divorce over financial issues.. That's the fact of the matter. I don't trust third party 'studies' they're usually very agenda driven.. actually most studies are, but at least I can look at the numbers and type of study plus confounders and determine that for myself with these types, no such luck exists..

[CosmicPathos]

I think cleaning up after oneself is part of basic hygiene. If most ppl consider it as "helping the wife out," sure, I dont mind at all, I get to be "helpful" while following my basic instinct .

[CosmicPathos]

Most couples actually divorce over financial issues.. That's the fact of the matter. I don't trust third party 'studies' they're usually very agenda driven.. actually most studies are, but at least I can look at the numbers and type of study plus confounders and determine that for myself with these types, no such luck exists..

I, for the most part, have to agree on this. It is all about money in this world. Even love fades when money shines! As the hadith says, the three fitan are money, land and women. Most "depression" cases I see at clinic are ex-couples who separate cuz of money, either the husband used her credit card or she didnt pay him back.

[جوري]

There are only three qualities I ever look for in a guy and looks and cash isn't one of them (I am cute enough for two )..but I can see how no one wants to make sacrifices now a days..

[Hulk]

There are only three qualities I ever look for in a guy and looks and cash isn't one of them (I am cute enough for two )..but I can see how no one wants to make sacrifices now a days..

is it piety and bravery?
oh wait you said three.. must be diligence!

[CosmicPathos]

many men are wondering what are those 3 qualities. ......

[جوري]

many men are wondering what are those 3 qualities. ......

I know hence my surprise with sr. Aprendre's liking my post.. it is so like a sister though to loan her support I love it ma shaa Allah..
I keep all my secrets prisoners in my own mind, before I become a prisoner to them!

[Hulk]

deep..

[CosmicPathos]

there we have it, the man who can free the prisoners.

[جوري]

is it piety and bravery?
oh wait you said three.. must be diligence!

lols.. could be.. I certainly need a khalid type quality in there.. I think every woman no matter how fierce she may perceive herself to be wants to feel safety, protection and solidarity with someone.

[Aprender]

I think every woman no matter how fierce she may perceive herself to be wants to feel safety, protection and solidarity with someone.

Yes. This is very true. Even though I have no problem slamming a crazy guy who tries to assault me into a wall I do want that protection and feeling of safety...

[ba51th]

[QUOTE=منوة الخيال;1543394]
lols.. could be.. I certainly need a khalid type quality in there.. I think every woman no matter how fierce she may perceive herself to be wants to feel safety, protection and solidarity with someone.[/QUOTE]

I see... (make a note)

[Rhubarb Tart]

The prophet (pbuh) didn’t help out every “now” and “then”. He served every guest in his home, cleaned the floor, sewed his shoes and clothes, spent time with ALL his wives and children etc. The prophet served his family; he wasn’t just a breadwinner or activist. In fact, brothers (especially south Asia) nowadays are treated like kings compared to the treatment he (pbuh) received.


best regards,

[IbnAbdulHakim]

"couples are more likely to divorce, study finds" <-- sounds more accurate no?