Ja'Zakullah for allowing me to post this.
Need advise if you can give, if not it's alright.
My Gay Muslim Friend
Salaam.
I have a friend who I have known since grade 7 who is homosexual. I'm his best friend and he told me after we were making a few girl jokes.
I mean I'm the only one that knows this since he is a pretty quiet and shy guy. I go with him to the masjid whenever he is over at my house inshallah. I told him about my situation and we started a conversation like usual. He also said that his parents wanted him to get married soon. I asked him about his sexuality situation and he said that... He was born Gay. I didn't know what to say.
In my opinion, he wasn't born gay. I think he learnt it.
What do I tell him? I mean if he gets married.. his life is going to be really weird.
Ja'Zakullah for allowing me to post this.
Need advise if you can give, if not it's alright.
This is a struggle and a test that your friend is going through, and now you are in a position where you can provide him with advice and support. In a society which is becoming increasingly encouraging of homosexuality, it's important that you are there for him to turn to, rather than him turning to avenues which might misguide him.
Whether he was born like that or not is not so important, the question is how does he deal with his problems and move forward. This article below by Shaykh Yasir Qadhi mentions some key points which you can share with him:
http://muslimmatters.org/2009/04/13/...osexual-urges/But the point is – and that is why I say the question is irrelevant to the Shar'i ruling - even if somebody has such urges, it does not justify them acting upon it. Rather, what we can say to those who feel attracted to the same gender is that having such urges and conquering them is a part of the test Allāh has given them. Each one of us is tried in different ways, and merely wanting to do an act is not justification enough to carry it out. Imagine if we were to open this door, and legitimize acting upon an urge merely because it existed!
[...]
So, the question arises: what does a person who has such feelings do? As I've said, the fact that you have such feelings doesn't mean you act upon them. If Allāh has tested you in this manner, then that is a part of your test and trial, and Allāh says in the Qur'an, 'And Allāh does not burden a soul with more than it can bear.' The claim that merely having an urge legitimizes it is extremely flimsy.
I say that I'm attracted to women. Does that legitimize going after every woman I'm attracted to? Of course not. We all have our desires and urges and we must all battle them. So if you experience urges that are unnatural, you must battle them, and without doubt Allāh will reward you for that.
Another point to realize is that the urge, in and of itself, is not sinful. It is simply a desire, and desires are beyond our control, hence we are not accountable for them. But to allow such feelings to persist without trying to control them is problematic. In any case, the urge in and of itself is not sinful, acting on the urge is what incurs sin. As long as the desire remains in the realm of feeling, you are not accountable on the Day of Judgment, but the second that this desire is manifested in a physical action, you are liable for all that follows.
Lastly, even if you have acted upon this urge – and we seek Allāh's refuge from this – know that this would constitute a sin. Yes, a major sin, and one that most people would be disgusted by, but realize that it is a sin alone and not kufr. Hence, even acting upon it and committing a major sin does not expel you from the fold of Islam. However, to stand up and justify it, or defend it, or write articles claiming that it is Islamic, without a doubt constitutes kufr, and not merely sin.
So, my dear brother who wrote this question – and you are my brother in Islam, even if you have such feelings – I want you to know that I sympathize with you, and I also appreciate your honesty and sincerity. I advise you to seek counseling, and to go to people who will understand your situation and who can direct you in a more specific manner. I understand as well that if you go to many of the typical imams of the masjids, they would not sympathize with your situation at all and would probably make matters worse for you. I understand that you cannot go to such people. But you will find sympathetic ears to listen to your problem, inshā'Allāh.
And remember that marriage is a solution, so you should seriously consider it. The Prophet Lut 'alayhis salam told his people, “These are my daughters, they are more pure for you.” Some scholars say that when he said “daughters”, he is also implying the women of the town and not just his own daughters. So he's telling the men of his community who were guilty of this crime to go and marry women, for they are better and purer for them. Marriage is a solution, because sensuality and sexuality is something that can be satisfied – rather it should be satisfied – by the opposite gender within the confines of marriage.
Try to repel these urges, do not act upon them, take immediate steps to get married, and throughout all of this, put your trust in Allāh and continue making du‘ā’ to Him, and I pray that Allāh makes your situation easy for you and blesses you in this life and the next.
Above all, let us remember to make du'a for your friend and other such Muslims who are going through this trial.
And Allaah (swt) knows best.
Human beings have been created so they are naturally attracted to the opposite sex. So if your friend went through some sort of situation that he acquired a gay mindset, he should try to undo it. Maybe he can join an online matrimonial and search profiles of sisters, so that he can start liking them. also he shouldn't make his sexual orientation an issue. I think too many gays make it an issue. i don't think anyone is gay for life. It might be a good idea for him to go into seclusion and be away from both men and women for a while - like a few weeks- just praying and doing zikr, remembering Allah and not think of sexualitiy or his own situation, past, whatever. completely let zikr take over his mind so his mind has no other thoughts and is completely cleansed of everything. and of course he should pray to Allah to cure him. Then when he comes out he might be able to look at the world with a fresh eye, with a clean mind.
also, he should never watch gay shows or read gay stories, etc.
salamz,
please don't refer to him as your "gay Muslim" friend - the two don't go hand in hand if you'll forgive the irony.
one cannot hold both contradictory beliefs as compatible and take them both as mutually acceptable.
he may have a biological composition or brain structure which is similar to females but accepting homosexuality as ok is NOT ALLOWED, it could be accepted as a problem or deformity which is taken as such, just as someone - who accepts Islam as the truth and their way of life - who has an inclination towards bestiality would usually see themselves in a dilemma.
It's a test which i wouldn't want any loved one to go through but it's there.
Bro Muhammad gave some wonderful advice, i personally wouldn't make him feel good about remaining in that mindset, but support him and try to encourage him to fight off the urges which are used as a weakness and tool by satan.
Tell him, nobody is born gay, and nobody is born straight for that matter either! Sexuality is somethng that develops at puberty. We don't have it when we're born. the only thing we're born with are things like, wheter we're a wild rascal or a sensative shy boy and things like that. But that has nothing to do with sexuality. every man has some charesteristics which are viewed by society as "femenin". But that's just society, that doesn't mean he's born gay. There's plenty of sensative, shy types of guys who are for all matter and purpose perfectly straight. One has nothing to do with the other.
Last edited by Abdul Fattah; 01-22-2013 at 06:54 PM.
Salaam,format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
First, he should not be pressured into getting married. That will make the situation much worse. If he is attracted to her, get married. If he is not attracted to her, then don't get married. Let me make that very clear. The marriage will fall apart if he gets married to someone who he is not attracted to.
Second, the reason he believes he was born gay was because he had those feelings at a young age. I would not really discuss this part with him because it is irrelevant. As long as he does not have sex with another man, then he is fine. If he wants to talk about it, just say that you are not allowed to have gay sex. How those feelings came about in the first place may be due to biological or environmental factors. If he believes he was born gay, then leave it at that. You can't force him to change his opinion. Just do your duty as a Muslim to tell him that not to have gay sex.
In this sort of situation, cut the drivel out and get straight to the point. =) I would avoid going into the science of all this because it is hard to prove it.
Dreber, A., Apicella, C.L., and Eisenberg, D.T.A. (2009). The 7R polymorphism
in the dopamine D4 receptor gene (DRD4) is associated with financial
risk-taking in men. Evol. Hum. Behav. 30, 85–92.
they also found stuff like "alpha males" (high adrenaline/dopamine) usually hit the stock-market, seem to love experiencing different women, take drugs, crash cars etc, and the others usually just get 9-5 jobs and play it safe.
women usually take less risks, less innovations, crash less, get cheaper car insurance etc,
HOWEVER - women who take on high profile constant decision making jobs had similar reward center structures to those of the primary males,
AND homosexual men had similar hypothalamus (or whatever) sizes and neural composition to the first set of women.
they actually cut out a whole load of dead people's brains and studied them.
then it's also true that the brain (an amazing piece of hardware) is able to re-wire it's circuits and even rebuild things like language centers which have been cut out,
the way i see it, every car (body) in this race is different and there are no handicaps to level them out, much depends on the driver (soul).
becoming a better driver (nurturing the soul) is what can get us through, it isn't easy but some people with no legs have the determination and will to use springy things and win marathons.
people who can't see analyze speech in an amazing way.
also there are ways of channeling drive in order to tame, you get angry at something, you hit the accelerator, fly for a while, listen to the engine roar and you feel calm.
you feel like looking at some pretty women, you watch a jihad video or hit the punchbag, you feel calm.
i got a feeling these gay people's brains try to fill a missing part of the puzzle with something else that works to release that craving just like some medicines meant for one illness fix a different problem.
Salaam.format_quote Originally Posted by GuestFellow
I shall try my best to help him inshallah. But I'll take your advice and I'll just leave him.
I'll continue to be his friend but I shouldn't interfere with his life.
He is tested and only Allah Subhanahuwatallah can judge him.
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