Is this acceptable? Can my repentence be accepted?

[reemacookii]

I have commited some sins with this guy. I didnt know they were sins at the time. Alhamdullah i woke up and realized and told him and repented. I told this guy that is a close friend now (and only friends!) thatif we repeat anything i will stop talking to him again. He is muslim and we always discuss Islam. He knows i dont want to be anywhere near zina at all! I made him promise me that he will not do anything related to zina with me.My question is, can my tawba be accepted if i continue to be his friend? With the pure intention of just friends, no zin a AT ALL? He asked his parents and they said yes it can workout and they are very religious people. I just need help though. Can i still talk to him becuase we promised each other that if we get close to zina well stop talking forever. Can my tawba from the sins i commited and am willing to stop be accepted from Allah (swb) if i continue talking to him and no zina at all?
PS we are teens and have STRICT rules that keep us away from other girls/boys (example i can't talk to any boys if i am his friend and vice versa) and STRICT ideas and hopes for us to get married in the future INSHALLAH. We both make dua for marriage and his mom does too.
Thank you fellow muslims! Please help and please understand that this boy is a very religious person as well and comes from a religious mom. Also understand that when me and him don't talk for a few days we feel very sad..
Thank you and please don't give extreme or painful advice as i am already in a lot of pain and worry and i repented a lot repeatedly and mad dua for us. (PS i still don't wear hijab so don't be TOOO strict please )
Also i already asked many people and they said it was okay to stay friends if we don't flirt or talk about anything bad or be alone or do any of the haram things. Just friends who give advice, talk about islam, help each other, hang out in groups… etc

ps. please dont be too harsh or religious as i just want to know if my repentence from sins can be accepted..

[Karl]

My advice is do not be alone together until you are married.

[reemacookii]

Thank you so so much! Can I still talk to him as long as we have limits?

[Scimitar]

Assalaam alaikum sister,

Could you go into the details of how you met, when you meet, under what circumstances? do your parents know you two are friends? Who else is present when you are around? etc...

The bottom line is, it is permissible to meet with someone from the opposite sex so long as you, as a female have your "mahram" with you present and you are not left alone.

You say you always talk about Islam and that he is religious - yet the issue of Zina came up in your post and I am slightly bewildered as to how your seemingly innocent situation has gotten to this stage?

Actually - to be honest, I am not that surprised...

...If you feel uncomfortable with the situation, then refrain from entertaining it sister. He, as a supposed strict Muslim should be able to respect your decision.

if you are serious about marriage then approach your parents and make it happen with their blessing.

Please provide detailed answers

Scimi

[reemacookii]

We met on a beach with friends, thought it was my only time on a beach with friends. Yes, my mom is aware and she thinks he's a respectful guy and met him once and his parents and his older adult brother know. My mom even bought him a gift once for his birthday. We met about 2 years ago.We used to meet like once a week within a group or with my cousin or friend and the places I regret were at concerts or movies, and I talked to my mom about that and she told me never to see a movie with a guy cause I didn't know it was haram. You see., I knew nothing about Islam.. it is just recent that I am more strict. Talking about Islam is very recent and a resut of me feeling guilty and religious lately. Before, we didn't mention it because was not at all religious. He, on the other hand, knew everything and had a very relgious family and childhood but him, being a teenage guy, copying friends, you know all the influences, he didn't act religious but he acted the opposite. After this all happened he told me the truth about how religous he is and we talked hours about Islam and asking our parents very detailed questions. So he's always knew a lot about Islam but never really used it in life, now he's changed a lot due to my arguing. He prays a lot more now, he memorize soorat al baqara and isn't afraid to show his religion like he was before. His mom knows the sins we did, all of them I believe. We are very serious about marriage, and we told our mom's, but mine says I'm still young and doesn't like to talk about it, I'm only 15.. And I know I shoudl refrain if it doesn't feel right, that's what my dad told me, but you see, shaytan gets in my head a lot and I got crazy and start thinking everything is wrong even things that are far from wrong and I always panic and belive I won't be forgiven, but it's all shaytan as to what I've read online.


Thank you very much! P.S I haven't seen him in over 3 months or so

[Muslim Woman]

we are not supposed to tell others about our sins . Allah is ready to accept our repentance 24/7.

we must ask for forgiveness and promise to stay away from that sin . Also stay away from those activities that may lead u to commit sin again . So , avoid boyfriend , mixed parties etc etc . Ask Allah to help u .

[Scimitar]

Eid mubarak to you sister Reemacookii,

I believe you said you are 15... I remember what it was like to be that age. Very powerful feelings and emotions flood our senses at that young age when hormones rule our mind and body over everything else - so I am quite pleased you are taking an Islamic frame of mind on this, whilst battling your emotions. This is very worthy of noting in my opinion. So salut to you

Do you believe you are in love? Even at this young age? I hope not - because most likely what you are experiencing is infatuation with this brother whom you are considering for marriage. Infatuation is a very strong feeling which doesn't rationalise very well - whereas love is patient, trusting and forgiving.

You say you feel emotionally torn when you are separated from him, this is a sure fire sign that what you are experiencing is actually infatuation, and not love. Love is altogether something which grows between two people who are married, see each others faults, smell each others smelly morning breath, and a lot more. You don't really know someone until you've lived with them - all else is speculation and big talk - trust me on this. In life, many people say things like:

"puppy love" "love at first sight" "first love is the strongest" etc etc etc - and it's all false, anyone with an ounce of real logic can tell you that these concepts of puppy love and all that jazz are nothing more than playful deceptions which lead to sin.

Real love is not like that - it is not based on emotion, but on patience and acceptance - and those two cannot be experienced until you are married and living together.

It is during those first few years as a married couple (the honeymoon years as they are termed these days) when the real love between two people has a chance to fruit its blessing... after that, the normality of everyday life takes a hold and an understanding between the two is the basis for the success in the marriage.

Sister, do not trouble your heart and mind over this matter any longer, and use your youthful emotions, which are innocent of any corruptions, to get closer to Allah - love HIM with a pure untainted love, and cling to HIM as you would to a parent. Thus Allah tells us that the path to Jannah is under the feet of our parents.

Once you can attain that understanding through the practice of pleasing them in every way possible, you will naturally want to please Allah also - and so, you will make salaat, stay long in sujood, beseech HIM to give you patience and a better understanding of your "self" so you can attain a mastery (over time) of your own faculties of things like emotion, reason, logic, faith, understanding, knowledge, etc etc etc - all these things I have mentioned are rapidly becoming lost in the youth of today - and I do not offer this advice to anyone easily - but I offer it to you because you have expressed a true interest in Islam from what I have read in your posts here. And for one so young, I find it admirable that you are not like the other girls who would easily give in to the whispers of the shayateen... you have a light within you which seeks Allah even in the most testing times. Which, I may - are right NOW for you, in the midst of your puberty (which will not end until a few more years)...

...you will know one thing when it does end. That you have changed, progressed, developed in every way possible - and have attained a higher wisdom and understanding about your "self".

Please consider for your sake, what I have to say - I am quite a bit older than you, and as an uncle type figure, I see you as a diamond amongst stones, and cannot see you be trampled by the tests life throws at you in these, very important years of your life.

I will keep you in my duas. Stay strong, and firm in making the best decision for YOU, not for anyone else - but for YOU, ok? At the end of the day, on Qiyamah, it will be only you left, even your parents won't intercede for you, so why go out on a limb for some emotions which are not even making any sense right now? right? Right!!!

Life is about self development so we can become the vice regency on this planet and do deeds which benefit our "self" and "humanity" as well as the "plant" and "animal" kingdoms... even these things are worship of Allah,

Stay stead fast in your salaat, and learn your Islam through whatever means you find beneficial (books, lectures, etc), and walk the walk - meaning, be a good Muslim who has one goal in life - to please Allah !!!

Everything else will fall into place, you will see!

Scimi

[greenhill]

Salaams,

Bismillahi Rohmanir Rohiim. His name says it all. Benevolent and Merciful, the Most.

Of course he will forgive his subjects if the subject genuinely seeks forgiveness and repents. Alhamdulillah, alhamdlillah, alhamdulillah! Just don't go down that road again.

Peace to you.

[reemacookii]

Thank you very much guys<3 I know I will never go down that road again and thank you sdo much for the replies and I've found myself change alot. I know that you guys might noit find it love but, feelings every since I met him for about 2 years. Anyway, I stopped telling him my feelings for him and he thinks I really hate him. Thank you a lot for the advice guys but I just wanted to know if I'm still allowed to talk to him like as normal friends. I know I should stay away from anything that leads to my sins again and if I'm careful with talking, and we have those rules where we stay away from sins, it's okay right? That's what I wanna know I'm really confused about it. Me and him both changed after this and we both became more religious, so in a way, it could have been like a gift from Allah (swt)

Thank you guys so much againn

[Alpha Dude]

Assalamu Alaykum,

It is best if you don't remain talking with him. The Prophet peace be upon him said "No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytaan will be the third one present."

So irrespective of all the actions and rules you put in place and how strict you try to be, the shaytan will still be there trying to misguide you.

Shaytan is an open enemy. We constantly need to seek refuge in Allah from him (i.e. we recite Aaudhu Billahi Minash shaytan irajeem often). This means we should avoid all situations that give access to shaytan in our lives.

[Chavundur]

My advice is do not be alone together until you are married.

My advice is do not be close one another until you are married. :-)

[reemacookii]

Thanks guys.. but you also have to understand it's not that easy.. I mean I tried not talk talk to him for a few days and we're both really sad.. all we talk about is like football and countries and things like that, nothing bad.. thanks for the advice but both of us are really willing to follow the strict rules, and if they were followed, is it okay? I mean it's hard going from talking everyday for 2years to never talking.. we have rules and stuff now though but I hope you understand it's not that easyy

Thank you guys for the advice but I wanna make sure it's okay to normally talk with nothing bad or without doing anything bad, you know, like close friends who just give advice and stuff

[Alpha Dude]

The truth is, you already know that it is not allowed. The problem is, your desires and habit make you want to find any possible loop hole. As mentioned earlier, a man and woman can not be alone without shaytan being the third. Regardless of how strict you think you will be, eventually shaytan will misguide you. You're not smarter than shaytan in that respect. Shaytan and his clan have been misguiding people for many centuries, they have knowledge of what strings to pull and how human psychology works. You and I are no match for his experience. We seek Allahs protection from him.

It's difficult, of course but not impossible. Whenever you give something up for Allah, Allah will replace it with something better in sha Allah.

[Scimitar]

Thanks guys.. but you also have to understand it's not that easy.. I mean I tried not talk talk to him for a few days and we're both really sad.. all we talk about is like football and countries and things like that, nothing bad.. thanks for the advice but both of us are really willing to follow the strict rules, and if they were followed, is it okay? I mean it's hard going from talking everyday for 2years to never talking.. we have rules and stuff now though but I hope you understand it's not that easyy

Thank you guys for the advice but I wanna make sure it's okay to normally talk with nothing bad or without doing anything bad, you know, like close friends who just give advice and stuff

It is haraam. Bottom line.

You WILL sin... and as the brother above has said - if you have made up your mind, why did you even bother to come here? For a confirmation bias? ?? ???

This is the problem with the youth today, we try to make you understand, give you good solid advice, tread around your sensitive and emotional nature, be kind wih our words - - - and you still go ahead and put yourselves into the fire.

[Hulk]

Thanks guys.. but you also have to understand it's not that easy.. I mean I tried not talk talk to him for a few days and we're both really sad.. all we talk about is like football and countries and things like that, nothing bad.. thanks for the advice but both of us are really willing to follow the strict rules, and if they were followed, is it okay? I mean it's hard going from talking everyday for 2years to never talking.. we have rules and stuff now though but I hope you understand it's not that easyy

Thank you guys for the advice but I wanna make sure it's okay to normally talk with nothing bad or without doing anything bad, you know, like close friends who just give advice and stuff

Look at it this way. This person, is not your husband. No matter how you look at it, he is not your husband and he may never be. So do you think it is wise to place yourself in a position where you find it difficult not to talk to him? I understand that it's not easy, but if you think about it this is the smarter choice because if you carry on like this it will only get harder, and it would be a very ugly situation if one day you decide to part ways. Would it be fair to your future husband to have someone else in your memory/past?

If you feel that you are right for each other, get married. But hold on, I'm sure neither of you are capable nor ready for that. The responsible thing then would be to leave it. Then in the future when you're both more responsible and capable then you can have a serious discussion about it with your family. Otherwise, what you're doing is laying the path to a destination which would likely be a disaster.

As Bro Alpha Dude says, it may be difficult but it is not impossible. Even if the both of you feel that you belong together in the future, wouldn't you want your relationship to be a pure one? You have to be strong and smart enough to close the door for now, and wait till it's the right time to open it.

ps: Regarding repentance, Allah will most definitely accept sincere repentances. No doubt about it.

[Scimitar]

emotional wish wash... here today, until another fancy comes along and replaces it - she is infatuated. But cannot admit it because she doesn't know any different - I mean, how can she? She's still only 15 - and under age... for very good reason.

Infatuation is the most over rated of teen emotions - full stop.

Scimi

[Signor]

Assalamu Alaikum

I will try to make it simple,since you are constantly insisting on taking him as a "friend" instead of "boyfriend"(probably you are viewing this in the same light).

What is a FRIEND:

1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.


Have you ever seen friends who have nothing in common?No,it can't be.

Regardless of how you see it,"Friendship" will remain a unique and special relationship to a person from another and this is what Islam has forbidden.

Just friends who give advice, talk about islam, help each other, hang out in groups… etc

Fact of the matter is we all interact (or have to interact) with opposite gender,at work or at school,irrespective of the societies we are living in.Problem arises,when you select a person(in case of opposite gender) and make things personal and private instead of general.This is where you step into danger zone.Off course,along the lines,you need to draw a division before engaging in these types of conversations.

And Allah knows Best!

[reemacookii]

Okay thanks guys.. the people I asked before said it wasokay but I think u guys are wiser and stuff, I don't know why ijust feel so sad and depressed and all but thanks alot

[strivingobserver98]

Okay thanks guys.. the people I asked before said it wasokay but I think u guys are wiser and stuff, I don't know why ijust feel so sad and depressed and all but thanks alot

Develop a close relationship with Allah he will never break your heart. Keep sticking to remembrance of Allah and slowly the sadness and depression will ease away.

[Newly Born]

Thank you very much guys<3 I know I will never go down that road again and thank you sdo much for the replies and I've found myself change alot. I know that you guys might noit find it love but, feelings every since I met him for about 2 years. Anyway, I stopped telling him my feelings for him and he thinks I really hate him. Thank you a lot for the advice guys but I just wanted to know if I'm still allowed to talk to him like as normal friends. I know I should stay away from anything that leads to my sins again and if I'm careful with talking, and we have those rules where we stay away from sins, it's okay right? That's what I wanna know I'm really confused about it. Me and him both changed after this and we both became more religious, so in a way, it could have been like a gift from Allah (swt)

Thank you guys so much againn

Being a teenager and having feelings for each other make you quite vulnerable for committing any kind of sins (since you are not married),so Shaytaan will definitely take advantage of your feelings and get in the way of being just friends.
Consider this '' Even though Allah(swt) ordered Adam and Eva strictly not to eat that forbidden fruit, Shaytaan made them do it anyway'' .In your case it is a pieces of cake for Iblis to make you go astray.
The bottom line,if you still want to keep seeing him,you have to get engaged and not be alone I mean always with a group that will restraing you from doing something wrong while seeing each other.