help required. lack of friends causing depression

[umer ahmad]

AOA everyone
how are you all.i don't know how to phrase this question. so here goes. i have always had problem in making friend since my schools days(i have a job now ). i have very few friends and whenever i meet them or meet someone new i cant seem to connect with them even though i try hard to do so. i have the same problem even connecting with new people i meet. also the biggest problem is that i feel that i am invisible. in a group people easily tend to overlook me even when i am speaking and i have noticed people tend to avoid me even unintentionally. even my closest friends (actual friends not fake ) hardly call me up , always i have to call them.i try to be as polite as possible with everyone and helpful but this happens. i just want to know the islamic point of view on this issue and any solution to it. this is becoming a problem for me as this is making me depressed and i feel very lonely at times. thank you everyone in advance and please share your thoughts on this.

[strivingobserver98]

Islamically you can read this dua to help you .

رَبِّ اشْرَحْ لِي صَدْرِي وَيَسِّرْ لِي أَمْرِي وَاحْلُلْ عُقْدَةً مِنْ لِسَانِي يَفْقَهُوا قَوْلِي

Transliteration: Rabbish rahlee sadree Wa yassir lee amree Wahlul ‘uqdata mi lisaanee Yafqahoo qawlee

Translation: O my Lord! expand me my breast Ease my task for me And remove the impediment from my speech So they may understand what I say

How are your social skills in general?

Make sure don't just talk about yourself, ask about the other person too. Show genuine interest in the person, people love talking about themselves. Focus on them and listen.

Instead of "What do you do?", ask "What do you like to do?" that will spark up into interesting conversation.

Also don't be afraid to crack some jokes here and there. Everyone loves a bit of humour .

Those are just some little tips. For more indepth I recommend you read through articles here http://www.succeedsocially.com/ and read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" book.

[Snow]

You mention that you try hard to connect with people.
Maybe you should just be yourself and not worry too much?

I have never been around you, so maybe I am reading too much into that statement of yours, but it is better (as far as I know) to just be relaxed instead of trying to force a connection.

[Lady A]

to the forum, Brother Umer Ahmad.

I'm sorry to know about your struggle when it comes to making and maintaining friendships. Find an interest that you like. Whether it's some kind of sport or reading or even cooking. Seek to find like minded people. You will find a group of people with the same interests, inshaAllah.

Always make dua for good companionship and friends, because we will have to answer about this on the Day of Judgement.

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

Maybe you could talk with your friends about this feeling that you feel you are invisible. Of course not in any way accusingly but in friendly and polite way.

This might be just your own feeling but sometimes we all need some wake up from our friends about how we really treat them.

[ardianto]

I have many friends because I love friendship. My friends have various character and personalities. There are those who humorous, there are those who serious. There are those who love to talk, there are those who calm and quiet.

But to be honest. There are few friends whom I often hesitate to interact with them. No, no, they are not people with bad behaviour. They are good people, and always polite. But seem like they are 'too busy with their own world'. I mean, they always look like in thinking and don't care with situation around them. And when I tried to interact with them, although they smile, seem like they didn't give attention to me, and look busy with their own mind. Of course, it made me hesitate to interact with them because I was afraid I would disturb their privacy.

Brother, I don't know anything about you. But maybe people see you like person that I describe above.

[BeTheChange]

Walaikumasalaam,

I think when your young especially, when your at school and college it's important to have friends. Your more likely to be accepted by your peers and you have some sort of social status or your presence is known.

As you grow older, generally speaking you learn more about yourself and who you are and when this happens you start to accept your strengths and weaknesses and you feel more comfortable about yourself.

I don't know how old you are and which stage you are at in your life but, please remember Allah swt isn't going to ask you how many friends you've had. This isn't your goal. I understand the pressure of wanting to have as many friends as possible, epecially because of the social media age we're living in but remember, this isn't your goal in life.

Be yourself and be true to yourself.

If your friends are not taking any notice of what you say then this isn't healthy for you. Consciously make an effort and analyse how you interact and behave around others. Look at the tone of your voice and the words you use and the timing of your words etc.

If you demonstrate self-respect to others, people will automatically start to respect you.

Maybe you can start looking for voluntary or paid work and this will boost your social skills in sha Allah.

Please also have a read of the below article. I've copied and pasted a few important paragraphs but try and read the full article in sha Allah.

Secondly:

Strive to find good companions and keep away from bad companions, for a friend will have an impact on his friends, as it was said:

Fourthly:

If you want to win people’s hearts, then treat them kindly and have a good attitude towards them, cooperate with them and meet their needs, for in this way you will be able to win their hearts. Among the wisdom narrated from ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) are his words: Do favours to whoever you want and you will be like his master, and be in need of whoever you want and you will be like his prisoner, and be independent of whoever you want and you will be his equal. We will say something in general terms about winning people’s hearts and earning their love.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, those who believe [in the Oneness of Allaah and in His Messenger (Muhammad )] and work deeds of righteousness, the Most Gracious (Allaah) will bestow love for them (in the hearts of the believers)”

If you wish to read more please visit;- http://islamqa.info/en/93519

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum Umer,

Mmm… I'm not sure what to say, because I don't feel that I have enough information about you.

Perhaps if you could give a concrete example of an interaction that you consider typical, this would help us understand what your essential problem(s) might be?


May Allah, the Gentle, Help us to understand ourselves and one another better.

[greenhill]

Sometimes reading others' perceived shortfalls or insecurities helps me resolve my own. Attending many training sessions etc exposes me to just how many people out there who feel themselves 'lacking' in something. Generally it's confidence.

With confidence they feel they could have the good life. With it, you're one of the main focus of your friends, of course very popular

If you're chasing shadows, you'll never get a grip of anything. You'll lose yourself and.. get nowhere.

Others have said above, it is about you. Your growth. You obviously know them, and they know you. Could you be 'pigeon holed'? Meaning, stuck in a role or 'image'? (I hate that term)..

Don't leave the group but find something of interest for yourself, better if it is part of the group activities.

But on your conversations, you have to learn to speak with conviction and can argue your point, and be gracious about it. Dare to speak contrary.

Telling jokes, now that's something else. That's an art. Evolutionary.. mixed with life's experiences, it could be well funny. Timing. (can't stress the importance of timing in every way) and of course, delivery. Really, lots don't try try to crack a joke in case it's not funny. The worst can happen is people don't laugh. Maybe they didn't understand. Maybe the delivery needs work. But don't stop. Soon you will have them laughing.

But you got to feel good about yourself.

[ardianto]

Always be yourself. If you are calm and quiet, do not act like humorous person because it will make you look weird. But, whatever your personality, try to give attention to the others. In Shaa Allah, it will make them feel appreciated and will welcome you as friend.