Salaam Alaikum!
I am a Hispanic American convert as of one year this month, but have been learning about Islam for three years now alhamdulillah. I am currently speaking to this Palestinian American man who has every quality you would want in a husband and he feels the same vice versa we have kept ourselves halal and both graduated college ready to take the next step but unfortunately people in his family do not approve because I am a convert and a huge "risk" to be married to. It has brought me to tears multiple times because I know my intentions and they are all good! I am not sure how to convince his dad that I am not like other American girls.
My background is I was raised in a very strict Christian household. Never have i drank, smoked, did drugs or had inappropriate relations with a male and that is something I am so very proud of. I just feel like I am being judged without them even knowing me. Should I talk to his dad and tell him about who I am in hopes of changing his mind? If his family had issues with me that were actually haram I would understand, but I cannot help the way Allah brought me into this world, but I can change how I leave this world alhamdulillah. I'm at a loss right now of what to do. Any advice would be appreciated, shukran!!!
Mashallah, I am happy to hear that you have found a potential future spouse. Though, I am sorry that you are facing such unfair judgement by his parents. I understand your situation in a way. My future wife-to-be, inshallah, is of Norwegian-American descent. As I am sure you know, relationships between a Hispanic Man and a White American woman are not exactly held in high regard, and in many ways I had to "prove" myself worthy of their daughter's time, so to speak. Perhaps you can do the same, show and prove to them that you are a moral, upright, and pious woman, and inshallah they may come around to you as my partner's parents have to me.
Have you met his family yet? If not, ask him to arrange a meetup at their house for you guys to discuss marriage. Reason being - if they haven't met you yet they form all sorts of negative opinions possibly based on stereotypes or things they've heard in the past - it's only by them seeing you in front of them that they will see you as an actual person and in sha Allah their hearts would soften.
Have you met his family yet? If not, ask him to arrange a meetup at their house for you guys to discuss marriage. Reason being - if they haven't met you yet they form all sorts of negative opinions possibly based on stereotypes or things they've heard in the past - it's only by them seeing you in front of them that they will see you as an actual person and in sha Allah their hearts would soften.
I have met some of his family. His sister and I have been friends for quite some time and his mom actually taught me to read Arabic. But his father being the head of the household he holds the main authority, as it should be, but I have never met him. His dad has just seen bad things happen to some of his cousins so it gives him an automatic bad taste for me, but inshallah I am very open to meeting him and talking to him about why I converted and the place of my intentions. It is just a hard spot to be in, but I know Allah makes everything happen for a reason I just wish there wasn't this barrier that's so hard for some to over come :/
Mashallah, I am happy to hear that you have found a potential future spouse. Though, I am sorry that you are facing such unfair judgement by his parents. I understand your situation in a way. My future wife-to-be, inshallah, is of Norwegian-American descent. As I am sure you know, relationships between a Hispanic Man and a White American woman are not exactly held in high regard, and in many ways I had to "prove" myself worthy of their daughter's time, so to speak. Perhaps you can do the same, show and prove to them that you are a moral, upright, and pious woman, and inshallah they may come around to you as my partner's parents have to me.
This is very encouraging to read! I can only pray that I am given this opportunity, I just am not sure how it could come about though but inshallah his dad will be willing to at least just meet me once I know that even with one encounter I could start to change his mind at least a little.
Salaam Alaikum!
I am a Hispanic American convert as of one year this month, but have been learning about Islam for three years now alhamdulillah. I am currently speaking to this Palestinian American man who has every quality you would want in a husband and he feels the same vice versa we have kept ourselves halal and both graduated college ready to take the next step but unfortunately people in his family do not approve because I am a convert and a huge "risk" to be married to. It has brought me to tears multiple times because I know my intentions and they are all good! I am not sure how to convince his dad that I am not like other American girls.
My background is I was raised in a very strict Christian household. Never have i drank, smoked, did drugs or had inappropriate relations with a male and that is something I am so very proud of. I just feel like I am being judged without them even knowing me. Should I talk to his dad and tell him about who I am in hopes of changing his mind? If his family had issues with me that were actually haram I would understand, but I cannot help the way Allah brought me into this world, but I can change how I leave this world alhamdulillah. I'm at a loss right now of what to do. Any advice would be appreciated, shukran!!!
Assalamu Alaikum
You seem like a wonderful person mashallah. I think his dad just needs to be more open minded. If the brother really wants to marry you, he doesn't necessarily need his father's permission islamically, however I can understand that having it would make a world of a difference. Therefore, there is nothing necessarily that you can do, but it is your potential husband's job to express that he's adamant about his decision and to continue to try to convince his father that he wants to marry you. He should try to at least soften his heart towards it and tell him that marriage is a part of sunnah and good for him etc. May allah make it easy for you. Both you and your suitor should pray istikhara. If Allah softens his father's heart and makes acquiring marriage easy for you guys, then inshallah that is Allah's destiny for you guys, and if not, then just move on because it could be that for whatever reason, you guys are just not meant to be.
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