Asalam O Alaikum Recently i've been struggling a lot with my life i still am though,my family is messed up,no one understands me,i'm ashamed of even telling anyone my problems i have extreme social anxiety,i've had it since i was a kid and i hate my life very much i wanna die i wanna end this there are so much problems in my life i hate my family,i hate myself,i hate everyone!!!!! i don't even deserve to live i don't have a future anyway i'm lazy careless and really sensitive.........every morning i have to bear my dad disrespecting my mom, i find him very repulsive now,i'm the only child who stays home i'm homeschooling because of some serious problems,tomorrow a male tutor will be coming for me and i'm scared as hell because i don't even know him and is it even ok for a girl to be tutored by a male and literally sitting infront of him?i don't like this at all i know suicide is haram and a person goes straight to hell after that,but i want to escape this asap or i'll become insane!!!!!!!!!
Last edited by Roha Shama; 11-05-2016 at 07:23 AM.
You're in a difficult position right now I really sympathize with you, but suicide is not the answer, its just not.
You are not obliged to get tutored under a male teacher, it is best that you dont; have you spoken to your mother about it? Is there any other family member who you can talk to?
You need some outside help from family to help your home situation.
How is your family messed up? You do not need to be around them 24/7, you can go to your room to get some peace and quite. Same goes for when your mom is around your dad, you don't have to be around all the time and can limit the amount of time you are there.
Why do you hate your family, yourself and everyone? There has to be a reason for it. The future is what you make it and the qualities you dislike can be changed if you work on them.
The tutor does not have to be a male, especially if you two will be sitting alone. You can talk to your mom about getting a female tutor, if not then you can go pscyho on him and scare him away. Lot of the stuff you are saying is emotional based and not fact based so we are not sure of your exact situation and therefore can't advise much.
try reading or listening to the Quran it will help you relax a bit.
Asalam O Alaikum Recently i've been struggling a lot with my life i still am though,my family is messed up,no one understands me,i'm ashamed of even telling anyone my problems i have extreme social anxiety,i've had it since i was a kid and i hate my life very much i wanna die i wanna end this there are so much problems in my life i hate my family,i hate myself,i hate everyone!!!!! i don't even deserve to live i don't have a future anyway i'm lazy careless and really sensitive.........every morning i have to bear my dad disrespecting my mom, i find him very repulsive now,i'm the only child who stays home i'm homeschooling because of some serious problems,tomorrow a male tutor will be coming for me and i'm scared as hell because i don't even know him and is it even ok for a girl to be tutored by a male and literally sitting infront of him?i don't like this at all i know suicide is haram and a person goes straight to hell after that,but i want to escape this hell hole asap or i'll become insane!!!!!!!!!
well i guess if no one's gonna help me out i guess i have only one option left...suicide
Wa alaykum a'salam. We are all here to help you, sister.
Firstly, you need to remember the purpose of your life in this dunya, to worship Allah. When your life revolves around worship, praying your Salah, and trying to attain Jannah, then these thoughts that you have would not even enter your mind. What you feel now is not even an ounce of the misery you will feel in Jahannam, which is destined for those who are ungrateful of the blessings of Allah. You want to 'escape this hell hole', but can you even comprehend what Jahannam is? SubhanAllah, if you understood the punishement, by Allah what you are feeling now would not even feel like a paper cut.
Allah blessed you with your life, and killing yourself is not your right. Life and death belong to Allah, and you are just a slave of Allah. The trials you are facing, with your family, your social interactions, your studies, and anything else, are a test to determine your belief in Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala. Endure it with Sabr and your reward will be Greater than anything, in sha Allah, it is a reward unimaginable, and it is for the believers who endured Allah's trials with patience, sincerity, and Tawakkal.
Whatever your circumstances are, whether you trust in Allah and endure, or you are ungrateful to Him, you cannot escape from standing in front of Him on Yawmul al Qiyama, and that Day we will all be questioned, and I sincerely pray that we are all able to truthfully say to our Rabb, "I really did try my best".
Sister, my advice to you is to take it one day at a time. Don't get caught up in the future, don't take the burden of other's actions upon yourself, your parents are a trial for you, your anxiety is a trial for you. Just put your trust in Allah. SubhanAllah all we have to do is worship Allah, be grateful, have Tawakkal, and everything will fall into place, I swear by Allah, if you put your trust in Him, the calamities in your life will become beautiful.
Allah knows best. Please update us when you are able, in sha Allah.
I a praying for you, sister. I lived with severe abuse as a teenager, so I sort of understand. I truly pray for your father, mother, and you. Change will take time, but I encourage you to keep making duas every day. God cares. God listens to your duas. God is kind and merciful, even if his servants are not. I am not Muslim so I don't know duas for protection, but perhaps you should find some and say them daily. Take care.
You're in a difficult position right now I really sympathize with you, but suicide is not the answer, its just not.
You are not obliged to get tutored under a male teacher, it is best that you dont; have you spoken to your mother about it? Is there any other family member who you can talk to?
You need some outside help from family to help your home situation.
well you see i've been physically and mentally abused since i was a kid,when i always skipped school i used to get beaten up by my mom with a shoe she was basically beating me up because of dad blaming everything on her,the male teacher you see,i'm being forced to get tutored by him by my family because i can't study on my own and they want the best for me,my family keeps telling me he understands me but i think he'll just make fun of my problems and i'm pretty weak in other subjects,he's elderly though he has daughters as well,but i'm like in my teens and i'm scared to be tutored by a huge man that i don't even know and doesn't even have a blood relation or anything with me he's a stranger,my mother is very stubborn you see she won't listen i've tried a lot to make her understand and no there's no other family member who i can talk to they are basically illiterate and evil they'll only make fun of me and already do,they are happy with my situation did you know that?...i'm sorry for troubling you with my problems i really am..
Last edited by Roha Shama; 11-05-2016 at 07:21 AM.
How is your family messed up? You do not need to be around them 24/7, you can go to your room to get some peace and quite. Same goes for when your mom is around your dad, you don't have to be around all the time and can limit the amount of time you are there.
Why do you hate your family, yourself and everyone? There has to be a reason for it. The future is what you make it and the qualities you dislike can be changed if you work on them.
The tutor does not have to be a male, especially if you two will be sitting alone. You can talk to your mom about getting a female tutor, if not then you can go pscyho on him and scare him away. Lot of the stuff you are saying is emotional based and not fact based so we are not sure of your exact situation and therefore can't advise much.
try reading or listening to the Quran it will help you relax a bit.
Well you see my relatives practice black magic my dad's side does,they've been causing a lot of problems between my parents from the start even his own mother does this basically torturing my mom and in which they have prevailed sadly,now my mom has sugar because of depression and my dad still won't let her live in peace by the way my dad isn't a normal person,he's a psychopath and has a second wife even though he's a well educated dermatologist! can you believe that? that's also the reason why they are making my mom's life hell also because they're jealous of her art she's done fine arts you see,my mom and dad were so busy in their problems that they forgot to give me a proper childhood,i won't be sitting alone though my sister and brother will be with me at that time,but i'll be like sitting in front of him i don't think that's right at all and no there are no good female tutors here....
I a praying for you, sister. I lived with severe abuse as a teenager, so I sort of understand. I truly pray for your father, mother, and you. Change will take time, but I encourage you to keep making duas every day. God cares. God listens to your duas. God is kind and merciful, even if his servants are not. I am not Muslim so I don't know duas for protection, but perhaps you should find some and say them daily. Take care.
Thanks,i rarely made duas because i was afraid they won't get accepted,but i think i should start making them more now my problem is getting serious..
Well you see my relatives practice black magic my dad's side does,they've been causing a lot of problems between my parents from the start even his own mother does this basically torturing my mom and in which they have prevailed sadly,now my mom has sugar because of depression and my dad still won't let her live in peace by the way my dad isn't a normal person,he's a psychopath and has a second wife even though he's a well educated dermatologist! can you believe that? that's also the reason why they are making my mom's life hell also because they're jealous of her art she's done fine arts you see,my mom and dad were so busy in their problems that they forgot to give me a proper childhood,i won't be sitting alone though my sister and brother will be with me at that time,but i'll be like sitting in front of him i don't think that's right at all and no there are no good female tutors here....
Well if they do practice black magic then that may be the root cause of your problems. You also seem to suffer from anxiety and that may be blowing your perspective out of proportions in regards to all of this. If your siblings are not seeing all these issues or seeing them being as big as you are then this what I just said may be true. Anyways, you will be tutored by an old man and not a young guy and you will be alone as your siblings will be around as well, and since no qualified female teacher is found at this time, then in this situation it should be ok for the time being. So rather then stressing out about it before hand, just wait and see how the first day goes.
Regarding the magic issue, you need to start reciting the duas that protect you from magic. You can read more about it here: https://islamqa.info/en/search?key=sihr
You also need to get back to your deen. That means read your quran as there is healing in it and protection, do your prayers and make dua.
format_quote Originally Posted by Roha Shama
well you see i've been physically and mentally abused since i was a kid,when i always skipped school i used to get beaten up by my mom with a shoe she was basically beating me up because of dad blaming everything on her,the male teacher you see,i'm being forced to get tutored by him by my family because i can't study on my own and they want the best for me,my family keeps telling me he understands me but i think he'll just make fun of my problems and i'm pretty weak in other subjects,he's elderly though he has daughters as well,but i'm like in my teens and i'm scared to be tutored by a huge man that i don't even know and doesn't even have a blood relation or anything with me he's a stranger,my mother is very stubborn you see she won't listen i've tried a lot to make her understand and no there's no other family member who i can talk to they are basically illiterate and evil they'll only make fun of me and already do,they are happy with my situation did you know that?...i'm sorry for troubling you with my problems i really am..
I don't think that is abuse, most of us have been beaten with shoes or some object as kids and have been yelled at and cursed depending on how troublesome we were. Your siblings seem to have turned alright. I don't know how your family thinks he understands you when he hasn't even met you, but maybe he understands in the aspect that he is elderly with his own daughters so has more experience with dealing with young daughters. If he is elderly then and your siblings will be there as well then stop stressing out, just wait and see how it goes. And no he won't make fun of you, good teachers don't do that, especially ones that are more senior and experienced.
Well if they do practice black magic then that may be the root cause of your problems. You also seem to suffer from anxiety and that may be blowing your perspective out of proportions in regards to all of this. If your siblings are not seeing all these issues or seeing them being as big as you are then this what I just said may be true. Anyways, you will be tutored by an old man and not a young guy and you will be alone as your siblings will be around as well, and since no qualified female teacher is found at this time, then in this situation it should be ok for the time being. So rather then stressing out about it before hand, just wait and see how the first day goes.
Regarding the magic issue, you need to start reciting the duas that protect you from magic. You can read more about it here: https://islamqa.info/en/search?key=sihr
You also need to get back to your deen. That means read your quran as there is healing in it and protection, do your prayers and make dua.
I don't think that is abuse, most of us have been beaten with shoes or some object as kids and have been yelled at and cursed depending on how troublesome we were. Your siblings seem to have turned alright. I don't know how your family thinks he understands you when he hasn't even met you, but maybe he understands in the aspect that he is elderly with his own daughters so has more experience with dealing with young daughters. If he is elderly then and your siblings will be there as well then stop stressing out, just wait and see how it goes. And no he won't make fun of you, good teachers don't do that, especially ones that are more senior and experienced.
you know he actually is experienced because he's also a coordinator at the school i used to study in,so i guess i'll go then
Try this dua
It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:
‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi’
“O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety”
but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.” (Ahmad 1/391)
well you see i've been physically and mentally abused since i was a kid,when i always skipped school i used to get beaten up by my mom with a shoe she was basically beating me up because of dad blaming everything on her,
If in later life, you marry and have children, what training will you have had to become a mum? The chances are, that you may end up like your mum and dad, I am sure that they both had good intentions when they got married, but life is incredibly tough. We hope that if we have children they will be ok, and they will get on in life.
You sound as if you are a kind and caring person, try and help your mum and dad more in the house. If you want things to change, it has to come from you, and you have to be the change you want to see. Fight all battles with loving kindness, be patient, because kindness takes a while for the benefits to be felt.
Pray a blessing for your mum and dad.......
Now may the peace of Allah be with you,
May Allah bless you
May Allah keep you
And may Allah's face shine upon you always
And give you peace.
well you see i've been physically and mentally abused since i was a kid,when i always skipped school i used to get beaten up by my mom with a shoe she was basically beating me up because of dad blaming everything on her,the male teacher you see,i'm being forced to get tutored by him by my family because i can't study on my own and they want the best for me,my family keeps telling me he understands me but i think he'll just make fun of my problems and i'm pretty weak in other subjects,he's elderly though he has daughters as well,but i'm like in my teens and i'm scared to be tutored by a huge man that i don't even know and doesn't even have a blood relation or anything with me he's a stranger,my mother is very stubborn you see she won't listen i've tried a lot to make her understand and no there's no other family member who i can talk to they are basically illiterate and evil they'll only make fun of me and already do,they are happy with my situation did you know that?...i'm sorry for troubling you with my problems i really am..
It mustve been difficult on your mother getting blamed for your actions, I know there are fathers who do that, and its not fair. Having said that, it wasnt right also for her to beat you up, but then she mustve been very frustrated and as the other reader says it is common for parents to beat their children, it was their way of disciplining, etc..etc...
About the teacher issue, there is a way around it that you can do. Put a curtain across where you are going to sit and be taught, so there is a screen between you. In fact, Islamicially, this is the proper way to do things and for getting tutored by the opposite gender. Also make sure the setting is in a public place like the lounge, rather than a bedroom, for example. In that way it is safe and hearts remain pure.
It is highly unlikely that the teacher will make fun of you, after all they mustve come across all types of people and understand their issues, so that shouldnt be a worry.
You feel like dying each second. I also feel nervous and unhappy somethimes. Life is not flawless; there are sorrow and happiness. It's up to you to get them.
We're all different. Some people don't give a penny anything, living careless, some live with heacy melancholy.
the only way is balancing it. we can not destroy our emotions but we can control them.
I know that it is not a easy thing. You should believe in yourself.
seeing our weaknessess helps to solve every problem.
from what you say I conclude that you are suicidal.
ı do not know when&why it come out. after passing through some heavy trauvmas like losing parents or failure in social life people do it. though it's haram; if
it is good for us Allah does not forbid it. If there is no reason for this, you can see a doctor to clear up eveything. In Europe, you can get a good servise because they know the
importance of pschological health unlike my country. You must face it with bravery. Silence is the greatest sin somethimes. Like a heart attack, there are tons of pschological illnesses. I do not try to abuse you; please take them as an advice. Also having a hobby is a good way of relaxing.
while turning to a doctor, one become more positive by learning new things. If you spend your brain energy and produce something you'll get a uniqui satisfaction from it.it is the same for everyone. so you must find new things, new peoples entertaining you. this will stop the elements bringing about your melancholy. Es-Salam.
If in later life, you marry and have children, what training will you have had to become a mum? The chances are, that you may end up like your mum and dad, I am sure that they both had good intentions when they got married, but life is incredibly tough. We hope that if we have children they will be ok, and they will get on in life.
You sound as if you are a kind and caring person, try and help your mum and dad more in the house. If you want things to change, it has to come from you, and you have to be the change you want to see. Fight all battles with loving kindness, be patient, because kindness takes a while for the benefits to be felt.
Pray a blessing for your mum and dad.......
Now may the peace of Allah be with you,
May Allah bless you
May Allah keep you
And may Allah's face shine upon you always
And give you peace.
In the spirit of praying for peace and harmony,
Eric
umm i haven't thought of marriage plus i think it's icky don't blame me,i won't be even ready for that even when i'll be in my 20's i know marriage is like compulsory but no i'm not ready for that stuff,because of my serious problems as well,you know what happened to mum? nope i'm not getting into that mess especially in this wretched country,100% of the people here aren't reliable nor lovable not even generous..every time i hear marriage all i can think of is "burden" i'm sorry if i offended anyone,you see i've seen how marriages here end up for example my mom and dad's marriage and 1000% of the people here don't have happy marriages,anyway thank you so much for calling me kind and caring i do help my mum in the house,my dad you see makes her do everything in the house and thinks of my mom as nothing more than a slave,my dad also has a second wife who happens to practice black magic but he refuses to believe,it's the illiteracy of our country's men to marry more than one women even when they are well educated like my father! when they are displeased with the first one for no reason at all they marry another one,my father is a successful dermatologist he often visits other countries for his conferences and my mom has a degree in fine arts..
i'm not getting into that mess especially in this wretched country,100% of the people here aren't reliable nor lovable not even generous..every time i hear marriage all i can think of is "burden" i'm sorry if i offended anyone,you see i've seen how marriages here end up for example my mom and dad's marriage and 1000% of the people here don't have happy marriages
We should not generalize that. It seems wretched to you because majority of the people you have seen were not good people, but to say 100% of the people is untrue and unfair. That would also include your mother and you. There are good and bad people in every land, we just have to navigate through the sea of people and avoid the bad and try to keep company with the good
it's the illiteracy of our country's men to marry more than one women even when they are well educated like my father! when they are displeased with the first one for no reason at all they marry another one,
There is nothing wrong in marrying more than one wife if one is able to do so. It is a right given to them by Allah, if they can handle it. It has nothing to do with the illiteracy of the nation or the level of education one has. They do not need a reason for it either. However, they do need to be just otherwise they will have to answer to Allah for it.
We should not generalize that. It seems wretched to you because majority of the people you have seen were not good people, but to say 100% of the people is untrue and unfair. That would also include your mother and you. There are good and bad people in every land, we just have to navigate through the sea of people and avoid the bad and try to keep company with the good
There is nothing wrong in marrying more than one wife if one is able to do so. It is a right given to them by Allah, if they can handle it. It has nothing to do with the illiteracy of the nation or the level of education one has. They do not need a reason for it either. However, they do need to be just otherwise they will have to answer to Allah for it.
I know that it's ok for someone to marry another woman and ruin the first one's life and right? what kind of right is this,did you know how worse our freaking lives got when my dad married that woman it is the illiteracy as i told you,why don't you understand that's 100% true you don't live here ok you will never truly understand what kind of pain we are going through because of our dad's mistakes it makes me so freaking angry when people say it's ok for someone to marry more than one woman,how will you provide for the others my dad can't even fully provide for her and for us equally,yes you only think of the pleasures,men will also be taken to hell by the women they tortured did you know that? it's not my fault you can't understand a woman's pain,Allah only ordered you men to marry other women if you can provide for them or they are widows and in need of someone not women of you're freaking choice or ruining the first wife's life or her children's my dad did the same mistake he had a freaking affair with her as well she's also a gold digger she only came for my dad's money she knew he was a doctor and how much money they make she also tried to kill my siblings so we would get out of her way! she freaking practices black magic why are you ignoring that? i'm sorry for being rude and everything but that's how i've become because of hearing a lot of ignorance.....no i'm not going against Allah's commands but ruining the first one's life isn't right either.and that's also the reason i changed my last name to my mother's i respect her more than me father because he's crooked i've seen how he tortures mum,no i'm not a crazy feminist or anything i just think women deserve the rights you took from them,yes hate on me for saying that,think what you want to think i don't care anymore!!!
Last edited by Roha Shama; 11-09-2016 at 08:49 AM.
You need to protect yourself. Black magic is serious. You're right that a man cannot marry another women if he is unable to provide and treat them equally. Whatever pain and struggles you and your mother go through because of the oppression you feel then Allah will compensate for it on judgment day. He hears all pleas. Please have patience and read quran and stick to your salah. Get the protection for the black magic as no magic can hurt you if Allah has not willed it to. The woman has many rights and to be treated like a slave is unacceptable islamically
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Roha Shama liked this post
and that's also the reason i changed my last name to my mother's i respect her more than me father because he's crooked i've seen how he tortures mum,no i'm not a crazy feminist or anything i just think women deserve the rights you took from them,yes hate on me for saying that,think what you want to think i don't care anymore!!!
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Posting Permissions
Bookmarks