Fatwa & Broken marriage & Healing

[babamaryam]

Asc, hope all is well. I am going through an emotional and mental rollercoaster.

Hear my story:

I was married in Feb 2019 to a beautiful girl. It was a semi arranged marriage as my father introduced us and after talking for several months we both decided to go ahead and get married. Alhamdullilah we were blessed with a baby boy right away and got pregnant again right away. This is where our cultural differences started to show.The family is from a rural area in Africa and I am an dual American citizen. During her delivery the doctor actually two doctors told us that it will be a csection -- long story short her mother said No to C-section. after some 40+ hours of labour My father stepped in essentially saving her life but we lost the girl.

I decided to come back to America and work as my savings have been depleted. Even though she was against it but it only made sense financially and health wise.

When I come to America, I started hustling and busting my a** of to make sure she and my son were living a well off life. Her older sister, who in my personal opinion is the reason behind the failed marriage decided to take advantage of her. Whenever I would send her money that I intended for a month, the money would be spent and my wife would call me nagging me. I could not handle the heat essentially because I felt as though as I work & work and send money the more money I sent the more they were asking and using my wife to come nag me.

In the heat of the moment I said, Her name and said I divorce you with one talaq. Then few months went by. a gentlemen who is has way more money than me and is married to her first cousin, needed some documentations. I specifically asked of her to keep those documentations because of the process I'm in the middle of. When I felt as though she would not listen, I said if you give away those documents without my permission it is as if though you taken your dalaqs. Not only did she give them away, but the gentlemen came to my house to take it. few weeks went by. Nagging and nagging again I got to the point where I was so angry that I said I divorced you.

My father stepped in, could not solve the divorce issue. Went to a muslim scholar and he said after looking at it said you have 2 left. She did not agree and wanted to dissolve the marriage. Her mother, who is not the best mother in law was adminant on securing her mehr and because I am from America than I should pay $10k if I want to keep my family. Her sister as you can imagine was pushing her and beating drums for her saying you are a pretty girl who can marry any man now and if you want to go to America, you can do so when your son grows up and just marry another man. Mind you this is while she is still married to me.

I decided maybe if I go, I can save my marriage. Her father came. Said I want to hear 2talaqs. My father said you can have em and had me say em.

Now I want my family, because we have a son together and I want to be apart of his life growing up. How do I move on? How can I get her back? I spend the whole day thinking about her. I came back to America and I don't have the same drive as I did before. Im a mental and emotional wreck. Im so indecisive. her mom and her sister are counting all three talaqs. Her father said we have one left. I need help. I need closure.

[AabiruSabeel]

I'm not sure about the divorce issue, but if you still have a chance to save your marriage, then go and bring your family with you. Keep your family with you wherever you work, be it America or elsewhere. Only then you will be able to avoid any negative influence of anyone else.

[Hamza Asadullah]

Asc, hope all is well. I am going through an emotional and mental rollercoaster.

Hear my story:

I was married in Feb 2019 to a beautiful girl. It was a semi arranged marriage as my father introduced us and after talking for several months we both decided to go ahead and get married. Alhamdullilah we were blessed with a baby boy right away and got pregnant again right away. This is where our cultural differences started to show.The family is from a rural area in Africa and I am an dual American citizen. During her delivery the doctor actually two doctors told us that it will be a csection -- long story short her mother said No to C-section. after some 40+ hours of labour My father stepped in essentially saving her life but we lost the girl.

I decided to come back to America and work as my savings have been depleted. Even though she was against it but it only made sense financially and health wise.

When I come to America, I started hustling and busting my a** of to make sure she and my son were living a well off life. Her older sister, who in my personal opinion is the reason behind the failed marriage decided to take advantage of her. Whenever I would send her money that I intended for a month, the money would be spent and my wife would call me nagging me. I could not handle the heat essentially because I felt as though as I work & work and send money the more money I sent the more they were asking and using my wife to come nag me.

In the heat of the moment I said, Her name and said I divorce you with one talaq. Then few months went by. a gentlemen who is has way more money than me and is married to her first cousin, needed some documentations. I specifically asked of her to keep those documentations because of the process I'm in the middle of. When I felt as though she would not listen, I said if you give away those documents without my permission it is as if though you taken your dalaqs. Not only did she give them away, but the gentlemen came to my house to take it. few weeks went by. Nagging and nagging again I got to the point where I was so angry that I said I divorced you.

My father stepped in, could not solve the divorce issue. Went to a muslim scholar and he said after looking at it said you have 2 left. She did not agree and wanted to dissolve the marriage. Her mother, who is not the best mother in law was adminant on securing her mehr and because I am from America than I should pay $10k if I want to keep my family. Her sister as you can imagine was pushing her and beating drums for her saying you are a pretty girl who can marry any man now and if you want to go to America, you can do so when your son grows up and just marry another man. Mind you this is while she is still married to me.

I decided maybe if I go, I can save my marriage. Her father came. Said I want to hear 2talaqs. My father said you can have em and had me say em.

Now I want my family, because we have a son together and I want to be apart of his life growing up. How do I move on? How can I get her back? I spend the whole day thinking about her. I came back to America and I don't have the same drive as I did before. Im a mental and emotional wreck. Im so indecisive. her mom and her sister are counting all three talaqs. Her father said we have one left. I need help. I need closure.

Asalaamu Alaikum,

I am sorry to hear what you are going through my brother, however what is apparent is that all of these issues started when you left her there to come to the US, even though she really did not want you to go.

Secondly you acted out of haste on a few occasions which you describe as "the heat of the moment" by blurting out "talaaq" in long distance and then regretting it later. However according to what you have written you have already said talaaq four times. Once on two separate occasions and on one occasion twice:

1. In the heat of the moment I said, Her name and said I divorce you with one talaq.
2. Nagging and nagging again I got to the point where I was so angry that I said I divorced you.
3 and 4. Her father came. Said I want to hear 2talaqs. My father said you can have em and had me say em.

We cannot give you fatwa's here. Therefore you must visit a reliable and trustworthy Sheikh and explain all of your situation in detail. Also ask of Allah especially in the latter part of the night at Tahajjud time to help resolve your issues and make it easy for you and to do what is best for you and your partner in this situation.

May Allah make it easy for you both and do what is best for you both. Ameen.