What Should I do?

**Irfan's Wife** · 03-09-2007

I did Istikhaarah for marriage, twice.I recieved beautiful signs from Allah and i am so grateful.Now the man who I intended to marry say's he can't marry me because his mother refuses...and he chose his family over me.I'm not angry,but i just can't accept it because if Allah is showin me that it is right how am i supposed to give up???? Allah tests those He loves,and I believe im being tested.He's cut me off completeley because it is too hard for him to speak to me.By the way this only happened last night,and last night was the first time he told his mother about me.But im being judged by his family,who don't even know me,so im frustrated,confused,hurt,and really down.I trust in Allah with everything I got, thats why i can't handle what has happened.

**- Qatada -** · 03-09-2007

May Allaah make it easy for you sister. I think that when istikhaarah is performed - they have seeked the help of Allaah, and due to that - what happens to the person afterwards is a sign from Allaah whether the thing will take place or not.

So in your case, if Allaah has willed that this guy doesn't want to accept - that might be a sign from Allaah that the marriage shouldn't take place. Allaah knows best, i may be wrong. That's how i've understood istikharah.

**aamirsaab** · 03-09-2007

His parents are only doing what they think is best for him. I''d take this as a true sign from Allah, that this is not the one you are to marry. Personally, I'd leave it to my parents, the people who have raised and nurtured you from birth deserve this amount of trust.

**Irfan's Wife** · 03-09-2007

Originally Posted by aamirsaab

His parents are only doing what they think is best for him. I''d take this as a true sign from Allah, that this is not the one you are to marry. Personally, I'd leave it to my parents, the people who have raised and nurtured you from birth deserve this amount of trust.

I love my parents but they don't think Islamically, and it's a shame because I can't even speak to them about it.

**Irfan's Wife** · 03-09-2007

Originally Posted by Fi_Sabilillah

May Allaah make it easy for you sister. I think that when istikhaarah is performed - they have seeked the help of Allaah, and due to that - what happens to the person afterwards is a sign from Allaah whether the thing will take place or not.

So in your case, if Allaah has willed that this guy doesn't want to accept - that might be a sign from Allaah that the marriage shouldn't take place. Allaah knows best, i may be wrong. That's how i've understood istikharah.

but how come it feels wrong to me to jus give up isn't that me questioning my faith in Allah????

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 03-09-2007

Allah tests those he loves, sister please listen to this:

When you find that the test is painstaking, and when it is the most difficult, realise that this is a stepping stone for you to reach greater heights of jannah. SubhanAllah can you imagine the great reward in both dunya and akhirah which you might get? So sister do that which is best islamically, may ALlah help us all.

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 03-09-2007

ALSO istikhara unfolds destiny in the best way, who knows you might end up with someone much better, even if you find this unimaginable you are blinded by emotions, and Allah knows best.

**Irfan's Wife** · 03-09-2007

Jazakallah Khair i just feel so lost im sorry.

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 03-09-2007

Originally Posted by Kiron

Jazakallah Khair i just feel so lost im sorry.

ye i kno sis thats what happens when we get blinded by emotions. Look think of it this way, whatever Allah wills to happen WILL HAPPEN, we can either be unhappy with it and only get more problems and stress OR we can accept it and gain the pleasure of Allah subhana wa ta'ala. Seriouslly this mentality IS the way forward!!!

may ALlah guide us all Ameen

**queenmuslimah** · 03-09-2007

asalamu calykum sister......u prayed right? and u got a good sign...so ukhti just have faith in allah and wallahi everything is goin to be alright....maybe he will come around as well as his parents...and if u two werent meant to be than there is a great reason.........but dont u lose faith in allah........cause as long as u have allah in ur mind i can assure u that everything is goin to be perfect........this could be a test from allah like u said.........and if it is may u pass the test......ameen........and i believe u are not questioning ur faith in allah....cause allah is the one that gives love..........wallahi ukhti dont let the shaytan get to u.......his main goal is to mislead the ummah.......but like i said as long as allah is near u no shaytan is going to be there........hope wat have said helped u inshallah.........if u were u i wouldnt give up but others might tell u to give up...so just pray and see the outcome inshallah everything is goin to be alright........anything bad is from the shaytan and anything good is from allah......please do forgive if i have offened u..........asalamu calykum and best of luck

**- Qatada -** · 03-09-2007

Just remember sister, you did the istikhaarah by placing your trust in Allaah. You never placed your trust in anyone besides Him, and because you did that - He has destined for you something better insha'Allaah. Allaah knows best what consequences this could have if you went forward, and you might have fell into a situation which would make you fall into despair (we seek refuge in Allaah from that.)

Remember the stories of those who were patient before us, and those who are still patient today with all the trials we see happening to the muslims.

Place your trust in Him and He will provide you from ways you never expected. A scholar said that to have beautiful patience is that if someone saw you amongst a group of people - they wouldn't know that a calamity has hit you. And if you place it all in the Hands of Allaah, then there's nothing to worry about because He has prepared something much better for you. You just don't know what it is yet, so turn to Him in prayer and patience.. you'll soon see the beautiful affects of your patience inshaa Allaah, what other option do you have?

**Irfan's Wife** · 03-09-2007

Thanku sis i intend to keep praying and your right if we're mean't to be we will be by Allah's leave,My love for Allah is ultimately number one priority, and I trust in Him to help me.

**Ismahaan** · 03-09-2007

Maybe you interpreted those "signs from Allah" as you wanted. Could that be possible? We are only humans and sometimes we do believe what we want to believe because it's what is more pleasing to us. Maybe you you had already decided in your heart that you would marry this man even before you prayed salat-ul-Istikhara. Qadr is qadr sis. What will be will be so don't worry about anything. Let him know the signs that you feel Allah gave you and see what he thinks. If he chooses to not marry you, then may Allah give you a husband 100 times better than him and may you look back at this day in years to come and feel glad about how things turned out.

**Irfan's Wife** · 03-09-2007

I know your right,i will do dua to have more patience.If i was to approach any matter i would do it according to Shariah,and If im not destined to be happy on this earth,Inshallah i hope I will be in the hereafter.

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 03-09-2007

Originally Posted by Kiron

I know your right,i will do dua to have more patience.If i was to approach any matter i would do it according to Shariah,and If im not destined to be happy on this earth,Inshallah i hope I will be in the hereafter.

all mu'mins are happy on both this earth and the akhirah sister .

dont let the rough moments draw a cloak over your eyes

**Ismahaan** · 03-09-2007

Originally Posted by Kiron

I know your right,i will do dua to have more patience.If i was to approach any matter i would do it according to Shariah,and If im not destined to be happy on this earth,Inshallah i hope I will be in the hereafter.

You will be happy on this Earth inshaallah. Do you think that he's your only hope of happiness? I think that you're in love sis. Maybe yu're not thinking rationally lol

**FBI** · 03-09-2007

This is another case of parents abusing their authority, also sis, It's a clear sign this man is spineless and doesn't deserve u, inshallah may allah give u a husband who'll be with u no matter what.

**Irfan's Wife** · 03-09-2007

[S][/S][QUOTE=Ismahaan;679628]

[S]Maybe you interpreted those "signs from Allah" as you wanted. Could that be possible?[/S]
:unhappy: Bro Allah knows best,and the Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) said that he who lies about what they have dreamed about is committing a sin,forgive me if im wrong, but astighfirullah i know how important this is,and as far as im concerned, no i havn't just interpreted them how i wanted.But that is between me n Allah.

**Irfan's Wife** · 03-09-2007

Originally Posted by FBI

This is another case of parents abusing their authority, also sis, It's a clear sign this man is spineless and doesn't deserve u, inshallah may allah give u a husband who'll be with u no matter what.

The man you are talking about helped me realise i was a Muslim,and please don't speak ill of him.I respect him alot.Allah is the Judge.

**tomtomsmom** · 03-09-2007

Is it possible to have someone go to his parents in your defense and see what their reasoning is? Maybe they have thoughts about you that are untrue and just need to be cleared up. Would this be allowed in Islam?