oh dear sis.. I am sorry to hear of your problems and that you are so troubled.. I imagine no one has ventured into a reply, becase your situation is a bit difficult.. I am not going to give you advise on dress or your relationship with your parents as I think you should be the judge of that.. I do advise you to be a bit prudent when proceeding forward...
so I am going to ask you one thing though and that is the problem that is most pressing/important or upsetting to you? I think lumping a whole bunch of unhappy events/feelings/problems together can overwhelm you some what.. thus we should go about this systematically...
1- are you studying a degree at home instead of uni because you are now a convert? I am afraid I have missed something there? I think it would be an exquisite idea for you to study at uni instead of home at least therein lies an opportunity for you to meet Muslim sisters and find an 'MSA'.. here in the U.S that is called a Muslim student association.. there is so much support and help in the company of other Muslims, I don't think it is wise to isolate yourself because you are reverting... be happy with your choice by not alienating yourself but by finding friends and a support system...
2- shyness is a wonderful trait in a Muslim woman, but believe you me, it isn't a deterrent from finding a nice sister to be your friend.. I should ask, do you consider me a friend? I don't know you that well, yet I have great care and concern for you, I can tell off the bat, you are a sweet and sensitive lady--I think I'd be even more charmed if I met you in person... so what makes you think some Muslim sister wouldn't be honored with your friendship?
3- Your parents don't need to know you are Muslim... a Muslim is above all wise... did you know that the Son of Omar ibn Ilkhtab RA for instance had reverted before his father and kept it a secret because Omar RA had such a temper, and his son was afraid of his wrath.. when Omar RA converted he used to always badger his son about it... 'how could you convert and seek heaven and keep it a secret from me' he would tell his son...
4- once you seek the education you deserve and need, you'll find many wonderful job opportunities insha'Allah.. You can teach at a school for Muslim children, you could be a pharmacist, lots of great jobs for women out there, where they won't be able to discriminate because your expertise will be needed insha'Allah.. meanwhile if you are looking to work while at attending uni.. how about a part time job in customer service or something of that nature just to develop some autonomy? Then you won't be so threatened whether your parents wish to keep a relationship with you or warn you of being disowned-- most parents come around anyway.. I am sure they are just a bit scared and confused..
Have courage dear sis.. hold your head up high, be proud you are a Muslimah, and cease all the opportunities granted you.. you will not walk alone... Allah shall accompany you so don't be afraid...
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