format_quote Originally Posted by
Noor_
Okay... This is going to be a long post but I've come here just to hear what you all think because I need advice. PLEASE read if you can.
I'm a 16 year old girl, and have been brought up in a muslim family. My family isn't what you would call 'very strict', but muslims all the same.
I just need help because lately... I've seemed to have lost hope and belief in religion - not Allah, because I still very strongly believe in him, but religion itself. Does that make any sense?
I just want to know if I'm not the only one and I don't know who to ask. I guess I'm a bit upset because I'm not getting any answers or 'signs' from Allah himself.
My dear Child, the love allaah(swt) has for us is both simple and very complicated. The only part we need to understand is Allaah(swt) is all merciful and all forgiving. That love does not conflict with the rules he has sent to us in the form of our religion. Our religion is also designed to protect us from our own desires and perceived needs. If we follow it correctly it is a loving map to guide us away from pain and the instructions on how to control our own thoughts, words and deeds. Please little one, look carefully at how our religion is designed to protect and guide you. It is not a confusing belief and it is not a set of man made desires, it is a path designed to enhance our life on earth and help us stay on the path to Jannah. do not look upon it as a chore, look at it as a travel guide for a wonderful journey. Allaah(swt) does send you constant signs and guidence. Sadly we as human's often fail to see them. Perhaps even the simple fact you are here asking and listening is the result of Allaah(swt) guiding you.
To me, there is no COMPLETE perfect religion (don't hate me!) because.. how do we know everything we're told from one book is true? It was written hundreds of years ago at a time when governments needed to control people - religion is the easiest way. And today still, you see people give up their lives for it. To me, religion destroys more people than it brings together. I'm not just talking about Islam, but every religion.
My dearest little one, that is so much of a desire we human's have. We have a very strong wish to believe that we are good and we would never deliberatly harm others. In fact we often feel that Allaah(swt) has created us so strong that we have no need of religion and can function on what Allaah(swt) has given us, without further need.
What you said would be very true, except Allaah(swt) also gave us free will, it is that free will that gives us need to learn and understand the consequences of our actions. We can not see all of the results of our action nor understand how they will affect us in the future. However, Allaah(swt) knows and through Islam he has given us the guidance needed to avoid or cause unneccessary pain.
February this year, I met a boy at a concert I went to. I go to concerts all the time and I meet and become friends with loads of people - so I wasn't expecting anything. Anyway, we exchanged numbers and just got talking later on that night. A few weeks later we both knew we liked each other a lot. We met up again at another concert (we both belong to a record label's street team, that's why we got talking) and yes I did kiss him.
Dear child, the desire for contact between boys and girls is one of the strongest human forces possible. People will die for the chance to simply hold hands with a person they feel attraction for. The feeling of a kiss is one of the greatest human pleasures possible. However, pleasure is not happiness. Happiness lasts and has no external needs, pleasure lasts only as long as the stimulation lasts.
Anyway, we met up again a couple of weeks later, and at the end of May I decided to stay round at his house. You might think I'm crazy and that was a very bad move - my friends also told me not to go as I was only 15 and he was 18. But he took good care of me and his parents took me out for dinner and I got to know his family. My parents of course didn't know I was staying at his house, I told them I was staying at my friend's. Whatever you might say to me now, I do not regret that night. It was also the first time he told me he loved me :-)
Child, it is impossible for you to feel regret for that night at this moment. That was probably the strongest and most pleasant feeling you had ever experienced. But, always remember is it was pleasure and not happiness. Sadly the regret will come to you latter, sadly there will come a time when you will feel that incident destroyed your life and it will eventually cause you to hate that young boy you think you love at this moment. It is far better that you learn more and find out the real truth about what has happened to you. Learn what it has done to you and feel regret for that act now, before it boils over into a cesspool that will drown your ability to truly experience the happiness love is designed to bring.
Our relationship has developed over time, (and it is a sexual relationship before you ask) and we are perfectly in love with each other. I do actually intend to stay with him for a long time. He is also an atheist.
Dearest Child, look carefully at what you just wrote and think carefully about how much you have changed since that incident you mentioned above. Is this a thought you would have had the day before this happened?
I know everything I've done is so wrong in Islam.. but am I really a bad person? I'm always nice to everybody, and the only thing I regret is not being able to tell my family. This is not my fault but it does upset me that they will never understand - he is the best thing that ever happened to me. One of my sisters, however, does know and I can tell her anything.
My poor child, bad is never the intent for any of us when we do bad. the bad is not the act itself. the bad is that we have been reduced to being able to accept it and no longer can see any bad. Dear one, this has changed you. You have become what you had at one time fought to avoid becoming. This is the bad.
Is love really a sin in islam if you are not married? Because I personally cannot find a single thing wrong with it. He makes me so happy and I don't understand why this is wrong.
Love is not a sin. true love also means you would love a person enough to help prevent them from falling into sin. Your desires have also led a young man into sin. At this moment, your actions are building a wall between him and Allaah(swt). It is very possible that there is nothing that can prevent him from dieing as an atheist now.
My instincts always tell me it is so much more important to be a good person than say, praying five times a day. Allah KNOWS I am grateful and loving for everything He has given me, is this really necassary?
Is it not more important to show your gratitude and love? I can show you that I care as much about you as much as I care about my grandchildren, by sending you a check like I often send them. but since you already know I care about you as I do about them, I won't bother sending it.
Another thing I don't understand - is why the nicest person in the world, who is so loving and giving, cares for everybody and does so much good - will never enter paradise because they do not believe in Allah. Then you get somebodty the same but even less caring or loving, but because they pray 5 times a day, read the quaran ect, they will enter heaven.
I don't see how this is fair?
There once was a very nice man who was on a journey to a tropical paradise. He embarked on the trip and never met the captain of the ship, nor read the itinerary. He was very nice and very helpful to all of the passengers and crew and was loved and respected. In spite of all of his work and all of his love, the ship still ended up at the North Pole, which was it's destination. Perhaps, he could have same himself some inconvenience if he had spoken to the Captain and read the itinerary.
Please help me... I am so confused. :-(
I get so so scared about what will happen to me when I die - is Allah happy with who I am or am I a bad person? I tihnk about this everyday and it upsets me so much. I try my best to be a good person, but according to Islam I am the worst. I just don't see how.
Does anybody feel the same about certain things as I do?
Please talk to me!
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