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Priyanka

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I never thought I would ever join a religious forum like this...but here I am! Assalamualaikum everyone. I am Priyanka, from Canada. The reason I am here is many. You could say I am trying to start a new journey, as far as faith and practice is concerned.

I have been suffering pretty much all my life (but I am grateful to Allah for everything He has given me. The fact that I went to bed last night and right now am here, safely...this alone is a lot) still I was too dumb to realize that whoever is making my life hell (not just mine but my dad's too, ever since he was young..but that's another story)be it Shaitan/Iblees or Jinn or even another person..is only being able to do it so well is because I am letting them by keeping myself open! I am not doing what I need to. I had Rooqya done in late 2007/erly 2008...i had nazr on me. That turned out to be a major reason why I couldn't study despite being a good student and a lot of other things. It went away for a while but I think it's back because ta-da! a) I never fully practiced anything properly and b)I am not seeking help from the Almighty. Long story short. I learned my lesson after going through Hell the last 1.5 months. Let's just say I was at my lowest point ever (and I have seen low points in life. I have been through stuff before but man..the few weeks!!!) and one day...just about 3 days ago...I felt like Allah Himself shook me and said "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU STILL DON'T REALIZE??" I was sitting there on the sofa...impure state (no shower..hair messed up...home is messed up because suddenly I couldn't stand cleanliness and..I am wearing like 3 days old clothes..feeling suicidal. Husband don't know what to do/say. Plus extreme pain in my neck..back..legs and no meds working. Totally bed ridden for a month and angry bitter weeping..for nothing) then something clicked inside my head and I just sprang up and said "I have had this. Enough!!!"

I took a shower. Cleaned my home and returned it to its old self. Sat down and started reciting Surahs and Ayatul Kursi. I smiled. I talked normally. I joked..I laughed. I ate normally. My husband was like "you are back to your old self! It's like day & night now" I apologized to Allah. I begged for forgiveness and help. I made a decision to start praying 5 waqt. You guys don't know me...you don't know what a battle this is. For YEARS despite my ignorance and stuff...I was interested in salah but I could NEVER bring myself to the jaynamaz. People would pray around me and I would feel SO bad that i don't know how but after thinking "OK I should learn" it was always followed by "meh..later". Later never came.

I recited Surahs and Ayatul Kursi that night a lot. At dawn I prayed my first fazr salah. It was flawed..my husband was helping me but I got confused and stuff..but I was like no this is it. Allah has gave me the strength to face whatever crap is going on. Allah is giving me a second chance to my life.. by Allah Himself. It's because of His grace I am still here and I am not backing out this time. I have to make it up to Allah after years and years of neglect and arrogance and ignorance. Allah is the only one who can help me and all I need is Allah's forgiveness and support and I am ready to beg for that day and night.

I know very little besides the basics of Islam. That's why I am here on this forum...to learn things from others. I am so ignorant, I probably don't even know 1% of the history and origin of Islam. I knew how to read Atabic once. I finished Quran when I was a kid...but forgot everything. I have several Surahs memorized though and I know their background history. I told my mom...you have to teach me to do salah. I came over and I am praying beside her since the last 2 days. This morning...for the first time in my life...I prayed alone. It wasn't perfect I made mistakes but I am trying to change things...I am trying to change myself. I hope Allah is not angry with me. For the first time in my life...I am worried about Allah's anger. Like seriously worried. I hope Allah is understanding my struggle and efforts. I don't even know if Allah approves sharing these things but I have to let it out. I can't talk to anyone ekse about this maybe except 2 friends. I have a very long way to go. I also need to know things from an educational point of view because I am also seeking knowledge. I also need kind of moral support...if you will. What better place than a place like an Islamic forum?
 
:wa:


may Allah increases u and us in faith . Sis , Welcome here.:welcome:
 
Welcome! Welcome! Welcome to the forum!

What an introduction. There is a saying, if you walk to Allah, Allah comes running to you. (I hope I am not imagining this) :embarrass He is Ar Rahman Ar Rahiim, most Forgiving.

With already a basic background in faith you will yourself know which areas you will want to learn (again) first. There is advantage over totally new muslims. Lots of threads you can browse through to get views from around the world.

:peace:
 
Thank you. Glad I found this forum..I browsed around a bit..hoping to spend more time here. All my life I heard people feel happy and at peace while/after performing salah...I totally get it now. Make duah for me that I am able to find and stay on the good path. I have been lost my whole life.
 
Asalam Alaykum,

Sis, welcome to the forum. You are more than welcome here. You are no different than any of us. Many of us. Lost our faith or we left our duties towards our religion. Faith is something not anyone can easily have and many that had it lost it. For some many times. Because they had not worked hard to keep it. Those who had faith and knew how important it is for them to have will hold on to it tight. Emaan goes up and down for everyone even those so knowledgeable in islam. So it is important for us to keep working on our faith. Allah is the most merciful and loves his believers and you are one of them dear sis. Allah loves you and brought you close back to him. Dont feel you are any less than anyone we all need to learn more about our religion and work on our emaan. We are all here for you sis whenever you need :wub:

It's nice to have you here, and may allah increase our emaan. Aameen.
 
Hey Asalamualykum sis

Alhamdulilah it's so good to hear your back on track again. Everyday is a struggle and everyday your faced with new challenges and obstacles that's why this life is a test. Am happy that your getting the support from your loved ones. Your very lucky Alhamdulilah that you have a supporting husband and mum guiding and helping you through your dark times.

The heavy burden of neglecting salaah does leave us feeling overloaded with the stress and constant worry of the hereafter. Please continue reading salaah and the main thing is to to be CONSISTENT in your prayers. Allah swa loves those who are consistent because this shows you are showing your love and obedience to your lord everyday.

Your 100% right we have so much to be grateful for but we forget and neglect our duties. Keep fighting sis and i hope Allah swa makes you stronger every day. I hoep you find peace and contentment in this life and the next. Don't give up sis.

Read the stories of the sahaba and the prophet s.a.w and these stories will inspire you. They will make you cry because Islam was GIVEN to us whereas our pious predecessors FOUGHT with their lives and family to live and breath Islam. It is what it is today because of all the struggles and hardships our sincere brothers and sisters went through. Compare yourself of the people of the past and not present and you will shine like a star.

I have every faith in you and feel free to ask anything.

Welcome to the site. All the best sis.
 
Yeah yesterday my mom and I were talking and she was saying "I don't even know my ancestors who first joined Islam. Surely they were not Muslims so far back in time..imagine the decision they had to make to leave whatever they believed in and practiced and adopt this new religion which was being introduced. Imagine the personal struggle and opposition from everyone else because of course it was extremely difficult. We should remember and be thankful to them for doing what they did and pray for them too".

We are from Bangladesh...our country has people of all religion living there and we try to keep peace with each other (doesn't always happen thanks to political extremists and there are groups who use the religions' names and abuse it, especially Islam..they spread falsehood. But the regular people try to get along and try to balance their culture with their religion). The country has a strong indigenous cultural roots...mainly Hindu (I don't know whether many here know this) and other ancient practices. All others came way later...specially Islam. It's fairly new still, despite 80+% population being Muslim). Islam was introduced there when about 13 people migrated from the Middle East to South Asia with the duty of spreading the word. So a part of my Muslim ancestors probably go back only a few generations...too bad family record keeping/family tree isn't a widely practiced thing in most cultures. We indeed are fortunate Islam was just given to us as part of our birth right. So many had to go through so much struggle, abandonment from their own people and even torture and death. The struggle we ourselves go through now is mostly personal. This is nothing compared to what they had gone through. I live in a non Muslim country (Canada..been here most of my life) yet I don't face any oppression. My high school even let kids go to Jummah prayers. We have all these options and freedom to practice our cultures and faith here. All these facilities...so many Masjids in just this city alone! Alhamdulillah life is easy for us. It's the inner struggle that's difficult to break through but I am working on it. Nazr or no nazr.

Asking questions or getting info from others always confused me..because there are many who just make up whatever they want or they believe whatever they hear and try to convince it's true. Many also go waay over board with everything and complicate things. Then the actual, simple truth gets lost in the process..that also kind of turned me off the whole thing. Which..I later realized is not right. One day..a few months ago..I was reading the English translation of Surah Baqarah (I think..not 100% sure) and it clearly says there to seek the answer and verify...and not just believe people. including your own parents. I was dumbfounded..like OF COURSE. It's just common sense! I shouldn't just ask around then get lost in all the different answers. I should seek it myself. And that will come by reading and trying to understand the Qur'an...the translations (because I can't read Arabic..even if I could read fluently..I wouldn't understand it because I am not Arab) and try to find a online community and Scholarly works based on THE ACTUAL TRUTH! I was gonna start doing that then got hit by that thing..whatever it was..which caused me to get sick and bed ridden, depressed..turned me into a complete mental and emotional wreck for close to 2 months. Oh well..I made niyat to stick to whatever I need to do. Rest is up to Allah SWT.
 
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Sophie_1, it would be good to hear back from you about whether you found the advice you got to be helpful. I am not a Muslim, but I am interested in how your experience goes.
 
I too am seriously considering converting. I want to go visit a mosque, but I feel anxious just walking into one unannounced, without letting them know ahead of time. I am worried I would disrespect the mosque by going at an inappropriate time (such as a prayer). I don't think the OP is taking "real" tests, but rather practice ones to try and learn more about Islam.
 
Hello duraldo,

Many people feel anxious about going to a Mosque for the first time, but you don't need to be. It might be good to let someone know you are coming so they can be there to show you around and answer any questions. But do try and arrange it - I am sure you won't regret it. Let us know how things go.
 
Sophie you going to choose perfect religion. Islam is a complete religion for every human beings.
Which is part of attraction for you who touch your heart and you think about converting ?
 
It seems like OP had a change of heart, as she hasn't logged in, in quite some time and this is her only post :/
 

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