A confession to make

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Ümit

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Selamun aleykum dear brothers and sisters,

As you know I am a member on this forum for about a year now...though there is something that always bothered me which is quite embarrassing.

When I registered on this forum I was in a pretty hasty situation...and in my eager I overlooked the gender part. So I ended up "female" instead of "male".
I discovered this mistake much later, way after my "limited member" period when people started calling me "sis".
I could not change this mistake myself but did not want to start a new account because then I had to start all over and go through that limited member process again so I decided just to keep it that way and act gender neutral as much as I can...occasionally I had to pretend to be female if I could not avoid it.

Yesterday, or 2 days ago, Anatolian send me a private message and called me a sis, and that was the final straw for me. I decided to do something about it because it became a real burden.
So I asked the moderators to help me.

They were of course not amused. They DID correct my profile but also told me I have broken the trust...and that the security of the private sections was a serious matter...which I can understand...
I have now a perma ban on both private sections, male and female...this is not really a punishment for me because I never actively looked for those sections.
Most of the time I just clicked on the "what's new" button, scanned through the topics and reacted on those.

They also told me that this situation will be discussed with the private section moderators and if they find it necessary, I will get a permanent ban for this entire site.

I did not start this topic to ask you to put in a good word for me in order to convince the moderators not to give me a perma ban. If they give me that, then I guess I deserve it, so I will not object to it.
I started this topic to take this opportunity to ask for your forgiveness before I get this ban if they have decided this.

In my defense (for what it is worth) I never actively looked in the private female sections. the other female section which requires permission first, I never asked for permission...so I did not even have access to it.
I really do not want a permanent ban for this site...I enjoy discussing my religion with you guys...I did learn a lot from this site...and I would recommend this site to everyone.

So, If I wronged any of you with this...please forgive me. Please let me know if you do not forgive me, so that I know what I am up against...or what I need to do...you can also private message me if you want.

In case I get this ban, then goodbye...I will really miss you guys...may Allah bless everyone of you.

Greetings,

Umit
 
Greetings and peace be with you umie;

Although I am not a Muslim, I did not find anything relating to gender that caused me any concern in your posts, now that I know you are a brother. We have all made mistakes and done daft things in our lives.

Blessings,
Eric
 
Doh, to think i was more reluctant to criticize your comments coz i imagined some little sensitive sister on the other side, your text did feel like it was coming off like a deeply contemplative sister - maybe your username also added to the mental image.

I'm amused by the fact that the mods gave you a sex change so easily, maybe it's due to the fact that i still picture a sister in a purple shalwar kameez with a bowed head.

Always remember to try and correct mistakes asap - it's the fact that you knew and didn't bother trying to put it right that probably has them questioning your intentions - since it's a simple case of sending one p.m

Hopefully they'll take the time to go through your posts, and check if you've opened the sisters' forum threads, and judge accordingly.


Be sure to comply and answer any valid questions forthcomingly.

They're usually very tolerant, communicative, though sometimes have a scary tone in their warnings or reminders.

So pray for the best in Allah's sight.
 
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Abz2000 said:
Doh, to think i was more reluctant to criticize your comments coz i imagined some little sensitive sister on the other side, your text did feel like it was coming off like a deeply contemplative sister - maybe your username also added to the mental image.

I'm amused by the fact that the mods gave you a sex change so easily, maybe it's due to the fact that i still picture a sister in a purple shalwar kameez with a bowed head.

Always remember to try and correct mistakes asap - it's the fact that you knew and didn't bother trying to put it right that probably has them questioning your intentions - since it's a simple case of sending one p.m

Hopefully they'll take the time to go through your posts, and check if you've opened the sisters' forum threads, and judge accordingly.


Be sure to comply and answer any valid questions forthcomingly.

They're usually very tolerant, communicative, though sometimes have a scary tone in their warnings or reminders.

So pray for the best in Allah's sight.
Click to expand...

My username is just my real name Ümit, a male Turkish name which is also an indication that my initial intention was not to hide my gender.
I just googled "contemplative", and yes, I could be pretty contemplative sometimes...about the sensitive side, maybe that is because I often try to give people the benefit of the doubt, so my initial act to newcomers is to defend them when they have done nothing wrong yet.

About anatolian, no bold advances...just very polite.

About the decision of the mods...I understand them and I do not blame them for anything. they can go through my posts. I am not afraid of that...since I know I never misbehaved...but I'll let them be the judge of that.

What is important for me in the meantime and why I started this thread to come clean with everyone about this and that hopefully everyone will forgive me...this includes the mods...you may ban me if necessary...but at least forgive me.
 
Salam alaykum

I thought you are a sister… But anyways, no problem. I´ll forgive you.
 
Don't sweat the small stuff, brother.

Had you claimed to be Welsh...................:o
 
umie said:
Selamun aleykum dear brothers and sisters,

As you know I am a member on this forum for about a year now...though there is something that always bothered me which is quite embarrassing.

When I registered on this forum I was in a pretty hasty situation...and in my eager I overlooked the gender part. So I ended up "female" instead of "male".
I discovered this mistake much later, way after my "limited member" period when people started calling me "sis".
I could not change this mistake myself but did not want to start a new account because then I had to start all over and go through that limited member process again so I decided just to keep it that way and act gender neutral as much as I can...occasionally I had to pretend to be female if I could not avoid it.

Yesterday, or 2 days ago, Anatolian send me a private message and called me a sis, and that was the final straw for me. I decided to do something about it because it became a real burden.
So I asked the moderators to help me.

They were of course not amused. They DID correct my profile but also told me I have broken the trust...and that the security of the private sections was a serious matter...which I can understand...
I have now a perma ban on both private sections, male and female...this is not really a punishment for me because I never actively looked for those sections.
Most of the time I just clicked on the "what's new" button, scanned through the topics and reacted on those.

They also told me that this situation will be discussed with the private section moderators and if they find it necessary, I will get a permanent ban for this entire site.

I did not start this topic to ask you to put in a good word for me in order to convince the moderators not to give me a perma ban. If they give me that, then I guess I deserve it, so I will not object to it.
I started this topic to take this opportunity to ask for your forgiveness before I get this ban if they have decided this.

In my defense (for what it is worth) I never actively looked in the private female sections. the other female section which requires permission first, I never asked for permission...so I did not even have access to it.
I really do not want a permanent ban for this site...I enjoy discussing my religion with you guys...I did learn a lot from this site...and I would recommend this site to everyone.

So, If I wronged any of you with this...please forgive me. Please let me know if you do not forgive me, so that I know what I am up against...or what I need to do...you can also private message me if you want.

In case I get this ban, then goodbye...I will really miss you guys...may Allah bless everyone of you.

Greetings,

Umit
Click to expand...

I hope you do not get banned. I do not want to see brothers banned :(.
 
Good news:
I can stay. :statisfie:statisfie:statisfie
I just had to change my username because it sounded like Ummi...and appearantly that meant mother in Arabic. Now I suddenly understand Abz' reaction on my username:

Abz2000 said:
Doh, to think i was more reluctant to criticize your comments coz i imagined some little sensitive sister on the other side, your text did feel like it was coming off like a deeply contemplative sister - maybe your username also added to the mental image.
Click to expand...

So, I can participate in discussions with you for a little longer with only one difference...I no longer have this burden anymore and it feels great.
to the moderators: thanks for letting me stay!!
 
[MENTION=42042]Ümit[/MENTION] - it doesn't just mean "mother") , it means "my mother" as in first person :)
 
A careless mistake thatsall. Nothing to be taken seriously.but the miniute we realise such mistake we should let know in the forum itself
 
jameelash said:
A careless mistake thats all. Nothing to be taken seriously.but the miniute we realise such mistake we should let know in the forum itself
Click to expand...
Yes it was just a careless mistake, and yes we should report immediately. But this is a good example of how small things can grow as a real burden later. After a year, I really felt this as a burden and I am glad that I got rid of it once and for all.
It was a great lesson for me and I want to share this lesson with you.
 
Ümit said:
Yes it was just a careless mistake, and yes we should report immediately. But this is a good example of how small things can grow as a real burden later. After a year, I really felt this as a burden and I am glad that I got rid of it once and for all.
It was a great lesson for me and I want to share this lesson with you.
Click to expand...

YAY! Now we can do brotherly stuff ;D;D;D
 
Asalamu Alaikum

They have no reason to ban you, anyone could easily lie about their gender, for them to actually punish you because you were honest about not being a female is just ridiculous.

I've got a better idea, why don't they just not have any sections dedicated to male or female only talk, and instead just delete any inappropriate comments made as well as ban the individuals who make them? If the mods still feel like people need a place to raise their embarrassing issues, make an FAQ thread and offer some generic advice (people should be using their local community for support when it comes to such issues anyway rather than relying on some strangers surfing the internet).
 
Abz2000 said:
You must be over them moon.

IT'S A BOYYYYYY!
Click to expand...

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! ;D;D;D;D;D I have to be honest...I am 39 year old and do not have a single guy friend.....so excuuuuseee me ;D ;D ;D

I like you Abz2000 - grin -;D
 
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God knows what you mean by that - hopefully it's exactly as written with no haram intention.
 
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