A dilemma..

[MuslimaMaryam]

Dear brothers and sisters

I really need some solid advice from you.
Its about marriage.. 7 months ago I met a muslimman and it went very well at the beginning.
We wanted both teh same thing in our lives. And that is to get better in Islam. In time we had some ups and down and we stopped contact a few times. Well a few days we decided to get serious and that he would come to my house and ask for my hand. A day after I asked him if he had any contact with any woman during the time we were getting to knwo eachother.
He honestly told me about his ex. That he had seen her en even slept with her 3 times.
I was very upset and sad about this and immediatley wanted to quit with him. He gave me time to think. And some people tell me that since I didnt give him any sex and since in Islam their doesnt excist a relationship only marriage. That I can not blame him. Other people tell me that he did the wrong thing and he should have resisted him self. I really dont knwo what to think. Can you please help me?

With kind regards,

Maryam

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

The guy's just not right and the people telling you those things are also not right. full stop.

repent, move on and find someone who will set you and your children a good example.

besides http://islamqa.com/en/ref/85335/zaani

He gave me time to think.

think about what? how much you can "guide him" and what a "good wife" you will be if you do? or maybe he wants you to think about how much he's "changed." what is there to think about exactly? besides where are your parents? it would be interesting to see how much time he thinks you should give him if they were there.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Dear brothers and sisters

I really need some solid advice from you.
Its about marriage.. 7 months ago I met a muslimman and it went very well at the beginning.
We wanted both teh same thing in our lives. And that is to get better in Islam. In time we had some ups and down and we stopped contact a few times. Well a few days we decided to get serious and that he would come to my house and ask for my hand. A day after I asked him if he had any contact with any woman during the time we were getting to knwo eachother.
He honestly told me about his ex. That he had seen her en even slept with her 3 times.
I was very upset and sad about this and immediatley wanted to quit with him. He gave me time to think. And some people tell me that since I didnt give him any sex and since in Islam their doesnt excist a relationship only marriage. That I can not blame him. Other people tell me that he did the wrong thing and he should have resisted him self. I really dont knwo what to think. Can you please help me?

With kind regards,

Maryam

Asalaamu Alaikum, my sister we have to realise that any relationship outside marriage is completely forbidden so you should cut off all contact with him immediatley. These relationships are the cause of much pain and anguish and there is no peace and blessings in such relationships.

Surely Allah has revealed the truth about him to you so that you now realise what he is about. If he is cheating on you now then can you imagine what he will be like after marriage? He has played you all along and probably continued having relations with his ex even during his relationship with you. Men can be sweet talkers and many a time a man and a women who are having haraam relations will create dreams together talking about how it will be like in the future etc but these are just that - DREAMS and never become reality.

Therefore my sister it is clear that you cannot ever marry someone like that for he was never right for you in the first place. If you have had such ups and downs during your relationship then can you imagine what your marriage will be like? You need to wake up sister and realise that this is never going to work. You cannot marry a person like that. He may beg you saying he will change but if he has done what he has behind your back all of that time then what is to say he will not repeat such acts again? You would never be able to trust someone like that.

You should fear Allah and repent for ever having relations with a man outside of marriage. Allah revealed the truth to you before marriage can take place so he saved you from a terrible marriage which could have ended horribly.You should look for a pious man who would never dream of having relations before marriage. Find someone that would not even talk to you without your mahram being present. You need a man who is Allah fearing and who will help and lead you towards Jannah not Jahannam.

My sister you have made big mistakes by getting into relations before marriage but if you sincerely repent to Allah and ask of him to forgive you and help you to find a proper partner in the right way then inshallah he will forgive you and help you find a proper pious partner who will lead you towards Jannah and always be loyal to you.

Learn from your mistake and accept that it has happened now and take lessons from it and thank Allah abundantley from saving you from marrying such a man. Look to the present and future and forget the past now. Strive to become closer to Allah and spend everyday trying to please Allah as much as you can and keep away from anything that displeases or angers Allah.

These articles wil help you to maximise the amount of good deeds you do everyday so you can get closer to Allah inshallah:


10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith)

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...man-faith.html (10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith))

30 ways the youth should spend everyday of their lives!

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...eir-lives.html (30 ways the youth should spend everyday of their lives!)

Easy Dhikr which is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales!

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...vy-scales.html (Easy Dhikr which is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales!)

My Daily Ibadah (worship) check!

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...hip-check.html (My Daily Ibadah (worship) check!)

10 steps to getting closer to Allah

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...ser-allah.html (10 steps to getting closer to Allah)

Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!

http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html (Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!)

VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!

http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html (VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!)

How much we will regret the precious seconds we wasted in this world!

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners...-regret-precious-seconds-we-wasted-world.html


Wasting Time is worse than Death!

http://www.islamicboard.com/general/134303410-wasting-time-worse-than-death.html


The Effects of Good deeds will remain forever!!!

http://www.islamicboard.com/general/134303409-effects-good-deeds-will-remain-forever.html

Want to see the REAL appearance of Almighty Allah everyday?

http://www.islamicboard.com/general/134303154-want-see-real-appearance-almighty-allah-everyday.html

Here are some very beneficial lectures to increase your imaan and fear of Allah:


AMAZING short speech -"The Goodly Life"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fugf1DcNyc


Remembrance: ask Allah for his forgiveness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-EK9r3rMzQ

Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA

HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc

Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE

Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo

How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg


If you need anymore help or advice then please do not hesitate to ask.

And Allah knows best in all matters