Absolute incompatibility with Mother

[anonymous]

My mother and I are polar opposites. We just don't get along. We have tastes that are poles apart. There's hardly a time when we talk, and it doesn't end up in a quarrel.

It leads to a point where both of us end up screaming at each other, and I can't do anything about it. She has this extremely provocative nature which is intolerable. I try very hard to keep my mouth shut. I had once heard Israr Ahmad say that when a Muslim opens his mouth, he should either utter goodness or stay quiet. Lately, I've taken up that approach that I keep my mouth shut, and talk less and less to her. As a result, these days she complains that I'm not talking to her, and living in the house like a stranger. What I wanna know is whether I'm doing the right thing by not getting involved in any verbal exchange with my mother, because I know it'll hurt either one of us for sure if I do. She also has the habit of backbiting, and does it all the time regarding my wife and my brother's wife. I know I should respect parents and all, but it gets outrageously difficult at times. Is staying quiet and maintaining distance the right thing in this case?

I do dawah to her but she hardly cares about it. Rather, anytime I say anything against her she uses Islam to win over me. "Does your Islam teach you to argue with your mother?", she asks. I feel I'm being a hypocrite, and my worship will avail me nothing because of this particular sin. Also, the less talk procedure has indeed helped because there aren't any fights when I do that.

 

[aadil77]

My mother and I are polar opposites. We just don't get along. We have tastes that are poles apart. There's hardly a time when we talk, and it doesn't end up in a quarrel.

It leads to a point where both of us end up screaming at each other, and I can't do anything about it. She has this extremely provocative nature which is intolerable. I try very hard to keep my mouth shut. I had once heard Israr Ahmad say that when a Muslim opens his mouth, he should either utter goodness or stay quiet. Lately, I've taken up that approach that I keep my mouth shut, and talk less and less to her. As a result, these days she complains that I'm not talking to her, and living in the house like a stranger. What I wanna know is whether I'm doing the right thing by not getting involved in any verbal exchange with my mother, because I know it'll hurt either one of us for sure if I do. She also has the habit of backbiting, and does it all the time regarding my wife and my brother's wife. I know I should respect parents and all, but it gets outrageously difficult at times. Is staying quiet and maintaining distance the right thing in this case?

I had this same problem, eventually I learnt to stay quiet and avoid any kind of confrontation. Yes this also has problems as you end up living as a 'stranger'. But eventually the message will get across that fighting and arguing will only cause people to isolate themselves from you. Keep your distance and insha'Allah she will settle down.

I do dawah to her but she hardly cares about it. Rather, anytime I say anything against her she uses Islam to win over me.

Don't bother with the daw'ah its a waste of time, when people are set in their ways and not religious to begin with - any words of advice will be ignored.

"Does your Islam teach you to argue with your mother?", she asks. I feel I'm being a hypocrite, and my worship will avail me nothing because of this particular sin. Also, the less talk procedure has indeed helped because there aren't any fights when I do that.

Its true, in islam we basically have to stay quiet with our mothers no matter what is being said, any answering back and raising of voices is extremely sinful and will make us hypocrites. Just stay quiet, hold it in, keep minimal interaction and it will work wonders. Also you'll feel like the better person staying silent when bad things are being said to you. Women crave attention and company, keeping a distance will force her to change in order to win you back.

 

[anonymous]

It's not that it is always negative with my mother. When both of us are in a good mood, we can have quite a good conversation. I have a sense of humor of my own, and she enjoys my jokes. It's the anger that completely makes us repellant to each other. It slowly slithers into an argument between years old rivals.