Abuse of power

[HAWA*~]

Allah has allowed men to take on more than one wife but what I would like to know is how abuse of this power is dealt with Islamically.
I have seen many men take on other wives when they got tired of the first or when the first got older without taking into account how these women would feel because they are human. I have seen men marry women and then just divorce them at the drop of a hat. What can these women do when they have been supported by their husbands for a great many years and know no other way of supporting themselves due to the fact that Islam strongly emphasizes specific gender roles. are they just left out in the cold?
I have seen marry more than one wife to achieve sexual gratification without them having the means to take care of more than one wife. I have heard people say that the man's money is his own but should the men refuse to let the wife make her own money in the event of a divorce what happens, such women would not be prepared for life outside of a man supporting her. I don't
think saying that she should go back to her family is realistic.
I know this is strongly frowned upon in Islam but what steps are taken to prevent such abuse of power in this world.
In Islam men are the protectors and maintainers of women so how are these situations dealt with?
:wa:

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-salaam

Whoever has two or more wives has to treat them fairly. It is not permissible for him to single out one of his wives with regard to spending, accommodation or spending the night, to the exclusion of the others. There is a stern warning issued to the one who has two wives and does not treat them fairly. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has two wives and inclines more towards one of them than the other, will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body falling.” According to another version: “Dragging half of his body which will be falling or leaning.” Narrated by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 2/295, 347, 471. A similar hadeeth was also narrated by al-Nasaa’i and Ibn Maajah in their Sunans.

read the rest here

and http://islamqa.com/en/ref/34701/treatment of wives

I have seen marry more than one wife to achieve sexual gratification without them having the means to take care of more than one wife. I have heard people say that the man's money is his own but should the men refuse to let the wife make her own money in the event of a divorce what happens, such women would not be prepared for life outside of a man supporting her.

i dont know about this, but my advise is to be sure to study before marriage (not necessarily a degree that takes you a life time, but something enough to fall back on none-the-less) and/or put it in your marriage contract that you want to continue studying after marriage, lest something like this happens....alternatively, be sure to marry a noble and pious man....

and what ever you do, do NOT EVER let anyone run away with your rights. instill yourself with the proper Islamic knowledge and stand your ground sisters, lest a careless person use your ignorance against you (because mind you, if you dont take care of yourself, then dont expect that anyone else will either)...after Allah, you have no-one to answer to, so dont let anyone deceive you into thinking that you are in the wrong, whereas you may very well be in the right. got it ladies? :exhausted

 

[Danah]

I have seen many men take on other wives when they got tired of the first or when the first got older without taking into account how these women would feel because they are human. I have seen men marry women and then just divorce them at the drop of a hat.

Those are not worthy to be called as men!...no offense to brothers here, but seriously, women are not games in their hands to get bored of. Unfortunately our men need lots of Islamic education to know to deal with their wives when they have more than one.

Let them see how the prophet peace be upon him was treating his wives and learn from him before go on marrying another wife.

The most thing irritated me in this whole issue is when the man get married in a very old age with a young girl in her twenties and forget his aged first wife and keep comparing the young one with the aged one.
What on earth??
Does he think that the his first wife will stay young all her life....let him look at himself at the mirror to see how old he got before comparing his first wife with the second :raging:

 

[markislam]

I totally agree some men take marrying more than one wife as a excuse to satisfy their sexual gratification even when they are not able to provide or take care of them equally so sorry i have heard of stories of muslim men having different wives in the US.

it saddens me to hear all this

 

[Danah]

I totally agree some men take marrying more than one wife as a excuse to satisfy their sexual gratification even when they are not able to provide or take care of them equally so sorry i have heard of stories of muslim men having different wives in the US.

it saddens me to hear all this

Unfortunately, there are some Muslims (men or women) who are not following the true teaching of Islam in its proper way, and only pick and chose what they like and leave what they dislike.

If man is very sure that he will be fair to all his wives and treat/support them equally then he is more than welcomed to marry more than one wife. Otherwise, its better for him to marry only one as he will be the one who will be asked in the day of judgment about how did he treat them.

 

[zakirs]

The only way we can stop this kind of abuse is ask our sisters to stay away from such men and also legally challenging them to financially support them after divorce.

 

[HAWA*~]

Thank you for your replies sis Umm sufyan,Danah and bro Markislam.
I know Islam has laid down rules and punishment with Allah but what I was wondering is how this would be prevented in this world.
My uncle always calls me from backhome requesting money and I don't mind sending it to him it just bugs when he uses the excuse of having to support more than one wife like a somebody held a gun to his head and forced to marry more than one woman. or my great grandpa who was a very well known sheik back home may Allah have mercy on him and married multiple women divorcing some on occasion and marrying others. He did not fully support all his wives and my grandma his child does not even know the arabic alphabet and everything she is learning about islam she is learning in old age because nobody taught her. I dont like to bring up the flaws of the dead but it just annoys me. It's like they want the benefits but not the responsibilty like one of the sisters mentioned, but I guess their recknoning is with Allah.

 

[HAWA*~]

The only way we can stop this kind of abuse is ask our sisters to stay away from such men and also legally challenging them to financially support them after divorce.

Is there any basis in islam for financial support after divorce?
Thanks Zakirs for your reply.
:wa:

 

[cat eyes]

you raised some very good points sister, however if the husband divorces you like a drop of a hat then surely Allah will replace that sisters loss with something better either in this life or the next.

but you have to be a believer in the hereafter, usually quite often people who ask these questions there iman is a little weak.

Allah has clearly stated in the holy Qur'an that if one wants to take another wife he has to deal fairly with them and give them both there due rights.. divorcing one of them after having married another because hes bored or dose not want to support his first wife, this would come in that category of that wife having her rights not fufilled so he will be held accountable for that

i also read one hadith in which the prophet (saw) described how those men who did not do justice with both of there wives will be raised up paralyzed on the day of resurrection.

So men marry more then one wife without thinking about the consequences and maybe that other wife testifying against him on the day of judgement because she was neglected by him while he was fufilling his desires.

Most men forget that when these women start having there kids they don't think that every single bit of food and clothing and education they will have to give towards these kids to ensure they are comfortable and also the wife.

so a man marrying more then one wife and he is not wealthy would be out of the question entirely... men who dont care about this then they don't fear Allah sister.

 

[HAWA*~]

^ I'd like to think my Iman is good but there is always room for improvement for all of us.
I've said before that Islam strongly frowns upon such actions and there have been rules and guidelines for the marrying of other spouses like you mentioned in your post but my point is what can be done to prevent these things happening. I understand that Allah will judge such people in the hereafter but I would like to know what happens in the here and now when these guidelines and rules are broken. Are there any preventative actions? Are there any consequences particularly when they are ongoing. What should women in some of these sitautions I have mentioned do? should they bear it in this life for rewards in the next life? What are their worldly rights in the such situations.
This is something I do not understand and I have come on this Islamic forum to Recieve Islamic Answers from knowledgeable Muslim people.

 

[cat eyes]

^ I'd like to think my Iman is good but there is always room for improvement for all of us.
I've said before that Islam strongly frowns upon such actions and there have been rules and guidelines for the marrying of other spouses like you mentioned in your post but my point is what can be done to prevent these things happening. I understand that Allah will judge such people in the hereafter but I would like to know what happens in the here and now when these guidelines and rules are broken. Are there any preventative actions? Are there any consequences particularly when they are ongoing. What should women in some of these sitautions I have mentioned do? should they bear it in this life for rewards in the next life? What are their worldly rights in the such situations.
This is something I do not understand and I have come on this Islamic forum to Recieve Islamic Answers from knowledgeable Muslim people.

of course there is worldly rights.. everybody knows that if the husband divorces you and you have his kids you can take him to court because he cant just get up and leave whether he leaves you or not he still has to support his kids for the rest of his adult life. this is a headache for most men.

now i know you mentioned in your first post that once the woman is left on her own and is basically left to support herself..there is welfare and things like this. government supports single parents also

also women are allowed to be independent in islam and it is something that a woman should learn whether she is married or not like going to colege and getting a degree for herself so she has something to fall back on. islam allows all this and even encourages it!

what we can do to prevent this all is really be careful who you choose to marry in future. but to be honest you cant really prevent it sister because women want sex as much as men do :hmm:

in many cases some girls could not care less whether the guy is already married or not.

also its important to note that Allah takes care of his servants to and yes it sometimes better to be patient when these trials hit a person. Allah is always testing us

 

[HAWA*~]

of course there is worldly rights.. everybody knows that if the husband divorces you and you have his kids you can take him to court because he cant just get up and leave whether he leaves you or not he still has to support his kids for the rest of his adult life. this is a headache for most men.
The only thing I've heard about in regards to the children is that the women raise the girls and they raise the boys until a certain age in which case they are turned over to their fathers? I've never heard of cjhild support in Islam in the case estrangement
now i know you mentioned in your first post that once the woman is left on her own and is basically left to support herself..there is welfare and things like this. government supports single parents also
Are the women entitled to such benefits in an Islamic state under the sharia?

also women are allowed to be independent in islam and it is something that a woman should learn whether she is married or not like going to colege and getting a degree for herself so she has something to fall back on. islam allows all this and even encourages it!
I agree that this is the way to go to ensure she is not left out in the cold should things not to work out.

what we can do to prevent this all is really be careful who you choose to marry in future. but to be honest you cant really prevent it sister because women want sex as much as men do :hmm:
in many cases some girls could not care less whether the guy is already married or not.
also its important to note that Allah takes care of his servants to and yes it sometimes better to be patient when these trials hit a person. Allah is always testing us
Allah is ghufur ur raheem and shadeed ul iqaab and he knows what we do.
Shukran for your reply sister cat eyes

 

[cat eyes]

sis im not a scholar. i actually never heard of those things you highlighted maybe its best you do ask a scholar so he can explain it in detail

also its a very good thing to learn about the history of where the non muslims got there idea's from to implement thewelfare system and things like that

all these systems were actually invented by muslims in the first place and was going on in the time of the prophet (SAW) people were allowed to talk directly to there leader if they had any problems such as women being abandoned by there husbands etc. even today in saudi women and men can talk directly to the prince if women need any money or anything or they are going through a divorce and they are poor etc etc etc a prince is appointed to different areas. of the country.

weirdly enough in most muslim countries there is no welfare system for single parents or anything like that because of there enconimy

 

[HAWA*~]

Maybe, the internet is not the best place to learn about Islam I'll try to find a sheik to ask. Your reply was helpful nonetheless jazakum allahu khairan.

 

[tigerkhan]

i want to mentioned one thing here.....
Each Prophet (AS) ALLAH SWT sent to this world has two main duties.
one to make Tazkia of their Umah (mean purification of soul and heart), then to make them Follow the Commandment of ALLAH (SWT).....
now plz be clear, Prophet PBUH never implement some islamic regulation directly on Suhaba (RA) but frist make Tazkia and make "isatdad" (mean spiritual capability) in Shuhaba to fullfil this commandment of ALLAH SWT...
so the question u post here is not a shortcomming in ISLAM as ISLAM IS PERFECT, its only (i really dont think this problem really exists) the problem bcz of our weakness in Eman And Aamall. Bcz in islam we have v.bright examples about this issue...
no1 muslim man never be just a lustfull, and he just take a sunnah of nikkah as to source of fullfilling ur sexula thirst, u see Prophet (PBUH) had more than 9 wives as all of them except HAZRAT AYESHA (RA) all are married. so this pbm u identified is never recoded in islamic history.... and i blv what respect and place islam gives the woman, NO1 muslam man can do such thing......knowing that divorce is most unwanted things from halal things..... so never think ISLAM has not some thing undefined according to our times...ya its true if some one use the name of ISLAM for his miserable deeds, infact its not the shortcomming of ISLAM....many ppl use name of islam and collect funds and make ppl fools, does this mean ISLAM is wrong....obviously ppl are doing wrong not islam....
2ndly the other side of pics is: in every commandement of ALLAH SWT there are many hikmats for us and we human dont knows bcz of our limited knowledge, u can image if one man can marry only one woman, now the strength of woamn is greater than men,,,,,,, so i dont think some girl like that she may be in them who live whole life alone bcz all the men are married.....so dont think in such manner...ALLAH SWT has said ISLAM as "niham" and wallah we cant make shukar for this namh of ALLAH SWT that HE has rewrded us with ISLAM,.......
i know all the problem europe is facing today is just bcz they are un aware of islam and islamic life and blv the Ppl in east are more happy and in peace bcz they are near to ISLAM....there is v.low divorse ratio in east as compare dto west !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so ISLAM is solution for every problem, despite of the time and era, a complete Solution forever..........
MAy ALLAH SWT give us tofiq to follow all commandments of ISLAM completely...
(due apology to all who are pinched by any obove line).
JZK
:wa:

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Those are not worthy to be called as men!...no offense to brothers here, but seriously, women are not games in their hands to get bored of. Unfortunately our men need lots of Islamic education to know to deal with their wives when they have more than one.

Let them see how the prophet peace be upon him was treating his wives and learn from him before go on marrying another wife.

The most thing irritated me in this whole issue is when the man get married in a very old age with a young girl in her twenties and forget his aged first wife and keep comparing the young one with the aged one.
What on earth??
Does he think that the his first wife will stay young all her life....let him look at himself at the mirror to see how old he got before comparing his first wife with the second :raging:

spot on! :thumbs_up

 

[zakirs]

Regarding financial support

The woman is entitled also to full financial support during marriage and during the waiting period ('iddah) [8] in case of divorce or widowhood. Some jurists require , in addition, one year's support for divorce and widowhood (or until they remarry, if remarriage takes place before the year is over).

A woman who bears a child in marriage is entitled to child support from the child's father. Generally, a Muslim woman is guaranteed support in al stages of her life, as a daughter, wife and mother or sister. The financial advantages accorded to women and not to men in marriage and in family have a social counterpart in the provisions that the Qur'an lays down in the laws of inheritance, which afford the male, in most cases, twice the inheritance of a female. Males inherit more but ultimately they are financially responsible for their female relatives: their wives, daughters, mothers and sisters. Females inherit less but retain their share for investment and financial security, without any legal obligation to spend any part of it, even for their own sustenance (food, clothing, housing, medication, etcetera).

http://www.jannah.org/genderequity/equitychap2.html