Advice needed! New revert being asked to retake shahada by future mother in law

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As-salamu alaykum,

I'd really appreciate some advice, I reverted in May 2017 and took the shahada at a trusted friends house in the presence of 6 Muslims. I recently went to a marriage talk (alongside one of my closest Muslim-born friends who led my shahada) where my future mother in law asked me if I could retake my shahada in a mosque with her & her family present for her "own peace of mind". What started as a simple discussion about me asking what her reason was for this (I suspect she doesn't believe I have reverted), turned into a heated debate and ended with me refusing to retake the shahada simply for her own satisfaction (her words, not mine), and with the future mother in law refusing to give the marriage her blessing unless I retook the shahada in a mosque for her to witness.

Does she have any basis in Islam for asking me to retake my shahada for her to witness?

Please help!
 
Walaikum Assalm
I don't know about Islamic ruling, but I can understand her mother's point of view as she is marrying her daughter to you, she will feel insecure giving her daughter to a revert , and it's not only because you are revert even If :she is marrying her daughter to a muslim who is not of same ethnicity, or country, she will feel insecure
So don't feel offended, it's very difficult and important decision for parents.
 
P.K. said:
As-salamu alaykum,

I'd really appreciate some advice, I reverted in May 2017 and took the shahada at a trusted friends house in the presence of 6 Muslims. I recently went to a marriage talk (alongside one of my closest Muslim-born friends who led my shahada) where my future mother in law asked me if I could retake my shahada in a mosque with her & her family present for her "own peace of mind". What started as a simple discussion about me asking what her reason was for this (I suspect she doesn't believe I have reverted), turned into a heated debate and ended with me refusing to retake the shahada simply for her own satisfaction (her words, not mine), and with the future mother in law refusing to give the marriage her blessing unless I retook the shahada in a mosque for her to witness.

Does she have any basis in Islam for asking me to retake my shahada for her to witness?

Please help!
Click to expand...


Asalaamualaykum

Its not you that needs the help - its actually your mother-in-law that needs help !!!

She has no basis and Islamic right of asking you to take Shahada again.

Print my answer and show it to her.

1. Who has she declared her Shahada in front of and who are the witnesses of her very own Shahada ?

2. If she is asking you to take Shahada now in front of others, she is missing the point of Shahada. Your very own testimony that you have reverted is shahada on its own.

3. I assume she was raised in a Muslim family - and automatically thinks her Shahada is "Automatic" !!!!

This is what you need to do to prove your point.

Tell her you have no problem "declaring" the shahada again in front of her family under the 3 conditions

a) The family must be told publically BEFORE you declare that Shahada that you have ALREADY taken the Shahada before hence this is not the first time you becoming a Muslim but rather it is REDECLARATION for her own Nafs and desires. In other words you are already a Muslim and doing it for own peace of mind (For whatever that's worth)

b) Since you are being asked to re-declare your Shahada, in return you want the "peace of mind" to know that HER OWN DAUGHTER is a Muslim too - hence your (future wife, ie. her own daughter) must also re-declare her very own Shahada

c) The Mother-in-law herself re-declares her own Shahada in that very gathering for your own "peace of mind"

Believe you me - they will be so embarrassed on conditions that they would get the point !!! and the entire thing will subside.

My personal advice is if they don't get the point, without judgement here but everything points to the fact that utter Jahils and in my opinion, find another spouse.

If they don't accept the conditions in exactness as I have suggested then it points out clearly they have segregation type mentality between Reverts and Non-Reverts. This will in turn mean they will make your marriage (If it even goes ahead) a nightmare and not even consider you Muslim.

What is making my tummy turn here, is the fact that they asking you to re-declare your shahada, means they consider your a Kafir at this very moment. According to Ahadith, any Muslim calling another a Kafir - Rasool SAW has explained that one of them is definitely a Kaafir. It means that if the accuser is correct then he is correct, but if the accuser is in correct, then the Kufr comes back on them.

Inform your mother-in-law of this hadith. If she still rejects this stance, then levy the conditions I have stated.

 
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Infact yes. She has right to ask you to take shahada but every muslim has right to ask any muslim to take shahada. Its not something between you and her. Thats the meaning of shahadah anyway. To proclaim your faith with your heart and tongue. You cant keep it a secret unless your life is threatened. Also it is not something you can perform only in entering islam . You can perform it everyday again and again to refresh your faith.

Whats absurd in this example is her wanting you to do it in front of her family with a kind of ceremony. There is no need for this.
 
:sl:

I really appreciate your Mother in law to have openly asked you directly rather than making indirect reasons or refusal . This imo is to receive you with full respected muslim member in a community known to every one that her Son in law is a true muslim so that none in her community or outsiders could not have any reservations,objections or back biting about the acceptance of Islam by you. In Islam there is a rule to decide by the apparent so may she feels that your shahadha is not apparent enough since just 6 members is not an enough muslim community in her opinion .

Particularly muslims from the sub continent will be more concerned in such matters since its in their nature and things are much more serious if we see even within their respective, tribes,communities countries if the groom is a revert.

Though its not that correct to doubt when someone reiterates with his shahadha that one has accepted Islam but in matters of such important issues like giving out your daughter to somebody unknown, these obstacles do arise which we should be wise to tackle them rather than creating a commotion on such not very serious issues since the honor of your inlaws is your honour as well. And imo they want their Son in law deserves to be given a warm welcome into their community with a all those hugs and kisses and HONOUR from the community which is usually given to a revert. You mother in law request will pave a way to other Reverts to be easily accepted in such closed communities which is inherit nature of them.
 
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P.K. said:
As-salamu alaykum,

I'd really appreciate some advice, I reverted in May 2017 and took the shahada at a trusted friends house in the presence of 6 Muslims. I recently went to a marriage talk (alongside one of my closest Muslim-born friends who led my shahada) where my future mother in law asked me if I could retake my shahada in a mosque with her & her family present for her "own peace of mind". What started as a simple discussion about me asking what her reason was for this (I suspect she doesn't believe I have reverted), turned into a heated debate and ended with me refusing to retake the shahada simply for her own satisfaction (her words, not mine), and with the future mother in law refusing to give the marriage her blessing unless I retook the shahada in a mosque for her to witness.

Does she have any basis in Islam for asking me to retake my shahada for her to witness?

Please help!
Click to expand...

Why not just do it bro? Prove it to her there's nothing wrong with doing that.
 
P.K. said:
As-salamu alaykum,

I'd really appreciate some advice, I reverted in May 2017 and took the shahada at a trusted friends house in the presence of 6 Muslims. I recently went to a marriage talk (alongside one of my closest Muslim-born friends who led my shahada) where my future mother in law asked me if I could retake my shahada in a mosque with her & her family present for her "own peace of mind". What started as a simple discussion about me asking what her reason was for this (I suspect she doesn't believe I have reverted), turned into a heated debate and ended with me refusing to retake the shahada simply for her own satisfaction (her words, not mine), and with the future mother in law refusing to give the marriage her blessing unless I retook the shahada in a mosque for her to witness.

Does she have any basis in Islam for asking me to retake my shahada for her to witness?

Please help!
Click to expand...

I do not know if she has the right to do that or not. It sounds like not...but let me tell you something:

I have a daughter...she is only 17 months old. so still just a baby...I love her very much...but one day she will become an adult...and one day...she will come home with someone.
I dont want to let her go now...and I would not want to let her go then either...but I must....
So I wonder...what kind of ridiculous things will I ask from my son in law to make my insecureness go away?

So somewhere I kind of understand your mother in law. She is losing someone which she has been protecting all her life. Its not easy for her to give that up.

Again...I do not know her personality...I do not know whether she is reasonable against you or not...but if she only asks that...I would do that.
 
I agree with you sis umie. Also, if kind of discussion with your possible future mother-in-law ends as "heated depate" it might tells too much negative about you to her. Watch your mouth always when talking with people in kind of situation.
 
Walaikum Asalaam

Looking at this from your mother in law's perspective, I can understand her viewpoint, even if it seems prejudice. She's giving away her daughter and want's to feel secure in knowing that you are who you say you are. I don't think it's right, but if you have good judgement and you know the mother-in-law is ok otherwise and her daughter is worth it, then maybe you should ease her heart and just do it for the sake of making it all easier for everyone. Culturally back then, background checks were all the rage, so today it would have been either one or the other :D I think that it's a step forward that she is accepting towards her daughter marrying a revert even though it shouldn't be an issue in the first place. It's just not too common to hear about these things happening, so maybe that is also a factor..she just doesn't know how to go about it. Either way may allah make things easier on you ameen
 
You guys are misunderstanding this idea of "taking Shahada". Because you are from a Christian background you are equating it with some sort of Baptism ritual. We repeat the Shahada daily and abundantly and encouraged to constantly refresh our faith. This is a new phenomenon that converts to Islam are being asked to go into a mosque and recite a Shahada before an audience as if that is the formal way to convert to Islam. The way to convert to Islam is to first convert in your heart and believe in Allah and His Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم, once you have done that you are already a Muslim. Then you may inform the Muslim community of your conversion and recite the Shahada before them only to make them aware that you have become a Muslim. So if you mother-in-law wants you to recite Shahada again then what's the big deal?
 
Assalamualaikum brother, May Allah (swt) protect us all from transgressing and guide us to the path of believers. One of the most basic and beautiful teachings of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is to try to avoid and ignore irrelevant arguments and debates which will neither help us in increasing our imaan nor the other person. You are a Muslim, be proud of it. Say the Shahadah in front of the whole world if you get the chance. Please try to understand the predicament of the lady whose daughter you want to marry. Some people who don't have regard for any religion will convert to any religion just to get married to the girl or boy they want. So sometimes the parents had to take precautions because the life of their children are at stake.

My humble advice to you is to ask forgiveness from Allah, try to make amends with the lady, even if you don't marry her daughter it's not advisable for a Muslim to be angry with other Muslim.

May Allah (swt) forgive us all.
 
Supernova said:

Asalaamualaykum

Its not you that needs the help - its actually your mother-in-law that needs help !!!

She has no basis and Islamic right of asking you to take Shahada again.

Print my answer and show it to her.

1. Who has she declared her Shahada in front of and who are the witnesses of her very own Shahada ?

2. If she is asking you to take Shahada now in front of others, she is missing the point of Shahada. Your very own testimony that you have reverted is shahada on its own.

3. I assume she was raised in a Muslim family - and automatically thinks her Shahada is "Automatic" !!!!

This is what you need to do to prove your point.

Tell her you have no problem "declaring" the shahada again in front of her family under the 3 conditions

a) The family must be told publically BEFORE you declare that Shahada that you have ALREADY taken the Shahada before hence this is not the first time you becoming a Muslim but rather it is REDECLARATION for her own Nafs and desires. In other words you are already a Muslim and doing it for own peace of mind (For whatever that's worth)

b) Since you are being asked to re-declare your Shahada, in return you want the "peace of mind" to know that HER OWN DAUGHTER is a Muslim too - hence your (future wife, ie. her own daughter) must also re-declare her very own Shahada

c) The Mother-in-law herself re-declares her own Shahada in that very gathering for your own "peace of mind"

Believe you me - they will be so embarrassed on conditions that they would get the point !!! and the entire thing will subside.

My personal advice is if they don't get the point, without judgement here but everything points to the fact that utter Jahils and in my opinion, find another spouse.

If they don't accept the conditions in exactness as I have suggested then it points out clearly they have segregation type mentality between Reverts and Non-Reverts. This will in turn mean they will make your marriage (If it even goes ahead) a nightmare and not even consider you Muslim.

What is making my tummy turn here, is the fact that they asking you to re-declare your shahada, means they consider your a Kafir at this very moment. According to Ahadith, any Muslim calling another a Kafir - Rasool SAW has explained that one of them is definitely a Kaafir. It means that if the accuser is correct then he is correct, but if the accuser is in correct, then the Kufr comes back on them.

Inform your mother-in-law of this hadith. If she still rejects this stance, then levy the conditions I have stated.

Click to expand...

Assalaamu alaykum
Masha Allah
This is a very wise answer!!
I wish I had thought of this. I cannot tell you how many born Muslims have questioned my Islam when they first meet me and interrogated me.
Next time I am asked to take my shahadah again I will give them your answer (you retake your shahadah and so will I RETAKE my shahadah )
Thanks so much for posting!!
 
Assalam walaikum. I can understand how you would feel insulted. However, if you really want to marry that woman's child, you should just fulfill her request in order to avoid further conflict. A lot of old timers, especially ethnic ones like my father, are skeptical when they hear of Muslims marrying converts. Of course most of the early Muslims were converts/reverts! They don't remember that. Also the fact that during the expansion of the Islamic Empire, many people married people of other ethnicities. I am so mixed. Yet my father won't like it that I want to marry a guy who is from another country and not from our country of origin. Ironically, my fiance is ethnically and genetically more similar to me and most of my recent ancestors than those other guys I don't feel any attraction to and who often, along with their mothers, are abusive monsters. I know of so many divorces and unhappy "marriages" because of that. Here's a tip: If you marry that woman's offspring, move as far as you can!!! Sadly, my fiance has no mother because his mother died almost a year ago. I would not have minded a nice, kind and compassionate mother-in-law. My fiance's mother loved him a lot and I am sure she would have loved me, too. Insha Allah, we will meet in Highest Jannat.
 

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