Advice

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Umar001

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As Salam Alaykum,

One thing that strikes me, as a new Muslim, is the happyness of fellow Muslims to hear someone take shahada, but then the reluctance to help those brothers and sisters out.

Everyone likes hearing that the Ummah is getting bigger, but only a handfull are happy to let reverts marry their daughters, let reverts share their food at their homes and even speak to reverts.

This leaves some reverts, alot sometimes, feeling left out. We all know that in order for us to change as people from our old ways we should have a new start, old friends can be bad for you, so you leave them hoping to become better, but without the support of the rest of the community reverts soon feel lonely and in turn beging to feel bad about becoming Muslim, not because they feel Islam is not real but because they feel upset all the time.

So this place, this thread, is a release area, where the new reverts can put suggestions that they would like to tell the Muslim community, things that they would like to have done for them, you know what I mean right?

My one would be,

Brothers in the community support me, symphasise with my position and help me to be strong in the deen, make me feel like a brother of yours.

Now some of you better reply else I'll feel stupid.
 
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Really? I havent encountered this. Everyone at my Masjid just came up gave me a hug and people were all offering to help me with anything. Just the other day a old man from my Masjid had me and my mom over ro eat and for tea! I guess it just kind of depends on where you live?
 
Don't feel stupid akhi, I definately think this thread is an eye-opener for those who treat reverts differently.

May Allah (Subhana wa ta'ala) help the new Muslims. Ameen (say Ameen)

I'm glad you're treated well akhi Nicro, I hope you're not traeted badly Eesa especially where you live, theres tonnes of Muslim brothers, I hope things get better for you and the ummah, inshaAllah,

AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
 
Kinda the same here akhi.

Its not that I'm treated badly but the friendships I have encountered is only on a basic level --- they wont invite you over or kinda like adopt you into their family or friends so you dont feel alone ---- the only ppl i have known to do this are other reverts (mostly single lol) but then they too get married and being a sister some may still be able to be in touch some may not --- but most likely they too are busy with their hubby and new life.

So where does that leave the single reverts?

Alone with no family support, stuck between 2 worlds cannot go back to jahilliya but left out of the muslim community, alone at eid -- ok so u go and join the eid prayers and its all good but then everyone goes off to someones house or something to carry on with further activities and u go home alone .


Im not bitter at this rather it saddens me yes but at least knowing that others are like me and feel like I do --- inspires me to make a change and DO something to bring us together -- to be a TRUE family there for one another just like how it says we should be in islam by allah swt and our Prophet saws.


So please ppl next time u see a new face in ur community --- WHY dont u just say salaams and stop for a chat???

remember that small deed without u even knowing at that stage can save a brother or sister from turning their back on PRACTISING islam even though in their hearts they truly believe


May allah swt save us from such things and save us from the whispers of shaytan and unite the ummah and make it stronger one community at a time

ameeen ya rabbil alameeen
 
:sl:
Jazak Allaah khayr for opening this thread brother.

I've noticed this quite a lot too. From what has already been mentioned. When they are saying their shahada its like 387846 people are there for you but the next day its like no one even cares? no one bothers to check up on you? Its like you are left all alone to face the big bad world as a muslim, a whole new way of life you don't know anything about!

Its hard to find friends that will stick by you through thick and thin, i've been muslim for 2 and a half years now alhamdulillah, and for one and half of those years i had no friends!! only about one yr ago I met a wonderful sister :statisfie who I consider to be my only real friend! alhamdulillah.. The rest are all acquaintances, people I bump into every now and then. Its like assalaamu alaykum and wa alaykum salaam everytime i see them.

The community is seriously lacking for support for new muslims. There needs to be emotional support, financial support, accomodation... for those who have been kicked out of home, or those who cant practise their islaam there. Financial support for those who have to sacrifice their deen just to support themselves etc. too many times i've seen new sisters in islaam struggling to support themselves, whilst struggling to pray and struggling to wear hijaab all at the same time. It is very hard in the west and there is not enough support from the ummah!

For the sisters that are looking to get married, its very hard to do that when their wali who is usually a well known sheikh agrees to being her wali but tells her she has to FIND the guy herself!! how in the world is she meant to do that. subhanAllaah. Its ridiculous really. The ummah is in such a sick state.
 
:w:

I think us reverts need to keep in mind that we are often seen as being cold and uncaring towards born Muslims. We also often act very zealous and often get into trouble because we tend to try to impress people with our knowledge of Islam. we can be very much like young children who have completed the first grade of school with honors and now believe we are experts in everything.

Yes, there are unintentional barriers set up by born Muslims against Reverts, but we reverts also unintentionaly set up barriers against born Muslims.

Remember it takes 2 hands to extend the hand of friendship. often we need to be the one extending the hand. If you do not extend your hand to me, it becomes my responsibility to extend my hand to you. we all should strive to be the first to extend friendship to our brothers and sisters, in the event a brother or sister does not extend friendship to us, we should thank Allaah(swt) for giving us the opportunity to be the first to extend it.
 
Totally agree with akhi woodrow too --- we can get like that too --- so we all must reverts and muslim born alike --- do our best to remember this and help each other --- if not --- well i dont wanna think about if not:cry:
 
:sl:
I agree with you there Woodrow.

I dont know if this is just sisters, but whenever I go to an islamic event and I see a wholeee lot of muslimahs sitting together talking and i'm by myself. I feel wayyyyy too intimidated to approach them. I guess its just sisters in nature, we are shy.. so it makes it even harder to meet new people!
 
I do understand the feeling of being left out sometimes. When I am at school there is no Masjid I can get to since I dont have a car- and taking the bus involves walking through a dangerous part of the city.

Luckily though, I have a childhood friend back home who is Muslim, and I let him know when I reverted. So when I am at home, I go to the Masjid with him! The first time I went he introduced me to everyone there, so I feel at home. I guess I only feel a little lonely when Im busy at school :( But Im sure everyone does sometimes.

So my advice would be that if you dont know anyone, you dont have to tackle a group right away! Try walking up and talking to someone your age or is similar to you in some way. Then they can introduce you to people you know, and you can get to meet the Ummah that lives near you one by one. :)
 
Rahmah said:
For the sisters that are looking to get married, its very hard to do that when their wali who is usually a well known sheikh agrees to being her wali but tells her she has to FIND the guy herself!! how in the world is she meant to do that. subhanAllaah. Its ridiculous really. The ummah is in such a sick state.
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^o):ooh:

Im gonna reply tothis thread properly when i have time but what area are u talking about? here in south london there are not enough sisters, brothers been waiting for a year and so.
 
Al Habeshi said:
^o):ooh:

Im gonna reply tothis thread properly when i have time but what area are u talking about? here in south london there are not enough sisters, brothers been waiting for a year and so.
Click to expand...

She's not in the UK bro,

But i think the problem is with both brothers and sisters then, the sisters can't find a single dude that aint second hand, no wa'am sayin'?

And the brothers can't find the sisters 'cause we are hiding from the so called brothers who have 5,000 girlfriends, (Doesn't apply to everyone ano)

..Buh am sure you get the drift,

The generation of the prophet (Sallalahu Alayhi wassalam) was one thing and this is a completely new thing.....hmm.
 
:sl:
I personally prefer to give advice on a face to face basis simply because on the internet it is quite difficult to get the words and meaning across, especially with regards to empathy/sympathy.

If you were to pop down leicester anytime soon, I'd be glad to converse with you. :thumbs_up
 
:w: I feel so badly whenever I hear that reverts feel lonely and unwelcomed, wallahi If a revert came forward to me and asked if they could stay with me I would welcome them with open arms. I feel that I have been deprived of good Muslim friends, because who you surround yourself with shapes who you are. Sometimes I see other Muslims on the bus, and if they look like they're new to Islaam or they're just a Muslim, I say 'Salaama Alaykum' and I try and make small talk.

Woodrow, I disagree with your sentiments on reverts being cold and uncaring. I find that, on average reverts tend to be nicer than born-Muslims that I know. Whenever I give my salaams to someone I assume is a revert, I'm not scared of them being judgmental towards me. As opposed to how I feel whenever I'm around my own.

If anyone ever feels lonely, I'm here for them. Once you get a load of me, you'll probably beg for me to stop talking :okay: I have noticed though, that it's harder for sisters to approach other sisters because we have this sort of 'cult mentality' and it's scary trying to making small talk when you feel like people are talking down on you. I notice it so much in the sister's side, and I try and engage in conversation with every sister that I see.
 
Sister-Ameena* said:
:w: I feel so badly whenever I hear that reverts feel lonely and unwelcomed, wallahi If a revert came forward to me and asked if they could stay with me I would welcome them with open arms. I feel that I have been deprived of good Muslim friends, because who you surround yourself with shapes who you are. Sometimes I see other Muslims on the bus, and if they look like they're new to Islaam or they're just a Muslim, I say 'Salaama Alaykum' and I try and make small talk.

Woodrow, I disagree with your sentiments on reverts being cold and uncaring. I find that, on average reverts tend to be nicer than born-Muslims that I know. Whenever I give my salaams to someone I assume is a revert, I'm not scared of them being judgmental towards me. As opposed to how I feel whenever I'm around my own.

If anyone ever feels lonely, I'm here for them. Once you get a load of me, you'll probably beg for me to stop talking :okay: I have noticed though, that it's harder for sisters to approach other sisters because we have this sort of 'cult mentality' and it's scary trying to making small talk when you feel like people are talking down on you. I notice it so much in the sister's side, and I try and engage in conversation with every sister that I see.
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:sl:

aw sis, may Allah ta'ala reward you, people don't always think so but this is such an important thing. you have a kind heart masha'Allah.

:w:
 
Umma Wasat Thanks for breaking it down.

I think we gonna sum it up now, anyone care to do that?
 
:sl:
I don't get left alone in the Masjid, everybody is nice to me. But maybe that is because I'm still a teenag'r...
:w:
 
sory guys, i know how it feels. personally i dnt know any revert. its my sincere hope that Allah will give u strength n dont turn ur backs jus cz people dnt care.its abt u n ur Lord. inshllm with a lot of duas ul get good friends inshl.
 
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullaah

we should help the reverts true, strive in it inshaAllaah, IN THE SAME WAY we should strive to help any muslim brother.

Sometimes so much emphasis is put on the reverts, that we dont realise the other muslims who are drowning.....
 
:salamext:

True say, but sometimes it’s like Muslims aren’t bothered for some reasons or the other, and then u get some “extreme” Muslim Scholars saying Islam is only for Muslims. When I heard that, I was like erm… :muddlehea

But Inshaa Allaah we should try and help our brothers and sisters that become reverts in Islam. We should have some kind of organisation thing within the community… get me?
 

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