Am I a Muslim? A Difficult and Painful Question

[Little_Lion]

Asalaam aleikum,

I'm hoping that someone here can give me some insight, and perhaps some peace of mind, insha'Allah.

A few months ago, I gave my Shahada (in private, as there are no masjids or prayer groups near me). Shortly thereafter, I was told that I was not a Muslim because my husband is not; I had to either divorce him or give up Islam.

I have read the Qur'an and cannot find any reference to this (I see where it says men can marry people of the Book, and several references to it being better to marry a Muslim, but nothing that says a woman is absolutely forbidden to marry a non-Muslim), nor can I find it in any reputable Hadith. I have found several fatwas that say it is forbidden, and some that say it is not; regardless, no one ever seems to agree on what is a "reliable" fatwa unless they adhere to a specific school, which I do not.

As a note, my husband is VERY supportive of my conversion, and insha'Allah I hope in time he will come around as well; unfortunately I think for him it may take quite a while (da'wah time! :statisfie )

I'd rather cut off my own head than "go back" on my Shahada. I know it may sound blasphemous and Allah forgive me, but it sure sounds to me like the word of Man, rather than the word of Allah Himself, that would strip me of faith . . . after all, the Qur'an gives us the Shadada, and the Five Pillars, and we are in His graces . . . right?

I'm far from a perfect Muslim; coming from someone of very lax faith to start, it's a lot to assimilate and it's going to take some time. It's especially difficult since I am the only one in my area and have to learn it all from things like Youtube. :hmm: But it crushes me to think that at some time, I may be somewhere that I CAN pray with a group, that I might be kicked out because I am married to a non-Muslim.

It's bad enough that I have to hide my faith from my own community (this part of the Midwest is not very friendly toward "Mozz-lums"). Am I going to have to hide that I follow Islam from Muslims as well? :-[

My sincere thanks in advance for everyone's understanding and thoughtful responses. All I ask is that if you have to kick me while I'm already down, please wear soft shoes.

 

[Woodrow]

Sister and welcome home to Islam.

always keep in mind Islam is to be easy. do not fret yourself over things that need not be a problem.

It is understandable changes often need to be made in a person's life when they revert. Do not fret over your husband at this moment. Look at it as an opportunity to give Da'wah. do not threaten him with divorce or threats of leaving him. do not hide being Muslim out of fear. Take things at the pace you can handle and do your best to lead your husband to Islam through your example.

 

[abjad]

always keep in mind Islam is to be easy. do not fret yourself over things that need not be a problem.

It is understandable changes often need to be made in a person's life when they revert. Do not fret over your husband at this moment. Look at it as an opportunity to give Da'wah. do not threaten him with divorce or threats of leaving him. do not hide being Muslim out of fear. Take things at the pace you can handle and do your best to lead your husband to Islam through your example.

thank you
......................................

 

[Ramadhan]

My knowledge about Islam is still very litle so I hope that my advice for you is not against what Allah SWT has prescribed to us through the Qur'an and sunnah.

It is true that a believing muslimah must not marry a non-believing man, as the following verse states:
..... And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikun** till they believe in Allah alone and verily a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik, even though he pleases you....[2:221]

** Al-Mushrikun=>Pagans, idolators, polytheist and disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah and in His messanger Prophet Muhammad SAW)

However, you are a recent revert, you were not a muslim when you married your husband. Let's have a look at what actually took place amongst those early converts to Islam. A vast number of the famous male companions were only converted some considerable time after their womenfolk. In some cases, it was many years later. For example, the wives of Umar, Hamzah and Abbas. Umar’s wife Zaynab was the sister of Uthman b. Maz’un, both Muslims. Hamzah’s wife was Salmah and Abbas’ wife was Lubabah (Umm Fadl), two daughters of Hind bint Awf by different husbands. In Abbas’ case, Umm Fadl claimed to have been the second woman to have converted to Islam, the same day as her close friend Khadijah. Officially, Abbas did not accept Islam until just before the fall of Makkah, twenty years later!

as brother Woodrow has said, Islam does not make things difficult beyond what you can do/carry. If you don't want to divorce your husband, then make continuous and consistent du'as that Allah SWT give your husband guidance, and please be firm in your deen.

 

[Ali Mujahidin]

I pray that Allah will guide you through these difficult times. As for your husband, just share with him the Message of Allah. Whether or not he accepts is entirely up to Allah. My own wife accepted Islam one month after I reverted. Insha Allah, your husband will see the light before too long. Ameen.

 

[Little_Lion]

Masha'Allah, thank you all for your kind words and support; it is, sadly, vastly different from what I have experienced online with some other members of the Ummah. Jazak'Allah Khayran.

I've been blessed that my husband IS very faithful to the Almighty; he almost became a priest! But after a fallout with the Catholic Church many years ago he has no inclination to try to tell me that "he is right, I am wrong" or anything else that would put me in a negative position with my faith and himself. In his own words he thinks Islam is beautiful, that there is definitely no God but God, and there is no doubt in his mind that Mohammad (saw) was his Prophet, but it's getting over that hurdle of being a part of an organized religion that is difficult for him morally when he saw only the bad (the Vatican stripped their church of gifts the parishioners had given out of love of God, and when their elderly resident priest fought back, they removed him from his congregation and sent him to Africa, not allowing him to stay in touch).

Naidamar, your examples of women reverts and their husbands coming to the Truth many years later is especially heartening. Jazak'Allah Khayran!

 

[Aprender]

I pray that Allah (swt) will give your husband guidance and he will come to Islam. It seems like he already has the belief and is almost there.

One of the things that I love about Islam is that it's not really so much an "organized" religion like the previous churches and kingdom hall that I used to belong to. Without the intermediaries between one and Allah, it honestly feels to me to be one of the most free religions on the face of the earth. I hope that he can see how Islam is not the Vatican, it's not the church where he'd be stripped of gifts and cast out somewhere else. Insha'allah, he'll come right to Islam soon.

 

[Endymion]

Salams My dearest little female Symba :statisfie and congratulations for being the part of the religion of peace,mercy and success.And obviously, :welcome:to the humble forum :statisfie
I pray that Allah swt help you and guide you and turn all your difficulties into ease and your Husband embrace Islam and become a practicing Muslim Amen :statisfie

About your Problem,i advice you to consider Scholors advice when it comes to Islam.We all are learners here,we can try our best to help you but no one of us is eligible to give you the right answer.Islam is no doubt the Deeyn of Mercy and ease but it has rules for every matter and one should follow them strictly.Here is the answer for you from Islam Q&A.I hope this will help you understand the matter :statisfie

Q)I know that Muslim women are not allowed in Islam to marry non-Muslim men; there is a sister on a converts list who recently became Muslim and who was asking what to do regarding her non-Muslim husband who accepted her conversion without any problems and who also lets her educate the children the Islamic way. However, when she asked for an advice, most of us told her that the husband has to take shahada or she should not remained married to him otherwise. Unfortunately, some other people don't believe so and advised her the opposite way, that she just should remain with the husband and so on,.... I would like you to send me concrete cases at the time of the Prophet (SAW) where Muslim women (sahabyate) would leave their non-Muslim husbands if those decided not to convert. I think those cases would be the only proof to convince the people of that list that Muslim women are not allowed to marry or remain married to non-Muslims men even though they are not against the woman's conversion.

A)Praise be to Allaah.

What you have said in your question about it being haraam for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir man is correct, and there is no doubt concerning that.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikoon till they believe” [al-Baqarah 2:221]

Al-Qurtubi said:

“ ‘And give not (your daughters) in marriage’ means, do not give Muslim women in marriage to Mushrik men. The ummah is agreed that a Mushrik should not marry a Muslim woman because this is like putting Islam in an inferior position. (Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 3/72).

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them” [al-Mumtahanah 60:10]

Al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Chapter: when a mushrik or Christian woman who is married to a dhimmi (non-Muslim living under Muslim rule) or a harbi (non-Muslim belonging to a people who are hostile towards Islam) becomes Muslim. ‘Abd al-Waarith said, narrating from Khaalid from ‘Ikrimah from Ibn ‘Abbaas: if a Christian woman becomes Muslim shortly before her husband, she is forbidden for him… Mujaahid said: if he becomes Muslim during the ‘iddah [waiting period following divorce], then he may (re)marry her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them” [al-Mumtahanah 60:10]. Al-Hasan and Qutaadah said concerning two Magians who became Muslim that their marriage was still valid. If one of them had become Muslim and the other had refused, the woman would have been divorced and he would no longer have any rights over her.

(Saheeh al-Bukhaari. See al-Fath, 9/421).

Examples of such women include:

Zaynab, the daughter of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). She was married to Abu’l-‘Aas ibn al-Rabee’ during the Jaahiliyyah, but when she became Muslim, their marriage was annulled, and she went and stayed with her father (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When her husband became Muslim, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent her back to him.

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1143; Abu Dawood, 2240; Ibn Maajah, 2009; classed as saheeh by Imaam Ahmad, 1789. Al-Tirmidhi said, there is nothing wrong with its isnaad).
The correct view is that the husband can go back to her with no need to renew the marriage contract.

If the woman is still in her ‘iddah, he has more right (than anyone else) to marry her. If her ‘iddah has ended, she is free to choose whether to go back to him or not.

Al-Tirmidhi said:

On the basis of this hadeeth, the scholars said that if a woman becomes Muslim before her husband, then her husband becomes Muslim whilst she is still in her ‘iddah, then the husband has more right to her whilst she is still in her ‘iddah. This is the view of Maalik ibn Anas, al-Oozaa’i, al-Shaafa’i, Ahmad and Ishaaq.

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadeeth 1142).

Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said:

There is no dispute among the scholars concerning the fact that if a kaafir woman becomes Muslim then her ‘iddah ends, her husband has no rights concerning her if he has not become Muslim during her ‘iddah.

(Al-Tamheed, 12/23).

Ibn al-Qayyim said:

But what the ruling of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) indicates is that the marriage comes to a halt. If he becomes Muslim before the end of her ‘iddah, then she is (still) his wife, but if her ‘iddah ends, then she may marry whomever she wants. If she likes, she can wait for him, and if he becomes Muslim she is his wife and there is no need to renew the marriage contract
(Zaad al-Ma’aad, 5/137, 138)

Al-Qurtubi said:

Talhah ibn ‘Ubayd-Allaah was married to Arwaa bint Rabee’ah ibn al-Haarith ibn ‘Abd al-Muttalib. They were separated by Islam, then in Islam Khaalid ibn Sa’eed ibn al-‘Aas married her. She was one of the [Muslim] wives of the kuffaar who fled to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) kept her in Madinah and married her to Khaalid.

(Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 18/65, 66)

It was reported that Anas said: Abu Talhah married Umm Sulaym and the mahr between them was Islam. Umm Sulaym became Muslim before Abu Talhah. He proposed marriage to her and she said, “I have become Muslim. If you become Muslim I will marry you.” So he became Muslim and that was the mahr between them.

(Narrated by al-Nasaa’i, 3340)

The daughter of al-Waleed ibn al-Magheerah, the wife of Safwaan ibn Umayyah, became Muslim before him, and the marriage was annulled. Then he became Muslim later on, and she went back to him. It was narrated by Maalik in al-Muwatta’, 1132. Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said: I do not know of any unbroken saheeh isnaad for this hadeeth, but it is famous and well known to the scholars of seerah, Ibn Shihaab, the leader of the scholars of seerah, and al-Shu’bi. The fame of this hadeeth is stronger than its isnaad in sha Allaah.

(al-Tamheed, 12/19)

Umm Hakeem bint al-Haarith ibn Hishaam, the wife of ‘Ikrimah ibn Abi Jahl. Her marriage was annulled, then he became Muslim during her ‘iddah, so she went back to her husband.

(Narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah in al-Musannaf, 4/107)

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid





The biggest and the most clear example in this regard is the Daughter of Prophet Muhammad SAW,Zeynab RA.
I know its hard for you but for a Muslim,the Love of Allah swt is greater than the Love of Dunyah.
May He swt love you,help you and make every thing easy and simple for you and bless you with health,happiness,peace of heart and mind and success in both this world and in the Hereafter.Amen.:statisfie

 

[yas2010]

Dear Sister

Aslaam O likum welcome to Islam and this forum.

May Allah (swt) Mercy help you through the any difficult situations that may arise. Insh'Allah.

JK

 

[Khalil_Allah]

Don't listen to anyone, ever, who tells you that you can't be Muslim and do this, or you can't be a Muslim and do that. If you believe that God is one, and Muhammad (saws) is His messenger, then you are a Muslim. This is true even if you sin deeply for the rest of your life. The sins are between you and Allah and He is the one whose judgment matters. The judgment of other Muslims (may Allah forgive them) is not a matter that should concern you.

Islam and Allah are perfect, but Muslims are not. This finding can be very disappointing to new Muslims, but I encourage you to view Islam through the Qur'an and Ahadeeth. Everything you need to know to find the favor of Allah is there.

Make du'aa (personal prayers) to Allah that He guide you and your husband in the matter. He is most knowing of what is correct, and He will not lead you astray when you seek His guidance.

By God, I'm so happy for you that I could cry. You may have some struggles along the way, but you have personally been selected by the creator of all things, seen and unseen, to receive His final guidance. You are on the straight path now, and you cannot find a better feeling than this, except for that it will grow stronger as you learn more about your new faith and as you struggle to please God.

Ya Allah make it easy for her, guide her husband and our non-Muslim family members to Islam, and grant as all Heaven. Ameen.

 

[- Malak -]

Dear,

it is difficult situation however, a Muslim woman only allowed to marry a Muslim man. Your marriage to non-Muslim man is annulled. and you can get married again if he becomes Muslim in Sha Allah and that what happened to Muslim women at the beginning of Islam. and brother Endymion put very good information.

Wish Allah blessed you ,

 

[peaceandlove]

I was told that I was not a Muslim because my husband is not; I had to either divorce him or give up Islam.

sister

I donot know who gave you such a strange statement , a muslim is a person who belives in Allah there is no where I found in Quran or any hadis that if some body husband does not revert then women also become non muslim. A very strange statment to me.

Any way, as other people say Islam is their to make life easier , so what i suggest donot get panic and be relax and try to take care of you husband more then you do before so he will know how good Islam is that now you love and take care more , and as you said inshahallah Allah will also open your husband mind for Islam too.

Just try to remove any misconcepts if he have slowly and grakudally inshahallah your husband will also become closer to Islam and pray to Allah to guide him and all of us to the true path.

Be happay and relax sister :statisfie

 

[abjad]

Dear,

it is difficult situation however, a Muslim woman only allowed to marry a Muslim man. Your marriage to non-Muslim man is annulled. and you can get married again if he becomes Muslim in Sha Allah and that what happened to Muslim women at the beginning of Islam. and brother Endymion put very good information.

Wish Allah blessed you ,

" (109:1) Say: “O unbelievers!”

(109:2) I do not worship those that you worship

(109:3) neither do you worship Him Whom I worship;

(109:4) nor will I worship those whom you have worshipped;

(109:5) nor are you going to worship Him Whom I worship.

(109:6) To you is your religion, and to me, my religion."

 

[Afra_94]

Sister and welcome home to Islam.

always keep in mind Islam is to be easy. do not fret yourself over things that need not be a problem.

It is understandable changes often need to be made in a person's life when they revert. Do not fret over your husband at this moment. Look at it as an opportunity to give Da'wah. do not threaten him with divorce or threats of leaving him. do not hide being Muslim out of fear. Take things at the pace you can handle and do your best to lead your husband to Islam through your example.

wa alaikum assalam wa rahmat allah wa barakatuh

FIRST OF ALL, YES YOU ARE A MUSLIM! A FAITHFUL ONE!

And I don't agree with the brother, I agree with the fact that changes need a time to happen, but you still have to encourage your self to solve this problem as fast as possiblem, my dear sister.

And If you are asking about an evidence from Shari'aa that forbids the merriage form a non muslim man:

10. O ye who believe! When there come to you believing women refugees, examine (and test) them: Allah knows best as to their Faith: if ye ascertain that they are Believers, then send them not back to the Unbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the Unbelievers, nor are the (Unbelievers) lawful (husbands) for them. But pay the Unbelievers what they have spent (on their dower), and there will be no blame on you if ye marry them on payment of their dower to them. But hold not to the guardianship of unbelieving women: ask for what ye have spent on their dowers, and let the (Unbelievers) ask for what they have spent (on the dowers of women who come over to you). Such is the command of Allah. He judges (with justice) between you. And Allah is Full of Knowledge and Wisdom.

60:10...Surat: Almumtahana

and I honestly prefer if you would take the opinion of a shaikh and talk to him personally, and don't surprise your husband! let him know every thing!

and don't worry my sis, there is no "kicking out" in the islamic community, specially that you are a new muslim.
and please tell us every thing that happens, if you don't mind! ^^

 

[Zuzubu]

He has to convert, sorry to say.

 

[Ali Mujahidin]

Let us all beg Allah to open his heart to accept the nur of hidayah sooner rather than later. Ameen.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

inshallah things are better. if you can, try get in contact with a person of knowledge.

in the time being i will suggest this: since your husband seems very supportive and understanding, why not talk to him about Islam and encourage him to convert. you said that he believes in Allah and his messenger but he is a bit put off by organized religions. how about showing him that Islam is different....like logically show him that Islam is different and how it is different. just simplify telling him that Islam is different may not be so convincing, so you need to "spell it out" for him in a logical manner that he will understand.

it just seems that his hesitation in converting is due to being a bit "scared" so i think people like that just need a gentle reminding and guiding.